Romance Isn’t Progressing, Or Am I Being Impatient?

How to know if your romance isn’t progressing, or if you are simply being impatient.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl on Tinder. He went on two dates with her so far. He used a line on her to kiss him on their first date, and she told him no. Then on the second date he went for the kiss and she kissed him back.

Since then, she invites him over, introduced him to her family and friends, buys him gifts and messages him all the time. However, he is upset that the romance isn’t progressing at the speed that he wants, and they still have not slept together yet. He feels like they are friends who kiss, but don’t take it any further. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I am in a bizarre situation at the moment with a girl that I met on Tinder.  Our first two dates went well. I teased her, joked around, was playful, and she responded with the same behavior.

Well, typically, that means that there is interest. The most important thing, this obviously applies with your close friends, but ideally with your intimate relationships, you’re not going be having sex all the time. And you want somebody that you actually like hanging out with and who likes hanging out with you. And whether you’re not very talkative one day or she’s not very talkative one day, you both can carry a conversation. You like being around one another, and you genuinely like hearing what the other person has to say.

If you don’t want to listen to the other person, if you’re not interested in their hobbies, their goals or values, their interests and vice versa, you shouldn’t be with them. You want somebody that you click with, that you jive with. The relationships that I wrote about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” these are the kind that you never forget. You never forget the moment that you met and you made eye contact the first time, and you never forget the great memories that you created together.

Now, a chick that you met, you kind of clicked with, maybe you hooked up with her the first or second night you met and then you never saw each other again, that’s not somebody you really clicked with. It sounds like somebody you were just hooking up, having a good time with. Maybe it was a chick that belonged to the streets, maybe not. But the bottom line is there wasn’t enough of a connection on a mental level, a soul level, a spiritual level, if you will, to keep you both around and making the effort.

You want somebody who cares, somebody who will make the time, somebody who will be patient. Maybe you’re in a shitty mood one day, maybe they’re in a crappy mood the next. The point being is that the times that are good way outweigh the times that aren’t so good.

I am a guy with personal goals. I study Business, Master’s degree, have a good job, invest my time in self-development, and want to take maximum ownership of my life, which seemed that she liked a lot.

Well, that’s the embodiment of masculine energy. You’re a man who has a purpose and a mission in life, has some goals, some dreams, some things he wants to accomplish. And if someday you’re going to settle down and have a family and you’re going to have kids, ideally it’s great if your spouse or your girl can be a stay at home mom, because especially when the kids are really young, she’s going to be the one breastfeeding and taking care of them. And that’s what you want. And changing in the poopy diapers, which I opt out of that, thank you very much. But that’s just my personal choice.

Everything went great until I dropped her off and said, “Now is the moment that you kiss me,” and she immediately said, “No.”

So, it sounds like you’re delivering a line and you’re not paying attention to the body language or the sensory acuity. If you’re not sure if she’s ready to be kissed, then walk her to her door and then go to kiss her. There’s a kiss test that’s actually in the book. So, that tells me you delivered a line and you weren’t reading in the room, if you will, if you want to call it that way. You weren’t reading the signals or the signs that she just wasn’t into it, and it went over like a lead balloon.

If she really likes you and you know “How To Be A 3% Man,” you’ve read it 10-15 times, like all the guys that have great success stories do, you would have been able to tell if she was ready to be kissed or not. And so, the fact that you threw that line out there tells me you didn’t really know where you stood one way or another. And more than likely, that’s because you don’t know the book. Maybe you’ve just been cherry picking things in videos. But the story doesn’t end there.

Knowing that this does not lead anywhere good, I thought that I would not contact her anymore and won’t give her the gift of my time.

It could have been the tone of your voice. Maybe you were annoyed when you delivered that. Because your body language and the tone of your voice is going to communicate more than your actual words communicate. And so, she wasn’t receptive. Either way, she wasn’t ready to be kissed. She didn’t jive with the line. Just from my impression, because I’ve been through this a few times in my life, you’re in your mind mentally, but you’re not paying attention to the signs that are there.

And so, you throw that out there, making her take all the risk, instead of being a man about it, walking her to the door like a gentleman and then going for the kiss. She may have kissed you back, because sometimes, as I wrote about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” you might not know if she’s really that into you. And then you go to kiss her and then she sucks the tongue out of your throat, which that’s always a nice surprise. But saying it like that, you’re in essence expecting her to be the man.

Now, one of the lines I put in the book that I love, “I think you need to get it over with and kiss me right now,” that’s the kind of thing you throw out there when she’s playing with her hair, she’s touching you, she’s bumping you. She’s close to you, she’s around you physically, she’s near you. You’re not going to get rejected, because you’re paying attention to the signs. But just saying, “Okay, this is the end of the date. This is where she’s supposed to kiss me. Let me just tell her to kiss me,” again, that tells me you had no idea whether or not she was ready to be kissed.

However, she got in touch with me the next day, and said she wanted to see me.

She’s not going to do that if she doesn’t like you. Obviously, she does like you. This also tells me that you’re all in your head. You have some limiting beliefs and you have a story that you’re telling yourself about the way things are supposed to be. So, you have all these unreasonable expectations and you’ve got attachments to the way you think things are supposed to go.

The idea is what “How To Be A 3% Man” teaches you, and you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, is how to read her body language, how to read her physiology, how to look for the signs that she’s ready for intimate physical contact. Women literally physically bump into you and touch you when they’re ready for you to slowly reciprocate touching.

And by waiting for that moment to happen, what happens is it builds the anticipation, because it causes her to start to question, “Does this guy like me? He’s not touching me. He’s not trying to kiss me. He doesn’t have his hands all over me.” And that’s what caused her to bump into you, get near you, get closer to you, because she’s thinking, “I like this guy. I want him to kiss me. I want him to touch me.” And so, she’s making it easy. That’s her way of communicating, “Hey.”

I told her that I am not looking for friends and only want to spend my time with people who are sure of what they want. She said that she didn’t understand my intentions and whether I am looking at dating seriously.

There are some things that he mentions in this email that lead me to believe that she comes from a pretty solid family. Mom and dad together, he’s met her grandparents, her friends, her parents. He goes over to her parents’ house, so that tells me they have a pretty solid family environment. And so, she seems to be behaving like a girl that has interest, but she’s reserved because she doesn’t want to just sleep around with some douchebag.

And quite frankly, a lot of the forums on the internet, these are the kinds of women the guys are always crying that don’t exist out there. And from what I’ve seen in this email, it sounds like this guy potentially could be screwing up a good opportunity with a good woman, because he hasn’t slept with her yet and he’s impatient.

But part of the problem is it’s obvious from his email he doesn’t know the book, so he’s misreading signs. He’s not knowing when to make a move and when to back off. But the girl really likes him. So, he’s doing enough things right that her interest is going in the right direction, but he’s probably giving off the vibe quite often that he’s just trying to get in her pants.

And women that come from good families, they can sense when you care, because they come from a family, a mom, a dad, grandparents who really, truly care for them and truly want the best. They know the difference between somebody that cares and somebody that’s just saying shit to get in their pants.

Somebody comes from the streets, they don’t know who to trust. They never learned who to trust. And so therefore, the streets raised them basically, and they become promiscuous, they sleep around and they don’t value loyalty. They don’t value communication, they don’t value commitment. They don’t learn these things, they don’t value them, they never saw them. So, this is the vibe that I get here.

So, if you’re having a hard time seducing her, it’s probably because you’re focused on yourself and the fact that it hasn’t happened yet. And plus, you don’t know the book, because it also sounds like, as we go further into the email, that he’s not really understanding the logistics of sex and arranging things to make it easier to facilitate intimate contact between the two of them.

So this is why the kiss would not have meant anything to her.

So, this tells me she wants to kiss because it means something. She doesn’t want to just kiss any random guy who is trying to get into her pants, because she wants to meet a guy like her dad that dotes on her mom and who her mom dotes on as well. It’s not like that. Like I said, you’ll see as we go through this next paragraph, it sounds like they’ve got a good, solid family.

Nevertheless, we met again, and this time I went for a kiss after driving her home, and it was a success. However, I still feel that she is very distant and does not open up.

Well, are you actually taking the time to ask questions, or are you just focused on the fact that you haven’t banged her yet and you’re mad about this? Do you really like the girl? Do you really want to know all of her hopes, all of her dreams, what her passions are, what she loves, who she’s close to in her family, what her family is like? Do you like being around her family?

That’s something that’s also very important. If you like the girl, but you don’t like her family and she doesn’t like you, if you have kids or something like that, that’s going to create a lot of problems. And I grew up in a family that was like that. And let me tell you, it fucking sucked, so you don’t want that.

But things are going to happen. Sometimes you click with somebody, it doesn’t mean that that’s the iron rule. I’m just saying as a kid who grew up in a family like that, it sucks when everybody hates each other. It’s just not fun. It’s not fun during the holidays. It’s not fun watching people yell and scream at each other and argue and have these petty bullshit disagreements.

So, I personally value people who have good, solid families. A lot of girlfriends that I wrote about in “How To Be A 3% Man” came from good, solid families, and they could tell when a guy was really into them or when a guy was just trying to get in their pants. They weren’t a regular type of chick. And none of them ever were on any dating apps. They didn’t have to be, because they were so amazing, so charming and had such a great social life, great shape, they looked good. They always had plenty of men after them. They didn’t need dating apps.

When we spend time together, she is exciting and fun to talk to.

Think about it. Think about when you’re eighty years old. You want somebody that’s fun and exciting to talk to. You’re not going to be like, “Wow, look at her. She looks smokin’!” She might if she stays in shape, but at some point the physical looks are going to fade. And what’s most important is you have someone you really love hanging out with. She’s exciting and fun to talk to. That’s amazing, that’s a plus. All you’ve got to do is go in any restaurant, sit around and look at the couples. Do they look like they’re exciting and fun to talk to each other? Nope.

Conversations just flow naturally with her, we tease each other and joke around, but that is pretty much it. There is almost no physical contact from her side, (besides touching my arm from time to time).

Well, when she touches your arm from time to time, that’s when you should be playful and touch her back and escalate things.

It seems that she avoids more intimate situations where I could go for a kiss.

Well, you’re the man, you’re the leader. If you’re inviting her out on a date and you go over and you pick her up, It’s up to you. The logistics of sex are up to you. Where you go, where you hang out, where you have fun together and where you’re going to hook up. You have to think about these things ahead of time. It sounds like you’re waiting on her to be the man and to arrange these things.

We have not had sex either and do not make out besides when I drive her home.

It’s like, what the hell are you doing on your dates? You only go for the kiss when you drive her home? You should be doing physical things together, whether it’s playing pool, or bowling, or playing darts, or doing something outside, walking to the beach, walking to the park, having a picnic in the park.

You have to do things on your dates that facilitate physical contact. And if you’re just acting like a robot, driving to your house, picking her up, taking her to dinner or whatever, then driving her back home, that’s something that somebody would write who doesn’t know the book. So that’s on you, bro.

Everything looks very friend-zony, but on the other hand, she blows up my phone with messages constantly, she has introduced me to her parents, grandparents, and friends, she invites me over, and she even buys me small gifts like t-shirts and so on. 

This girl likes you. I don’t see any problems here. The only problem I see is that you’re not reading the signs, and it definitely doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything to facilitate the logistics of sex. Maybe you live at home too, and the reason you don’t take her back to your place or anything is because you don’t have anywhere to take her, and you’re expecting her to invite you in, so you can have sex in her parent’s house. Come on, man. You’ve got t put a little more effort into it than that.

I try not to chat with her on the phone and respond once in 60 minutes or so. I try always to be direct, confident, and with a “winners” mentality. But as we can see, I am not winning here, ha-ha!

Well, you’re the leader, you’re the one with the penis. It’s up to you to create an opportunity for sex to happen. And if you’re only kissing her at the end of the night when you’re driving her home, it’s like, dude, you’re not paying attention. You have not been a good student to read the book 10 or 15 times. You sound like a guy who’s cherry picked a bunch of things from the videos, and you think you’ve got it, and that you’re different, and you’re special and you don’t have to read the book.

But it sounds like, quite frankly dude, you’ve got a good woman here. And your fumbling the football, because you’re worried about getting into her pants instead of appreciating the fact you’ve got somebody that really seems to care for you and who you like hanging out with. That’s not going to happen with most of the women that you’re going to meet.

From one side, everything looks good, but from the physical connection part, nothing is moving anywhere.

Well, that’s on you because you’re the man and it’s your job to make that happen. Women submit to you, not the other way around. And if you don’t like it, then maybe you should date men and then you could submit to them, because that’s that’s the vibe I’m getting here. It’s like you’re waiting for her to make this happen. It’s up to you to make it happen.

It’s up to you to show that you care through your actions and doing fun things together. Maybe you go away for a week to a bed and breakfast or something like that. I don’t know how many dates you guys have been on, but it’s obvious these last few paragraphs, you spent a lot of time together with her.

Is this a problem of attraction?

Doesn’t sound like it. It just sounds like it’s a total lack of leadership on your part. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Again, if you’re taking a girl home at the end of the night, and the only time you’re trying to kiss her is when you drop her off her doorstep, well, that’s your fault. That’s on you. I go in extensive detail in “How To Be A 3% Man” on how to how to handle it, and you ain’t following instructions, bro.

Or is it a problem that she could be very structured and holding on to some strange principles?

She’s probably sounds like she might be a little structured, but it’s up to you to court and date her properly, so she feels safe and comfortable to open up to you, to receive you emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. And right now, you ain’t doing that.

Thanks,

Bob

It sounds like you’ve got a really good prospect on your hands from everything you wrote and the fact she comes from what sounds like a solid family. If you’re meeting all the grandparents, she’s coming from a family oriented atmosphere. So, it’s your job to make her feel loved, supported, safe and comfortable by creating those conditions where she feels free to let her hair down and let her clothes come off, or let you take her clothes off slowly. Again, read the book 10-15 times, dude. There are no shortcuts to success.

So, if you’ve got a question, a challenge or a situation you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“Good women who come from good families with a strong masculine father and feminine mother are usually going to be way more reserved, patient and selective in who they date vs. promiscuous women who come from broken homes and belong to the streets. Great relationships involve truly caring for each other, helping each other grow and become more, and giving without conditions. Great relationships are only possible when two high character individuals with similar goals and values make a mutual effort to make each other feel loved, supported, desired and celebrated. If you don’t truly care about and rejoice in making your significant other smile and help them to make their dreams come true, and vice versa, then you are wasting your time and should move on, so you both can find people who are a better match.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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