Self Perceptions

How changing the way you view yourself can radically change your self-perceptions, so you can alter your destiny and reach your full potential.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a woman who is a big fan of my videos and my book, How To Be A 3% Man. She says my work has helped her to learn about herself and men. She is a successful psychotherapist, attractive and has high standards in all areas of her life. She is currently writing a book to help men who are in the Federal Prison System where she works, so that when they get out they can raise their self-esteem, improve their relationships and reach their full potential, instead of becoming statics and repeat offenders. She details how their limiting self-perceptions contribute to their struggling in life and in their relationships.

She also goes on to describe her fiancée, and how he consistently acts like a man, puts his foot down when necessary, and how being centered in his masculinity creates attraction and draws her to him like a magnet. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.

Corey,

Just wanted to express to you how valuable your work is in regards to what I’ve been learning about myself and about men. I’m a 34-year old woman. I am a successful psychotherapist, attractive, a snowboarder, a musician, and all in all I’ve gotten pretty skilled at my own relationship life.

I am often told that I’m a 10. I believe this is because I look for the “10” in life all the time.

(Before anybody else is going to believe it, you have to believe it. Even if you’re an average looking person, if you love yourself, you take care of yourself, you work out and are in good shape, you’re going to get noticed more. You’re going to be more attractive.

People who love themselves, are happy and are enjoying their life are going to eat better quality foods, they’re going to tend to get more exercise, they’re going to have a more balanced life, and they’re going to tend to radiate a vibe where most people feel good in their presence and want to be around them. It’s something that you cultivate, just like a garden.)

I like to be happy, so finding the highest caliber feelings, thoughts, and experiences comes nicely to me.

(You’re looking for it. You’ve programmed your brain to seek out good things, just like getting up every day and finding something to be grateful for in your life. There are plenty of things you could focus on and feel like they suck or they’re bad, but you could invest the same amount of energy looking for a reason to be happy.)

HOWEVER, your work elevates my perceptions to a whole new level! I’ve been watching your videos and am now in the process of reading your book for the first time.

(That’s awesome.)

Like I said, I am a therapist and I work primarily with men who are in the federal system, both pre and post prison. The self-esteem levels of these dudes are poor, and so the amount of bullshit, stress, and trauma that they put up with as well as dish out in their relationships… wow, it blows my mind all the time.

(I saw a TV documentary, from Germany if I’m not mistaken, on how they approach the people in their prison system. It’s supposed to be the “corrections” industry. They’re supposed to correct behavior, but how do we treat people in the correctional system? It’s kind of like a dog pound. We treat them like animals, and then we just toss them out into society and expect them to just reintegrate like there’s not problem.

What they’re doing in Germany, in a lot of cases, it’s like they live there. Their cells are like their own apartments, and they have conjugal visits with their family. The idea is, they live in a controlled environment, so people can help rehabilitate them to become productive members of society.

Those that are the hardest to love need it the most. It doesn’t make any sense to be abusive to people who are in the corrections system, and then throw them out to the wolves in society and be surprised that after a period of time, they’re back in there. That’s not being successful. The idea is to correct their behavior, not just punish them.

I can’t remember where, but there’s a tribe where if one person does something, maybe they steal something, they get into a fight or they do something wrong, the whole tribe surrounds this one person and every single person in the tribe tells this person a thing they love and appreciate about them. The way the tribe looks at it is, they just need love.

Just think about kids. They misbehave when they’re not getting the love and attention they want from their parents. I believe we should take an approach like that. Instead of treating people who are incarcerated like animals and outcasts from our society, we should treat them as people that need more love, attention and whatever they were missing or didn’t get in their life.

As a community, it’s in all of our interest to make sure they can reintegrate and become productive members of society, so they can add value. If they’re adding value to our society, they’re making the world a better place.)

I’m going to draw from your work like crazy in my practice, I can tell already, and I’ll be pointing everyone to your lessons and book.

I’m writing a book now that explains how to kill a number psychologically before killing a number literally, meaning getting out of prison and off probation PERMANENTLY.

(I think that’s fucking awesome. You’re exactly the kind of person that should be helping these people.)

My message is all about self-empowerment and self-government, and the fact that if external constraints and rewards are all that a man uses to dictate his behavior, and he does not make the internal transformations necessary to be propelled by his own light and ambition, then he’s simply not budged an inch in LIFE, just changed locations geographically.

(In other words, you’ve got to help these people come up with a compelling reason to leave that whole life behind and embrace a new life where they can embrace their full potential.)

He gets free in the legal sense perhaps, but the experience of creating his own life is not reached.

(In other words, if you don’t feel like you’re able to make progress towards your goals and dreams, you’re not going to feel very happy and you’re not going to feel very successful, so it’s in our collective interest to make sure these people get the resources and the love and the help that they need. Because when they don’t, we know what happens. You see it on the news all the fucking time.)

I absolutely love what I do, and I am thrilled that I’ve found your teachings at this juncture.

(The fact that you love what you do is proof you’re doing exactly what you were put on this earth to do. It’s beautiful.)

Thank you so much! I need a better repertoire and vocabulary to communicate with my clients.

(I coach a lot of therapists and and a lot of psychologists on every continent of the globe, and as a life coach, these things I share freely through my book and videos give you more tools for your toolbox.)

Their relationships are the primary indicator of how successful they will be on probation, I have learned. Isn’t that interesting?

(Life is relationships.)

Personally, I decided some time ago that I don’t want a beta man for my own romantic life, and I’ve been screening for what I really want for a few years now. I don’t put up with stupid shit or feminine men, nor do I create strain or damage by being disrespectful or taking on masculinity as though it’s my relationship turf.

(So in other words, you’re aware that as a woman, you feel more womanly by being in her feminine energy and not assuming a masculine role. If a guy doesn’t know how to be a man, you’re not going to stick around and try to fix him. You want a guy that’s already got it, so you you can feel comfortable in letting go and letting him be the leader.)

Anytime I have done so, I’ve regretted it and had to realign myself to being myself all over again.

(Yeah, because it’s not your natural essence. How many people have you known who said after a breakup, “I lost myself in that relationship?” In other words, “I became someone I’m not in order to try to please the other person.” Then one day you wake up and go, “Who is this person? I don’t like what I’ve become.”)

I know that I love high quality people; they inspire me. I’m driven and smart from within, so high quality is a necessary thing for me to look for in others.

(In other words, that’s your standard. If you raise your standards and you have high standards, you’re only going to tolerate high quality people in your life.)

I am now engaged to a man who has no problem putting his happiness first in his life,

(You can’t give away what you don’t have for yourself, and if your man wasn’t already happy, how the hell is he possibly going to make you happy? For a guy that’s hoping that a woman’s going to make him happy, he’s not really happy in his own life and he meets a woman that knocks his socks off, he’s going to be happy for maybe six months to a year, but once the infatuation wears off and the honeymoon period is over, he’s still faced with the fact that he’s not happy. Just like Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me”),

and I love how he unwaveringly will put his foot down with me if it is ever needed. Most men rarely do this. Your 97% to 3% info is no joke! He is not motivated by fear/lack mentality, and he doesn’t doubt that he is plenty good enough for me. He is a helluva force to meet and we both know it, therefore I want to fuck him constantly.

(In other words, act like a man and your woman will not be able to keep her hands off of you.)

We are both alpha oriented, which to me means that we govern our own selves and do not try to govern one another or anyone else. There’s too much inner security within our individually for that.

(You are a wise woman. You’re comfortable with being who you are, and you’re not going to apologize for it, and neither is your fiance.)

I want these dynamics to continue and grow for us, so we will be learning your work together going forward!

(I’m honored. Thank you so much.)

I want to stay head over heels in love with this man.

I don’t really have a question, just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you for your work. It’s certainly needed all over the place, and I am excited to absorb all of the knowledge that I can from you.

(I’m excited about all the people you’re going to be able to help with your expertise and taking what you’ve learned from me. It makes you an even better psychotherapist.)

Also, Esther Perel has some cool ways of conceptualizing desire and attraction. Google her if you’ve not already been made aware of her ideas. She discusses eroticism as an antidote to death – a way of remaining vitally ALIVE, rather than just becoming reduced to some bored, zombie drone of a person in society.

(It sounds like she’s a kindred spirit.)

That lifelessness happens so often among people, and it isn’t even necessary.

Samantha

(Yeah, once you lose hope, like I’ve said many times, it’s like you’ve got one foot in the grave. It’s sad. I’ve seen it in so many of my friends. )

“Our success or failure in life is directly related to how we perceive ourselves. When we perceive that we have abundant choices, we tend to not become attached to things, people, circumstances, mediocrity or settling. When we perceive our choices are scarce, we tend to try and force things and will often settle for a life that is less than what we are capable of living. We were born into this world to be magnificent, not mediocre. Mediocre is always the result of impatience, low standards and giving up too easily. Magnificence is the result of having high standards, infinite patience and being unwilling to compromise in one’s own ideals, even when success appears far off or hopeless. Once you settle for mediocrity in any part of your life, the impulse to settle and give up will creep into all other areas that are important to you. Settling, like succeeding, is a habit formed by your actions. You either choose to settle by giving up, or succeed by refusing to quit once things become hard or seem hopeless.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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