How to prevent talking women out of dating and sleeping with you if your first performance in the bedroom with her was not your best due to being nervous, not being able to last very long, or if you were simply inexperienced, so you can grow her attraction, get another shot (pun intended), and redeem yourself.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who started dating a woman he really liked a few weeks ago. He had her over at his place a couple of times, but nothing happened. The next night she was over, she basically asked him in a subtle way, when he was finally going to be a man, make a move and ravish her passionately. He finally sealed the deal, but he did not last very long. She suggested that they could be friends with benefits and that he’ll do better next time with her and not to make a big deal out of it. The next morning, they had sex the second time. He made the mistake of apologizing several times for his poor performance in the bedroom the first time they had sex, and continued to apologize and promised to make it up to her as he started to over text and over pursue her for several days after that. It is obvious that she has started to lose interest and back away. He asks me what he should do to redeem himself since he really likes her.
I’ve watched a ton of your videos and have read your book. (Read the book 10-15 times. Learn the fundamentals. If you shortcut reading the book, you’ll shortcut the length of your relationship.) I’m beginning to practice some of the principles you teach, but not without bumps in the road. I began dating this girl a couple of weeks ago, and could tell her interest was high. I hung back, kept texts for making dates only, and had her around a couple of times at my place, but nothing happened. (Hang out, have fun and hook up like I talk about in my book. The hook up part is the man’s responsibility. If you dither and hesitate, she will lose interest.) One night she said to me, “when are you going to stop being such a gentlemen?” basically highlighting my obvious inaction to make a move. Things got hot and heavy over text, and we arranged for her to come around later that week and have sex. She came around late that night, and before we got to it she said, “fuck buddies?” and we shook on it. However it was not great on my part, as I only lasted 5 minutes and tried to play it off. (I discuss in the article and video called, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms” and also talk in my book, about how men can have multiple orgasms and last longer.) She was totally cool, and she told me to not make a deal about it. She did tease me the next morning to see if she could finish me any quicker, and we had sex again. I brought up the previous night, and she told me not to make a deal out of it again. (Women are always looking for a chink in the armor, and you already expressed that you were embarrassed about it, so she’s busting your balls. Why? Because she wants your best. She wants your strength.) After we’d gotten ready for work, I asked her if she was free in a few days, but she said she had plans. (Now you are violating principles because you are in a fearful state. Don’t ask a girl out on a date while you’re still on a previous date. It makes you look desperate.) We hugged and kissed, and she said “see you soon.”
This is where I became un-centered. I texted her the next day for a brief chat and made the mistake of sending an “okay, well have a good night” text when I didn’t hear back from one of my previous texts. (Dating is like game of tennis. You hit a ball over the net, and then wait for her to hit it back.) Stupid, I know. She replied and talked some more, and then I left the conversation at her last CLOSED text. (The phone is for setting dates.) I messaged her the following day asking if she wanted to meet up Tuesday, but she said she had a friend over for a week, and shall we do it after. I said, “Sure. The following Wednesday?” I didn’t hear back from her for a couple hours and could see she was online, so I sent another text saying, “I can’t do that Tuesday anyway,” and to let me know when she was free. (Now, you’re trying to force it.) She said, “No problem.” Then I said, “I have to make up for the other night,” and she said, “What do you mean? You don’t have to make up for anything. Be happy.” I blabbed on a bit more, saying I felt there was so much build up and little end game, then realized my monumental fuck up and signed off with, “Anyway, enough of all that. I just wanted to say, have a good night. Speak to you soon!” to which she replied, “Speak to you soon xx.” She had never put two x’s on the end of a message, by the way.
I just need some help on how to play this. I feel like I’ve come across as needy and sexually inexperienced, when it was all going so well. (It’s normal to not last very long on the first date. You never should have brought it up.) I felt she led a little bit in the bedroom too. This is frustrating, as sex is never normally an issue for me, and I’m seriously into this girl. I’m doing my head in trying to resist the urge to contact her. What do I do? We were speaking every other day, and she always joked about when she’s moving into my apartment, etc. I feel like I may be building this up more in my head, but we were talking most days, by her instigation, and it feels weird to not hear from her. (This is your fault because you started to over pursue, apologize, and act beta male and weak. If you do this, you will get rejected.) I almost feel like we’re now in a position of, who’s going break and text first, because of the way we left it.
I just hope I haven’t screwed this up before we’ve gotten going. FYI, we were both in relationships about six weeks ago. (Just wait to hear from her, and the next time you do, assume she wants to see you and make a date. And the next time, make sure you choke the chicken before your date. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to talk this girl out of liking you.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women tend to take little problems and sometimes get so emotionally wrapped up in them that they make problems or challenges seem bigger than they really are. It’s a man’s role as part of his masculine essence to take the problems and challenges that the woman brings to the relationship, and shrink them back down to manageable and small bumps in the road that can be easily overcome together with love and communication. When a man can do this successfully, his woman will feel safe and comfortable enough to trust his masculine core, become submissive and become eager to let him be the leader. If a man makes the mistake of taking little problems and blowing them up into larger than life challenges, this will force the woman to move into her masculine essence to make up for his weakness, not feel safe and comfortable, doubt his masculine core and not trust him to be the leader in their relationship. If this happens, this also will cause her to shut down to him emotionally, lose interest in sex and lower her respect and attraction for him.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne