Seduction: A Delay Is Not A Denial. It Just Means Go Slower

Why encountering last minute resistance to seduction just means to slow it down a little bit.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for several years, but admits he just starting taking it seriously in the past year. He’s seeing a new girl and when they got back to his house and they were making out, she suggested moving to his bedroom. However, once there he encountered last minute resistance and he talked her out of sleeping with him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Seduction: A Delay Is Not A Denial. It Just Means Go Slower”.

So this is we’re going to talk about what’s part of what’s in my book here 3% Man. Two steps forward, one step back. And so this particular guy, he’s been following my work for several years, but admits that he just started taking it seriously the past year. And so that’s when he actually started reading the book and taking seriously trying to learn it.

And so he’s been seeing a new girl. And they ended up going back to his house and they were making out. She suggested moving things to the bedroom. However, once they got into the bedroom and were fooling around, she started offering some last minute resistance. And it doesn’t look like he handled things artfully or didn’t really understand two steps forward, one step back. Because again, even though he’s been falling for several years, he never really bothered to learn this stuff.

So now it’s crunch time. He’s in the bedroom with a woman who was happy to go back to his house. They had a glass of wine. She suggested they go into the bedroom, but then when she offered some last minute resistance, it kind of went sideways, and shortly thereafter she asked him to take her home. So let’s see what we can see.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Hope all is well. I have been following you since fall of 2021. I didn’t get really serious about the work until about 12 months ago and the results have improved immensely.

Well, I say it all the time, you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. Nobody’s coming to fix you or to save you. You’ve got to do that yourself, and it’s up to you to fill in your knowledge gap and practice the stuff enough that’s in my book, so you can get really good at it. Because then things will be easy and effortless. And you won’t be fumbling the football like right on the one yard line. It’s like, have you ever seen, you know, guys in the NFL.

They’re like way ahead of everybody else. And then they drop the football right before they cross the plane of the goal line and then fumble the ball and don’t even realize they’re trying to be cute. Oh, look at me. I scored a touchdown. I was like, nope, that’s a turnover and a touchback. So you don’t want to fumble the football on a one yard line.

I found myself in a situation earlier this week and I am wondering if you can provide your insight. I have been doing a good job of getting numbers and talking to and cycling women plus, getting out with them on dates. I recently met this one particular woman. She is 36 and doesn’t have kids and wants them. I am 41 and have almost adult children and had a vasectomy a couple of years ago. She told me, “We can be friends” I told her, “Friends with benefits sounds good to me”. She said no to that. We exchanged a few more texts, very slowly, over the next couple of days. I decided to try to make plans with her to see if the signs of attraction were there. She agreed and the day of the date she asked me if I can pick her up instead of meeting her there. I was really surprised by this.

Well, that tells me she felt safe and comfortable with you.

We met out in public with no mutual friends or anything but regardless, she gave me the address, and I picked her up.

And so one thing of note is that now, you know, because I already read this email, she’s been to his house. And so in the future, when she reaches out, especially if it’s at night, 8:00 at night, he can just say, “come over.” Because now she knows where he lives. She’s been there. She feels safe being there.

She had to work in a few hours and like I say I just wanted to test the waters of romantic attraction. We went and grabbed a coffee. As soon as we got out of the car and walked toward the coffee shop, she bumped her hand against mine. We got our order and I took her to a popular local outdoor area since it was a nice day.

So one thing I would not have done is I would not have made a date when, you know, she’s got to work in a few hours. And he presupposed that a seduction was not going to happen. But he’s like, hey, I’ll just go out and see what happens. Again, these are just little things where he’s kind of straying from the book. So my goal as a coach is to stack the deck in your favor so you get what you want as quickly as possible, and it gives the woman the experience that this just is a natural, beautiful, unfolding love story.

Walking around she was brushing up against my side bumping me and we were on a wide path, so I decided to do that thing in your book where you were walking all over the street and your date was chasing you down.

And it’s like the part I was talking about in the book was I was walking with a girl I was dating, and I was just kind of like, go over to the left. I’d go over to the right, kind of go away from her a little bit. And it’s it was just kind of funny. It’s like women just they don’t even realize it. They just it’s like an invisible thread that sticks them to you like a suckerfish.

This woman was doing the same thing. After about an hour we went back to my car and I went for the kiss, everything was good. After a few days I reached out, she said she was so happy to hear from me. I told her, “I had a good time with her the last time. Let’s do it again, when are you free to get together?” We made plans for 3 days after and I got off the phone. Again I went and picked her up. We went to another popular spot, this time it was a little more cold. She was wearing a sweater. After about 45 minutes she started hugging me and saying, “keep me warm”. I told her, “I know a warmer spot we can go”. She asked, “Where?” I said, “My place”. She agreed and it was only about a 5 minute drive back there.

See, that’s very smart because it facilitates potentially an afternoon delight at a seduction because he’s only five minutes away. Just imagine if they’re like 50 minutes away. He’s driving all the way back. And then there’s a chance by the time you get there, she’s not so excited and so frisky anymore. So it’s important to think about that. Think from the end. Assume it’s just like James Bond does, it’s going to end with a successful seduction in your bedroom. And so he did the logistics of sex. So wherever it was that they were was only five minutes from where he was. So she’s cold. It makes it very easy to dip and go back to a place that’s warm.

Once back at my place I was prepared with wine for us so that in the event I could get her back to my place I would at least have a glass of wine to offer this woman.

See? Thinking ahead, I’ve seen over the years a lot of guys that are new to my work and they start applying it. They don’t prepare all this stuff and the girls ready to go back to their house within a matter of an hour or two. They don’t have any condoms because they’re like, oh, I didn’t think it was going to happen. And it’s just, again, think from the end, if everything goes well and the girl’s super into you, you’ll probably be bumping uglies later. I mean, most women in the West are going to sleep with a guy a guy by his second or third date. It’s just facts of life.

The slow dance started, her putting her hand on my leg, me giving her a kiss. Talking for a bit. Her grabbing my hand and holding it, me touching the back of her neck. Talking some more over another glass of wine. After an hour or so of this she actually suggested we go to my bedroom. I stood up and led the way. Everything was going great but she stopped me short of sex. I didn’t get upset or angry with her and told her that “I wanted her but I didn’t want her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with”.

Well, I don’t know what she said to you specifically, but I probably wouldn’t be phrasing things like that. Because what you should expect is, I mean, she’s already back at your house. You’re almost naked, I guess, in bed, about to do the deed, and you should kind of expect some last minute resistance. And so if she’s like, “wait, stop, I’m not ready. We’re moving too fast.” Like, “hey, no problem.” You just hang out and just ask questions about whatever. Get her mind off the topic. Just start asking her questions and get her talking again. And maybe five ten minutes later, after you’re talking, you’re slowly caressing and you’re next to each other. Then you can just slowly start kissing and making out and heavy petting and doing the whole thing all over again.

Two steps forward, one step back it’s detailed in the book. And so he encountered resistance. So he’s going to take some steps back, which is basically he stops the seduction. He doesn’t give up and say, well, that’s the end of it. He just says, oh, I’m going a little too fast. She’s not completely comfortable yet, so let me open her up some more, get her to talk some more, and then I’ll take another run at it, maybe 10 or 15 minutes. And what you notice is that each time you get a little further, more clothes come off and any last minute resistance poof, dissolves. But it’s important when a woman says to stop or she says, no, I’m not ready. You don’t just give up and say, okay, well, let me take you home.

You just go, oh, I’m going too fast. You don’t say that. You just recognize that you’re going too fast and you slow it down. That’s all. Women want to know that at any point in this process of seduction, they can stop you and you’ll respect the boundary. And when you show that you’re not mad, you’re not upset that you’re happy to re-engage in conversation and get her talking some more. And then you take another run at it. What you’ll notice is each time you do two steps forward, one step back, the resistance drops until obviously, ultimately, you end up inside of her, hopefully with a raincoat on.

“I wanted her but I didn’t want her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with”.

So I mean, that’s what he told her. I wouldn’t have said it like that.

I mean I only had spent maybe 4 or 5 hours of time.

Well, that’s enough typically with most women on a date. That’s why she suggested going to the bedroom. So basically her suggesting, “hey, let’s go to your bedroom and maybe I’ll have sex with you as long as you don’t talk me out of it.” That’s what that means. Girls, don’t suggest going into your bedroom and then usually dip like that, unless you’re not doing two steps forward, one step back properly.

I mean I only had spent maybe 4 or 5 hours of time with this woman so far and was pleased with my progress, I didn’t have the knowledge of what to look for in attraction a year ago. She said to me, “I am just not sure it is appropriate when you haven’t formalized your intentions to be together. I don’t want to be doing these things and get jilted. At the end I will be hurt. I like you very much but am scared of the unknown”.

And so when she says something like that, we just say, “well, what is it that you’re looking for? Because this is only our second date. But are you saying you already want to be exclusive boyfriend girlfriend? I mean, what’s on your mind?” I mean, again, this is only the second date. That’s a lot to ask for on the third date. And I’m sorry, I think this was the second date. And so you get her talking, get her to explain herself. Because what she’s saying basically is I don’t want to have sex with you, and then you just blow me off, because that’s obviously happened to her before. And so what she’s looking for is reassurance that you like her, that it’s going to continue even after you make love, and you’re excited to see what happens next. But if you don’t answer those questions properly, then she’s going to probably want to dip.

It was getting late and after 30 minutes in bed talking she asked me to take her home I did.

So at the end of the day, I think he did say she had to go to work, but I would not be making a date. When, you know, a woman’s got to leave early because she’s got to get to work. And on top of that, she’s drinking. She’s had a couple glasses of wine, probably not the best approach, but as he said, he was just wanting to see what happened, which is fine. It’s your life. You can do what you want. My job as a coach is just to critique his approach and inform him of what I would have done differently. So next time he does get to the promised Land.

She has reached out and we do have another date 4 days from now. I am not too worried because I know it is just a matter of time. I have done a really good job of setting dates and staying off the phone. I have a couple of questions, the first is do you think there is something I could have done to seal the deal in this case?

Yes. Well, your response, what you said, which is “you wanted her, but you don’t want her to do anything she’s not comfortable with.” I wouldn’t have phrased it like that because, again, what she’s basically saying is, hey, you know, her little slut alarm is going off because she knows she’s ready to bump uglies on the second or third date, whichever one it was. And you just have to reassure her that you do like her and your intentions are pure, and you’re excited to see where it goes and you’re glad she’s here. And by the way, she looks really beautiful in her birthday suit.

Things that make her laugh and giggle. And you reassure her that you care. That she’s beautiful. That’s all she’s looking for. Because that’s the last minute resistance. She’s worried if she sleeps with you, you’re just going to blow her off. Like probably a lot of other guys have done that, have gotten an afternoon delight with her. She’s worried about getting over her skis and getting her heart broken by a guy that she thinks is into her, but really, he just wanted the puswa.

I mean obviously, no means no.

Well, again, a delay is not a denial. And you took her pausing as a denial and you gave up because, I mean, remember, you’ve been following for a few years and you just now started taking it seriously. So you probably haven’t been through the book enough to really understand two steps forward, one step back. And so you mistakenly, you, in essence, misapplied the book. You took a delay as an outright denial. And so the reason why she delayed is she’s basically the slut alarms going off.

And she’s like, she wanted to basically you to reassure her that you’re really into her for her. And even after you guys make love, the magic is going to continue. That’s all she needed. And if you’d have reassured her, you’d have been. But that’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. This is how you learn. You make mistakes because again, you wrote the email saying, “hey, what can I do better?” Because again, a delay is not an outright denial. And he took it as an outright denial and gave up.

But, do you think she was testing me or, do you think she just kind of got freaked out and started thinking too much in the situation?

Well, it’s just last minute resistance, which is to be expected. She wanted to know that you were truly interested in her. You weren’t just trying to get laid and bust a nut and then kick her out of your house, because obviously that’s happened to her and she doesn’t want to get used and abused. Because for her to sleep with you, it she’s going to get a little attached and she doesn’t want to get attached if you’re not truly into her.

I mean I was clear that I wanted her physically in that moment but not aggressive or anything like that.

Again, the way you phrase it, I would not have said that.

Second question is this. I have been in this situation before where I hang out with a woman a few times and after 3 or 4 weeks It’s time to move into being intimate but they give you the “What are we talk” and try locking you into a relationship before you have had sex. I have agreed to this and it has usually led to very toxic relationships.

Well, when you’re only on the third or fourth date and a woman’s expecting a commitment, it’s like, that’s too much too soon. It’s like, I really like you. But I was like, I’m not ready to commit to a relationship. I mean, it’s only like our second or third date. Why don’t we just live in the moment, take it slow, enjoy each other’s company and see where it goes. I mean, I really like you, so let’s just have fun together. And by the way, you look really cute in your birthday suit.

Guess that’s why the sex with these women is good. Question is this, how do you handle a woman that won’t have sex with you before you commit to a relationship?

Well, again, I say it’s in how you’re responding. It’s not so much what you’re saying, it’s how you’re saying it. And again, these women want to know that you like them enough, that after they give it up, you’re going to stick around. Because a lot of times guys don’t. They get the notch in the bedpost and they’re like, all right, I got that one. What’s next?

I mean I don’t want to buy the pair of shoes before trying them on. Any advice?

Thanks Coach, from Canada.

Yep. Spend the time with the book. Really learn two steps forward, one step back again. Understand that what the woman is looking for. She just wants reassurance that you really like her and you’re going to stick around. You’re not just going to, you know, hit it and quit it. That’s all this woman was saying. I’m afraid you’re going to hit it and quit it. That’s how she worded it. And your response just didn’t do the trick. That’s why she was like, oh, hey, let’s get out of here. Because, however, your response was, it didn’t make her feel safe and comfortable giving it up then.

But you got another date in four days, as you said. So maybe you could shoot us an email and let us know how it goes. But that’s all it basically boils down to. It’s in essence, reassuring her that you’re going to stick around even after you bump uglies, you’re not going to. You’re not a guy who’s just going to hit it and quit it. That’s all she was looking for. Pretty simple objection to overcome and smooth over.

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