In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for the past year and a half. He says he has read my book numerous times. After two years with his current girlfriend, she often asks him if he is really interested in her or just in it for the sex. He says he sometimes asks her where their relationship is going and has obviously become unsure of himself and where he stands with her. He says he acted needy and clingy in the beginning of their relationship.
They used to have sex 5 or 6 times a day. He calls her once per week religiously. He asks my opinion on what he can do to make her sex crazed, interested in him, in love with him and wanting to stay committed to him perpetually. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’ve been following you for over a year and a half, I’ve read your book numerous times,
(Well, what about 10-15 times? You’re probably exaggerating a little bit),
and I have to say that you are the master of the beginning stages of dating.
(My book is about pickup skills, dating skills and relationship skills, and if you think I’m all about the beginning stages of dating, then you don’t understand my work very well and you don’t know what I teach.)Everything from neediness, clinginess, coming on to strong, having an abundance mentality, averting from the “ONEITIES,” has truly changed my life. I’m 33, have found a woman I love and have to ask you this…
How to keep the woman you love, interested, sex crazed, and chasing you.
(You don’t know the book dude. You may think you do, but you’re bullshitting yourself. You don’t know the fundamentals. I can tell you focused on getting laid and hooking up in the early dating stages, and the rest of it, you’ve just dismissed it outright now because you’re a year and a half down the road, because you’re the expert and there’s got to be something missing.
Well, there’s a chapter in my book that says, “The Courtship Never Ends.” What you do to get a woman to fall in love with you is what you’re always going to do to keep her in love with you, because women know, if you care, if you love them. You’re always going to plan out dates, plan out fun things the two of you can do to go out and enjoy adventures together. You are supposed to be the leader after all, and women like a guy who takes the lead in a relationship.
If you stop dating and courting your woman, a woman looks at your actions. Most normal women understand that instinctively. If you really care and love her, you keep dating over and over, and you would show her through your actions that you care.)
The one time initiating contact a week isn’t working anymore, after almost 2 years.(That tells me you’re focused on techniques and manipulating your girlfriend, instead of understanding the fundamental principles of how a man is supposed to act. If you’re just focused on using my book and cherry-picking things to use some techniques, you’re going to get some results, but it’s not going to be consistent.
It’s not about manipulating the other person, it’s about acting like a man is supposed to act. And if you have a normal, healthy woman, and not a fruit loop, she will respond accordingly. She will love you for it. This whole thing is about manipulation and being lazy because you didn’t take the time to learn the fundamentals.
Repetition is the mother of skill. You’ve got to learn this information 10-15 times if you’re a serious student. Guys that struggle don’t read the book 10-15 times. Guys that send great success stories read the book 10-15 times. All I can do is suggest. It’s up to you to do the work.
The true measure of a leader is not how many followers they have, but how many leaders they create. I’m not interested so much in followers, as I am people becoming leaders in their own communities, because by you becoming a leader, then you can help influence the people around you to be better. If you’re better, and you help everyone around you in society be better, then society as a whole gets better. It becomes a happier, healthier, more peaceful, more loving, more abundant world. The world is in serious need of that right now.)She’s asking me now, “Do you even love me, or are you just interested in sex?”
(That tells me, the way you’re showing up in your relationship is, you’re focused on getting laid and not much of anything else. That’s the perception you’re giving your girlfriend.)
I have to admit, we live in different cities about 40 minutes away and see each other every weekend, sometimes a couple times a week. She usually comes to me 90% of time. When she does come over, I find myself trying to get her in the bedroom immediately, grabbing her tits, and becoming a horny dog.
(That’s your problem there dude. You’re focused on getting your noodle wet. Now there’s nothing wrong if you’re dating and courting your girlfriend properly and you just want to get a quickie. But when everything’s a quickie, she shows up after three or four days and you just start grabbing her boobs like a horny, virgin teenager who doesn’t know any better, it’s like you’re reverting back to your old ways.
You’re focused on yourself, but what are the three H’s? Hang out means make a date. Have fun means make her laugh, be sincerely interested in who she is, ask her questions, see what she’s been up to, what her hopes and dreams are, what she’s been feeling, what she’s been thinking, what’s been going on in her life, all those things that make her show you care. Then, the hook up part is at the end. You’ve reversed it to hook up, hang out and have fun.
You’re not following the fundamentals dude. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. It has nothing to do with being long distance, even though that’s what you’re trying to say. As far as calling her once a week, the only time you do that is when the woman has asked you to make an effort to show you care.)I religiously follow your one initiating contact a week, telling her I love her so much, I miss you, making it playful and fun,
(In other words, you’re being like a robot. You grabbed one technique, and you’ve just been working that one technique to death for the past year and a half, and probably haven’t done anything else, so then it becomes boring and predictable. Remember, scarcity creates value. When you do the same thing over and over again, after the 50th time, it really doesn’t mean anything),
saying you need to get your sexy ass over here so I can kiss those beautiful lips, etc, and she does contact me every day with texts or a call.
(Well, that’s a good sign. It shows she still cares, but you’re entering the danger zone. She comes over and you start grabbing her boobs. Come on man. Go back and read the book again. You need to start over. Hit the reset button.)
When she does come over, I want her in the bedroom immediately!
(That tells me you’re impatient, needy, clingy and you need validation through sex. A man who’s in control of himself and his emotions knows that love is about giving. He wants to show her a good time, because it’s important to her. In order for her to feel like you care, it means you’ll make a date, go out and do something fun, and the sex will come later.)
In the beginning we would have sex 5 to 8 times a day! It was amazing.(You were probably courting and dating her properly. Then after a while, you fell into the same boring, dull routine of her coming over and you fucking her. Women can sense when a man is not present, when his mind and his heart is somewhere else.)
She asked me today if I actually love her, or is it just the sex that keeps me interested. Can you please shed some insight on how to keep your woman interested and only having eyes for you? I know that keeping your own life plentiful, whatever that maybe is the key. Working out, staying fit, hanging out with friends, motorcycles, boats, successful business, staying grounded is the groundwork for a successful life. I have all these things, but I still feel her not committing 100%.
(You’re not taking the time to court and date her properly. The courtship never ends. Never means never. If you don’t feel the urge to court her, then maybe that tells you something about how much you really care about this person.)
Have I made mistakes in the past? Yes, I did come on to strong in the beginning, clingy, needy, questioning everything she did, because I’ve been hurt in the past,
(Which is you projecting your issues onto her. It had nothing to do with how she was),
and so has she, and that’s what brought me to your work.
We’ve broken up a few times over the last 2 years and got back together, because of things she’s done and I’ve said. I find myself sometimes asking her, where is this going?(That tells me you’re acting like a woman. A masculine man is sure of himself. Sometimes you’re assuming the woman’s role and she’s wondering, “What happened to the dude I fell for? What happened to the guy I wanted to fuck 5 or 6 times a day?”)
We’ve been together almost 2 years. I want to live together, start a life, have kids, etc.
(If you don’t get back to dating and courting her properly, you’re going to be single very soon dude. Get your fucking shit together, and quit bullshitting yourself.)
Is this just a matter of time and patience?
(No, it’s just a matter of the fundamentals, which you dismissed as being beneath you. You thought you didn’t need to spend the time, because you were going to be different.)
Should I press the issue at this point, or do we need to shit or get of the pot?
(It’s like you’re tired of the commitment. You used my book in the beginning, then you threw it out the fucking window once you were getting laid and once she was in love with you, and you felt like you didn’t need it anymore. The only person you really have to blame for this is the dude you see in the mirror, because you didn’t listen to me. You didn’t follow the directions to read the book 10-15 times and apply it.)
I’m tired of the waiting game.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you care about another human being, you ask questions and are sincerely interested in what they have to say. Love is about giving. If you are experiencing pain in a relationship, it is often because you are focusing on yourself. Love is about giving, helping each other grow, become more and meeting each other’s needs as teammates. Loving yourself means that you set healthy boundaries and call the other person out in a loving way when they are violating them. Normal, mentally healthy people, who truly care, will respect your boundaries and treat you right. Lunatics and toxic people will make you feel like there is something wrong with you; agree with them and delete them from your life since you are too good for them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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