How you should approach choosing which type of relationship is best for you, and some things you should consider before deciding to live together or whether or not if marriage is right for you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is relatively new to my work. He is halfway through reading my book in two days since he started reading. He wonders if women can be honest, or if they all deceive men to some degree. He recently broke up with a woman he says was a nine on a scale of one to ten. He had been thinking about getting married to her, and they were talking about family planning to have children.
He’s obviously a little jaded and cynical and asks my opinion on marriage, relationships, societal conditioning and how feminism has had a negative impact on relationship dynamics between men and women. I discuss becoming focused on being objective, reading between the lines to understand what women are really communicating and deciding which relationship format is best for you. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I have seen a ton of your videos, and now I am reading your eBook on the website and I’m about halfway through it in 2 days. I am enjoying it very much, and it is quite obvious that you are a subject matter expert when it comes to the entire process of relationships. (My job as a coach is to help people get what they want in life. To give them the skills and tools they need to have the kinds of experiences with the kinds of people they want.) My thoughts and questions are, why haven’t you decided to get married again, pass your genes along and live the dream? (I look at marriage as a legal agreement. A lot of people look at it as a religious or spiritual thing, and I just don’t look at it that way. Marriage is not a priority for me. I just want to have really great experiences with great, high-quality people.) I can tell that you like children from the relationship example you gave where you basically raised the chick’s daughter. Maybe you just haven’t gotten there yet.
I was wondering if, in your experience, you have found an honest woman? Do all women lie? Are women capable of virtue, or is it just something I should let slide? (Some women are honest to a fault, and other women are a little devious. It depends on their background. One of the things Doc Love said in his book, “The System,” is, “Women don’t lie, and men don’t listen.” The point of this is, you have to learn to read between the lines. Women are not really direct. They tend to use relational expamples to get their point across, because they don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.) Ancient Greeks were disgusted with this same sort of issue. I think there is a quote, “You either love women, or you understand them.” (When you read my book, you can learn to do both.)
You express the power of the media conditioning and the effect that it has on men, so it is a given that there is also conditioning taking place in the mind of the women as well. (Everyone has an agenda. The key is, what is important to you? How does it resonate in your heart?) They see all of these women on TV who absolutely treat the man like shit, insulting and demonizing the masculine behavior. This is the third generation of feminism we are in. (The feminist movement was a great thing, but now it has been taken to an extreme. Gender equality is ruining the sexual polarity.) Being a strong masculine man does not seem to jive well with this feminism, and after you call her out on her BS, the problems ensue. All of this on top of the divorce court policies, which is financially crucifying men at a tremendous rate. These rulings, policies and biases against masculinity are subsidizing dishonesty and lowering the quality of trustworthy American women. (You sound a little jaded.) This is something I fear greatly. I was recently in a yearlong relationship and I kept her attraction at a 9. She was calling, texting, and would cling onto me all the time. She was very much in love with me and I her, but what I found out over time was that she was not honest at all and lacking in integrity. (That’s why you date for a year or two before you marry.) As I became receptive to this, my trust in her dropped fast. We had been family planning, but I cancelled that, because I didn’t want to put all of my eggs in this basket and eventually end up with a smoking crater of a life after she decided to have her cake and eat it too. When I saw her yuppie parents’ relationship, the mom was a bossy “professional” bitch, dishonest, and rude to her dad, who was a wimp and didn’t even fucking speak or express any opinions in a conversation around his wife. (That’s why it’s important to pay attention to her family. She learns from her parents.) He just let her walk on him for the sake of their marriage, I assume. He was definitely a beta male. Her brother is one of these manginas who plays video games all day and acts like a girl. (The mother acts like the man in the family, and the father acts like the woman.)
In your book, you write that a person will create what they fear. I absolutely agree, and it partially applies here, but is a high level of virtue, honesty, and communication not something to expect out of American women today? (You’ve got to look for it and you have to know what to look for. What my book does is, it gives you the tools to be discerning.) Could it be that lies are just forms of her tests? (Partly, but at the end of the day, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. The woman had no integrity, so she wasn’t a candidate for marriage.) It is a dangerous coin to flip when trying to marry and raise a family. (You should look at it as a learning experience. Now you have these tools at your disposal. The next time a woman tells you the first white lie, she’s out of there. You won’t give her another chance. Get out as soon as you experience flaky behavior.)
Thank you for the great work.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People can hide who they really are for the first 90 days of a relationship. Human beings make choices based upon emotions and use logic and reason to justify their decisions. It usually takes 6 to 12 months for the infatuation or honeymoon period in any new relationship to pass. If you’re thinking about making serious, long-term legal commitments such as marriage, it’s prudent to make them when you’re no longer infatuated. Otherwise, you run the risk of being blinded by your emotions to the point you willfully ignore red flags, character flaws and integrity issues you would normally have walked away from.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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