
When & how to set relationship boundaries before you become exclusive.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is dating a woman for about 2 months who has a lot of male “friends” she often hangs out with after work to have drinks. She is often the last to leave as women who have relationships in their group leave much earlier. He asks about when to set boundaries if they become exclusive because he’s not comfortable with her hanging out with other men. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Setting Relationship Boundaries Before You Become Exclusive.”
Well as I talk about in 3% Man, if you’re following what I teach, it’s always better if the woman brings up the relationship topic first. Because 99% of the time when a guy is wanting to lock a girl down, he’s way ahead of the girl and he’s wanting to lock her down to a commitment before she’s emotionally ready. And so it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And if you date a woman and you follow what’s in The Book, typically week 6 or 7 is when she’s going to be in love.
If she’s normal, not some structured Froot Loop or whatever. But if she’s normal and you’re following The Book to a T, she’s typically going to be in love by week 6 or 7, and say something along the lines of, “Hey, where is this going? What are your intentions? What are you thinking? How do you see us? What are we?” Those kinds of things. And instead of making assumptions, you should ask. “Well, what are you saying? Are you wanting to be exclusive? Or are you wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend? Why did you bring it up? What’s on your mind? What’s in your heart?”
And get her to emote, get her to talk about it. And then that’s the time if she’s asking you to be her boyfriend, that is the best time to talk about boundaries and bring things up. Because this particular emailer is dating somebody for about two months, and he thinks the relationship topic is getting close to happening, and he wants to be prepared because I guess she’s from Spain and she works in the tech industry, so she’s on a visa for that particular job.
However, something that he doesn’t like is that she hangs out with a bunch of single dudes from the office and goes to Happy Hour a lot. And the women that are in relationships, it seems like they leave early in the evening, but she’s always like the last one to leave. And he’s mentioned to her that he’s kind of uncomfortable with that. But these are the kinds of things that when you’re dating, you’re in the vetting process. You’re trying to determine her character. If you’re looking for someone to be exclusive with, you’re trying to ascertain, does she keep her word?
Does she do her stories always add up or every do? Every week when you go out, she talks about something that she told you in the first week or two of dating, and the story is always a little different. So you’re trying to ascertain, is she honest? Is she truthful? Can I trust her? Does she keep her word? Will she honor her commitment? Will she be loyal and faithful? And so if she’s got some behavior that you’ve noticed in the vetting process like this guy has.

Like in this case, she likes to act like one of the dudes. And so women that are family oriented and are loyal and really care about their boyfriend or their relationship or their husband, they’ll go to happy hour and stuff like that, but they’re not going to be the only girl at 1 a.m. with ten thirsty dudes. It’s when the other women leave that have boyfriends and girlfriends a relationship she’s going to leave with them. So if you’re contemplating becoming exclusive with somebody, you got to find out. Do our value systems, do they align?
Do our goals align and they mesh? And if she acts like a party girl, if she’s wanting to be exclusive with you. But yet just the night before, she was out till 2 a.m. at a VIP table in a club with ten thirsty dudes who are obviously not there because they’re just friends or pals, they are hoping to smash. And so if a woman is asking you or hinting that she wants to be exclusive, that’s the time you say, well, I’m open to it. However, this is what my expectations are.
If I’m going to give you exclusivity, if I’m only going to date you and I’m going to become your boyfriend and you’re going to become my girlfriend, we’re going to have to act both of us like we’re in a relationship and respect that. And we’ve been dating for a couple of months, and quite frankly, you’re still, from what I see, you act like you’re one of the single girls. And you always hang out with a bunch of dudes from work. I know you say they’re just your friend, but not from their perspective.
They’re hoping to get in your pants. And so if I’m going to be exclusive with somebody, I’m not going to get exclusive with a girl hanging out till 2 a.m. in the club, or going to happy hour or going to late night dinners one on one with her boss. I’m just not going to do those things, because those are not the kinds of things that a woman who values exclusivity, monogamy, loyalty, those kinds of things. And so if a woman is if you’re doing what’s in The Book and she’s normal and healthy, she’s going to be concerned about what you think.
She’s going to be concerned that she’s going to do anything to screw it up and potentially lose you. But if you’re dating a girl for a couple of months and when you’re not around her, she’s acting like she’s single and inviting attention from other men, well, you may be dating a girl that is just a hook up girl, party girl. You should definitely wear a raincoat and practice safe sex with them, but you can’t mix the two up. And when you do, that’s where you become an. You have problems.

You try to turn a hoe into a housewife, you’re going to get burned when you slip up. If she’s happy and she’s in love, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful. But as soon as you start neglecting her and not paying attention to her, not dating and courting her properly. She doesn’t feel heard and understood. She’ll just start making a Frankenstein boyfriend project, inviting attention from other men and giving out her number. And so again, this is part of the vetting process.
When you’re dating someone, you’re trying to determine, is she going to keep her word? Does she act like a woman who is selective? In other words, if she’s beautiful, she knows a lot of men want to date and sleep with her, but she wants a special connection. And so therefore she’s not going to go out and act like the town bicycle and things of that nature. So with that nice diatribe in mind, let’s go through this guy’s email.
Viewer Email:
Hi Coach,
First, I wanted to express my gratitude for the valuable information you’ve shared on your website and YouTube videos. I discovered you about six months ago and promptly purchased a copy of your book. I’ve read it twice now and consider myself quite successful with women. While I’ve tried other programs before, yours stands out as highly practical and provides a solid structure for long-term success, unlike the superficial pickup techniques.
Well, a lot of those guys that have since come along are younger. That’s all they really focus on is the pickup and the basic dating stuff to help them get laid. The relationship stuff, they’re just not interested in that, especially the guys that are in the Red Pill Community. They just kind of have the overall attitude and vibe that women are evil, women are the devil. They’re all bad.
I’m committed to reading your book at least once every couple of months until I’ve accumulated a minimum of 10 reads.
Well, if you’re only going to read it every couple of months. I mean, the reality is, if you put the AudioBook on 2X and you follow along in a digital or physical copy, you can get through it in four hours. So. I mean, it’s not hard to get through The Book quickly. So the idea is you’ve got to learn this stuff. You’ve got to go through at least 10 to 15 times to get a baseline understanding of the fundamentals. And that’s just not going to happen when you go through it once or twice. Because there’s so many things in The Book that are the opposite to what we see in our culture.

To maintain my freshness, I plan to read your book every 3 to 4 months after that. You published a video about 11 months ago that addressed a question about someone dating a girl who frequently discussed her male friends and inappropriate boundaries with her male colleagues at work. Your advice to this person was to wait until she brought up exclusivity and “where we stand” discussion about the relationship.
Yeah, because the greatest gift you can give anybody is the gift of your time. And if you’re going to commit to a woman, I mean, this is the vetting process. And so you’re trying to ascertain if it gets to that point and she wants to be exclusive, is she exhibiting behavior of somebody that seems like she would honor the commitment that she makes to be exclusive or not? Family oriented girls are not going to be acting like fucking whores. That’s just reality.
They’re not going to be going out and staying out till 2 or 3 in the morning, and going out with men only at night. They’re just and saying, “oh, they’re friends.” Bullshit. Family oriented girls that were raised right, that their fathers taught them how men operate. They’re just not going to behave that way. And so your job is to determine what you’re dealing with. Are you dealing with a party girl and a hook up girl, or are you dealing with a good prospect for a relationship and family?
Because you can’t mix the two up if you mix the two up. Again, I’ve done countless emails over the years. I’ve got thousands and thousands of them now where guys mix the hoe and the housewife up and they got burned badly. So these are not things you really need to tell her. You’re just trying to see how she operates when you’re not around. What does she talk about? What was she like in her previous relationships? Did she cheat? Did she get cheated on? Those are the basics of what you want to know.
If you’re two months down the road and she’s constantly giving out her number to other dudes, and dudes are sliding into her DMs and she’s hooking up with other guys, lots of other guys. Then you’re probably dealing with the town by bicycle. Again, a family oriented girl is looking for a good guy that she has connection with. People who are good to you, good for you, good for your soul. They don’t come along very often. But there are some women that will, just every weekend they go out, they go home with a different dude and they just don’t care.
I’m currently dating someone for about two months, and I believe they also have unhealthy boundaries with their male colleagues. They often go out after work for drinks, and since they’re from Spain and living in the US for a tech company, there might be some cultural nuances at play.

Again. Does she behave like a girl that’s family oriented, or is she just a party girl? As simple as that. Party girls are great. You can learn, you know, especially you guys that are inexperienced. You can learn how to fuck. You can learn how to get laid. You can learn the seduction process. You can have a good time. But they’re probably not going to be loyal to you. And you should practice safe sex because you ain’t their first.
However, it’s evident that other women in the office know when to leave, while she stays out with mostly men from work during business trips.
Yeah, if she’s going on business trips and then after when she’s away on these trips, she’s staying out till 1 a.m. with the male friends. It’s like, that is not the kind of behavior if a woman’s asking me to be exclusive and she behaves that way, I’m gonna be like, “honestly, I’m not going to be exclusive to a woman that behaves that way. You go on business trips and then you’re hanging out all hours of the night with your male colleagues.
You just look like a hook up girl. I don’t want a hook up girl for a wife or a girlfriend. We can have fun, but I’m not going to be exclusive with somebody that behaves that way.” A family oriented girl is going to be in bed once her work stuff is done. She may go to the gym, have some dinner, and then she’s going to bed, or she’s going to go home or go back to her hotel, maybe watch the boob tube for a bit and then go to sleep.
She’s been quite honest with me about this, and I’ve made it clear that it’s not something I’m comfortable with.
Well, it’s great that she’s honest because again, you need data for your analysis. How can you vet her character if you don’t know what the hell she’s doing when you’re not around, and what she’s kind of done in the past with other people? Does she keep her commitments? Does she keep her word or does she not? Does she love her Dad? Is she close to her Dad? Did her Dad do a good job?
My question for you is this: what happens when the conversation about where we stand never comes up? What if the relationship naturally progresses to becoming more serious.
Hold on dude. You don’t just assume that you’re exclusive. That dog won’t hunt. No way. That doesn’t work. So if you’re going to be exclusive to somebody, you’re going to have to have a conversation about it. And if she’s staying out all hours of the night with her male colleagues, you’re dating a hook up girl, a party girl. Simple as that.
But there’s an assumption of exclusivity without a pointed conversation on the topic?

It’s like I’ve never become exclusive with any girlfriend I’ve ever had in my life without having a discussion of it. Maybe you’ve never had a girlfriend before, but that’s something that you’re going to have. Because that’s where you got to lay out your expectations. Well, this is what I expect. And so in this case, if she brings it up, “What are we?” Then if she says, “yeah, I want to be exclusive”, I’d say, “well, I’m open to it. But quite frankly, when we’re not together, when you’re on business trips, you’re staying out all hours of the night partying with a bunch of single male colleagues.”
“Oh they’re just friends.” It’s like, yeah, but if you’re my girlfriend and I’m exclusive to you, I’m not hanging out with a bunch of women till two in the morning. So I don’t understand why you would think it’s okay for you to hang out with a bunch of dudes till 2 a.m., and they’re not just your friends. They want to fuck you. That’s the only reason they’re hanging out with you. You’re not buddies and pals. They’re just shitty pickup artists.
Should I bring this up?
Only if she brings up the topic of being exclusive.
I understand that this is a conversation that women need to bring up, but I’m unsure how to handle the conversation about unhealthy male relationships and boundaries if the topic of exclusivity never arises.
Thanks,
Bob
Well, if it never arises, then you’re not going to become exclusive. It’s as simple as that. And so again, if she starts calling you, her boyfriend is like, hey, wait a minute. What? We’re boyfriend girlfriend now. Well, we need to kind of talk about this because I haven’t agreed to be your boyfriend yet. And before I would do that, well, we’ve got to kind of lay out what are the ground rules? How are we going to operate when we’re not with each other? And you have a lot of behavior and a lot of male relationships that if you’re going to be my girlfriend, it’s just I’m not comfortable with that. And because the way you behave, it just seems like you treat us as just it’s like a casual hookup. You got to be honest.
And so, like I said, it just sounds like this is a young guy who’s probably never had a girlfriend before. And so these things just don’t happen. If you’re going to become exclusive with a woman, you don’t just become exclusive and assume you’re exclusive. That’s kind of absurd. And that’s why it looks like this is a younger guy that’s probably never had a serious relationship before. And so unless she brings it up, guess what? She ain’t feeling it. And if you’re dating her beyond two months, three months and she’s not in love with you, then that’s probably because you haven’t read The Book 10 to 15 times.

You don’t really know it because or you’re dealing with a Froot Loop. So it’s one or the other. And you did reveal in the beginning that you just started following it. And you may have read it, I discovered six months ago he’s read it twice in six months. So if you read it twice in six months and you’re two months into dating a girl and she’s not in love with you, I would say your game is not really that tight. You’re just like casual fuck buddies, friends with benefits, that kind of thing. So again, this is why I say you got to read The Book 10 to 15 times. Because, like, you don’t know what you don’t know, and now you’re talking about something like a total amateur.
You know, you don’t become exclusive with exclusive with somebody by not talking about it. You don’t use telepathy to just say, oh, we’re in a relationship now. If she starts referring to you as her boyfriend and introducing you as her boyfriend, then you know, once you’re done with those interactions and it’s just you and her again, you just say, hey, I want to talk about, you know, the boyfriend girlfriend thing and find out where she’s coming from and what her expectations are of you. But if you’re going to become exclusive with somebody, it’s not with a chick that’s acting this way. So I would say he’s probably overrating her interest in him and probably mostly focused on his interest in her.
And, you know, these are rookie mistakes. We all make it when we don’t know any better. I got burned a lot. I mean, you read The Book twice already. Yeah, I made a lot of fuck ups. So I’m not calling the kettle black. But I learned these things the hard way. And so my goal as a coach is to help you have the best experience possible. And so just from what I’ve seen here, it looks like you’re more into her than she’s into you. And you don’t know The Book that well. And you’re two months of dating and she’s still not in love with you. So you’re missing something. Something you didn’t pick up in The Book.
And the fact that you’re focused on exclusivity in a relationship, and you think it just happens automatically without a conversation, that’s kind of silly. So again, I just assume maybe as a young guy in his 20s. But I talked to dudes in their 60s that are like this, or they were with their high school sweetheart their whole lives. Now they’re a widower and they’re back in the dating world. And they don’t know what they don’t know. They didn’t learn this stuff back then because they really didn’t need it. They met somebody when they’re young and boom, they were kind of always together.
So that’s what I would do if I were you, man. You got to spend the time with The Book. You know, you follow me for six months and you barely got through The Book twice when it only takes four hours to get through it with an AudioBook on 2X and follow along in a digital or physical copy. You’re kind of lazy and half-assing it, and you need to do better. Especially what you’re thinking about getting into a relationship with this woman and you’re making lots of little mistakes here and things you’re not even observing.
But again, that’s why I do these emails to help redirect you back to The Book, to make sure you learn the fundamentals so you can have good experiences and have easy and effortless relationships. Because when I look at how the woman is behaving, it kind of seems like you’re just one of the guys she’s fucking or hanging out with, and it doesn’t look like it’s moving towards exclusivity. You think it is. But when I look at her behavior, you just look like one of the guys that she may be sleeping with.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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