The importance of looking out for red flags when you start dating someone new, so you can eject before falling in love with someone who will drive you crazy and make you miserable.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is suffering tremendously because he did not listen to my instructions to read my book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” 10-15 times to learn the basic fundamentals of what it teaches. He admits he originally only read my book once and tried cherry picking information and looking for shortcuts to success in my videos.
He details how things started out great with his now ex-girlfriend. He started acting dopey and fell for what he now thinks is a woman who has borderline personality disorder, (BPD). He shares the red flags he ignored and what he learned in hopes other men can learn from him, so they won’t make the same mistake he did. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
This is just a quick email regarding my recent ex-girlfriend. I would be honored if you could feature this in a video newsletter to avoid the same issues happening to other guys and to teach the importance of reading your book 10-15 times.
Things started out great between us. (Well, they usually do in the beginning, because people are focused on what they like about each other, but towards the end of the relationship, they tend to be focused on what they can’t stand about one another. We get drunk on the fantasy of who we think the other person is.)
I met her at work, we started dating and I implemented many of the principles I had learned from you. However, to my shame I had only read your book once after I purchased it, (So you basically got 8-10% of the wisdom out of 270 pages), and the other principles I used, I had learned from watching your videos and cherry-picking information. (You were half-assing it, looking for the quick fix, the easy way out.)
As a result, I was unable to spot the red flags when they appeared. Now 10 months later, I am suffering from heartbreak and having a difficult time overcoming things. (When you go through something like this and you’re heartbroken, you can’t blame anybody but the person you see in the mirror every day. You’ve got to take personal responsibility for your own success and happiness in life. Nobody else can do it for you. All I can do is guide, gently lead and share the things I’ve learned. If you apply the things I teach and you read the book 10-15 times, like the guys who had the really great success stories, you will see it works for you.)
The red flags included:
* Her telling me she was attracted to two other guys from work, as a response to her becoming jealous after I watched a Britney Spears video on TV.
* Her starting arguments and then blaming me for them. (She’s obviously very insecure. Remember, insecure people, especially cheaters, liars or just crazy chicks, they think everyone else is this way. We tend to project what’s inside of us. No one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment.)
She even said she often liked to start arguments to ‘spice things up and add drama.’ (When things get really easy and boring, women will occasionally start some shit just to see how you react and show up. They want to see what you’re made out of. They want to make sure they’re with a man who knows how to be a man. That’s why you respond with playful humor when the insults come out.)
I tried to end them, as I like a drama free life, but she would only bring up more issues. (Well, the only way you’re going to have a drama-free life is if you date drama-free people. Ideally, you want to date women that have a great relationship with their father and mother and whose parents are still together and happy. But those women tend to be unicorns. There’s not a shitload of them out there.)
* Her telling me ‘All my relationships go wrong,’ ‘I’m no good in relationships,’ and she was convinced one day I was going to cheat on her. (People that are insecure, they think everybody’s like that, and no matter what you say, they’re just convinced, especially if they grew up in a family where cheating was just kind of a normal thing. They’re emotionally conditioned to think, expect and act that way. As Tony Robbins said, “We will act consistently with our view of who we truly are, whether that view is accurate or not.”)
* Massive amounts of insecurity and jealousy.
* Her constantly accusing me of cheating over the most irrational things. (Well, you said the key word, ‘irrational.’ It sounds like she needed to be in therapy.)
* Her introducing rules into the relationship, only for her to break them herself later on, (Obviously this woman feels totally out of control in her own life, so in order to feel better, she decides she’s going to put a little structure in there, but it didn’t apply to her), i.e. she made a rule that we could not take our phones into the toilet, as she was insecure about it, yet she would do it herself.
* Me asking her calm questions, which caused her to blow up into an angry rage if she did not like them, such as the above point about the bathroom.
* Speaking to 2 of her exes on the Phone/Facebook whilst we were together.
* Her physically assaulting me at home whilst she was drunk, then threatening to cut herself with a knife. I had to call the police.
* Her lying to other people. (This is normal behavior for her. She learned this from her family.) When I caught her lying to my face, she tried to convince me that I had imagined it and was bipolar. (Well, maybe she’s bipolar then. Those people are out there. Don’t think you’re going to be different and fix them. If you tend to be one of those people that attract people you have to fix or save, Google ‘codependency’ and read up on that.)
* Her attempting to get me to put her name on my mortgage deeds to my house. When I refused, she got angry and she left me a few days later.
I actually believe she displayed the traits of a Narcissist or BPD, and as a result, I view this as a learning experience, rather than a great loss. (Bingo. That’s what successful people do. It hurts, it stings, but you learn.)
However, starting from tonight, I have made a commitment to read the book 10-15 times straight, so I can master this information and avoid any future repeats of this shit. (Dude, I don’t blame you.)
As I say, I would be honored if you could put this email in a video to warn other men about the importance of digesting your work and reading your book 10-15 times. (Thanks for writing this in. I know it’s tough to put this down on paper and share it, but when you care about other people, you want them to learn it. So hopefully over time, lots of people will be helped by this video.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Success is a process. Success happens effortlessly when you are able to capitalize upon random opportunities as life presents them, only after you have done the work and put in the time and the repetitions necessary to prepare for success when your opportunity comes. Unsuccessful people tend to dabble and half-ass their way through life without any real clear focus or goal. They are therefore unable to successfully capitalize upon opportunities, as life inevitably presents them, due to their lack of preparation and practice. You will become better at anything you practice. If you fail to practice and prepare ahead of time, failure is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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