She Canceled Our 2nd Date Saying She Didn’t Have The Energy To Date

What it means if a woman cancels a date saying she doesn’t have the energy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a good first date with a girl he met at a bar. She messaged him the next day saying she had a good time and asked to see him again. He set the second date up for the following week. The day before the date she canceled saying she didn’t have the energy to date.

He wonders what happened since it was her idea. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So what’s interesting about this particular email is this guy had a good first date. He thought it went well. Got a little kissy-poo at the end. She seemed a little surprised when he kissed her, but she seemed to enjoy it. The next day she texted him saying she had a really good time and suggested getting together again. So when you hear something like that, my first response to that would be, “Well, when are you free?” And then make the next date. He, for whatever reason, set the next date up the following week.

It’s OK if the woman’s asking to see you again and you just say, “Well, when are you available?” And she’s like, “Hey, I’m available tomorrow night.” So you went out on a Wednesday. She texted you Tuesday telling you that. So if she says she’s available Wednesday and you’re available, it’s like, “Great, let’s get together Wednesday!” Set a date, definite date, time and place to meet and then go have your date so you can have two dates within three days. It’s OK because she suggested it.

So what’s interesting is he set a date up for the following week, and then the day before, she basically texted him saying she’d been doing some thinking and she doesn’t really have the energy to date. So more than likely, because he just bumped into her in a bar, it was just like a random thing. She definitely seemed interested, but why would she just all of a sudden go cold? You have to assume maybe she’s not over the ex or a boyfriend. Or maybe there’s another guy that she’s going to get serious with instead. You just never know. That’s why these things are going to happen.

So that’s why you don’t want to burn a bridge. That’s why you say, “Hey, no problem. Well, I really enjoyed getting together with you. You got my number. Hit me up when you feel better or you’re feeling up to it.” In that case, after that, if she does reach out in a few weeks or whatever, then I would invite her over to your house to hang out, have fun, and hook up. I believe he did go back to his house, so she’d already been there.

So in this particular case, if that does happen, the late, great Doc Love’s attitude was when a girl cancels a date on you like that, blows you off, that’s it. You don’t give her a second chance, no matter what her excuse is. If she doesn’t bring up rescheduling, she doesn’t respect you or your time, and it usually doesn’t work out in the long run anyways when a woman is willing to just make a date and then blow you off the last minute with no notice or very little notice and a bland response.

Again, my job as a coach is to help you get what you want. Sometimes it might be an absolute smoke show and you’re like, “You know, at least would be nice to get to sample the strawberry fields,” and then whatever happens after that, it’s a bonus. So you’re like, “Why not?”

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m from Switzerland and love your work and read your book the first time a year ago.

But he didn’t go back to it. 10 to 15 times, my man.

Thanks for everything. I learned a lot since then.

I had a good first date with a girl I met at a bar.

I didn’t tell her what we did and led her to a bar first. We had good talks (I used some of your questions) and also I made her laugh. She was very open and talkative. I paid and had then planned to walk to a different location for pool. It was 15 minutes away though and it was very cold…

It’s Switzerland, by the way.

…And she had to go home in an hour. My flat was two minutes away. So as we were walking I made the proposition to go to my place instead and make flatbread for a late night snack and chill until she had to go. She agreed. 

So she clearly feels safe and comfortable with him. So that’s pretty cool, because if you know you’re going to be walking out in the freezing cold, also like he made a date that’s near where his place is. It’s very smart. You got to think of the logistics of sex, because you could go to a first place and the girl’s all over you and really super likes you, and she starts out at a seven or eight on a scale of one to 10 in interest, and she might be down after just two hours of hanging out to go right back to your place. If it’s close by, makes it really quick for that to happen versus like a 45-minute or an hour-long car ride back there. If you’re going to do a long car ride, it’s good to get a Hummer on the way over there. Keep her busy or keep her busy while you’re driving with a nice smile on your face, obviously, but drive carefully. You don’t want to wreck.

It was very fun. We made flatbread…

Just because like getting a blowjob, like blowing through toll plazas and stuff like that, you just think, “Man, if we got into an accident,” it’s like you’re gonna be a eunuch after that. So you got to be careful. Drive carefully.

…And I showed her how to flip the bread in the pan (leading her from behind). She liked it a lot. Later we ate it and then danced Salsa together. I had my first Salsa class earlier in the week so I showed her the moves I learned. She said next time I should show her new moves I learned (from the second Salsa class which was the following week) We genuinely had a lot of fun.

So you’re sitting there and you’re reading this, it’s like she definitely seems like she’s got high interest. So something mentally is going on. She’s either a screwball and messed up or she’s not over some other dude. Could be an ex-boyfriend, could be a guy that she had been dating that disappeared, and when you ran into her in the bar, she just figured it was over. Then at some point after your first date and after you set the second date, something happened. He got back in touch. It looked like it was going to work out. So that’s why she dipped from you. So that does happen sometimes. That’s why I wouldn’t burn a bridge. Just see what happens when she comes back, if she does, and they usually do more often than not.

Then I walked her to the bus. While walking she was shivering and I asked If she was cold. She nodded and I put my arm around her. She didn’t lean in though or put hers around mine. So I put it down after two minutes or so. 

Yeah, so you look at that it’s like she’s not very affectionate. So again, doesn’t show at least physically super high interest, or at least she just wasn’t open to it at that point. So if you’re hanging out and you’re making bread together, you know, was she playing with her hair? Did she touch your arm? Did you use the kiss test when you were in your kitchen doing that? Because if you get positive response with the kiss test and she’s looking at your lips when you’re doing that, then you should kiss her and make out. Who knows? You could end up seducing her. She could end up blowing off her our plans and staying the night. Those things do happen.

When we arrived at the bus, she went for a hug, I looked at her lips though and went for a kiss. She was a bit stunned first but then leaned in for a kiss (just lips). The only thing that wasn’t smooth was the arm thing, but I still had a good feeling. And I was right. She wrote me the next day saying she enjoyed it a lot and If I wanted to go out again. We made plans for the following week.

So if it’s me, I’m like, “Well awesome! When are you available next?” And if she’s like, “Tomorrow. I can come by tonight” or something, the quicker you can pull the trigger, the quicker things are going to happen, especially if there’s another dude lurking in the background or in ex, because if you have a really good time and you have really good sex, she’s going to want to come around for more.

A day before the date she wrote that she thought about it and decided that she is not at the right place right now and doesn’t have the energy for dating.

So when you read something like that, you think, “Oh, this girl’s got mental health issues,” maybe she’s a screwball or there’s another dude, but she’s basically saying she doesn’t have the energy to date you for whatever reason. Maybe she’s not over somebody else or she’s still talking to him. You just don’t know because you only went on one date and you’re trying to keep it positive.

So you don’t want to talk about a lot of negative things, especially bad breakups or whatever, because whatever a woman feels when she’s with you, she’s going to associate with being with you. So that’s why you want to keep it positive, light, and fun, especially in the beginning, because the good vibes lead to good times in the bedroom.

I haven’t texted her in that time or anything, so what could have happened?

You know, another dude, maybe.

She also never mentioned an ex and didn’t seem hung up on someone.

Well again, you just don’t know. You don’t know what you don’t know because you met her once in the bar, and then you had one date with her and now she’s flaking on you after saying she was excited to meet you.

So maybe the reason why she suggested getting together is she’s on the rebound because she got rejected by somebody. So she’s trying to, in her words, replace intimacy that she had with somebody else with intimacy with you, but usually what happens when a girl cancels like this, it’s the ex came back and so she’s going to give him another chance.

Other question: In Switzerland it’s very uncommon to date multiple people.

Well, that’s your perception. That’s your belief. I don’t know where you acquired it. I hear what you’re saying, but at the end of the day, what causes attraction is what causes attraction.

Do you think I should tell girls when I’m dating other girls…

No, it’s none of their business. At the end of the day, women like you more if you’re popular with other women, whether you’re dating them or not. Again, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. This is why you should read the book 10 to 15 times, because there’s probably lots of things you’re doing and saying that are unattractive because as you said, you read the book like a year ago. I think that’s what he said, yeah. He read it for the first time a year ago. So I assume that means he hasn’t gone back to it.

…Or wait until they bring up being together (boyfriend and girlfriend)?

Bob

Again your job, as the book says, is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. It doesn’t matter whether you’re living in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, the U.K., China, Russia, the United States or Chile, it doesn’t matter. Women respond to what they respond to. Create the opportunity for sex to happen. When she wants more, she’ll hint at it, she’ll bring it up. She’ll say, “Where is this going? What are your intentions?” Because nine times out of 10, when a guy starts talking about the future, no future ends up happening. Let her be the one to want that.

Women like a guy that’s a challenge. They like having to earn you. They like having to work for you. So like in this case, she cancels your date, says she doesn’t have the energy, you’re just like, “Hey well, hit me up if you change your mind. Had a good time meeting you. If I’m still available, we can go out on another date.” Then who knows? Maybe a couple days or a week or two goes by, the ex fucks up again, which they pretty much always do, then she’ll be like, “Hey, you! What are you doing?” Especially if it’s like 8:00 or 9:00 at night, if she’s texting you going “Heyyy,” she’s probably lonely, probably wants some rebound sex.

So if it’s 9:00 or 10:00 at night and you haven’t heard from her in a week or two, and she reaches out saying, “Hey, what are you doing?” I would be like, “Come over.” She knows where you live. “Hey, come over. Let’s hang out. Let’s make some bread and have some wine,” and she can come over and you can make some bread and she’ll probably be down to hook up fairly quickly.

Again, take them through the processes in the book. So just be prepared for that, because if she’s going through a breakup, just had a breakup, and the guy is still there, he’s gonna probably screw up again. As soon as that happens, as soon as she doubts her future with him, she’ll probably be back in touch.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our exclusive premium Members Only content, in the video description is video, there are links to join on YouTube, to join on Spotify or our website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. You can do a 7-day free trial to check out all the great content you get for your money. If you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the 7-day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, and sign up for a premium membership trial today.