She Asked For Space. I Didn’t Give It To Her & Got Dumped. What Should I Do?

What you should do if your girl asked for space & dumped you when you didn’t comply.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. He realizes he was needy, jealous and worried. They never argued, but he didn’t give her space when she asked for it and got dumped. She has reached back out, but didn’t want to see him. Only inform him her father was dying.

Now he wonders what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of two and a half years, and he realizes now that he was needy, he was jealous, he was worried. He said they never argued, but when she asked for space, because he was smothering her in essence, he didn’t give it to her. He kept pursuing and kept chasing, until she ultimately dumped him. So he finally went no contact, and a matter of days or weeks went by, she reached back out and he says, “Oh, I suppose you want to see me,” being playful, and she’s just basically, “Well, I just want to tell you that my I found out my dad is sick and he’s dying. I just wanted you to know.” He’s like, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Let me know if anything I can do. I’d love to see you. Let me know when you want to get together,” and he kind of left it at that. Now he’s like, “Now what?”

Now he kind of feels guilty. He’s like, “She called to tell me that her father is sick.” He’s probably thinking, “Oh, I got to be there for her.” At the end of the day, your job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun and to hook up. She’s sharing something with you, but when you wanted to get back together with her, she’s not interested in that. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. A big reason why she dumped you is you didn’t exercise emotional self control. You were continually losing your shit. If you’re acting needy, jealous and worried, that’s the opposite of being masculine. That’s the opposite of being confident. So when a woman says, “I need space,” you have to give it to her. When you don’t give it to her, it just further reiterates that you have no self control, you’re not calm, you’re neurotic, you’re not being masculine and you’re certainly not expressing confidence. So that’s why you’re ultimately going to get dumped.

Men who have self-confidence or just, “Hey, call me when you change your mind,” or “Call me when you miss me,” and they’re cool with it. Even though it might tear them up inside, they’re going to give the woman all the space they need, even if it means they never, ever speak again. If she said she wants space, it’s like, “Well, call me when you’re ready to talk. Call me when you’re ready to see me. Call me when you miss me.” You got to be congruent with those words. You can’t tell a woman, “Yeah, I’ll give you space. Call me when you miss me,” and then three days later, “Hey, you missed me yet?” It makes you look like a bitch. It’s not attractive, and it’s definitely not going to work if you do that, to try to get her back. So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I hope you’re doing well. I need a bit of advice. Recently, my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me due to a loss of attraction and chemistry. Reflecting on our relationship, I realize I was needy, jealous, and worried. Despite that, we had a great relationship and never argued. I thought she was the one!

That’s a myth. There’s more than one girl for you. We have multiple soul mates.

She’s turning 40 in October and seems to be struggling with this milestone. I’m wondering if her mindset regarding me and our relationship might be influenced by her upcoming birthday.

Well, if you’re acting needy, jealous, and worried, it wouldn’t matter if you’re half her age and super handsome and look like Brad Pitt or Justin Bieber, you’re going to get dumped. Good looks, physical fitness, being successful basically get your foot in the door. If you act like a bitch, women are going to treat you like a bitch. So blaming it on her upcoming birthday is a cope. That’s basically trying to absolve yourself from your behavior.

You cannot act unattractive and unworthy continuously and expect a woman to stay with you. Eventually, she’s going to get sick of it, because she doesn’t have a true teammate and an equal. She’s basically in a relationship with a child, a man baby who has no self control, a guy that’s needy, didn’t get enough strokes as a kid. Mom and dad didn’t say, “I love you” enough, “I’m proud of you,” give you attaboys enough. So you didn’t get the love that you wanted, and deep down, you probably think, like I used to think, that there’s something wrong with you. So when you come from a place of fear, you do too much, you text too much, you call too much, you pursue too much, you constantly act unworthy. Women are attracted to confidence. That’s their number one male strength characteristic that women love in men. If you don’t act confident continuously and you act like a bitch continuously, you act needy, you act jealous and insecure, they’re going to be turned off, because you’re supposed to be more masculine than they are. When it’s the opposite, they’re going to lose respect for you and lose interest, and women can’t love a man they don’t respect. That’s the reason why she dumped you.

Both of us work in the super yacht industry, which makes it challenging for us to spend time together. Before the breakup, she went away for work and expressed the need for space and time to think.

The other thing is, you work on super yachts. Usually you have a lot of hot younger women that you work with. The fact that you’re dating a woman who’s 40 and you’re like, “She’s the one,” it’s like bro, you’re surrounded by beautiful women that are away at sea for extended periods of time and lots of fucking and shenanigans happens. So you’re in a target rich environment, dude. You have the leverage. You don’t realize it, but you actually have the leverage, especially when you’re surrounded by younger, beautiful women because a lot of them go into that industry.

Unfortunately, I let my worries get the best of me and called her multiple times, which I now regret.

So he was smothering her. She’s just like, “Ahhh!” In other words, what happens is she feels like everything she does, everything she says, is trying to keep from upsetting you. She probably felt like she was walking on eggshells because you get butt-hurt so easily or maybe you’re afraid that she’s going to sleep with somebody else, maybe the owner of the ship or one of the other crew members. Your attitude should be that you could be the best boyfriend in the world, but if you’re with a woman who has no integrity, she’s going to cheat on you when the opportunity is there. Especially when you’re in the kind of industry that you are.

So you want her to think that you trust her implicitly, because that’s when she’ll slip up, because she thinks that she’s got you wrapped around her finger and then you’ll find out if she’s screwing around on you or not. Especially if you’re vetting for a long term relationship, you got to know whether or not she’s going to actually keep her word. If she doesn’t keep her word, well then you know. If you’re needy, you’re neurotic, you’re constantly accusing her of things, then she’s going to become better and more aware that she needs to hide the shenanigans from you, and it’ll be harder to catch her. If she thinks that you trust her implicitly, that’s how she’ll get cocky, sloppy and slip up. So even if you’re needy and you’re insecure, that’s the way you need to operate, because you need to know whether or not you can trust her, especially when she’s away for extended periods of time.

When she returned from her work trip three weeks later, we had another conversation about our relationship, and she reiterated that she no longer feels the same attraction. Even though we had a trip to Barcelona planned before her feelings changed, she seemed distant and uninterested in being intimate.

Yeah, when a woman says, “I need space,” you just got to let her be. When you’re barraging her with phone calls while she’s away and she’s like, “I need space,” it’s like, “Alright, call me when you get back in town.” You have to wait to hear from her. You have to be congruent with your words, because when you say one thing and then you do another, she’s not going to trust your masculine core because you’re not believable. If you’re not strong enough to hold out, it’s obviously communicating a total lack of confidence and you’re going to get nowhere.

On May 2nd, she decided to break up with me. She mentioned that she didn’t understand her feelings…

Because women don’t understand how attraction works.

…And wanted the summer to think things over.

So now she wants even more time because this guy has not stopped smothering her.

She was emotional during the conversation.

Yeah, because intellectually she knows you’re a good dude, but emotionally, the way you behave is extremely unattractive and you just don’t make her feel safe. That’s why she didn’t want to be with you because you had no self control. She asked for space and you could not give it to her because you were so needy and insecure. In other words, you constantly communicated that you didn’t feel worthy of her and her love, and you didn’t feel like you deserved her. Eventually, after two and a half years of that, she finally agreed with you and she pushes you away and says, “Give me space,” and you just you have no self control. You’re unwilling to give it to her.

Before parting ways, she suggested being friends…

“Hey, we can be friends with benefits.” It’s always the best response when you get that f word.

…But I expressed my desire for a romantic relationship and told her to reach out if she ever changed her mind.

You got to be congruent with that statement. You can’t say, “Reach out if you change your mind,” and then continue barraging her with texts and calls.

I then initiated a period of no contact. Two days later, she texted me, apologizing and expressing hope for a potential change in the future. I chose not to respond.

Yeah, she’s just kind of giving you an update. In other words, she’s saying, “I hope this time away from you, if you actually give me space, will allow time for my feelings to bubble back up to where I miss you.” That’s what she’s really doing. Women know instinctively with time and space, if you have the guts to leave them alone, if you have the “Testicular fortitude,” as the late, great Dick Marcinko would have said, the founder of Seal Team Six, then her feelings bubble back up and she’ll probably come back.

Over the past three weeks, I have not heard from her. I’ve been immersing myself in your book and audio-book. I’ve read it seven times and plan to continue until I fully comprehend its teachings.

This week, as I was traveling back to the UK after finishing my rotation, my ex unexpectedly messaged me, asking how I was and if we could have a chat. I waited a day before replying that, “I would be happy to talk.” We talked for around three minutes. I asked, “I suppose you’re calling me because you miss me and want to meet up?” This was not the case.

The way you handled it is the right response.

She phoned to say, “I’d like you to know that my dad has become unwell and has months live.” I said, “I’m really sorry to hear that,” and if she needs anything, I’m there for her.

Well, your attitude is to hang out, have fun and hook up. Beat up her pelvis if she’s down for it. You should be the escape. You don’t want to become her emotional tampon, her butler or her therapist, “Oh, I’m happy to be for you. I just want to call and tell you that.” You have to maintain no contact in this situation. I know your instinct is probably to drool all over, send her flowers and write long, sappy letters, that’s going to do nothing because remember, this is a woman who has asked for space. She reached out, you tried to set a date, she wouldn’t make the date.

According to 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, what is going to happen? Say she reaches out in a few more weeks, and she’s like, “Hey, how are you?” I would talk to her and then I would attempt one more time because she’s reaching out to you to make a date, and you’re going to invite her over to your place to make dinner together. She’ll either make plans or she’ll go, “Oh, I’m just here to check in. I wanted to give you an update on my dad,” or whatever happens to be. Then I would say, “Well, I appreciate the updates. When you feel up to it, let me know. I’d love to get together.” Now, since you’ve asked her two consecutive times in a row and both times she won’t make dates with you, then from that point forward, whenever she reaches out, send two or three texts back and forth and then say, “Hey, it was great hearing from you. I got to run. Talk to you later.”

Again, this is all detailed out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. These are just kind of the cliff notes to apply to this specific situation. If she’s calling you, talk for a few minutes, say, “Hey, it was great hearing from you. Thanks for the update on your dad. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. I’ll talk to you later,” and then just end the conversation and never bring up getting together again. The only way you’re ever going to bring up getting together is if she brings it up first, because then she’s going to know you’re not calling, you’re not texting. Even when she reaches out, since you already did two consecutive times in a row when she reached out, you try to make dates and she shot you down both times, then from that point forward, you’re never going to ask her out again. If her feelings creep up on her enough and she starts to wonder like, “He didn’t ask me out. He didn’t ask me to get together. Did he meet somebody else? Is he mad at me? Does he not like me? Does he not find me attractive? I am almost 40 now. Maybe I’m losing my looks. Maybe he met some hot younger girl on that yacht.”

The reality is, you got all the leverage here. You’re getting into the years where you peak. Plus you’re surrounded, and I know that industry, by beautiful women that are younger, that are fitter and in shape, and yet you’re worried about her? In other words, you’re moving into a stage of your life where you’re going to have more confidence, more success, and younger women like older guys, so she should be the one that’s worried about losing you to a younger woman, not the other way around. Again, you have all the leverage here and you don’t even realize it. So when she starts to doubt herself, then she might reach back out to you.

Again, detailed this is 3% Man, several situations like that where even though the girl was reaching out to me, I was trying to set dates and she just still wouldn’t make dates, she was just kind of stirring the pot and see if I was still on the hook a little bit, see if I was still interested. Then I stopped asking her out, and every time she got in touch, I would talk for a few minutes. I was like, “Hey, it was great to hear from you. I got to run, talk to you later,” or “Hey, it was great hearing from you. Keep in touch,” and she recognized that I wasn’t trying to go out with her anymore. So in that case, she started to think, “Did you meet somebody else? Does he not like me?” Then that’s when she asked me out. Then everything changed, it became her idea and then she started calling more, texting more, pursuing hard because her attraction went back up.

Again, you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Everything is all laid out. All the objections are laid out. The logistics of what you should and shouldn’t do are are laid out in the article 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

We ended the conversation. A hour later, I sent her a message to say, it was nice to hear from her and it would be great to meet up. She replied, “Nice to talk to you too.”

What shall I do?

I’d appreciate any insights or advice you could offer on how to navigate this situation and potentially rekindle our relationship.

Thank you for your help.

Best regards,

Bob

So he even sent her a text after the phone call, which he shouldn’t have done that. Again, this just shows no self control. This is how you’re talking yourself into calling, texting and pursuing too much. I know you told her that on the phone. There’s no reason to text it to her again. She didn’t forget. All it does is make you continue to look like you’re needy and you don’t have your shit together.

So what should you do? Nothing. You maintain no contact, and you follow exactly what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. She has to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out because even though she’s reached out to you, she didn’t want to get together. You mentioned it on the phone and you mentioned it in text after, and she didn’t say anything about it. So it’s clear she’s just telling you about her dad and she really doesn’t want to see you. So that’s what I would do if I were you.

You got you got to learn the book more, and you definitely should be dating more and meeting other women, especially younger women, because again, you’re in a target rich environment. I would imagine some of these boats you’re on, you got at least three or four hot younger girls that are there. You’re away at sea, you’re away from friends, family. It’s just you guys on the ship. It’s like, “Hello!” You got to use that to your advantage. Plus, by having this time away from your ex-girlfriend, you can be applying what’s in the book and meeting other girls, getting laid and growing your confidence. So if the ex does reach back out, she’s going to find a cockier more confident dude with a little bit of swagger, and you’re going to be less inclined to drool all over her because quite frankly, you’re banging girls 10, 15 years younger than her. You might not even want her back at that point, especially if you start dating somebody 10, 15 years younger who’s more fun and you have a great chemistry with. So it’s a pretty simple situation to handle here. Your biggest problem is your unwillingness to exercise self control, and you’re still trying to chase, pursue and smother this girl. You have to let her do all the pursuing. Again, follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.