Seeking Her Approval Causes Rejection

Jan 23, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock.com/SIphotography
Hollywood, busybodies in government and political correctness have made an absolute mess of societies sexual relationships between men and women. Every time we turn on the TV, we are brainwashed with countless dysfunctional and inaccurate examples of grown men being totally terrified of beautiful women; who act like little boys seeking their mommy’s approval.

Men have become conditioned to be apologetic and ashamed of their own sexual desires towards women. Therefore, when they try to interact with a woman they like, it comes off as being awkward and unnatural. Instead of being direct and communicating their interest with confidence, men come off as begging women to like them. These men act like they don’t deserve to be in the presence of the women they are talking to. Have you ever watched a fan interacting with their favorite celebrity? The fan acts like a third grader, while the celebrity just simply wants to be treated like a regular person. They want you to treat them like anybody else. Seeking a woman’s approval will always lead to getting rejected.

Most men treat women like they are celebrities. Like they should be worshiped and adored from afar. Men put women on a pedestal, and then put all of their own needs and wants as being secondary to hers. You have to make yourself happy first, before you can be happy in a relationship with another person. If you treat women like celebrities, they will treat you just like a needy fan who puts them on a pedestal they have not earned. You will get rejected.

When you are around women you like, you should always act as if you deserve to be there. You should see everyone as your equal. You should always be consistent in how you treat ALL women. Sweet, respectful, playful, humorous, sometimes naughty, sometimes outrageous, but always like a charming James Bond. Never tell a woman or act like she is better than you. Why? If you do, she will act accordingly. She will agree with you and any physical attraction she may have felt for you, will evaporate the instant you put her on a pedestal, or start seeking her approval.

The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. He got dumped by his girlfriend a few months ago, but has just come across my work and he is trying to win her back. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn the basics of approaching, dating & understanding what women really want in a man. The problem is, he’s doing it in a way that communicates he is seeking her approval, as well as communicating that he is needy and insecure. He’s trying to force things, instead of letting things happen. He’s not having much success, but wonders why. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hey Corey,

Thank you. I downloaded your eBook and have read it twice. (You should read it 10-15 times to the point you could give a seminar on the topic. Then you will have the base knowledge that will help you always make the right decisions.) I am still working on perfecting my skills and overall making myself a more desirable and fulfilled person. Can you please answer this to your best ability? Thanks

3 months ago my girlfriend and I decided to take a break. Mostly her decision. (It usually is) We were together for 4 years. I noticed the last 3-4 months of the relationship she started becoming distant and cold. Little to no sex, monotone voice, little to no affection, no more giving and buying little things for me, and wanting more and more alone time and time apart with friends, at the gym, with work etc. (Women lose interest in men slowly over time as they do more things wrong than right.) I realized things were going down hill. You see, we had a great relationship for a very long time. I almost proposed however, she was 120% invested and did everything under the sun for me and I did not reciprocate. I was stubborn, selfish and lacked the affection she desired. (One of my early mentors said, “respect, affection & romance are the 3 most important things to women in a relationship to maintain attraction.”)

So we took a break. Throughout that time I have definitely reflected on the relationship and realized where I went wrong. I now know the things I need to improve in order to keep a woman satisfied and happy and invested. (Not yet. You’ve only read my book twice. Therefore, you’ve only learned about 20% of the material. Read it again.) I gave her space for the first month or so, and then I started slowly reaching back out. (Mistake. She dumped you. You don’t try to chase and keep someone who does not want to keep you. People always forget the negative things in relationships with time. You should have done nothing until you heard from her.)

She answers every single phone call or text I send. (means nothing) She has even at times texted me first and reached out to me first. (That is what you want. Her reaching out to you once she starts to miss you, and when she starts to only remember the good things from your past together is what causes her to have second thoughts about breaking up.) I asked her out on a date and she accepted with little to no hesitancy. We went out on a multiple place date like you suggest. Dinner, Comedy club, lounge and then back to my place. (Smart man) We had a great evening and back at my place we got into making out pretty heavy. Right before it would lead to sex, she said please take me home this is going to fast. (You rushed things at some point which made her feel uncomfortable, therefore, she wanted to leave.) I didn’t fight it and I took her home. The next day I called to tell her I had a lot of fun, and she is right we need to take it slow. (Mistake. She rejected you again. Then you call trying to seek her approval and apologize for wanting her. Makes you look weak.) Since that time we have went on multiple dates, however, she has grown actually more distant and less affectionate than she was on that first night. (You want to know why? You are trying to force things, instead of letting them happen by giving her the space to come back to you at her own pace. This is needy behavior that communicates you are seeking her approval. It also communicates to her that you do not understand how attraction works.)

I discussed this with her and she said she “doesn’t want to jump right back in and be back right where we left off.” (Translation: “You are rushing things before I am ready. You are making me feel uncomfortable. You bringing it up further communicates you are needy and trying to force something to happen.”) She also said that “she has trouble being with me in person because she has fun and sees herself jumping head first right back into this.” (Translation: “You are doing a lot of things right, but are still making too many mistakes that cause me to doubt and not trust your masculine core. Therefore, I don’t want to be around you because it feels awkward.) She also made it very clear “she is scared and nervous that I am just on my best behavior and that maybe I will go back into my old ways.” (Translation: “You don’t seem like you are acting normal or natural. I don’t trust that your actions are going to be congruent with your words long term.”)

Unfortunately rather than backing off, like a rookie, I continued to press and push harder. I wanted to show her that I am changing, and that I want to be a better person who is more giving and less selfish. (Ultimate weak mindset. This is totally seeking her approval kind of behavior. Women want a man who knows how to act like a man. Not a needy little boy who wants his mommy’s approval.) She told me, “she hopes when she is ready to love I am available, but right now she just isn’t ready.” (Translation: I have no romantic interest in you right now because you have lowered it. I don’t think it’s going up anytime soon. You should date other women and move on.) She also said, “She is unsure right now what she wants, and is very confused about many things.” (Translation: “I am sure I don’t want you because you keep trying to force me to feel a certain way. I sometimes feel like I want you, but most often I feel I do not want you because you keep doing things to turn me off. I need some space and time to let my feelings for you become clear, but I don’t think you have the balls to give me the space I need.”)

I have made a decision to back off completely. No more calls, texts, nice messages, or Facebook crap. We truly never had a complete separation. We broke up but sort of kept in contact almost once every week or two by a single or simple text. I decided to try for at least a month of two of shutting her out of my life. Pretending she doesn’t exist in hopes that she will miss me and start to pursue. I know her biggest fear is being hurt, she is a very delicate girl and seems extremely guarded towards me right now. (All women protect their hearts from guys who constantly hurt them. Eventually they get tired of the pain of being involved with you and move on completely.) I know many of the same mutual people, and to be honest, I do not think for a second she is dating. (Who cares, its really none of your business at this point. Leave her alone and only respond to her when and if she initiates contact. You must respect her desire for space and time. You may hear from her in a few weeks, a few months or never at all again. If her interest level is above 51% she will contact you when it rises again. If its below 51%, you will never hear from her again.) They actually claim that she seems depressed and has stayed in many of nights and declined their “girls nights.” Even when shes out they say she is not herself. (It’s not your job to be her shrink. Leave the girl alone and stop talking about her with your friends. Start practicing the skills taught in my book in earnest so you can start succeeding with some NEW ladies. Ladies who you get a clean slate with. Plus, you will get some needed experience. If the ex wants to see you again, she will contact you.)

Am I making the right decision by backing off 100%, complete no contact? (Yes, dude, hello McFly… SHE DUMPED YOU ALREADY!!!!) Or should I only back off slightly and just keep showing her the good qualities I am trying to change and show about myself? (How well has chasing her worked to this point to get her back? Obviously not too well, otherwise you would have never written this email. You will either learn that acting needy and seeking a woman’s approval only will get you rejected… with this woman, or you’ll learn it when the next one dumps you… or maybe the one after that… etc. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.)

Any response at all I would be extremely grateful for. I will continue to read your book over and over and your articles. Thanks again for your time to read this and take an interest in helping people. (It is my purpose.) Being less selfish and caring more for others is my number goal to change!

Tom

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“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”-Steve Jobs

Published on January 23, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. knowledge is power indeed. thank you very much for such an enlightenment as this. please can you send me your e-mail address so to communicate with you. Thank you.

  2. Corey,

    I’m in an unhappy martial relationship and am ready to get out. I’ve been looking for some understanding or explanation as to how I’ve gotten into this situation and am reluctant (scared) to move forward. To make a long story short, You could substitute my name for Tom in his letter. I was wondering if this was a true story? That doesn’t really matter because his story is a snap shot of my life. You would think after 41 years of marriage I would have s better understanding of women. I love the format of putting your comments in his text. Please give me your advise regarding information, reading material, etc. Looking forward to hearing from you.

    Philip

  3. The start of this definitely applies to me! She loved me and done everything for me but I was too stubborn, selfish and naive to show the same level of respect and affection that I should of. Looking back now I see I did a lot right at the start of the relationship but more wrong towards the end. When I felt things weren’t going well I ended up chasing and doing everything to please her. Even after we went on a break I was still trying to win her back (sending letters etc). Wish I’d come across this earlier rather than all the other ‘get your ex back’ rubbish! Oh well, learn from your mistakes and move on is all that can be done now. I’m just glad I learnt about this book! I feel better in my knowledge already!

  4. The start of this definitely applies to me! She loved me and done everything for me but I was too stubborn, selfish and naive to show the same level of respect and affection that I should of. Looking back now I see I did a lot right at the start of the relationship (never chased, remained indifferent) but more wrong towards the end. When I felt things weren’t going well I ended up chasing and doing everything to please her. Even after we went on a break I was still trying to win her back (sending letters etc). Wish I’d come across this earlier rather than all the other ‘get your ex back’ rubbish! Oh well, learn from your mistakes and move on is all that can be done now. I’m just glad I learnt about this book! I feel better in my knowledge already!

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