Purpose, Love & Regret

How a man following his purpose and his love life can lead to regret and tough decisions.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose email I answered l in a previous newsletter titled, “Finding Love Again After A Bad Breakup.” He is retiring as an MMA fighter to pursue a career in finance. His girlfriend just got a great job she has been working towards for several years. She lives in Canada and he lives in the United States. She will be traveling back to Canada in a few months to start the new position.

He doesn’t want her to give up her dream job for him. He has no intention of living in Canada and doesn’t like it there at all. They are coming to a crossroads because she is thinking about family and marriage, and he doesn’t want to live where her new job is. She has said she would move for him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

These are difficult decisions, especially when everything’s going great in the relationship between the two of them. She comes from a good family background and her parents are together. They have a good, healthy relationship and she seems to have her stuff together.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

How is my juicing loving, reincarnation believing, gun loving guru doing?!

Swell, thanks for asking. I would like to be able to get some more ammunition, especially some of the specialized types, because I like to do distance shooting and it’s kind of hard to come by, but I digress.

I’m not sure you if you remember me, but I am the guy’s email you answered titled “Finding Love Again After a Bad Breakup.”

Yes, I do remember.

I would love to have your input on a thing that has come up that personally I don’t know how to solve yet but would love some advice from you if you happen to choose my email.

Well, you’re in luck. It’s been chosen.

Also, I believe you might be able to relate to what I am going through, because you went through it yourself and you wrote it in How To Be A 3% Man. In short, the British relationship you had, where nothing was wrong but both just not willing to come to each other.

Well, what was going on, he’s talking about my English girlfriend that I wrote about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” where I had just started becoming a life coach. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I think I was actually in the process of writing my book, as she did help me with the first edition of my book because I wanted a woman’s perspective on the things that I was teaching, and she was a great help to me with that at the time. But she was getting ready to start chiropractic school and looking at going to a college in Florida, which actually was a really good college, but it was going to be significantly more expensive than for her to go to Bournemouth in the UK. And on top of that, because a lot of classes that she had already taken didn’t transfer, she was basically looking at another two years of school.

And because I didn’t know where I was coming or going or how long it was going to take to get my business up and running, the only way we could really stay together was if we got married. And I just wasn’t in a place where I wanted to do that, even though we had a great relationship. And even to this day, we still keep in touch occasionally and talk, and she’s one of the kindest, nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. But I was just at a place where I just didn’t want to get married.

And so, she ended up going to school in the UK, and obviously we split up and went our separate ways. But it’s tough. Sometimes these things happen. And for me personally, it took me a long time to figure out, but I have no intention of ever getting married again. I might get married in a civil ceremony, but I’m certainly not going to get married and involve the government in my relationship ever again.

And therefore, that’s one of the reasons why I don’t date women internationally anymore, even though it was fun. It’s cool to to travel around the world and date women from different countries and get exposed to different cultures, but I’m not interested in getting a government approved marriage, if you will. So, that kind of rules out dating those kinds of women.

And I don’t want to travel long distance, especially because air travel has become so absurd and unpleasant. Plus, they’re still making you wear masks on the airlines. It’s like, why would I want to do that? So, I’d just like to have a simple life, date women that are no more than five to ten minutes away from where I live. Just be a simple guy, a simple life. I don’t want any complicated situations. I guess it’s part of getting older and figuring out what you want, where you’re at, and what’s important to you.

Unlike most guys who don’t read your book 10-15 times, I have listened to your book over that amount to have the knowledge I have now with women and relationships, that I am now actually the one who gives love advice to my friends in my MMA gym. It’s funny, I’ll give a guy advice on his relationship and then when the bell rings, I punch him in the face so it sinks in more, ha-ha.

That’s a true friend. You give him dating advice, and then you punch him in the face to really help him remember it. That’s a good, true friend.

My question stems from making a “mistake” over again or letting go because of love and respect for the other person. Just to refresh your memory, my ex-fiancée left me, and she was Australian and lived there also. I had to move back to the U.S. and start back from scratch, which is where I found your book and learned a lot.

After that, I met a new girl from Canada and we have been good throughout this pandemic. She is coming to the states in July to stay for a few months before she makes her way back to Toronto. I have been in my masculine following my purpose and have never been happier. She is also extremely happy with me. She actually checks all the boxes of a calm, collected woman.

Women who are easygoing and easy to get along with, like my English girlfriend that I wrote about, are so rare. And so, when I come across, whether it’s guys that I’ve become friends with or women I date, man, they are so rare. Because life is hard enough. The last thing you need is a sassy, bitchy woman who is a pain in the ass. When I was younger, I enjoyed that. But because I’ve gotten older, it’s like, no drama. I don’t want to deal with any stress. I just want to have a good time, enjoy my life, not deal with complicated bullshit or complicated people. Let somebody else deal with that.

She is a great listener. She herself is also driven, keeps in shape, talks to me when she is upset and never goes to bed angry.

Man, that’s so essential, so rare.

Both of her parents are extremely loving and caring.

Well, you see where the daughter gets it from.

It’s actually pretty great, and to be honest I do not miss the dating world. If everything goes right, I could see myself with her. 

She has brought up this fear that she has had on three occasions. Two of them I smoothed over while listening to her and telling her playfully that I love her and that is all that matters, and then she would laugh and forget about it, but sadly, this last time didn’t work.

Yeah, you can’t just brush serious issues under the rug forever, especially when you’re dealing with a woman who’s got a biological clock.

Since we have been together longer and she sees me as a future marriage prospect, it became clear that making jokes was not what she wanted to hear anymore.

She is getting a high paying job in Toronto that has great benefits and pension. She has pursued this field before she met me, and finally now after all her hard work she has now been hired. Her fear is that one of us has to move for the other if we still want to be together and make the relationship grow further. She is extremely anxious about this, because in the past I have joked extensively that I HATE socialism, I HATE the cold and I HATE hipsters. (There are a ton of them there.)

Yeah, there’s a lot of soy boys up in Canada, especially when you look at their sissy-ass Prime Minister. What a fucking douche. So, I don’t blame you. And it’s like, if you give tyrants like that control, that’s why they keep you under their thumb. “Wear your masks, sit down, shut up, close your business, go bankrupt because I say so, because I can.”

And more so, I don’t like how their government is still making them miss their short summer because of these covid lockdowns that they have. 

Yeah, the commie, the socialist, collectivist, Marxist, that’s their solution to everything is control and regulation and do what you’re told, because I’m smarter than everybody and I know what’s best for everybody. And my heart’s in the right place because I care. And then you get a sissy like the Prime Minister they have running everything. But hey, you got what you voted for, so enjoy!

For the most part, I am joking. Delaware isn’t an amazing state to say the least either. My dilemma is that she is right. And you have also said it yourself in the video you posted earlier about me, “Don’t move to a place you don’t want to actually live in.”

Absolutely. You’re just going to be miserable. And you’ll make your girl miserable, which in turn will make both of you miserable. Which in turn, if you don’t correct that, will lead to the end of your relationship. Because love is playful and fun.

I am actually leaving MMA and pursuing a career in finance, so I am much more flexible with the moving situation. But I hate the fact that I may be making my last mistake all over again.

Dude, if you don’t want to live there, don’t go live there. I certainly wouldn’t want go live in Canada. I wouldn’t even visit there.

I know I shouldn’t compare relationships, and this one is completely different. But in all honesty, I do not like that they have short summers and also yeah the times I have been there the people there that I have met so far are just… Let’s just say I wouldn’t go out of my way to hangout with most of them. Not to say there are no good people there.

Well, no matter where you live, good people are really hard to find, really super hard. Good women are hard to find, and good men to be friends with are really hard to find.

Love is about giving to your partner. I wouldn’t dare tell her to leave her dream job for me. If she did it would hurt me that I took that away from her, but also I have to prioritize my purpose and what I want out of a career. I have tried to think of the things I like over there but each time I try I just really come up with three things: Jordan Peterson, George Saint Pierre, and Poutine. I love this girl I really do, and I can move to Toronto. but at the end of the day I will be moving for her.

And that’s why you should not do it. You don’t want to live there. You’re not going to be happy there. And plus, I did a video on this already, so we know that.

And that was my last mistake that I made. She fears that she knows how I am and she has told me countless times that she wants to make it work with me because I am one of a kind.

Well, of course, because you’re a 3% man. And 3% men are really rare, because most guys just won’t put the time in.

But I just can’t shake my own fear that has brewed up that if I do move, I run the possibility of becoming bitter myself because I chose love over purpose.

That is correct. You should not move to Canada. You don’t want to move there, you don’t feel you want to move there, you don’t respect their system, and you don’t really even like the people. I wouldn’t move there. Fuck that shit.

I know that this one is pretty complicated but I also want to be with her also and she has stated that she would move for me.

Well, of course, because women submit.

But as a man I couldn’t do that to her.

It’s not you doing that to her, and I’ll explain that in a minute.

So, at the end of the day the ball is in my court to make a decision.

Thanks Corey for all you do for us guys and thank you so much for calling out those puss boys of the red pilled community.

Well, there’s a lot of good in the red pill community. I think Rollo Tomassi’s book, “The Rational Male,” is a must read for all guys. But there’s a lot of toxic dudes in the red pill community that just complain and whine about the fact that many of them have tried to turn hoes into housewives, and now they hate all women for it. Plus, they’ve got mommy issues and they want to blame everybody, instead of just becoming better at pre-qualifying their dating prospects.

I mean, these guys sit there and they make videos bitching about single moms, like every single mom is horrible, and it’s like, that’s just a fucking bunch of fucking bitches that complain and whine about that. I have fucking zero respect for guys that want to blame all women for everything. It’s like, be a fucking man, take some personal responsibility for your own life and do better the next time around. Don’t sit and cry and make videos about how all women are horrible or the whole dating market is such and such a way.

It’s always been hard to come by really good people. And especially when you look at the quality of the people that are on dating apps these days, it’s like, fuck. That’s why I don’t even fuck around with online dating. I’ve never liked online dating. I’ve always liked meeting women in person. And over the course of my life in all of the great relationships that I’ve had and I wrote about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” all of those women came from good, solid families. And the reality is there’s a lot of broken families in this world.

There’s a lot of men and women that come from broken families. And the reality is the majority of them are never going to do anything, they’re never going to go through therapy, they’re never going to fix themselves. And you know what? That’s not your problem. But a small percentage of them will. So it doesn’t mean that everybody that comes from a broken home is a lost cause. It just means that most people, they won’t do the work that’s necessary to fix themselves.

And so, as a man being in the dating market or the sexual marketplace, if you will, you have to be able to quickly ascertain what the background and the goals and the values are like of these women. Because, again, these people in the toxic part of the red pill community, all they do is complain and whine and bitch and don’t do anything. In other words, you blame all women, “Well, all women are the same,” and then you don’t have to take any personal responsibility for fixing yourself or improving how you pre-qualify your dating prospects.

A hoe is still a hoe. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, and a lot of guys still try, especially a lot of those dudes in the red pill community. They’re trying to fix broken women. Then it didn’t work out predictably, and then they want to blame all women. Well, if you keep dating the same kind of people and you keep attracting the same people into your life over and over again, guess what? You’re the problem, not the women.

You’re the dumbass that keeps trying to date them and trying to fix them and be Mr. White Knight, going to solve all of their problems, instead of just treating them like fuck buddies, friends with benefits, sex playmates, somebody to have open relationships with. That’s it, until you find a good woman. To me, that’s common sense, but there’s a whole industry of people that just cry and whine about women on the internet, and single moms, as if that’s going to solve anything.

Weak ass men bitching and moaning about girls not liking them and thinking up absurd reasons why that is so. Also I left a couple of pictures of the relationship and my life.

Thanks for changing my outlook on life. You truly are an internet dad. 

Bob

Well, I appreciate it.

So, back to your situation. The most important thing, because obviously you can live anywhere, it’s like, where do you want to be finance wise? Well, quite frankly, Miami, which I’m not a fan of the traffic, but if you like nice warm weather, Miami is becoming a tech hub, especially with crypto, because the mayor, Mayor Suarez, who’s kind of a fake Republican, but he’s doing a lot of good things and attracting a lot of business. They’re building a financial hub, if you will, of all kinds. So, there’s a lot of opportunity down in South Florida, in the Miami area, if you’re considering moving.

The most important thing is, where do you want to live? Where would you want to raise a family? Where do you want to spend your leisure time? That should be first and foremost. And as far as your girl goes, she’s going to come hang out with you for a few months in a few weeks, as you mentioned. And so, I would see how things go.

And you’ve got to be honest with her. You’ve got to say, “I’ve thought about it. There’s no way I’m moving to Canada. I want to live somewhere where it’s nice, the weather’s nice, the people are nice, the opportunity is great. And you’re also at a crossroads. I don’t want you to give up your job for me, but by the same token, I’m not moving to Canada.”

And so, really what’s it’s going to boil down to is you’re getting to the point where you’re either going to stay together or you’re going to go your separate ways. And if you love this woman, you’ve got to be certain. In other words, you’ve got to come to a place where you’re 100% certain you want to spend your life with her. And obviously, unless she gets some kind of a work visa, that means you’re going to have to get married. Now, me personally, I told you my feelings about marriage. It’s like, I’m not doing it. It’s not going to happen. Civil marriage, sure. But I’m not involving the government.

And so, for me, I wouldn’t date a girl from Canada or Australia or Brazil or Colombia or anywhere anymore. I had a great time, it was fun while it lasted, but I’m done. But you, it’s your life. You’ve got to decide, do you want to get married? Are you ready to get married? Do you see yourself marrying a woman like her and having her as the mother of your children?

Everything you’ve shared tells me that you did a good job, unlike the douchebags in the toxic red pill community, of pre-qualifying your girlfriend. You guys talk things out, you work things out. She’s already said she’s willing to move for you. And at the end of the day, if you guys end up having a bunch of babies, well, she’s probably not going to be working anyway, because she’s going to be a stay-at-home mom. She came from a good family, so she’s going to make sure that you guys raise good humans.

The reality is that job that she’s getting, what’s going to make her happier as a woman? A job and not having you in cold ass commie Canada, or being with you, being your queen and being the mother of your babies and raising babies? So, that’s where you’re basically at. And so, I would see how things go in July when she comes down. Because, again, you’re at a crossroads. Maybe you get engaged. I don’t know. It’s up to you. You have to determine what feels right for you inside.

This whole journey that I’ve been on for the last twenty, about twenty-five years of my life, that big epiphany that I had when I was with my wife is that I wasn’t being true to what I felt inside. I wasn’t being true to my internal feelings. And I made the commitment from that point forward in my life that I was always going to trust my intuition and what felt right for me. And things have always worked out in the long run since then. It’s hard to do that, but you’ve got to do what feels right. Now, as far as getting married or getting engaged to this girl, that’s on you, dude.

Nobody knows what’s in your heart, only you know that. And so you have to see how you feel about that, how you feel about her and how you feel about marrying her and having children together. And that should be the determining factor of whether or not you stay together or you go your separate ways. But everything you’ve shared about this girl in the several emails and videos I’ve done, it’s like, everything looks good, dude. From everything you’ve told me, you pre-qualified her properly. Unlike the toxic people in the red pill community who cry about women and say all women are horrible.

So, that’s what I would do if I were you. You’ve got to trust what feels right. I think it was Wayne Dyer that said, “When you trust in yourself, you’re trusting in the same wisdom that created you.” That’s something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a challenge or a question, whether it’s your personal or professional life, and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers and overcoming challenges. Feminine energy is opening up to receive love, bonding, connecting, relationships and family. A man who has an emotionally compelling purpose he is trying to accomplish is the embodiment of masculine energy and what attracts a feminine woman to a man. A masculine man makes a feminine woman feel safe and comfortable enough to trust and follow his leadership and submit to him to be his greatest teammate and cheerleader. If a man is not leading in his own life, a woman won’t feel safe and comfortable enough to trust his masculine core to follow him.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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