She Broke Things Off Because Her Parents Say I’m Too Old

What to do if you get rejected because of your age difference and her parents.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 38 year old viewer from Switzerland. He noticed a cute girl smiling and making eye contact at him on the same bus and train over the course of 5 months. He approached and gave her his number. She immediately texted and they hooked up on their 1^st date. Then she said she couldn’t see him anymore because her parents didn’t approve of their age difference. She’s 19. He asks what to do when he sees her on the metro. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter and the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “She Broke Things Off Because Her Parents Say I’m Too Old.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He’s from Switzerland. He’s 38. And so for about five months, every time he got on the bus and the train, there was this cute girl that was making eye contact and smiling. And over time she became bolder. And then eventually they were sitting in the I think it was the train or the bus and kind of laughing and smiling at each other. And then when they got off, he gave her his number and said, give him a call.

She texted him a short while later, they met and had a date. She told him that she’d had a crush on him for a while. She’d seen him on the train with her mother. I guess her mother had traveled with her a few times, so her mother saw the guy and she was pointing out how she liked him, and he says he looks like he’s about 30, but he’s actually 38. And so I assume at some point that the conversation came up about how old he was.

And so they hooked up, had a good first date, and then after that, she was going to go on a ski trip with a guy who was just a friend. And then shortly after that, she basically said that she couldn’t see him anymore because her parents thought that he was too old for her. And so now he’s like, “I mean, because we travel at the same time and the bus and train, I know I’m going to see her again. He’s like, what the hell do I do?” So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

I’m seeking some advice on how to react when I’m going to come across my ex in the metro.

Well, she’s not your ex. It’s just a girl that you hooked up with. A one time booty call.

I moved to a new town in my country, Switzerland, 1 years ago. I get to work by bus and then metro. For the past 5 months, I started to notice a beautiful younger girl, we especially get into the same bus and train, on Tuesday. We also get off at the same station. We made several eye contacts through the months, and I could tell that she was always sending me a tiny smile. 4 weeks ago, I decided to make proper eye contact and to throw a smile, which she returned me back. 

The following week, the same happened but she gave me an even nicer and bigger smile, and we were looking for each other’s eye contact in the mid of the crowded metro and when catching sight we were smiling so much, we were almost laughing. The week after, we got off the metro and I went to say hello, asked her name and she straight away asked me my name.

So he used what he learned in The Book. He didn’t volunteer his name. He asked her what her name was. It’s nice to meet you. She asked him what his name was. Showed interest. So you can tell this guy’s a little shy. He’s taking his time. Not really being. Because initially, I mean, if you see somebody on the train, you’re making eye contact like that, or the bus or in public somewhere, you may never, ever see them again. So you might as well shoot your shot because there’s a good chance you won’t. But obviously in this case, they were always in the same bus and the same train.

We talked 2 minutes, and I told her to take my number and to text me sometimes if she wants. I arrived at the office and she had already texted me. She quickly became very intense, saying that she was actually always hoping to see me into the bus, and that she actually had a crush on me, she even talked about it to her mom, because I once saw them both in the bus.

After 1 or 2 days she was texting me stuff like, she wants to taste my mouth, she wants me to hold her tight etc. etc. I think here started my mistakes, as she showed huge interest, I then told everything as well, that I crushed, that I was always looking forward to see her, and that I was wondering how could be her voice and her smell etc.

Yes, a little a little too dopey. I think somewhere he says he’s read The Book twice, but. So if you’re looking at it from a game perspective, it’s the more you hesitate, the more you masturbate. But in this case, you know, it sounds like he was trying not to look at her and not notice her. And he was kind of maybe out of the corner of his eye, noticing that she was noticing him. And so as she got bolder, then he started reciprocating.

And then he goes up and talks to her, gives a number. But to then start drooling all over her, “oh, I’m crushing on you too.” I’m a 38 year old guy saying, “oh, I’m crushing on you.” It’s kind of kind of silly, kind of juvenile, but it still worked. He got to the Promised Land at least once, so it’s still a victory no matter what.

We went on date right on the Friday. I took her to a chill place to have a nice cocktail. We were super relax together, from the beginning everything was smooth. She asked me if I wanted children, she said that she dreams of a big family etc. etc. She was looking me deep in the eyes and holding my hand most of the time. We then moved to have a burger and on our way we stopped and she started kissing me very intensely.

So she was obviously really into him.

We went for dinner and then we ended up to my place and we hooked up. The Saturday she was all over text messages, she sounded like completely crazy about me and I was writing her, that I also was so hooked up on her. 

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women like you more if you’re a little more mysterious. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your interest. But when you start drooling all over her because she drooled all over you, it takes a little bit of the mystery and surprise out. Remember, you only hooked up one time. You had one date. This is not your ex, but in his mind he was like, this is going to be his girlfriend. So he’s thinking in the future, not living in the present. And when you think about the future, instead of living in the present, you tend to make mistakes.

On Sunday she went to ski with her family but from that, texting decreased immensely. I didn’t pursue. I’ve read the book twice. 

It’s still not enough.

When I was texting her a little bit during the beginning of the following week, thing as, I want to kiss you everywhere etc., she was ignoring and replying to the other pointless things.

So as I talk about, you don’t know this girl. She doesn’t know you. Just because you hooked up doesn’t mean she understands your sense of humor. And so you’re trying to be sexual through text, and she’s ignoring it. That is the kind of thing that you would do later. Because nine times out of ten, when a guy is trying to use sexual innuendos through text or crack jokes, it often doesn’t land, especially in the very beginning.

But once you get to know somebody and you’ve been hooking up for a while, those things are okay. But when it’s brand new like this, I would advise against it because especially if you’re a younger dude and not as experienced, and the fact that he took five months to work up the courage to ask her out, he probably doesn’t have a lot of experience with the ladies. And so therefore he’s going to be more prone to put his foot in his mouth when he’s trying to be humorous, or use sexual innuendos in text. So it’s better just not to do it. Less really is more.

Your job, as The Book says, is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen and hang out, have fun, hook up, not sit there and send a thousand memes back and forth and a thousand texts. If she’s reaching out to you unprompted. In other words, all conversation threads are closed. You’re not waiting to hear back from her. She’s not waiting to hear back from you. You haven’t talked in a couple of days. She’s on a ski trip, and then she reaches back out after a few days when she gets back.

“Hey, you. I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And then just make the next date. But you could tell he just spends too much time talking and texting on the phone. Because in his mind, this is going to be his girlfriend. And so he’s already kind of acting like they’re in a relationship, as he referred to her in the beginning of the email, he refers to her as his ex, even though they literally have one date and hooked up one time.

On Tuesday we as usual met in the bus, she jumped on me looked again all over me. But after worse and worse regarding texting. I wasn’t texting either. 

So in other words, she wasn’t reaching out. Because probably some of the things that he’s saying in text are not landing, and it’s turning her off. And on top of that, he’s not making dates.

But later on, on Wednesday, she texted me if I wanted to see her new ski gears. I said yes, I want to see, and she sent me a video where she was dancing acting fun. Then here all went fucked up, she said that next Saturday she was going to ski with her “buddy” guy friend.

I said okay, but that it was weird. I joked asking if he was gay. She said no but he is just a buddy. I told her that her buddy his a weird straight guy because inviting such a beautiful girl (she is definitely a 10) to ski without hidden thought, must be tough.

So he’s already trying to say, “hey, get away from this guy, you’re mine.”

I also joked and asked if he was a Monk. She laughed and said no and that she doesn’t want me to think she is that type of girl.

Okay.

I said it’s fine to have fun. I wasn’t feeling well about it, but I didn’t show it.

Well, you brought it up. She probably could pick up on it again. You had one date and you hooked up one time. And here you are having all this text exchange, seeing her on the way to work. But you’re still not making a second date. That’s a big fuck up. So you’re talking and texting this girl out of liking you, and you’re lowering her interest. And now on top of this, you’re getting a little jealous and upset about some guy friend. And it’s possible she’s just naive enough to think that that guy just strictly wants to be friends with her. Or maybe not.

Or maybe because, you know, as Doc Love used to say, “Women don’t lie and men don’t listen.” And usually when women talk about other guys that are just friends, it’s their way of disclosing, “hey, there’s another guy interested in me, but nothing has happened yet.” They don’t phrase it that way. They just say, “Oh, he’s just a friend. We’re going skiing together. But oops, it just kind of happened. He slid his peepee into me and it just happened. I couldn’t say no.” And then it’s a different situation.

We popped into each other the following day, Thursday, again in the bus and metro and she was also so loving and all over me. 

Why not make a date? Dude, What the fuck are you doing? You’re like dithering and hesitating. If you hesitate, you will masturbate.

After that, no more texting till Saturday evening, when I receive a text: I have to tell you something, it is important. She told me that her parents didn’t want her to see me anymore.

This is why you make the date. You drop the hammer, give her the meat missile. Lots of happy finishes. But too much talking, too much texting and expressing jealousy over her guy friend that she’s going skiing with. And he may have just been a friend up until the point that he slipped his peepee in.

Now important fact: she is 19 and I’m 38, and everybody gives me max 30. I’m lucky to attract ladies attention, even colleagues and managers women are hitting on me at work. At school girl were asking me out, but I was super shy.

Yeah, it’s pretty obvious you’re shy.

As her mom saw me once in the past, inside the bus and her daughter told her that I was the guy from the bus she was talking about, she knew everything, that we hooked up and… my age. The parents weren’t very happy especially her father with who she has a problematic relationship from young. Finally, I think this story of parents not allowing us together is bullshit and that it has to do with that “buddy” who took her to ski. 

Again. That’s why, as The Book says, you read it twice and you’re shy or you don’t have a lot of confidence, and then you spend all this time talking and texting. What happened was you probably talked and texted her out of liking you, instead of just as soon as you heard from her. You make the next date. You plow the strawberry fields, happy finishes, and then instead of going skiing with the buddy, she may have invited you to go skiing, but instead you had one date, and then the rest of the time you basically started acting like a friend or like a fan, getting a little jealous of a guy that you don’t know anything about, who’s obviously been in her life for a while.

But if he’s taken her on a ski trip now, maybe she was probably talking to this buddy friend about you and about this new guy she met that she had a crush on. So he probably thought, and she’s probably like, “oh, I just went on one date so far.” And he’s thinking, “oh, I better do something there, take her on a ski trip and seduce her so I can make her mine.” And so she’s probably known this guy longer, and he’s probably stuck in friend zone for a while, but he finally decided to shoot his shot on the ski trip.

So, what shall I do for her to at least wanting me back when we gonna meet in the bus and Metro?

Well, dude, make a fucking date. You’re acting like her gay male girlfriend. I mean, that’s a big part of your problem. It took you five months to finally ask her out. You had one date and you hooked up, and then you got weeks of talking and texting on the phone and seeing each other on the bus. It’s like, why haven’t you made a second date? When you do that, when you act that way, they either think you’re uninterested or you’re gay, or your game sucks and women want a guy that knows what he’s doing that can just lead her to where he wants to take her, which is usually the bedroom.

So, what shall I do for her to at least wanting me back when we gonna meet in the bus and Metro?

1: Ignoring her. 

2: Just saying hello in a friendly manner but nothing more.

3: Avoiding her.

I don’t really know, but I was thinking that option 2 is the one Corey would recommend.

Thanks for advice.

Love your work Corey and team.

Bob, a fan from Switzerland

So what I would do, think about it from this perspective. If you were tired of fucking her and you just wanted to be nice and respectful. You didn’t want to hurt her feelings. You wanted to kind of let her down gently and easily. What would you do? If you see her and you make eye contact, smile and wave at her, and then go about whatever it was you were doing. If she comes up to you, “Hey, cutie. You miss me? You’ve been thinking about me.” And she says, “well, my parents said I shouldn’t date you.”

It was like, “well, do you always do what your parents tell you to do, despite the fact you’re an adult and you can make up your own mind and your own decisions? It’s like, well, if you miss me terribly, you should reach out and we’ll go out.” And just leave the ball in her court. And then she reaches out to you. I’d invite her over to your place to make dinner together, hang out, have fun, hook up just like you did on the first date. And at this point, I wouldn’t even take her out somewhere. I’d have her come to you and you can hang out, have fun, hook up. Don’t get jealous of the other guy.

That’s not going to help. That’s just going to make you look like a bitch. But where you’re going wrong is you’re just talking and texting too much and hesitating. Women like guys that are confident and bold and courageous and they go for it. And it took you five months to work up the courage to ask for a second date. Are you going to wait another five months before you ask her out? But in this case, she’s told you you’re too old for me. And again, if she comes up to you, I’d say, “well, call me later. Call me when you miss me.” Or if she comes up to you, you could invite her over for dinner.

And if she goes, “Oh, my parents told me I can’t.” It’s like, “well, do you always do what your parents say?” I mean, maybe she lives at home. Maybe they, you know, they got her under her thumb. More than likely with her problematic relationship with her father, she’s probably going to be a little rebellious. And so it’s kind of dangerous and enticing and kind of sexy that she goes and sees you anyway. You shouldn’t be bothered. You shouldn’t start rationalizing about your age. The important thing that if you take a step back, what really matters is you’re attracted to her.

She’s attracted to you, or at least she was. And again, if she comes up and starts talking to you, it was like, “we should get together”, make a date on the spot. And if she tells you “no”, just say, “well, you got my number. Call me if you change your mind.” And then maybe you take a different bus. Or you change up your schedule a little bit so she doesn’t see you on the train when you normally go. Maybe you go to work an hour earlier. Maybe you take a bus that’s a half hour or an hour earlier or later for that matter. Switch up your schedule. And so she’s like, “Where’d he go? I haven’t seen him. I see him all the time now. Where is he at? What’s he doing?”

Just to mix it up a little bit. Who knows, maybe you go at a different time and you meet a different cute girl. Change your routine up a little bit. Be unpredictable. But don’t be boring. But if she reaches out, if she texts you for any reason, assume she wants to see you. In this case, I’d invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out, have fun, hook up. But like I said, I wouldn’t go out of your way to talk to her. If you see her smile or wave. If there’s a seat next to you, you can wave her over. You can do one of these [signal to come with index finger] tell her to come over.

And if she shakes her head and tells you to come over and just say, you come over here, like sit down next to me, if there’s a seat available, if it’s a packed train or a bus, not much you can do. But again, if she likes you, she’ll probably come up to you. But I would never call her or text her for any reason. You got to let her reach out to you and if she does make a fucking date, you don’t need to say, “hey, how have you been? What are you up to? What’s new in your life?” Just as soon as she texts, you just get right to the point.

“Hey, you. It’s good to hear from you. I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And just make the date. As if the stuff with the parents is irrelevant. “Well, my parents don’t really want to want me to see you. It’s like, well, obviously you’re reaching out because you miss me and I miss you. I’d love to see you. Let’s get together.” Be direct, be decisive. Get to the point. Make a fucking date. And if she still doesn’t want to do it, “I really can’t, but I just want to see how you were.” “Well, I’m doing great. You know? I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later. Give me a call if you change your mind, I’d love to see you.”

And just leave it at that. If she texts you at like, nine, 10:00, 11:00 at night. “Hey, what are you doing?” Just say, “come over”, hang out, have fun, hook up. Keep it simple. But you’re dithering, you’re hesitating, you’re talking and texting too much, and you’re not being bold and courageous and making dates. Again, if you hesitate, you will masturbate. So knock it off and get right to the point.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.