The importance of resisting the influence of mediocre people who try to hold you back because of their own weaknesses.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has been following my work for about ten years. He really struggled when he started to be disciplined so he could reach his full potential. Many friends and family that he thought would be excited for him became hostile and tried to sabotage his success.
Now he meets other like-minded people way more successful than he is, but who actually support and encourage him to become more. It perfectly illustrates the importance of having a great group of supportive peers. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is a great email about what you’re going to encounter when you start applying what’s in How To Be A 3% Man, and especially when you start applying what’s in Mastering Yourself. And if you’re one of the lucky ones that got my new book, Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations, what happens is as you start to get better – if you’re trying to improve your personal life and you’re improving the quality of the women that you’re dating, the relationships that you’re having and the fun that you’re having – you’re going to have other guys that are not experiencing that in their own life that are going to start to resent it, and they’re not going to like it. Because you’re a big mirror to them, a big reflection to them, of how they’re not doing what they really want to be doing or dating the kind of women that they really want to be dating.
And it’s the same thing with career or business, if you’re an entrepreneur, or the people that you hang out with. What happens is as you start to become more successful, the average and mediocre people that you’re surrounded by, you’re going to find even people that you thought were on your team and they were really supportive are not.
I talked about this with Andy and Mike in the series that I did with the two of them. And Mike, when he was working as a camera guy at the local Fox affiliate, he wanted to become a sales executive. But he’s a cripple, he has CP, cerebral palsy, and his supposed best friend was always like, “Oh, there’s no way. They’re not going to give it to you. You’re a cripple, dude. You can’t do that. They’re not going to give you that job.” Every year, he kept applying, he kept getting shot down.
And then finally, after two or three years of applying and getting shot and down, he gets an opportunity, he gets a job. He’s all excited, and what does he want to do? He wants to go tell his best friend. He tells him that he got the job and then the guy, instead of saying, “That’s amazing,” he just said, “Oh, it’s not going to last. You’re going to get fired. There’s no way you’re going to be successful at this.” And that is typically what most people start to encounter as they start to do well.
If you’re here watching this video, you’re obviously probably the most successful person in your peer group or your family. And so, as you start to achieve the results, as you’re applying what’s in How To Be A 3% Man, as you’re applying what’s in Mastering Yourself, as you’re tying all those concepts together with the Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations book, you’re going to start outgrowing a lot of your friends and you’re going to get some pushback.
Sometimes it’s going to be unpleasant. And it might be very hurtful pushback, because it’ll be from people that you care about and who you thought cared about you. There’s a reason why this is happening, and these reasons can help you to no longer be influenced by people that are holding you back.
My own father, when I quit my job at Centex Rooney to start my business, he wasn’t supportive of it at all and he thought it was a stupid thing to do. And then several years later, once I succeeded, he actually ended up telling me he was proud of me. And I reminded him of the fact that he, my own dad, was not supportive of what I was doing. He didn’t want to see me suffer. He didn’t want to see me not be able to pay my bills or go back to Centex Rooney with my tail between my legs when I failed a few months later.
But at the end of the day, I had my own reasons why I chose to do what I was doing. I believed that I could make it work. I believed that I would find a way, not just a way out. It’s easy to find a way out and quit. There’s an unlimited amount of reasons to quit and give up on the things that you want, but it’s a lot harder to stick to the things that you want to do.
Sorry for the long email. It took me 10 years to finally write you, Corey. I’m a 33-year old man and after applying your techniques and on my 7th read of How To Be A 3% Man…
Okay, so you’ve been following me for ten years you only read through “How To Be A 3% Man” seven times? Come on, man. Come on. Seriously, you should have been through that thing dozens of times.
…most of my friends and family have started to try and control me more and more.
Because, quite frankly, you scare them. You are a reminder of how unsuccessful and unhappy they are and how they’re all living lives that are less than what they’re capable of. And so, if they’re attacking you, you should look at it as they’re testing you because they don’t believe in themselves. That’s the reality. They don’t believe that they can pull off what you’re pulling off, and so if they can sandbag your success, then they don’t have to do anything. But if you stick with it and you keep succeeding, eventually, maybe, hopefully, you might even inspire some of them. Just like my own father eventually was like, “I’m really proud of you.”
I referred some of them to you. I listen more, speak less to certain people…
That’s smart. You’re going to have to manage a distance sometimes.
…and follow my purpose, and I get zero recognition from the people I thought wanted to see me succeed. I tell them some of my accomplishments and goals, and they either tell me that isn’t going to work or they try to change it somehow. They tell me things that will be better if you do this or do that.
Well, if they don’t have the results that you want and they’ve never achieved the kind of things that you want, all they’re doing is telling you their strategy that got them to their mediocre place in life.
Even if I am more respectful and attentive, they think I am weak. They ask me things like am I okay, or “Are you even listening to me?” This is something that really bothers me, because when I was just a low life, not taking charge in my life, they liked me more because I did more of what they wanted and agreed with everyone around me.
Yeah, you basically validated their model of the world and their life choices, and now you’re no longer doing that. People don’t like to hear it. The truth is a nasty pill to swallow. I give people a lot of truth, and I know a lot of people get upset because I’m brutally honest.
The same thing, even in my phone sessions, it’s like, I’m harsh. I’m going to tell you the harsh reality of the way things are, even if you don’t want to hear it and even if you don’t like it. That’s why people pay me the money that they pay me is because they know I’m going to give them the unvarnished truth and tell them what they need to do, and the rest is up to them.
Now that I do more of what is best for me, they really try to bring me down, and crush my persistence and almost hate it when I talk.
Well, if you’re around people that hate it when you talk, I wouldn’t be around those people at all, or very little if they’re family and you can’t avoid them.
I have to say, I really thought once I started to take this seriously more people would like me, but in my experiences, more people are more interested in trying to control me now.
Well, you’re doing all the things that, deep down, they wish they had the strength to do. And always remember, life should be an asshole free zone. It’s a good policy. You should definitely implement it, maybe get one of these sweet mugs from Teespring.com in the Coach Corey Wayne store. Have it on your desk and when somebody is giving you shit, just go, “Oh, really? Huh… Really? How about that? Oh, you don’t like what I’m doing? Well, fortunately for me, I’ve made the choice that my life is an asshole free zone. So, I don’t care what you think, asshole.” You don’t have to be that harsh, but maybe some people deserve it.
However, lately which has never happened before, I have been running into millionaires making deals and making new friends with extremely happy people and I have no idea why. Just kidding, ha-ha.
Like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other. It’s never crowded along the extra mile. Most people are not willing to do these things, and that’s what’s cool when you meet other successful people. They’re very supportive and they always have a kind word. They’re optimistic. They’re never going to try to sandbag your success. They’re always going to have a positive word of encouragement.
That’s one of the things that Tony Robbins says that I think is just totally spot on. He says, “Love your family, but choose your peers.” And in this particular case, you’re choosing your peers. You’re choosing to bring like-minded people into your inner circle who are going to lift you higher. Because you’re old peer group, they’re just not going to do it. They’re not doing it in their own lives, and therefore, they can’t relate to you. Love your family, but choose your peers.
I do have to say, being one of your students helps me realize which people simply cannot help me. You were right Corey Wayne, I had to do things out of my comfort zone for my own good.
Well, you must participate in your own rescue. Nobody’s coming to save you. Nobody’s going to fix you. Nobody’s going to solve your problems. And quite frankly, nobody gives a damn about your problems or my problems or anybody else’s problems, and they’re all glad that we have them. Therefore, succeed anyway, just to piss them off.
But it’s making most everyone closest to me discomforted. Even guys around my age give me evil eyes because now I am getting my health back. I can feel they are getting jealous because a lot of women can’t keep their eyes off of me.
Well, it’s not your fault that they’re mediocre and average and aren’t willing to participate in their own rescue. You can encourage them, but again, remember the mug, asshole free zone.
I just wanted to stop by and let you know you have truly helped me through some of my darkest hours when hardly no one was there for me. You are truly a blessed man from God.
Well, I believe we’re all blessed, but how many of us actually see it that way? Quite the few, not a lot.
I hope you get this email and I owe you more than you can imagine.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“All successful people soon realize that as they start to have success, people close to them who they expected to be supportive are anything but that. The harsh reality of life is that most people close to you want you to be successful, but not more successful than they are. As you become more successful and leave behind mediocre peers, some of them may resent you and treat you harshly because they fear losing you or don’t like you doing better than them due to envy and jealously. Don’t take it personally. It’s simply a reflection of what’s on the inside of them and how they feel about themselves. Therefore, succeed anyway and surround yourself with like-minded peers who demonstrate through their actions that they belong in your inner circle.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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