How and when men should pursue and chase women, and when they should back off, so women pursue and chase them instead.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who lives in the United Kingdom. He claims he has read my book twice, is now starting on his third read, and this time he is taking notes. He says I contradict myself by saying chasing women is a sign of weakness, is feminine and submissive, but then in the next sentence, I say a man must be alpha, lead the interactions and be decisive. He is convinced that women from the United Kingdom simply do not chase.
The reality is, he is either exaggerating his having read my book and has therefore only really skimmed it because he is cherry picking info, or he’s a slow learner who should probably read my book 100-150 times, instead of the 10-15 times I usually recommend. I explain why and when a man should chase and pursue to create the conditions where a woman then starts to pursue him, even a woman who claims she would never chase a guy. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Dear Coach Corey,
I’ve read your book twice, and now a third, and I’m starting to take notes. I watched a lot of your videos and there’s some excellent advice in there. BUT, can you explain this to me? You say that you must not chase women, that it’s a sign of weakness, etc., and submissive and feminine.
(As a man, it’s true the man is supposed to pursue or chase in the very beginning. It’s his job to be direct, decisive and initiate the courtship. That means he doesn’t sit and talk to her on the phone for three fucking hours before asking her on a date. He likes her, he’s busy, and he doesn’t have time to waste. He wants to spend his time with women who are excited to spend time with him. Otherwise, he’s wasting his fucking time.
The only time a guy’s going to run after a woman, blow her phone up and beg and plead with her to go out with him is when he doesn’t value himself, when he doesn’t think he has much to offer. An alpha male, a successful guy, has plenty of choices and plenty of options, and he’s going to take his time before he gets serious with anybody.
If you have no choices, then it makes sense that you’re going to try to hold on to every single opportunity, no matter how low the likelihood is it’s going to work out. When you try to turn something into nothing, you end up wasting a tremendous amount of time getting fixated on one person when it’s not really going anywhere, because she’s just really not that into you.)
Then in virtually the next sentence, you say you have to be an alpha male and lead the interactions and be decisive.
(As the book says, a man’s job, his mission in the courtship, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. That means to hang out, have fun and hook up. That’s the process. It doesn’t matter whether you hook up on the first date or on your wedding night. The bottom line is, it’s part of the courtship, and it’s the man’s job to make it happen.
Women get annoyed when a guy calls, he wants to sit there and talk for hours and hours, and then he never gets around to asking her out, because he figures he’s got to talk to her for two or three times on the phone before he gets around to it. By the time the guy gets around to it the second or third call later, she’s already decided he’s better off as a friend, and she’s probably already on her second or third date with another guy who called her up and made a date with her.)
Surely there is a contradiction here. Isn’t it weak and submissive to let women do all the chasing, and what if they just won’t or don’t?
(There are two types of women who won’t chase, women that aren’t interested, and women that are structured in following a set of rules and ignoring the impulse. The reality is, as I’ve explained in the book, as a woman starts to feel more attraction for a guy, she really starts to bond and connect with him. She starts to feel more safe and comfortable with him. Her attraction level starts to grow naturally and instinctively, because he’s courting her properly and acting like a guy is supposed to.
She has such fun with him, within a day or two she will be texting or calling him to tell him she’s thinking about him. The real reason is she wants to see how he really feels about her. She knows if he really likes her, he’ll make the next date.
If a woman starts calling and texting you two or three times a week, you use those calls of her reaching out as an opportunity to simply make the next date. There’s no reason to reach out, because she’s already reaching out to you.
As Adam Carolla says, “When a woman likes you, she starts opening the doors, and all you really have to do is walk through them.” But you have to create the conditions. It’s about understanding the philosophy.
If you ask the average woman on the street, “Do you like pursuing guys, or do you like the guy to pursue you?” 99% of them will probably say, “I like the guy to pursue me. I don’t pursue guys.” But when you really get into it and you start asking about her boyfriends or guys she’s been with in the past, it becomes pretty obvious they’re the ones doing all of the calling, chasing and texting most of the time, not because the guy is manipulating her, but because it’s the nature of feminine energy.
That’s what they do when they’re in love, they’re happy and all of their needs are being met properly by the guy. They reward him by trying to get his attention all the fucking time.
When you’re in a relationship you’ve been in for awhile, your girlfriend’s typically going to contact you 1-3 times a day on average, and this is when she’s happy and in love. If you start doing things to screw it up, you get lazy and complacent, you’ll notice those will start to taper off a little bit. The tapering off of the woman contacting you shows her attraction level is dropping. It means you’re not dating and courting her properly, or you’re not communicating with her and opening her up.)
I can tell you straight up that women in the UK DO NOT CHASE. They like you to pursue them, so if you left it up to them, NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN!
(That’s not what I teach in my book, to do nothing. Again, you don’t really understand the book and you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re just looking for a way to absolve yourself from any responsibility and say this shit doesn’t work, so you can go right back to what you were doing before, which wasn’t getting you results anyway.)
So while a lot of your advice is great, can you explain why you should not ‘chase’ women and what to do if they don’t ‘chase’ you? And what’s wrong with both doing a bit of the chasing?
(It’s addressed this in the book. Instead of reading the book 10-15 times, maybe you should read it 100-150 times, then maybe you’ll get it.)
I do agree about taking the initiative on dates and going for the kiss, the bedroom Olympics, etc., that’s fine, but there’s a huge assumption that woman are going to chase in early stage, and they simply DON’T.
(Do you honestly think I got to this level of success teaching this stuff by making assumptions? If I was making assumptions and talking out of my ass, it would be all over the fucking internet, the YouTube comments and the reviews of my book. I teach what works, and I don’t make assumptions. I learned this stuff on my own by watching the women I was dating and involved with when I was learning this stuff.
Men and women respond to what they respond to, no matter where they’re from. A man who’s acting like a man attracts a feminine woman. A man acting like a feminized, beta male pussy gets stuck in friend-zone and gets the scraps that other guys don’t want.)
I think ONLY once this has happened…
(You’re here learning, because you’re not getting the results you want in your own life. Your old way of thinking, being and showing up didn’t work for you. Part of the problem is, what you’re learning conflicts with the way you think the world is supposed to be, and you’re having a problem getting past that),
so I am worried, I could actually lose out on good women if I wait for them to chase me?
(Well, you don’t wait for them to chase you. As the book clearly states, one date per week. You start the pursuit. It’s kind of like a relay race. You run around the track a few times, and the girl comes over and grabs the baton. And quite frankly, you aren’t getting it back from her. When women are happy and in love, they want your attention and they want to be with you all of the time.
You look at what women are doing and what they’re saying. There is an attraction level table in the book that details what behaviors women are going to do when they like you, and as the attraction level stops, what they do differently. You can always know where you’re at and how she feels about you, so you can take corrective action and get back to dating and courting her properly.)
Can you please explain in detail why you should not at least in early days pursue women?
(That’s actually what I teach in the book dude. I don’t know how you can miss that by reading it twice and watching all the videos.)
Men are the hunters. It’s in the genes, and alpha males would be the best hunters.
(I agree with that statement.)
I could see backing off at some point yes, BUT WHEN?
(I’ve pretty much detailed it. It’s also in the book.)
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“When a woman is in love with her man, she wants his attention all the time. She wants to be near him, be his cuddle bunny, hold hands, be in the same room together, make love, spend time together and be in almost constant physical contact. A man in his masculine makes his woman feel safe, comfortable and so submissive that she willingly defers to his lead. Feminine energy is about opening up to receive love, bonding, connecting, nesting, commitments, dating labels, family, etc. When a man has started “sweeping a woman off her feet” emotionally a few weeks into the courtship, she starts to make an ever-increasing effort to bond and connect with him more to receive him emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Once that happens, the man never really has to pursue her anymore, since she is in almost constant contact and they are pretty much always together, as long as he continues to lead the courtship and romance.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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