Romantic Interest Can’t Be Negotiated Or Complained Into Existence

Why romantic interest in women is triggered by masculine behavior, not words or complaints.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 51 year old man who just had the 3 worst weeks of his life. He lost his girlfriend and his job in quick succession. After reading 3% Man, due to a recommendation of a friend, he has realized that he has always complained and tried to talk women into having feelings and emotional romantic interest in him.

He’s often done the opposite of what attracts women to men and basically chases the women he really likes right out of his life and wanting him romantically. He says this always happens when women start to pull away. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who is 51 years old, and he was just referred to me, he says, by somebody who I had on my podcast recently. I don’t know who that was, but thanks for the referral regardless.

What’s interesting is, the old saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” well, it doesn’t apply here, because this guy is 51. What he’s realized after going through my book, 3% Man, the first time, is he’s often made a lot of mistakes that basically end up costing him. He says typically what happens is women start to back away and then he turns into a jack-in-the-box. They slowly lose interest and then dip out of his life.

He’s now recognizing that this has been a pattern that’s been going on his whole life. Even at 51, he’s realizing how often that has turned off women that he was dating that he really liked. So like I said, you’re never too old to become the person you were meant to be, even at 51 years old.

I got clients that are in their 70s that are just learning this stuff for the first time and they’re elated that they’re learning it. So it’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be.

Let’s go through his email because he brings up some good points and makes a lot of the mistakes that most guys that don’t know any better tend to make. Being aware of those kinds of mistakes and avoiding displaying that behavior is a big part of what you need to turn things around, so you are no longer talking women out of liking you who are already predisposed to like you, because as I talked about in the book, attraction is not a choice. Mother Nature is already handled that part of the equation for us.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I’m a 51 year-old man in great shape, make decent money and have had one of my top three worse weeks in my 51 years of living. I lost my current girlfriend overnight, lost my job of the last two years, had my new cell phone I paid cash for and my A/C and fan in my car, LOL.

I guess his A/C and his car broke as well.

All you can do is laugh.

I guess that means he must have lost his brand new cell phone that he got too. No job, no girl, lost the cell phone and the A/C in his car. Shit the bed, apparently. So that qualifies as one of the top three worst weeks of his life.

No matter where you are or how bad things are going or appear to be going, there’s always somebody that’s got it way worse than you. I mean, you could be in Russia or Ukraine right now and being sent to fight in a war that you probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with. No matter where you are, there’s always somebody that’s got it worse than you. Helps you put things into perspective.

I came across your info from the young man who you recently recently had on. I’ve done my fair share of reading other books on pick-up and such, but none of them ever discussed how the female brain is wired like you do.

I just listened to 3% Man at two-speed, like you suggested, and it was the words I needed to hear. I’m the guy who reacts with negative words, ridiculing and insulting her through texts, because like you said, I’m the jack-in-the-box, and it happens anytime/every time she starts pulling back or if she doesn’t text me first, or back in a timely manner. I never knew that when they start showing this behavior that it’s a message meant for me to step up and be the alpha.

So that tells me his mindset is one of, deep down, he doesn’t feel like he deserves the love that he wants. So he’s predisposed to automatically assume and believe that the woman he loves is just simply not going to love him back. Therefore, he tries to force things. That’s where the anger comes from, because anger behind fear is always anger or behind anger is always fear, I should say.

What’s he afraid of? He’s afraid of not getting what he wants. This is understandable, but if you don’t understand this tape playing around in your head all the time, and like in this case, he turns into a jack-in-the-box. He tends to get upset. He tends to get angry. In essence, he thinks incorrectly that he can talk women into liking them. He can complain them into being interested in him. If he just complains, he doesn’t get the love that he wants, then they’ll just give it to him.

In some cases, this may have worked in the past in a relationship, but as you’ll see more often than not, it usually leads to what started out as a promising relationship to go sideways because women are like cats. Always invariably at some point, especially when they start to sense weakness, their interest drops and they tend to back away a little bit, test more and become a little more difficult and things of that nature just to see how you react.

It’s obvious, as he admits, he’s been a jack-in-the-box. He didn’t realize how and why that was such a turn-off to women.

Last couple weeks she started to pull back and send the one word, one sentence text, while I was writing short stories.

Yeah, that’s another thing you want to pay attention to is that, if you’re writing two or three sentences and the girl you’re texting with is sending three or four words back, it’s pretty obvious that you’re more into the conversation than she is. You’re putting more effort than she is, and you want to match and mirror the actions of the other person.

So as a woman backs away and she starts taking her time to reply, you take a little bit longer to reply than she’s taking. If her texts becomes short and you’re sending three or four sentences and she’s sent in one sentence back, then send three or four words back and just match and mirror that.

Most guys, just like he said that don’t realize what’s going on is, they just notice that she’s not making the same effort and complaining is often how the average guy deals with this.

The reality is, it’s all about how she feels. If she feels it, she wants to interact with you more. If she’s not feeling it for whatever reason, she wants to interact with you less. You shouldn’t take it personally. You should just look at it as indicative of what her current level of emotional interest is in you and respond accordingly.

The first couple of months were great, and the last couple months played out like you said it would, because I began to question her, text long paragraphs and without a doubt, we were more than 50% on the polarity scale and then it played out like you said it would.

In other words, I talk about in the book that a man should never do more than 20% or 30% of the pursuing. Especially once it goes beyond 50%, at some point he’s going to get friend-zoned because all that does is illicit platonic feelings with the woman towards you.

If you’re making her feel platonic feelings instead of romantic feelings, her pussy is going to become drier than the Sahara Desert, and she’s not going to want to sleep with you anymore.

It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing your supposed girlfriend decided in a five minute period to cancel on our date and go spend the next two days with another guy.

Well, it’s not that she decided all this in five minutes, it’s that her interest was dropping. You obviously noticed it was dropping, but you didn’t know what to do to turn it around and unfortunately, until it was too late.

You’re looking at it as five minutes to cancel your date and then go spend two days with another guy, but really, more than likely, what women typically do is they’ll pick a fight that’s really innocuous.

Unfortunately, most guys after the fight has happened, they’re focused on why she broke up with him, which is the excuses, this little innocuous, “Oh, if I had just not done that, we’d still be together.” No, that was the excuse. Elvis had already left the building. Her interest had already dropped. The fact that she had another guy that she spent two days with, she was already lining this dude up before she pulled the plug in your relationship. That’s the harsh reality.

Unfortunately, a large majority of women will behave that way. They’re not going to break it off and then take some time to heal and then get back in the dating market.

Rinse/recycle/repeat is probably the best way to describe my relationships because I burn through an average of two entry level relationships in less than six months/year…

So this happens about twice a year. He gets a few months, four or five months max, and it always ends the same way. The women start out really highly interested in him, but he talks them out of liking him because he’s displaying a lot of really unattractive behavior that up until recently he had no idea it was totally unattractive.

So when you clean that stuff up, you go from talking women out of liking you to allowing them to fall hopelessly head over heels in love with you, because love is allowing after all. As the late, great Thich Nhat Hanh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

…And have had four serious relationships in less than four years, and I can honestly say I still have a great relationship with all of them.

Recently I was dating a 34-year-old woman for the last four months, and we are at the end stage right now on the polarity scale. I’m at 95% and she’s at 5%, and it sucks, first person in a while I really liked being around.

Yeah, you can imagine being 51 years old and having this happen his whole entire life and not understanding why it happens or has happened. That’s going to suck, but at least now that you become aware of it, you have the opportunity to change your behavior.

She went from applying to the State of Florida, to being approved to take the test for her cosmetology license, to now she’s not taking the test.

I don’t know if that means she was moving here or they’re long distance. Actually I guess they were. He says they’re 50 miles apart. So if she was, “Hey, I’m going to move to Florida and I’m going to get my cosmetology license. This is going to be great,” then all of a sudden she’s not even taking her test, again, that’s indicative of the fact that her interest has gone south. The reason for taking it is no longer there. Which was you.

I know you said to not text but it’s hard not to. I guess one good thing is she’s more than 50 miles away so, we really only get to spend one or two days together. 

Well, you left out the fact that she blew you off to go hang out with some other guy, so she’s obviously not your girlfriend anymore. On top of that, you can’t just ignore the fact that she lined up your replacement when you were supposedly in a relationship with her. That’s very disloyal behavior.

If you’re looking for exclusivity and monogamy and the woman to respect your relationship, it’s not going to happen when a girl is lining up your replacement and giving you the impression that you’re still together. That’s just pretty ratchet behavior.

That’s typically the actions of somebody who’s very insecure, oftentimes can be narcissistic and they don’t feel any remorse, but they’re too insecure to just break up with you and then go it alone until they find somebody else. This way, when they know they’re probably not going to stick around, they start putting the feelers out, they invite attention from other men who are already interested and then break a date off with you, and as you said, she spends two days with some other dude.

I wouldn’t be in such a rush to give her another chance, because it sounds like she didn’t really have much integrity anyways.

So I wanted to tell you thank you for writing this book, and one day when I get my cash flow back, I’ll book a session with you.

Bob

Well, until that time, I implore you to read 3% Man, 10-15 times. If you read, just like he mentioned, if you listen to the audio book on two-speed, you can get through it in under four hours.

Ideally, you want to be following along with a digital or a physical copy, because like this guy’s biggest issue is, he finds plenty of women that like him that are interested in him, but because he acts like a jack-in-the-box and he cares too much, he’s more into them than they are into him, he doesn’t realize he’s constantly chasing women right out of his life that already like him just because of his behavior.

Therefore, by going through the book a number of times as quickly as possible, he can spot all the unattractive behavior that he’s displayed in the past and stop blowing up and turning into a jack-in-the-box. If he applies what’s in the book, the women will fall in love instead of always be looking for the exits only a few months into dating.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.