Post Breakup Clarity

How to gain clarity & recover after a breakup happens.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email with a viewer who broke up with his girlfriend after allowing himself to get derailed from his purpose to please her. He shares the clarity he’s had since the breakup and the new attitude and enthusiasm he has about life and what the next chapter holds for him. He has peace about the past and optimism about the future again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Post Breakup Clarity”.

Not to be confused with post nut clarity, obviously. So today we have an email, I guess it’s kind of a success story from a viewer who broke up with his girlfriend after he basically allowed his life and his purpose to get derailed in order to please her. He moved to her city because she wanted it.

And then when he got there, he couldn’t find a job or a job that was decent. And so he left. He moved because he needed to earn more money. And then he came back and he was just back and forth like a yo yo. And eventually she’s like, “Hey, what the hell’s going on?”

So he like, just totally got derailed. And this is what happens when you put the woman in charge and you move to be with her, not because of the employment opportunities or the business opportunities, or you like the city more, you only move there to please her. Nine times out of ten when you do that, your enthusiasm, your quality of life drops, your happiness drops.

And if you’re not really happy and proud of yourself and your life. That’s not good for attraction. So in this particular case, he got dumped. However, he’s had a, I guess a little bit of an epiphany. And he’s got a new attitude, kind of figured out what he wants to do purpose wise or what he’s going to do about it. And so he’s got peace and optimism about the future.

Because we all know like one of the worst things to go through in life is a shitty breakup. Or getting dumped when you don’t want to be dumped or you didn’t see it coming, and then you’re licking your wounds. It takes the average person about 18 months, a year and a half to get over a breakup.

And if you can get over it quicker by getting underneath a hotter, more fun oriented girl or on top of one it man, it’s like the Etch A Sketch is just completely erases everything, all the suffering. Because suffering and depression basically is just ruminating on your problems, ruminating over what you lost.

But now when you’ve got somebody new that knocks your socks off, or in this case, he place. He just had some clarity and he feels better. He’s excited about the future because he’s getting back to what makes him happy, because he got derailed personally, because he was jumping through his butt trying to please his woman, which just basically in the end turned her off. She tossed him to the streets.

For those of you guys that are struggling with a breakup, here’s how another guy is moving on and getting over it and has a good attitude about it, which is what you need, because you’ve got to be happy and you’ve got to be proud of yourself and your life and where you’re going doesn’t mean you’ve got to be a millionaire yet, or be graduated with school.

It just means you know who you are, you know what you want, and you’re doing everything you can to try to make that happen. And you’re excited and you’re optimistic that eventually it’s going to work out.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

Thanks for your work, still getting through the first read, a bit late but getting through.

So he’s probably been a cherry picker watching videos for a while, but at least he’s getting into the book. Everybody moves at their own pace, but it’d be nice if you could pick the pace up because life is just going. And, the longer you’re around, the quicker it’s going. So you’ve got to get busy, man. You’ve got to be productive, not just busy.

I was with my girlfriend for 6 years, I moved to her town in Italy from Australia to be together.

Well again, you should have only moved there because you really wanted to be there.

I am a cook and struggled to find a satisfying role in her town, salaries are low and work life is more challenging. She supported me going away for work in Switzerland to make more money. I moved back many times to her town after making money abroad but always found the same problem there.

Well again, why didn’t she come to your town in Switzerland where you were? Why not have her move to where you are? Because again, if you move to her town and your happiness and job satisfaction goes down, guess what? You just made yourself less attractive. You made yourself less interesting, less confident, less competent. And girls want to be on your fun bus and you go to their town and you stay just to be with her and you make yourself miserable. That’s not very attractive.

Also being away I began to have guilt and would try and make up for it when I was back. Gradually over time I started to feel unsure of my career but feeling guilty and unfocused, I pushed forward, in jobs I didn’t like in her town, losing momentum and feeling unsatisfied.

Again, if you’re not happy and proud of your life or excited about it, how are you going to get your girl excited? How are you going to lead a family when you’re miserable? How is she going to depend on you if you’re going to be the primary breadwinner if she becomes a stay at home mom and you have kids? So these are biological things that go through a woman’s mind.

Even if you’re broke, if you love what you’re doing and your goal is to own a restaurant someday, or be a restaurant manager or own a chain of them, or be the CEO of Olive Garden or something or whatever happens to be. As long as you know where you’re going and what you want and you’re passionate about it, she’ll stick with you if you act like a man.

But when you’re not happy and then it’s written all over your face, you’re not the same guy she fell in love with. That doesn’t make her feel very safe. It doesn’t make her trust your masculine core either. And women don’t like you pleasing or jumping through your butt or changing to please them. It’s disgusting and unattractive.

The attractive thing was you going off and working in Switzerland, and you probably should have said, “Well, you need to come visit me. Come stay here with me. Maybe you come and get a job here.” You’re supposed to lead the family and the life. She’s supposed to follow your lead and submit to you, not the other way around.

Gradually over time I started to feel unsure of my career but feeling guilty and unfocused, I pushed forward, in jobs I didn’t like in her town, losing momentum and feeling unsatisfied. She then started to push me for clarity about my path and where we were going.

Yeah, I was like, “Where are you taking us, dude? Where are you leading us to?”

I began to freeze and shut down, she pushed harder and I became afraid, started to focus more on pleasing her and began abandoning myself.

Yeah, you basically became one of her children instead of her masculine man that she looks up to for guidance and leadership and advice and everything else. And happy finishes obviously.

As a result she got frustrated, critical and eventually said she no longer saw a future with me right now, we should see other people etc. After the breakup I had to leave my job, apartment and my whole life there. Predictable most definitely. Don’t know if this is interesting or if there is any feedback to give. I miss her and have more clarity about what career change I would like to make, that I would like to get married and have a family. During the relationship it seemed impossible to get that clarity.

Yeah, because you were living in her world instead of inviting her to live in yours. That was the problem. And now that you’re back on your own, living in your own world, you got clarity. You’ve got a purpose. You’ve got a mission. You know what you want. You’re doing things to make you happy. A woman is supposed to complement your life, not be the source of it and not be your purpose.

And that’s where you went wrong. You basically put her in charge and made her the man. And she’s like, “Ah, bro, you’re the one with the penis. You’re supposed to lead us and you just flailed around.” And eventually she lost attraction and respect and kicked you to the curb. But it was ultimately good for you because now you’re back doing what makes you happy. And that’s first and foremost, what always needs to happen as a man, because the man is the leader of the household.

That’s just the way it is, dude. All that feminist nonsense about boss girls, and you know, hot chicks can become Jedi Masters with zero fucking training or help from Master Yoda. It’s like, yeah right. Daisy Ridley is smoking hot, but it’s like, come on, that shit’s not believable. It’s not real. But she sure looked good. Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled talk about masculinity here.

Anyway, thanks for your work, I’ll continue reading through the book, rebuild and with any luck become the kind of man that can have that relationship and partnership that seemed so close.

Regards,

Bob

Yeah, you just can’t put a chick in charge of your life or your purpose. It’s. She’s got to follow your lead, dude. Don’t ever abdicate your authority like that again over your life. You’re supposed to be the captain of the ship and the master of your soul. Not to put her in charge or make her the master. It’s not attractive. Women don’t like it.

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