Secrets To Letting Go So You Can Seduce Her Effortlessly

Secrets to letting go of the outcome to seduce women effortlessly.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has followed my work for many years, but often not applied what he learned. Recently, he decided to get serious about his dating life, got back into the book and stared applying it. He details how he finally had an effortless seduction where he wasn’t always in his head overthinking things and turning women off.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Secrets To Letting Go So You Can Seduce Her Effortlessly”.

Well, I’ve got a nice little success story from a viewer. He’s been following me since 2017. We’re now October 2026. So about nine years basically. So in that time he’s read 3% Man eight times, not to 10 to 15 times. He said he read it, I think 4 or 5 times early on, but then didn’t go back to it for years. And he’s only recently got back into it because he said he always kind of got away with it, didn’t really take it that seriously and just kind of muddled along.

But recently, he’s like, “I need to get more serious about my dating life.” And so he resolved to get back into the book, start applying it. And he has a nice little success story. And it really meant a lot to him because this was like the first time he met somebody that he kind of was not attached to the outcome. Wasn’t always in his head. Overthinking things or acting kind of weird, because he knew the book a little bit better.

Which is a big part of the reason why, because he read it early on, then applied some of it for a while, and then kind of just did his own thing. Sounds like he kind of just focused on his career and his mission and purpose for a few years, and wasn’t really involved in dating too much. But once he decided to get serious about it. Remember, whatever you focus on expands. So he did a much better job of learning and reading this stuff. So it was kind of top of mind consciousness.

Because if you know the book backwards and forwards so well, you could teach a class on it. And then when you’re in one of those high pressure situations where a girl is teasing you or testing you, or kind of backing you into a corner, you can handle things quite well with her without coming unglued because you know the book. But when that happens, you don’t really know the book that well, you’re going to tend to make unnecessary mistakes and blow good chances. But at the end of the day, everybody’s path is different.

Some guys start following me and they read the book 10 to 15 times in a couple of months, and then they have great success. Other guys are kind of like in and out. Like this guy was over the better part of the last decade, but it’s a good success story to go through because the important thing is this has meaning to him. And at the end of the day, the quality of your life really is in direct proportion to the quality of the meanings that you give to the circumstances of your life.

At the end of the day, what makes me happy is going to be different than what makes you happy, or the emailer or the next dude. So the important thing is that you do what makes you happy. Because it’s your life. It’s your kingdom. You have to live with yourself and your decisions, so to speak.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’ve been following you since 2017. I’ve read How to Be a 3% Man about eight times, and I watch your newsletter videos all the time. So I’ve had your advice in the back of my mind for years, even during periods when I wasn’t consistently applying it.

Well, a lot of this stuff, if you’re new here, it’s not easy to apply. It’s not easy to do because oftentimes you’re doing and saying things that internally kind of scare you, that you don’t really think are going to work. And then you do it and you’re like, wow, it worked exactly like the dude said. Because it often conflicts with what the culture has taught us.

I’m 28 years old, a banker, a father, and I also have a master’s degree. I had actually stopped dating for about two years because my dating life had become a series of inconsistent, on-and-off situations.

Well, again, if you’re kind of inconsistently applying the book inconsistently reading it, that would make sense. You’re just kind of throwing darts in a blizzard at that point, hoping to hit something.

At one point, I wasn’t really following the principles of How to Be a 3% Man and was just doing my own thing. Then, before I met this woman, I started getting serious about applying the principles again.

And then

And then.

I met her. We actually met.

Have you guys ever seen “Dude, where’s my car?”

We actually met at the bank where I work. She works as a money messenger, delivering cash to banks in an armored vehicle, and she also happens to be a nurse.

Well remember, nursing or nurses are the number one career where women cheat. So there’s that. You’ve got to vet for character. Doesn’t mean they’re all a bunch of hoes, but a high percentage of them are.

And owns a fashion business. She’s beautiful, independent, hardworking, and has a lot going on in her life. One day she was working on the ATM at my bank. I happened to see an opportunity to talk to her, so I approached her. It wasn’t planned or forced. We started talking, and I noticed she wasn’t wearing a ring. I asked her, “Who’s the lucky guy?” She smiled and basically told me there wasn’t one. She gave me her business social-media page, while also making it pretty obvious that her personal page was there. Eventually we connected on her personal page.

Well, it would have been better to get the phone number instead of, “Hey, let me have your social media.” But I can understand you’re working at a bank. There’s probably people around you, so you don’t want everybody to overhear what you’re doing. Sometimes those things are going to be that way. I personally would have gotten the number, but you could see he’s having a hard time just applying what’s in the book. And so why would a guy ask for a social media or be okay with that versus the phone number?

Well it’s lower risk. “Oh, I just want to follow you on social media. We’ll just connect there as pals.” And so you can tell this is kind of a microcosm of why he’s struggled, because even after almost ten years, his game is not tight. It’s just kind of sloppy and haphazard. But women help you when they like you. And if her interest is high enough, you can make lots of little mistakes and it won’t really matter too much.

Eventually we connected on her personal page. She’s definitely the type of woman who gets a lot of male attention, and I initially felt like she probably expected me to chase her pretty hard. Instead, I tried to stay grounded. She wanted to talk on the phone a lot, but I didn’t make myself constantly available. Not because I was trying to ignore her or play games, but because I genuinely have a busy life. I also told her that I’d rather get to know her more in person instead of talking so much that we’d have nothing left to talk about when we actually met.

So again, you can see he’s not perfect at all. The phones for setting dates, and yet he’s talking and texting all the time.

At first we were texting quite a bit, and I caught myself getting too involved in the constant texting.

Well again, when you spend all your time getting to know somebody through text, usually what’s going to happen is you’re going to talk her out of liking you, and then she’ll just fade away or friend zone you. And again, that just shows probably his issue is he just doesn’t pull the trigger. He kind of dithers and hesitates, tries to fly under the radar, doesn’t want to risk rejection too much. He’s playing it safe. Too safe.

So I gradually slowed that down and moved more of our communication to phone calls.

At the end of the day, if the girl likes you, she’s happy to get out on a date. But you kept talking on the phone.

And one thing I kept remembering from your advice was that you don’t teach men to ignore women. That distinction really helped me. I wasn’t trying to punish her or manufacture scarcity. I was trying to find the balance between being responsive and continuing to live my own life.

If a woman is reaching out to you, as the book says, you assume she wants to see you and you make a date. But instead, probably because this is still the old beta telling him, “Oh, talk to her for a while. Get to know her.” And when a guy does that, what ends up happening is you talk her out of liking you. She gets to know everything about you through text or over the phone, and then her feelings go from being potentially romantic and wanting to sleep with you to, hey, you could be a Harry Honda and maybe unclog her toilet or rotate the tires in her car. Fix her sprinkler system in her yard, whatever happens to be. Fix her broken window.

We would talk maybe once a day or every other day, usually when she reached out, and I’d often end the conversation with something like, “Call me later,” and then I’d go back to my life. Eventually we planned an actual date.

Okay, so she’s the one, it looks like, doing most of the reaching out and then he’s not actually planning dates. Which if you do it for a short enough period of time, that actually can work to your advantage a little bit. Because she might start wondering, “Does this guy like me? Like, does he just see me as a friend? Like, what’s going on here?” But if you really like her and she could tell you like her, then the reason why you’re not making a date is because you don’t have the courage. Then you’re going to dry her up really quick and she’ll lose interest.

But it looks like he was aloof enough and mysterious enough. And remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so for a short period of time, that actually worked in his favor. And if you remember from the book, the girl that had the tight little shorts that were kind of like painted on. They came to the construction office. The one that I met out at her parents bar and nightclub one night. And then my buddy and I, we left, and then she called me the next day. So that whole thing that went on for about like three weeks.

And so my not asking her to get together and do things. Because back then she would call my home number, she would sometimes call my cell number. But you know, this is early 90s. And so you’re paying for your minutes. And it was expensive back then. And plus, because we’d had Hurricane Andrew so a lot of the towers were knocked down. And we had pagers. And so she used to page me a lot. And I always remember her phone number popping up in there. And it would always make me smile when she would page me. Because I always had the pager around.

I’d have the phone with me because it was like a big fucking brick back then. It wasn’t something you just drop in your pocket like an iPhone or like the early flip phones, like the Startac phones, those little tiny ones that are smaller than a wallet. So that’s how we communicated back in the day. But like I said, from start to where I met her to, we went on like two lunch dates. I met her out one time, it was about three, three and a half, four weeks before she called me at home during the day when she knew I wasn’t there and left a message because she was being polite by returning the call, but she was calling when she knew I wasn’t around because she had met somebody else and moved on.

Because I dithered and I hesitated too much. So maybe this went on for about a week or so, and then the guy got around or maybe two to ask her out. So it worked okay. But like I said in the book, I just did it too long. The girl really liked me. And then eventually she realized, this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s got no game. And then she ended up going out and dating another guy who actually was a few years older and he had more game. He knew what he was doing. And so he laid the pipe and I got blue balls for my troubles. That one stung because I was like, man, this is the way it’s supposed to be. I talked her out of liking me, but this guy made the date.

I took her to Moxy.

Isn’t it called Moxie’s? Which there are a lot of them. There’s some in Florida.

Which is an upscale bar and grill.

It’s a cool place to take a date. Drinks are cool, atmosphere is cool. It’s usually really nice. The food is usually good.

It’s the kind of place where dinner for two can easily be around $200.

Yep, that’s about right. You get a bottle of wine, a couple, maybe an appetizer, a couple nice meals. Yeah, you’re at $200, $250 easily with tip, maybe $300.

With low lighting, great steaks, and good drinks.

Yeah, it’s kind of bougie. It’s not a cheap place. It’s not like an ale house, let’s put it that way. It’s not like a sports bar. It’s like an upscale place, but you get what you pay for.

I wanted to take her somewhere nice, but more importantly, I wanted to enjoy myself.

And so, like me, you know, I can understand guys have budgets like, “Holy shit, $200, $300. I’d never spend that.” It’s like I can understand. But for me, it’s like I always went to a nice place to eat because I like eating good food and I could afford it. And whether the date went well or not, at least I went someplace and I had a damn good meal and I had some company. Whether the company was good or not or it ended in bumping uglies later, didn’t matter. At least I went to a restaurant I wanted to go to and had a good time, we had a good meal. So at least I had a full belly, even if my balls were still full later.

Before the date, I caught myself overthinking everything. Should I bring flowers?

Come on man, after following me for nine years, you want to bring flowers to a first date? Why is that even crossing your mind? This is what happens when you don’t really take reading the book seriously. But he did enough things right and her interest was high enough. He took a while to pull the trigger and make a date, but not too long. Like I waited too long. And so I lost that girl. I mean, I made dates, but I’d go on dates and I wouldn’t even kiss her because I was like, “Oh, she’s got to get to know me first.” I didn’t know what I know now. I didn’t know “The Kiss Test”, didn’t know any of those things.

What should I wear? Should I suggest going somewhere afterward?

Well, you should always have three places to go. You can start out like drinks at a wine bar. If that goes well, then you can go to dinner. And then after dinner miniature golf, pool, throwing darts, maybe Top Golf or something like that. Someplace where you have a physical activity, bowling. Something where, or Dave & Busters just something that facilitates physical interaction because you can show her how to hold a pool cue, how to hold a golf club.

It gives you a reason to get close, break the touch barrier. And then it just kind of seems natural that you’re touching her and vice versa. And then she’ll start touching you back. You start making out at the third place because usually it takes 4 to 5 hours from when the date starts to where she’s really warmed up and ready to go. But this wasn’t somebody on a Tinder date. This was a girl he met through his work. So he’d probably seen her before and recognized her. So she wasn’t a complete stranger. So there was some level of rapport. But at the end of the day, she liked him. That’s what really matters.

Should I suggest going somewhere afterward? If we had a great time, should I suggest going back to my place? Would that make me look like every other guy who just wants to sleep with her?

Who cares? Girls like sex, too. And if a girl’s out with you, you have the opportunity to lay the pipe.

And then I stopped myself. I decided that I was going to go to Moxy, eat my steak, have a great time, and enjoy the night whether anything happened afterward or not.

That’s the important thing. I’m going out to have a damn good time tonight. And there’s a cute girl coming with me. And you know what? Maybe we’ll get together. Maybe we won’t. But at least the steak will be good and the drinks will be good. And the service usually is pretty good. And quite frankly, the girls that work there are cute. They’re always dressed, most of them, I should say, are dressed in nice cocktail dresses, and some of them look pretty hot.

I cleaned my house.

Because you’ve got to clean the house, don’t have it be a dump. There’s a lot of guys like I didn’t expect to get back to my house. I didn’t expect the date to go so well. It’s like, assume that you’re probably going to be getting laid later and plan accordingly. Have a condom. Be 10 to 15 minutes away from your house, wherever the third spot is. So it’s quick. You don’t want like an hour drive to get back home. Maybe you get a humdinger in the car on the way back to keep her occupied while you’re driving.

I cleaned my house. I went to the gym. I got myself together. I dressed well. Basically, I decided the date was something I was doing for myself first.

Perfect. That’s the right mindset. This is how to think like a 3% Man. I’m going out for a nice meal. And you know what? There’s a cute girl coming along. And who knows, maybe I’ll even get laid later. But at least I’ll have a full belly and I’ll have some company.

And the night went extremely well.

We had great conversations and really connected. We held hands. We kissed a couple of times in the restaurant. We made out in the car. Later in the night, I mentioned going to a Latin night, but she politely declined. I didn’t try to convince her or make anything weird out of it. I just let it go. Eventually we ended up back at my place. I casually asked if she wanted to come inside for a minute, and she did. I gave her a little tour of my house, we continued talking and connecting, and things naturally progressed from there. We ended up being intimate that night.

So again, if you know the book “Two steps forward, one step back”, she’s in your house now. She’s open to getting seduced. As long as you don’t talk her out of it. Especially if she goes, hey, I just want you to know we’re not having sex tonight. Which means, hey, this is what it really means. Hey, I just want you to know we’re going to have sex tonight. As long as you don’t talk me out of it or do anything stupid to turn me off.

But honestly, the hookup isn’t even the part I’m most excited about. The biggest success for me was how I handled myself. I didn’t need the date to go a certain way. I didn’t need her to validate me. I didn’t need to convince her to like me.

Well, Mother Nature has already handled that anyways. Attraction is not a choice,

And I didn’t spend the entire night trying to figure out how to get her into bed.

Well again, if you know the book backwards and forwards, you’ll see the signs and you’ll know it’s time to kiss. Time to start undressing her. Time to go to the bedroom. Time to slap the love glove on. Wear your raincoat, gentlemen.

I just enjoyed myself and let her participate in the experience.

You are driving the fun bus after all. You’re the master of ceremonies. This is why you’re supposed to plan everything out. And so, like the Latin knight thing, he didn’t mention where they went. Instead, maybe they stayed at Moxie’s and. And then eventually she was ready to go back to his place after for more kissy poo.

I also asked her directly what her intentions were and made it clear what I wanted. She was equally clear about what she wanted.

Well, what’s that? You didn’t tell us? What did you actually say? Were you talking about a relationship or were you talking about you want each other in the bedroom?

That’s something I don’t think I would have handled the same way years ago. I’m still keeping my guard up. She’s somewhat on-and-off.

Probably because you’re still vacillating back and forth between pursuing too much talking and texting too much on the phone. That kind of thing. Still violating principles here and there.

And I don’t want to get overly invested before I see consistency in her actions.

Well, you’ve got to let women come to you at their pace. And you tend to be; I mean, you’ve been following me for nine years, but you’re used to constantly violating principles. It’s just this time around, you had a woman with super high interest, and you didn’t violate too many principles for too long before you blew it. You didn’t take it too far. Now, a woman with lower interest, you probably wouldn’t have been able to get this far with. But this is the difference. You get enough of these and you go, okay. It becomes pretty obvious when the next move is when to seduce her.

All those things. If you know the book, it’s just happens like clockwork. And to her, it’s like a beautiful love story and a great memory because it’s like you just always seem to know what to do. You always seem to know when it was time to touch her, and when it was too early to touch. You touched her at exactly the right time. Usually when she was getting a little frustrated that things weren’t moving fast enough, which is the sweet spot that really winds a woman up when you’re going slightly slower than she is.

And again, when he’s in that, take it or leave it, he’s in no rush to do anything. He mentions the Latin night thing, and then she’s like, eh. So he probably just maybe they just stayed at Moxie’s and had another round. She got more warmed up. They got more touchy feely. Hey, why don’t we go back to my place? Sure, let’s do that. And then they went.

I’m going to let her actions over time tell me what I need to know rather than getting carried away because we had one incredible night.

That’s the right mindset.

But looking back at this whole experience, I realized something: I’ve been reading your book since 2017. I’ve read it eight times.

Definitely not enough. And you probably, quite frankly, since you just started reading again, you should do 10 to 15 times and just assume that what you did years ago doesn’t apply because it was so long ago.

I’ve watched countless newsletter videos. And this was one of the first times where I felt like I wasn’t just repeating the principles in my head, I actually lived them. I stopped trying to control the outcome. I stayed busy. I let her pursue me too. I communicated directly. I didn’t ignore her, but I didn’t make her the center of my life either. And most importantly, I went into the date determined to have a great night regardless of what happened with her. Ironically, that’s when everything seemed to flow naturally. I figured you’d appreciate hearing a real-life example from someone who’s been following your work for almost a decade.

And is a slow learner. Well, he didn’t say the slow learner part. But hey man, better late than never. Because your pace is your own pace. Your process is your process.

Thanks for everything you’ve put out over the years, Corey. Your advice has definitely had an impact on how I approach dating and relationships.

Best,

Bob

Well, thanks for sharing, Bob. And if you’ve got a really good success story, maybe you’ve got some wedding pictures you want to share with the class, send it to questions with an S at UnderstandingRelationships.com. And that’s relationships with S.

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