Why some women belong to the streets and are simply not good relationship material, and which women are.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who recently broke up with his girlfriend of three years. He is thirty-five and she is twenty-one. She has a pretty dodgy past, but when they met, she said it was behind her. He says their relationship was really good up until she recently broke up with him. She told him she wanted to be single and started partying and hanging out with really bad people once again.
Her friends are shocked at her behavior, and she never said anything to them about him and their relationship that gave any hint she was unhappy. She also admitted that she cheated on him a month after they became exclusive. He says he doesn’t recognize her anymore. She offered to be friends with benefits, and he refused. He asks my opinion on whether or not he should give her another chance if she comes back down the road. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I see so many situations like this. I talked to a guy the other day who had been with his wife for over ten years, and she had cheated on him multiple times and he had forgiven her. And this last time, he realized this woman had no intention of honoring any kind of commitment to him. What was really interesting is, she was really pursuing him hard and really after getting married and being in an exclusive relationship with him after just a few months of meeting. It’s interesting to see a lot of insecurity in her, and then he told me her past and her history.
It’s tough when you really love somebody, and you’ve been together ten, twelve years. It’s not like you just flip a switch and you’re like, “I’m going to walk away.” That’s easy to say something like that, but when somebody’s in this situation themselves, and they’re all emotionally wrapped up in this person, it’s hard for them to make that kind of rational decision.
That’s why a lot of guys will do phone sessions and tell me exactly what’s going on with their situation and the past, because they know I’m going to give them unvarnished, real truth. Obviously, my work has helped them so much, especially my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” that they want to hear it from me, so if they do decide to pull the plug, they’ve kind of got peace of mind knowing that they did everything they could, but they were trying to have the kind of relationship that they wanted with someone who was just not capable of that.
Years ago, I was at a friend’s house and there was a book I was reading called, “Life’s Little Instruction Book.” I started flipping through it, and there was a quote in there that said, “Choose very carefully the person that you spend your life with, because 95% of your happiness or your misery will come from that one decision.” It’s a pretty wise statement and very true.
I see the same situations happen over and over. The likelihood that a woman that comes from a broken home, or grew up without a father, that shes going to do enough work on herself through therapy, or self-help, or personal growth, whatever it happens to be, so they can become healthy and learn what healthy is, the odds of that happening are so slim. It is possible, but the likelihood, the numbers, the odds are not in your favor.
Several years ago, I had met a younger girl, she’s 21, I am 35. What started like flirtation, just for sex, ended up like a relationship. She was very sexually active before that, even had some really bad experiences with BDSM, (we are both into). When she was much younger, she tried sex for money and didn’t want to ever do that again.
That’s a red flag.
Because she was young and stupid, she didn’t play carefully and got injured and raped. She was angry about her past life and wanted to change that.
So obviously she had an emotionally painful experience. Remember the quote from Aristotle, which I talk about in “Mastering Yourself,” the pain and pleasure principle: “People will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure.” In this case, she obviously had a very emotionally, mentally and physically painful experience, and it caused her to have one of those moments where she’s like, “That’s it, enough of this. I’m not going to have this happen to me ever again.” He met her after that, and she was a completely different person than who she used to be.
When we met, she seemed like a totally different person, and I couldn’t believe that past actually belonged to her. We were together for nearly 3 years, started to live together and got pets.
Last half year, she confessed she cheated in the first month of the relationship, because she was young and stupid.
That’s a sign that even though she had made a commitment to you, that she didn’t really care.
She felt bad for herself and never did it again — not that I know of. (Here, you probably looked in the camera and laughed.) I am very tolerant guy. I live and work with young people, that is why I prefer younger girls, because I like that young drive.
Except these things, she was totally mature. I was actually surprised how much easier life was with her. My previous partner, 33 years old, was a fucking kid compared to that. Finances, sex, cleaning up, vacations… everything was great.
So she seemed like, from his experience, that everything seemed normal. She had gone through some really traumatic times before they met, and she seemed to have her shit together.
Here it comes. This spring she was drinking with her friends, and they went home. She stayed there with some guys that were buying her drinks, and because her phone battery was dead, she agreed to come to their place and charge it in order to call Uber.
Of course, they took her like 10 miles away from the club by a cab. She called me and sounded scared and really drunk, so I called her dad who had a location app on her, and we found her there. She was scared. That guy ran away from me, and she then was angry with me not believing that nothing happened. After some time, I forgave her for that, because she was really drunk, and I couldn’t prove anything anyway.
Yeah, you don’t want to hear that you’re girlfriend of three years that you live with and you’ve got pets with goes off to the club with some of her girlfriends, gets a little drunk, her friends leave her there, and then she goes home with a bunch of random dudes just to ‘charge her cell phone.’ She obviously was thinking about doing more than getting her cell phone ‘charged.’
From this point, suddenly she started to be annoyed with my jokes, started to have cabin fever. I mean, she could hang out even with her ex’s group and I just said, “Have fun honey” — you know, let the door open and they come back thing — so I really didn’t know what was the source of that. And when asked, she never answered for some reason.
Eventually, she always told me that she got used to my jokes and stuff, and it’s not big deal, but started totally stupid arguments for nothing, more and more.
When women do that, just create arguments out of nothing, they’re either trying to shake things up, because they’re bored and see how you’ll handle it — maybe you’ve displayed weakness in the past — or what oftentimes happens is the arguments and the blowups become bigger and bigger until you have one big fight, and then she breaks up with you. So that’s a sign that her attraction was going in the wrong direction. And I assume the cabin fever is because they were locked down and they spent a lot more time together than normal.
One day we had sex, she told me she loved me, and then she said goodbye. Like, in four days she was on a BDSM dating site looking for “action.” I shut the door, as you write in your book to, ignored her proposing to be friends with benefits, explained I want the whole package, but not this. The last thing I know, some guy on cocaine beat her up, and she needed to go into a hospital. Karma, huh?
You are who you associate with. Obviously, she started hanging out with some very dodgy people. In other words, she kind of went right back into that same old lifestyle. Granted, she’s twenty-one, she’s young, and she doesn’t have a lot of life experience, but women that come from good families, they don’t get involved in this kind of bullshit. They don’t go out and do these kinds of stupid things, because her parents, especially her mother, know how to prepare their daughter for these kinds of situations.
I know all of my friends that have teenage daughters, these are conversations that you have as they start to get a little older. You talk about roofies, and people spiking your drinks and not going back to some dude’s place drinking something that he gives you, because that’s how you get date raped. And girls that have good relationships with their mom and their dad will listen to that advice and heed it, because they respect their parents, and they respect their relationship and they want to be safe.
But girls that come from broken homes, there’s nobody there to teach them these things, or nobody that they trust enough to listen. And if they grow up in a dysfunctional environment, that feels normal to them — healthy, working things out, talking things out, that is just something they’re not used to. They don’t have any experience, so how could they possibly have the life experience to to be able to have that kind of a good, healthy relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for.
I totally don’t recognize this person. She started to crave even for things that offended her before, like some old guys in clubs proposing sex for money. Started to crave the attention even from people she didn’t like.
It definitely sounds like she’s got some daddy issues, like she didn’t get enough hugs from her dad.
Which is probably even related to the fact that she started to drink… a lot.
Now, I see two totally different people. If somebody would tell me she is coming back in 5 months, I would say “Well, if I am single… maybe.” But when I see what kind of life she is returning to and trying to live, even when she hated that, sorry, I can’t have that person around.
That is absolutely spot on, correct. And that is the right instinct. That’s the truth, right there.
Now, can you please tell me your opinion? I tried to be a good boyfriend. I paid attention, gave her surprise flowers and other gifts, took her to clubs she liked, but also insisted to do things that I liked. I think I managed to keep things “in the middle” as I figured out you are supposed to.
None of our friends understand this either, and her friends sided up with me, telling me they never heard any real complaints. The reason she gave me after the breakup was, she just figured out she is still young and wants to be single.
I’d say that’s an excuse. It was probably that her interest dropped, probably being quarantined together and spending a lot more time together. Maybe you slacked off, you stopped being the same masculine guy that you were before the lockdown and displayed a bunch of weakness.
Maybe you were the perfect boyfriend for two and a half years and you did more right than wrong, and so she stayed with you. And other than the first month that you were exclusive, it appears — but we can’t know for certain whether or not — but it seems like potentially she was mostly faithful, other than that one time in the beginning, but we don’t know. We really don’t know. Flip a coin, it could go either way.
But the fact that she’s out there doing this…? When I have conversations with guys and they’re telling me about their girlfriend and how things were great for so long and then things went sideways, and then I find out about the history of the woman, that she cheated on him with other boyfriends, or husbands, guys that she had been with, but she treated him good up until a point, these kinds of women, if they’re happy, and their needs are being met, and they’re loved, they typically, for the most part, will be faithful. But as soon as the attraction drops, they go right back to getting their needs fulfilled elsewhere and having somebody else rearrange their insides.
And related to that, she made those “jokes” and other problems much bigger.
Well, as I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” women tend to take the little things and blow them up into big problems, and it’s your job as a man to listen and kind of shrink those down like I discuss in my book. But she’s picking fights at this point, because her interest had dropped for whatever reason, because that’s how she creates the drama to ultimately have a breakup and say, “I’m outta here.”
Still, I saw this total switch in character and couldn’t believe she is returning to the group of people that hurt her before, and now again.
That’s why she belongs to the streets, my man. It’s not your fault, dude. You gave this girl a chance for about two and a half years, and she seemed like a decent girlfriend. But again, you don’t really know. You don’t really know what she was doing when you were away from her. And it’s obvious that you can’t trust her. She’s a liar, she’s devious, she’s a cheater and it sounds like she’s got an alcohol problem.
And if she’s hanging out with dudes doing cocaine and stuff like that, I would imagine she’s doing drugs as well. Especially girls that do cocaine, because cocaine makes you really horny. And women give up the pussy pretty easily for cocaine if they’re into that.
I don’t know if she deserves another chance, because I’ve got strong feelings this type of person would simply do it again in few years. But then again, it could be just an age thing. Please tell me your opinion.
I think you’re spot on. You’ve got this strong feeling that she would just do it again in a few years. You’re absolutely right. Say you give her another chance and you take her back and things are good for while. What happens if you have a couple of kids together, and you get busy and you get caught up in life, for work, for your job or whatever, and you stop dating and courting her properly? You’re absolutely right. She’ll probably cheat on you again. Just look at her actions. It’s not your job to fix this girl, or to save her or to solve her problems. I mean, this is who she was before, and for the most part, it seems she wasn’t that way when she was with you, but as soon as her interest dropped, she was right back out in the streets.
So my opinion is, she’s a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, maybe an open relationship, but obviously a woman that’s into this kind of thing, you don’t know who she’s having sex with. I would definitely always use a condom with a woman like this, just because you don’t want to get the gift that keeps on giving.
But like I said, this chick belongs to the streets. I would never give her another chance. She’ll be faithful and loyal as long as she’s happy and her needs are being met. And as soon as she’s not happy, she’s out the door and riding some other dude’s cock. Unfortunately, that’s the way it. She’s a product of her environment. She’s a product of how she was raised. She was like this before you met her, and she’s going to continue to be this way. And now, she’s really somebody else’s problem.
If you’re looking for someone to have some kind of a healthy, normal, exclusive relationship with, she just doesn’t have those characteristics. She doesn’t have the background for it, so how could she possibly develop that kind of value system? How could she even possibly have those goals? She might want to have those goals, but look at her actions. She belongs to the streets.
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“When it comes to relationships, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. If you are looking for a loyal, healthy, exclusive, monogamous relationship, women who make the best candidates come from good homes and families where the parents are great teammates and communicate and work out their differences in a healthy manner. Their father is the leader and head of the household and in his masculine energy. The mother is the nurturer, feminine and submissive to the husband’s leadership. Women who grow up in toxic environments, where a strong, stable, masculine presence is missing or there is cheating, lying and infidelity, never learn what healthy is, looks like and feels like. They become emotionally anchored to and seek out drama filled relationships, because that feels normal to them. Never make the mistake of thinking it’s your job to fix or save someone. It’s your job to find a good, healthy match and teammate and walk away from toxic people. Your sanity and emotional health depends upon it.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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