The importance of understanding sexual polarity and how maintaining this delicate balance is essential in all heterosexual and even in lesbian and gay relationships, in order to maintain mutual sexual attraction and romantic interest.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is a lesbian. She is obviously the masculine one in her relationships, and she tends to date very feminine women. The woman who is her ex is very insecure and tends to bounce back and forth between her and other women she is dating, much like insecure heterosexual women tend to have lots of male orbiters in the background, in case things go south with their primary male lover. In all successful heterosexual, lesbian and gay relationships, there is always one person who is more masculine, and the other is more feminine. Without this sexual polarity, there is a loss of sexual attraction and romantic interest. Without sexual polarity, both people become more like friends than lovers. I discuss the importance of behaving in ways that are congruent with your natural masculine or feminine essence, no matter what your sexual preference is. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email:
My ex tells me that we are not getting back together because she has chosen me over two other people once before, and I have hurt her. (It’s more likely because you’ve acted weak and not like the masculine woman you are.) When I say she had chosen me over two people, I mean she was in a relationship when we met, and when we recently broke up, she started dating someone and then stopped dating them so we could try to work things out. However, we broke up shortly after because she says I started to become distant, but I didn’t think I was. She says she is not leaving anyone else that has not done anything wrong to her for somebody that has hurt her once before, but she has already cheated on this new person with me multiple times, and they have only been together for about 2 months. (She’s saying one thing and doing the opposite. This girl should just be a friend with benefits, sex playmate or fuck buddy because she’s insecure. Loyalty doesn’t mean shit to her.)
At this point, I feel she is only using me for sex, because she says she doesn’t connect with anyone else the way we do, but I want more. (You’re trying to lock her down to a relationship. You’re acting needy and insecure.) Right now, she is having her cake and eating it too, because after we have sex, she stays for a few more minutes, then gets up and leaves, and I’m left heartbroken all over again. (Don’t call or text her. Let her come and go as she pleases. You should start thinking like a man thinks, because that’s your natural essence.) I haven’t attempted to get her “caught” with this new person she is dating, because I want her to come to me on her own terms, and not because I snitched that she was cheating. (That is just more of you trying to possess her and manipulate her into being with you. She’s cheating on this other woman she’s dating, and she’ll cheat on you. Take monogamy out of the equation with this woman. If you want a person to have a relationship with, you should look for a woman who places a high value on loyalty, commitment, communication, and has a healthy self-esteem.) She says she is scared I am going to hurt her again, so she is not going to make the mistake of leaving someone that truly loves her and has never given her any reason to be insecure for me. (You’ve got to let her come and go as she pleases. This woman is not capable of giving you the kind of relationship you want. Just enjoy her when she comes around.) I haven’t tried the no contact yet, because I start missing her very badly. (If you don’t stop chasing her, you’re going to continue to get the same results.) She talks to me on the phone for hours when she is at work because she works overnight some days, and I call her because I know her schedule. (The phone is for setting dates. You are violating all kinds of principles in my book. If you hang back and do what exactly what I teach guys to do, you’ll be fine. If you act feminine, you’ll get rejected. If you act the way a person with a masculine essence is supposed to act, you’ll have her eating out of the palm of your hands.) Most of our talks are about the mistakes I made in our relationship. (You should just focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up. Whatever you are causing the other person to feel when they’re with you is what they’ll associate with being with you. Have fun together, instead of creating drama and re-hashing the past.) She tells me that she has to think about the bad things to remind herself that she deserves better than what I gave her. There is a big age gap between us, 14 years. She is older, so she knows what she wants. I know I would be able to give it to her if she just gives me another chance! (That’s approval-seeking behavior.)
What do I do? (Nothing. Look for the kind of woman who can give you the kind of relationship that you want. Treat her like a fuck buddy because that’s all she’s good for. Just set dates when she reaches out.) I know this is a rebound relationship, but if this person is giving her what she wants, what if it turns into more? (Then she becomes the other chick’s problem, and you can really focus on finding the kind of woman you want.) She says they are about to move in together. (Great. She’ll still probably come over and fuck you from time to time, so what’s the problem? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“In order to maintain sexual polarity, attraction and interest, men and women must act consistently congruent with their natural dominant masculine or feminine essence. In all successful heterosexual, lesbian or gay relationships, there is always one person who is more masculine and the other is more feminine. Heterosexual men who act or become unsure, indecisive and too weak to set healthy boundaries, stand up for themselves and what they want, and lose their focus on their purpose and mission in life, will cause their women to lose respect, interest and attraction for them. This leads to being friend-zoned. Heterosexual women who try to make all the decisions, control things and generally stop being, looking and dressing feminine, will turn their men off and cause them to lose interest in sex and romance. They then become more like roommates and friends instead of lovers. When you lose your connection, confidence and congruence with your natural essence, you will shortly thereafter lose the respect and attraction of your lover, and therefore, your relationship.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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