She Complains I Don’t Seduce Her Enough But Rejects Me When I Try

What it means when she complains you don’t seduce her enough but rejects you if you try.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer from Switzerland who has read 3% Man, 20 times and is having issues with his girlfriend. They’ve been together 2 years and used to have sex all the time. Lately he always gets rejected. His girlfriend complains he never tries and when he does she rejects him with an excuse. They still go on dates once per week but he’s tired of constant rejection. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, ” She Complains I Don’t Seduce Her Enough But Rejects Me When I Try.”

Well, this particular email, this is the email that’s actually from Switzerland. And so this particular guy claims he’s read 3% Man 20 times and is having issues with his girlfriend of two years. He said they used to have sex all the time, but the last 5 or 6 months she mostly rejects him, always has excuses as to why she’s not interested or it’s a bad time, or she wants to go to sleep, or there’s dog hair on the couch, or just things that didn’t matter before, but now they’re excuses.

And so he says they still go out at least once or twice a week on an official date. But whenever he says whenever he tries to sleep with her, she rejects him. And the other day she was complaining that he doesn’t try to seduce her very much anymore. And so in his mind, he kind of believes that he’s doing everything right, even though he’s read The Book 20 times. But when a woman won’t sleep with you, it’s because she doesn’t feel safe with you. That’s the bottom line.

And if a woman doesn’t feel safe, if she doesn’t feel heard and understood, the legs are going to close. And so, as you’ll see as I go through this email, despite his best efforts to present the image that he’s doing everything right, all we have to do is look at how his girl is behaving. If you know The Book backwards and forwards, and you’re actually applying it properly, your girl’s going to want more sex than you do. But when you’re constantly trying to seduce her and getting rejected doesn’t matter what you say, that tells me that you’re trying to seduce her when she’s not open to it.

You’re trying to advance things when she’s not open to being touched, open to be kissed, open to be seduced. And so these are all things that are clearly detailed in The Book that explain when to move forward and when to back off. And so he’s clearly trying to seduce his girl when she’s not feeling it. And it’s not dawning on him that that’s the reason why. And on top of that, he’s probably not taking the time to open her up because again, she just doesn’t feel safe.

And that tells me he’s not consistently in his masculine core. He probably vacillates back and forth between being too girly, too effeminate. And even though he presents the email as if he’s doing everything right, all we have to do is look at the girl’s actions. She clearly doesn’t feel safe. She doesn’t want to sleep with him. She’s constantly rejecting him. And so he doesn’t know what to do at this point because he’s at a loss.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

this is Bob from Switzerland. I’ve read 3% Man 20 times and I’m having issues with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for 2 years. Over the last year, she confronted me about doing a lot for me and not getting the same effort back.

So what that tells me is that he was; and again, because I’ve been doing this 20 years, I’ve done thousands and thousands of phone sessions. Guys do the same thing. They make the same mistakes. It doesn’t matter what country they’re from or what cultural, religious and spiritual background they’re from. They all do the same two things. Number one, they don’t date and court the girl properly. And number two, they don’t make her feel heard and understood. It’s pretty simple. And so if your girl is complaining, she’s always doing things for you and you don’t make the same effort back.

Well, it tells me in the beginning of the relationship, he was doing the things, he was dating her. He was courting her properly. He was being the man. He was being masculine. And somewhere along the way, he got lazy. He got complacent and stopped dating and courting her properly to the point where she started calling him out on it, and he probably didn’t do it for a while, and she complained about it. And then nothing really changed. And so over time, they probably kind of came like roommates, because as you’ll see, he kind of just gave up at some point and kind of really didn’t try anymore.

We go out (bar or dinner) at least once a week and during these dates we’re both very flirty.

So it sounds like you’re doing the same date every week, so that’s boring. That’s not mysterious. And that shows you’re really not putting any effort into it. So I suspect your girlfriend, if I was to be talking to her, would probably say that the only time you really try to have sex or want to have sex is when you want to release.

And if she’s complaining that she’s making all this effort to do things for you and you’re not making the same effort back again, that tells me at some point you got lazy, you got complacent, and you stopped stop putting the time in that you were in the beginning. Because in the beginning she was fucking your brains out, and now she really doesn’t even want to be touched.

On weekends we go hiking with our dogs (we don’t live together) because we both love the mountains. We even did several long hikes with my dad and her sister.

Well, you’ve got to mix it up a little. Because the other thing is, if you’re doing the same date every week, you go to the same restaurant, the same bar, and you go hiking every weekend, that’s it. Eventually she’s going to get tired of that. That just shows you’re lazy. You’re not creative. Google Maps is your friend. You can look for things to do and places to go on Google Maps and it’ll lead you right there.

It will have information on it. So put some thought and some effort into it. If you’re going to plan a date, don’t do the same date every single week because that gets boring and predictable and that makes a woman, over time, just feel like you don’t give a shit and you’re just lazy and you’re phoning it in, in essence.

Last night at dinner she told me I don’t try to seduce her as much anymore. When we started dating, we hooked up many times a week. In the last 5-6 months, things have slowed down because every time I tried to seduce her, she had something to say: in the morning she says we smell bad, during the day there’s always the dogs or something else to do, in the evening she’s tired, her couch is full of dog hair (before it wasn’t a problem), then she falls asleep and says she just wants to sleep.

So again, just that right there tells me that you’re hovering around her and you’re waiting for your moment to pounce and seduce instead of matching and mirroring the level of effort. Again, The Book lays out when to make the move, when to make the effort, hang out, have fun, hook up. Hang out means make a date. Create an opportunity for sex to happen. The have fun part is when you’re on the date, have fun. Open her up. Let her do most of the talking. You ask the questions, you lead the conversation.

Then when she’s playing with her hair, she’s sitting extra close. She’s touching your arm. She’s next to you, physically bumping into you. You look at her lips, then into her eyes. If she looks at your lips when you’re doing that, she’s ready to be kissed. And then you could advance things. But this tells me that you’re just waiting for the right moment to try to seduce her and have sex, and you’re not noticing that she’s not open to it and doesn’t want to be touched. And on top of that, she’s giving you excuses and you keep trying even though she said no.

You got to pay attention to that. And so if you spend a lot of time with her, and she kind of treats you like a second class citizen and acts like she doesn’t really want you around, then go get busy and do things with your friends. Be unavailable. If you hung out and she wasn’t very frisky, well then maybe the next week you don’t take her out on a date at all. You don’t bring it up until she asks, because you got to pay attention to what her level of effort is.

If she complains that you never try to seduce her as much, you say, “well, every time I try to seduce you, you reject me. So why am I going to try? If you want to have sex, then you can seduce me. You can initiate it for a change. You can make the extra effort.” But again, at the end of the day, he’s kind of lost the plot, and he can’t tell that his girlfriend is repulsed by him and doesn’t want to be touched, and he’s still trying to touch and seduce her when she’s not open to it.

So I backed off a little because I got tired of being rejected. But I still try because I really enjoy sex with her (and every time we do it, she comes more than once). She told me that in her previous relationships her exes didn’t want to have sex as much as she did, but I do.

Well, all that tells me is in her previous relationship, she was more turned on by her exes than she is by this guy. So she was obviously turned on in the beginning and at some point he changed his approach. But again, the way he’s worded the email, it’s like, “hey, I read The Book 20 times. I’m doing everything right.” That sounds nice, but all I have to do is look at her actions and what you’re describing in the email, or at least your perception of what you’re doing is clearly not hers. It’s like you’re in an alternate reality, because this is what makes it easy for me is I’ve been doing this for so long when guys bullshit me in their emails, they’re usually bullshitting themselves.

All I have to do is look at what the woman is doing and saying. She clearly doesn’t feel safe. He’s clearly not leading things. Again, from some of the complaints she made, at some point he stopped dating and courting her properly. And on top of that, he looks like every week is the same thing. He goes hiking on the weekends, he goes to dinner or a bar. Those are the same dates. So same three things every week. That’s boring. That’s boring. That’s predictable. That’s anti-mystery. And that shows that you’re not creative and you’re not really making much of an effort to do different things, to go different places, to mix it up a little bit, to do fun things. Going to dinner every week or going to a bar every week that gets fucking boring.

I know about the “one step forward, two steps back” concept and I’ve used it successfully many times. But lately, she cuts me short so often that I lose interest and we just end up hanging out.

Well again, because she can see it coming. She knows what you’re going to do and she’s figured you out. Again, you’re like a fucking robot. You do the same thing over and over every week. You don’t put any thought or any effort into planning dates. It’s just you do the same thing. You know, she’d probably also, if I was talking to her, say it feels like an old married couple where you’ve been together a lot of years. Just because that’s what happens with most couples. You’re not creative. You’re not really making much of an effort to do anything to make her feel special. It’s like you do things and she’s just expecting you’re doing them because you want to get laid.

And other than that, you don’t really fucking care. In the beginning, when you were trying to win her over, you made the effort. You took her to different places. But again, at some point you got complacent. And I know that because of what she said to you earlier in your email, despite the fact you’re trying to represent that you’re doing everything right. Because it’s hard to admit that you’re fucking up or you’re doing things wrong, or you’ve done things to cause your girl to dry up and not want to have sex with you.

I really want to rekindle the romance, but I’m not sure how.

Thanks again for your amazing work, it changed my life in many ways.

Bob

Well, next time you take her on a date go somewhere different. Do 2 or 3 different things instead of trying to kiss her when you’re ready. Only kiss her if it looks like the signs are there that she’s ready. And if it’s not, then you need to continue to talk. You need to continue to open her up. And when she complains and says you never try to seduce her, it’s like, well, why would you say that? And then ask her questions about, well, how often are you trying to seduce me? And then bring up the fact that she’s rejected you all these times. At some point, every man’s going to withdraw and give up. But again, somewhere along the way, based on the clues that are in your email, things are good for a period of time.

And then, as he said, the last 5 or 6 months, it’s like going nowhere. So at some point he got lazy. He got complacent, she called them out on it, and things didn’t really change. And maybe now, because he’s not getting laid at all, or maybe once or twice a month, he’s getting laid. Now he’s trying to start taking her out and doing things every week. But again, it’s the same date. It’s boring, it’s dull, it’s predictable. There’s nothing spontaneous about it. There’s no original thought being put into it. And when you do that, you make her feel like you don’t care.

Again, if you make a woman feel like you don’t care enough and she complains about things enough and you never take any corrective action, eventually she’s going to give up. She’s not going to feel safe with you. Because she’s not able to get through. You’re not taking any feedback and taking corrective action. So it would be helpful, or a guy you know in your situation, to book a phone session, because then we could really drill down, and I can ask you specific questions, and I could really get more insight into what you’re doing or not doing. But like I said, I pointed out clearly throughout the email because women all say the same things.

So despite the fact that you’re trying to represent like you’re doing everything right, all I have to do is look at what your woman’s doing and what she’s saying. She doesn’t feel safe. She’s not turned on, she’s not excited, she’s bored. And you’re doing the same thing every week. There’s no creativity in that. And so at some point, it’s like she kind of emotionally and mentally checked out. And so in a phone session, I could ask you more questions and get more context of what’s going on, and going to help you zero in on what you actually need to do to turn things around. But an easy thing you can do right away is take her to different places.

Don’t be going to dinner every fucking week. Don’t be going to the bar every single week. Go do something else. There’s other things to do in your city besides going to the same restaurant every week, or going to the same bar and hanging out and doing the same thing over and over, or trying to Netflix and chill every time, or doing the same approach to seducing her because she already knows it’s coming. She knows what you’re going to try, and she’s sick of it because there’s no original thought, and you just make her feel like you don’t care and like you just basically want to get a release.

And again, when you make a woman feel like that, she’s not going to want to sleep with you. So I don’t know when the last time was that you actually read The Book, but if you haven’t read it recently, it would be helpful to go back through it again with a fresh set of eyes. Especially if you read it 20 times before you met her, because it looks like you did everything right for at least the first year or so if you guys are fucking like rabbits all the time. But again, the biggest insight we get on that was her saying that she makes all this effort and you don’t make the same effort. So again, that tells me at some point you got lazy, you got complacent.

You stopped dating and courting her. And then lately, because now she cuts you off from access to the box, you started taking her out and doing things. But you’ve done a lot of damage and you’re having a hard time undoing things. And again, the fact that you’re trying to seduce her and she’s rejecting you, that tells me you’re making physical moves and you’re not looking for the signs that she’s ready to be touched or ready to be kissed or ready to be seduced. And if you’re doing that when she’s not ready, well, you’re going to get rejected 100% of the time. So my suggestion would be to book a phone session to really drill down if you really want to figure this out.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.