In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of three years. He says everything was great up until a month ago. He knew things were no longer great anymore, but he obviously was not expecting a breakup to happen. She suggested a “break,” and he told her he was not interested in that, but to give him a call if she changed her mind. She continued to call and text him daily. Then he made the mistake of meeting up with her to tell her that he meant what he said about not being interested in friendship only or a break.
He obviously did not follow what I teach in my article and video titled, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” He should have had her come to him, since she was the one who dumped him. However, he’s now seeing and sleeping with her again occasionally, but he suspects she is seeing someone else. She says she is not seeing anyone else, he better not be either, but she is not ready to be together again just yet. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
How’s it going? I just want to say, I love your work and all you have to say. I was with my girlfriend for 3 years, and everything was great up until a month ago. I could tell things weren’t exactly great anymore, and that’s how I came across your work. She said she felt bad she couldn’t give me 100%, and felt bad that I was putting in all of the effort. (In other words, you were over pursuing. You should read my book 10-15 times, learn the principles and get to know the information so well that you know it backwards and forwards. If you want success, you’ve got to master what’s in the book.) She suggested a break, so I told her I wasn’t interested and to call me if she ever changed her mind. (That’s the right way to handle it. That’s exactly what I teach in the article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”) For the next 2 weeks, she continued to call and text me daily. (She wants to keep you on the hook. She wants to make sure you’re not going to run off and date someone else. However, if they ditch you, they must come to you on your terms. You don’t go to them. That is a weak position.) I finally agreed to meet up, because I needed to tell her that I meant what I said, (If you meant what you said, you wouldn’t be driving anywhere to see her), and not to contact me anymore until she was ready. So now, two weeks later, she has done much better with not contacting me. We’ve met up a couple of times just to have sex, she was really into it, and told me she can’t wait until she’s ready to be with me again. I left by saying keep me in mind if you change your mind. (You’re still having the tendency to give your power away.)
I’m not sure if she’s seeing another guy, but my gut feeling tells me she is, (You should trust that), in which case I should meet other women and have fun. (She can’t expect you to be exclusive if she doesn’t want to be exclusive with you. That’s ridiculous.) However, if she is not, and I start meeting other people, then I look like the bad guy. I feel, no matter what I do, unless I wait around for her, she can easily turn it on me. (Steve McQueen said, “I live for myself, and I answer to nobody.” You don’t answer to this girl. She broke up with you. She needs to earn you back.) She’s made it very clear that she isn’t seeing anyone, and that I better not either. I don’t know man. My gut says differently. If she isn’t seeing another guy currently, then I’d like to get her back, but I just don’t know at this point. Any suggestions on what I should do next? (Do whatever the hell you want to do, and when you hear from her, make the next date. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing.)
Thanks for your help,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Successful relationships are based upon mutual effort, admiration and respect. They are also based upon self-respect and self-love. You should always pay attention to the level of effort all people are making or not making whom you are in relationship with. Unbalanced relationships often have one person doing more of the taking and the other person doing more of the giving. Self-respect and self-love will not allow a relationship to become too one-sided and unbalanced for too long without standing up for oneself. People will treat you how you invite them to, and by what you tolerate.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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