She Cheated Constantly During Her 24 Year Marriage. Can I Trust Her?

Why you probably can’t trust a woman who cheated constantly during her 24 year marriage.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started dating a girl he’s known for 25 years. She admitted that she cheated on her ex-husband constantly during their 24 year marriage. She is proud of her cheating and it gave her a lot of validation and she felt no remorse at all. She had 22 affairs in total. She even slept with an ex of hers a month after they started dating. She says it didn’t mean anything and that she is loyal to him. He wonders if he can ever trust her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “She Cheated Constantly During Her 24 Year Marriage. Can I Trust Her?”

Probably not. So this particular email is Members Only email is from a viewer. He started dating a girl that he’s kind of known for about 25 years. He knew her back when she was young. And really cute, and he was initially really glad to be reconnecting with her. They’re both in their 50s. I think at this point. He’s 53, she’s 51, and maybe they grew up together and knew each other in their 20s. But he was all excited and started dating her.

And then she was in the Air Force, which that’s what’s interesting is when you look at like the top five careers that women cheat, you got law enforcement, you got nurses, bartenders, people in the military have a super high incidence of cheating. This particular woman was in the Air Force. And so she’d often get deployed or be at a different place around the world. And over the course of 22 years, I guess she decided she had to get all this off her chest. She said that she had 22 affairs total. I guess two of those affairs were like long term.

One of them was like eight years that she was hooking up with this guy, and supposedly her husband never had any idea. So the emailer that sent this in, he’s divorced, got two kids from his previous marriage, and then she’s got two kids, I assume with the ex-husband she was with all those years. But it’s just kind of, you know, as you go through this email, you’ll see he shares some of the conversations he’s had with her. And even after they were dating for about a month, they weren’t exclusive yet.

But she ended up hooking up with an ex-boyfriend of hers. And then she says, “oh, but it didn’t mean anything. But I’m totally loyal to you. You can trust me.” And so she feels, because she came clean and says, “here’s all the bad things I did over the last 24 years.” And once he found out, he’s kind of mortified because you just see, her attitude is just so flippant towards this. And so, you may have heard me say in the past, once a cheater, always a cheater. People don’t change who they are, but they may become a better version of that.

And so if you’re vetting for character like this guy is, is that because he’s trying to ascertain can he trust her. Because she tells him that she’s going to be loyal and faithful. He wants to believe that he really likes being with her. But when you look at her track record and then all the stuff that she’s revealed to him, he’s just kind of mortified. He’s like, “What the hell? Can I really trust this girl.”

I would say, based on the fact I’ve been doing this 20 years and I’ve seen this thousands and thousands of times. Once a cheater, always a cheater. In other words, a woman like this. If this guy does everything right, if his game is tight, he’s really good with applying what’s in 3% Man. He keeps her happy and in love. She’ll probably be faithful and loyal to him. But do you really think that this guy is going to be able to be perfect and have completely tight game and do everything right? Probably not everybody. Yours truly included.

The longer you’re together, especially several years, you’re going to slip up. You’re going to get busy with work or life or other things, and you’re just not going to focus on the little things that you should be focusing on. And most guys all do the same things. They stop dating and courting their girlfriend or their wife and or they don’t make her feel heard and understood. And like I said, as I go through this email, I want you to pay attention to the mindset and the attitude and the actions of this woman over her previous relationship and her worldview, and it’s very telling.

I mean, she’s just kind of psychopathic about it. And so she’s happy and in love. She’ll probably be faithful. But as soon as her needs aren’t being met, the nasty side of her is going to come out. And, I mean, her father was a serial cheater. She’s a serial cheater. So again, all you got to do, I say this all the time is you just got to look at the dad. Did the dad do a good job? Hey, buddy, come on up. Did the dad do a good job or not? And in this case, the dad was a liar, serial cheater.

And if we look at how she behaved in her in her first marriage, it’s like she’s a chip off the old block. As they say, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. She became exactly like her dad taught her to be. And just because you’re a good guy and you’re a loyal person, doesn’t mean that you’re going to undo 51 years of her being a liar and a cheater, especially when you look at her whole life.

Her dad was constantly lying and cheating to the mother. So. And if we look at how she was in her previous marriage, constantly lying, constantly cheating, carrying on multiyear affairs and relationships, she felt no remorse at all. So you’re just not going to fix that, right, Rocky? You can’t fix that. He’s not a nice person.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I have recently become aware of your work, listen to your views on you tube and I am currently reading 3% Man. It’s certainly helping me and you offer great help for guys in relationships like me. Thank you. I am seeking your advice as I have become involved in a relationship with a woman who has a big history of cheating and I wonder if I can ever trust her?  

I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, just like I said earlier. Character is destiny, man. And if this is what her dad taught, you’re not going to undo that. She’s 51 years old. This is who she is, right? Not everybody’s nice and sweet like Rocky (he’s a mama’s boy.) Easy going, easy to get along with. Loves her dad admires and respects her dad looks up to her father. Father is loyal and faithful to the mother. That’s what you want.

A woman that grows up in the environment like this one did. Not fixable. Fuck buddy friends with benefits. Sex playmate. Again, when you slip up and you get lazy, you get too busy with work or other things and she complains you’re not spending enough time and it goes on long enough. She’s going to be like, well, screw him. He’s a lousy boyfriend, lousy husband, and she’ll just go fuck somebody else because that’s what she’s always done. As Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute says, “Current events form future trends.”

I am single, divorced and 53 and she is 51 and divorced, we both have 2 children from previous marriages. I met her a year ago by accident in a bar, but have actually known her for over 25 years and it was lovely to see her again after such a long time. We started arranging to meet for a few drinks and things turned into a nice relationship. She was going through a divorce at the time I met her (which is now finished) and she made it clear to me her marriage was over. I helped her through it by offering her a shoulder to cry on. Things progressed well and I began to have strong feelings for her and care for her a lot – and the sex was outstanding!

Well, she had a lot of practice, obviously.

However, in January she revealed she had a history of cheating on her previous husband of 24 years. 

But wait, there’s more. It gets better.

She admitted she regularly cheated on him and in total she had sex with 22 men during her marriage.

It’s almost like a new one every year. God. Meanwhile, having kids, right?

Many one night stands or causal hook ups. She is in the Air Force and her cheating started when they first got married and she would tend to cheat when she was deployed away from him outside of the country or on a course. 

So she’s going for continuing education and she’s on her back learning, of course, with her feet in the bugs. The Bugs Bunny. Feet behind the head. Looks like a rabbit.

I can tell from your work, she craved the attention she got from men – if she was the only woman in one location [or just one of a few women there] she would love it, and this, along with her low self esteem issues would drive her to cheat to provide a boost to her self confidence. 

Well, it’s what her father taught her.

Her parents divorced when she was a teenager as her father was cheating on her mother and she told me he was away a lot and was a serial cheater.

She literally turned out exactly like the dad taught her. Well, she ain’t loyal to nobody. Dad wasn’t loyal, neither was she. So how can you expect her to all of a sudden, at 51, become a good person. Character is destiny. Again, as Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute says, “Current events form future trends.” She’s always been this way. Why would we believe that she’s going to change permanently? She’ll change as long as she’s happy and in love. But as soon as she’s not fuck you, she’ll knife you in the back, basically, and she won’t feel any remorse.

She told me she would be proud of her conquests as it was a way of bolstering her self esteem by obtaining a man she found attractive and having the validation of her wanting to sleep with her. 

Because dad was never around. So it’s some daddy issues there.

She kept them all secret from her husband and was proud to “get away with it”.

She was proud of it. So in other words, she loves being this way. This is who she is. She relishes in it. She’s a free spirit. This hoe ain’t going to be loyal to nobody. Fuck buddy. Friends with benefits, sex playmate. That’s it. And I would wear a raincoat because you don’t know who she’s giving it up to.

She also told me that in addition to her casual hook ups during her marriage, she had 3 long term affairs with 3 separate guys that she hid from her husband and to her knowledge, he never found out.  She told me these affairs were with married men.

She doesn’t care about loyalty or commitment. She don’t give a fuck. These guys are married or not. She just didn’t care. Selfish and narcissistic woman.

Were with married men who were also in the military and they lasted ‘on and off’ for 18 years, 12 years and 8 years each in total and they overlapped, meaning she was having sex with all 3 around the same time as well as having casual hook ups with others.

So she’s got three boyfriends, side pieces in addition to casual one night stands. Ain’t nobody gonna fix this girl.

She also admitted to me, because she told me she does not want to have any secrets from me, that she decided to get an abortion early in her marriage because she became pregnant and she knew the father of the baby was not her husband!

Oh, well, that’s not good.

So she asked a friend to lend her money to go pay and get an abortion and she never told her husband about it. He still does not know. I actually feel sorry for him to be honest that he was cheated on so many times. 

Well, that’s your future if you choose to stay with her, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful as long as you’re doing what’s in the book and keeping her happy and in love. But when you’re not treating her well and she’s not happy with you, she will fuck another guy and not feel any remorse. Again, she was proud of all the affairs. She was proud she was like this. It’s another notch in her bedpost.

Interestingly, she always blames her cheating behavior on him.

Oh, yeah. It’s all the husband’s fault. Has nothing to do with the fact that dad was a liar and a cheater. It’s totally the ex-husband’s fault.

Saying he was too controlling or always angry and extremely difficult to live with due to his angry and toxic behavior, she never felt remorse or guilt about what she did.

So you can say, oh, she was in a bad marriage. He was a jerk. This is what you see in the movies. You’ll see this beautiful woman who’s in this unhappy marriage, and she starts cheating on her husband because he’s a jerk. And then in the movie, the guy that she cheats with, they ride off into the sunset and they live happily ever after. Yeah, that only happens in the movies.

All of this news really shocked me and I considered leaving the relationship as I note you say “character is destiny” and “people never change”. However, I respected her honesty, as she did not have to tell me about her dark past [and if she had not told me, I would not have known] and so I decided to give her a chance as she says everything is different with me, she loves me and will never do anything like that to me.

Unless her feelings change.

And she has no secrets from me and has never felt this much love for anyone before.

Again, it’s great that she feels all this, but again, if you slack off and you get lazy, you get complacent after you’ve been together for many years. Do you think she’s going to feel bad about fucking some other guy? She’ll have the attitude of, hey, you didn’t pay attention to me. I told you we weren’t going out very much and you needed to change it and you didn’t do anything. So this guy at work, he showed me attention. He did everything that you used to do. She won’t feel bad about it. Again, her whole life, this is who she’s been.

Things were fine until last week when she confessed after a few drinks that early [in the first month] in our relationship she had sex with an old flame she used to work with. 

Yeah, it really looks like she’s changed.

She tells me it was just a one night stand.

Well, it wasn’t a complete stranger. It was somebody that she used to hook up with.

And that it meant nothing to her, and I have no evidence to say she met him again and she tells me she has not [although I have not checked her phone].

Well, I would check her phone when she’s not looking just for the hell of it. Because again, 51 years old. This is the way her father was. It’s like I wouldn’t believe anything that comes out of her mouth. It’s nice that she feels comfortable telling you all this stuff. And this is what happens when a woman kind of trusts you and you don’t really judge her, she’ll tell you everything. And then you can decide whether or not, based on what you hear, whether you want to stay with her or not.

I am now wondering if she is lying to me and she is going to treat me the same way she treated her ex husband?

As long as she’s happy and in love. She’ll probably be loyal and faithful. But as soon as you slack off and her interest drops, following what’s in the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers”, The Attraction Table. Again, when our interest is low, none of this shit’s going to matter. You just look at her track record.

She tells me she is 100% loyal to me and truly loves me and that incident was just a stupid mistake.

But what about those 22 bodies that she stacked when she was married? Oh, he deserved it. But when she slept with somebody else a month into dating you. Oh, shucks. Darn it. What an accident that just kind of happened. Darn it. It just. Somehow his dick ended up inside me like, oops, I’m just an innocent little girl.

But I am becoming more and more anxious now.

Yeah, because who wants to sleep with one eye open the rest of your life?

I have never cheated on anyone in any relationship and I am worried that our values are just not aligned and that I can never trust her.

Well, your Spidey sense is telling you something that you should listen to.

I always knew her as a cute, sweet girl back in our twenties and I guess I am shocked to hear about how she acted during her marriage and that she had become a different person from the one I remembered. 

Do you think I can trust her?  

Nope.

Can cheaters change if they do fall in love?

Yeah. When they’re happy and they’re in love, they’ll often be loyal and faithful. But if they fall out of love because you stop doing the things that are necessary to keep her in love with you, she’ll fuck somebody else. And again, just look at her view with the ex-husband. He deserved it. She was proud of it.

She tells me she totality loves me and will never cheat on me.

As long as she feels this way.

But her actions during her marriage make me think it will just be a matter of time before she does the same thing to me… again!

Well, what did Maya Angelou say? “When somebody tells you who they are, believe them the first time.” 24 year marriage. And before that, as a little girl and into her teenage years, dad was constantly cheating on mom. And eventually, probably mom got tired of it.

I think I should just walk away as the down risk as you say is just too great.  Grateful for your thoughts please. 

Best Wishes

Bob

Well, you could say, “you know, I really like you, I love you, I love being with you, but I just can’t get past your history. You’ve never been loyal and faithful to anybody. Your dad was never a loyal and faithful to anybody. And as long as you’re happy, I believe you. You’ll probably be loyal and faithful to me. But what if I slip up? What if I get lazy and complacent? I don’t date and court you as much as you would like. And you complain about it for a couple of months, and I’m just so busy and focused on work or whatever I’m doing. Nothing changes. Then what? Then what happens?” So it’s your life.

You can do what you want, but I wouldn’t trust her as far as I can throw her. And the only way she’ll be loyal and faithful to you is if she’s happy and in love. And as much as I know I’m not always perfect, I don’t do everything right in my relationships. So maybe you’re a better man than me. Maybe you can be just absolutely perfect for the rest of your life. And she’ll all be always be loyal and faithful. But if I’m in Las Vegas and I’m asked to place a bet on whether or not this girl will be loyal and faithful, or she’ll cheat like she always has.

I’m putting my money on the fact that she’s going to cheat again. It’s just a matter of time. When she’s not happy and she’s not in love again. She’ll stick the knife in your back and not feel any remorse. She didn’t feel any remorse about the husband. She says it was all his fault. So therefore she doesn’t feel any blame. And if she’s not happy with you at some point and cheats on you, she’ll blame you. So that’s what you’re dealing with. And you may want to stay with her. You may not.

Maybe you just say, you know what? Based on your history, why don’t we just kind of have an open relationship? You can date and sleep with who you want. I’ll date and sleep with who I want. But I want you to understand. I’m looking for a woman that can be loyal and faithful. When I find her, she and I are going to ride off into the sunset together, and we won’t be able to see each other anymore. But until that happens, we can have a great time together. That’s what I would.

That’s the only way that I would continue to interact with her. But if you want a loyal and faithful woman, she doesn’t have the value system. Again, it’s like her whole life she’s been this way. And I mean, she may want to change. She may say she’s changed or is going to change, but she feels good about you in the relationship right now. But what happens when you’ve been together two years or three years or four years or five years or whatever, and you’re not getting along or you go through a rough patch?

Well, how did she behave when she went through a rough patches in her marriage? She didn’t care. She felt he deserved it. So she’s mad and she’s unhappy with you. She’ll cheat on you and feel like you deserve it. That’s something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.