I hope all is fine with you. Well, the other day I had a friend over my place for the second time, but somehow she felt comfortable enough to completely lay down and stretch out on my bed, and she was not tired. Don’t get me wrong, she did not go directly to my bed and do this. I met her last month and have only been out with her three times following the once a week date plan, and I read her level of interest to be pretty high. No sex has taken place yet, just kissing. The reason for my question is, I had this happen to me before. Actually, this is the third woman to do this same move in my bed. But on all three occasions, I have held myself back from throwing myself onto them. Am I doing everything right? Please reply with some information on how to identify that body language? What does it mean, and how should I respond?
Here is my response:
What a great problem to have! You obviously are doing a lot of things right. Most importantly, making women feel comfortable. This shows in their willingness to go into your bedroom and lay on your bed. It also shows she is putting herself in a position where sex could happen by laying on your bed. Going for the kiss communicates that you are a man that goes after what he wants and is confident. Good job! As I talk about in my book, you take two steps forward with a woman and two steps back. It builds anticipation and shows you can do without her attention, affection and sex. It also gives the woman a little space to be herself and move at her own pace. In order for a woman to sleep with you after only a few dates or less, it must be YOUR fault that it happened. Due to societal conditioning and the desire to avoid the “slut” label, women have to be able to blame you for the reason that “it just happened.” Most women don’t want to be seen as easy, out of fear of being labeled a “slut” by her female friends. They also fear that you will not respect them either. However, women like sex just as much, and sometimes more, than us men do. Women also want a man who takes charge in the bedroom.
I remember a few years ago I was living down in south Florida. I met a girl at a day spa when I stopped by to visit a friend. It was obvious she really liked me due to her staring, flirting, and trying extra hard to have a conversation and be near me when I was visiting with my friend. Since I also knew someone that she knew, it made her feel instantly comfortable with me. I got her number, and then called her the following week to set up a date. At the time, I was not looking for a relationship. I just wanted a playmate for the day. We made plans for her to come over to my place the next day, and then we would go to lunch. She came over, and we had a glass of wine first. This girl was really into me, so it was easy to move things along quickly. That’s why it’s so important to only spend your time with women with high interest in you. Why? They help you when they like you, and a woman with high interest in you will typically throw out fewer obstacles to you getting in her pants. The lower the interest, the longer it will take. After about fifteen minutes of us talking and me teasing her in a playful way, I told her she needed to kiss me very passionately instead of just looking at me like she wanted to kiss me. Ten minutes later, we were in my bedroom. When I first tried to take her pants off she said, “wowwwwwww.” She buttoned them back up, but left her bra and shirt off. I caressed her for a few minutes as we talked about nothing in particular, but just looked into each others eyes. I was taking a step back here since she buttoned her pants. I was building more comfort. Then after a few more minutes, my hands were wandering into her pants and inside of her. Then I unbuttoned them again and pulled them off. This time she let me. This is very important. When you get resistance from her, accept it and lean back. Talk some more, then go in for more kissing and just keep pushing it a little further each time. She got so turned on and wet, that she was “quivering” as she put it. She was shaking all over. At this point, I had all of her clothes off, my shirt was off, and only my pants and underwear remained. I was hoping she would take them off, but she would not. Why? If she takes them off and we have sex, she is responsible for the sex happening, which will make her feel guilty. So I took them off and took care of business. She got to blame me for the sex, and we both enjoyed ourselves. It took me a total of 45 minutes from the first knock on my door until the indoor Olympics started. We did grab a bite to eat afterwards to replenish our energy.
Don’t be afraid to escalate things with a woman. Just remember, she has to be able to blame you for causing the sex to happen.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur