She Didn’t Return My Call. It’s Been 6 Days. What Now?

What it means when she stops responding to your texts, calls & date invitations.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 30 year old premium member. He met a girl on Hinge and had what he thought was an awesome 1^st date. She reached out the next day to say she’d be busy for the next few weeks. However, she continued to contact him to chat and he would set dates. Then he realized he was over pursuing and backed off after she never responded to his last phone call. It’s been 6 days.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Didn’t Return My Call. It’s Been 6 Days. What Now?”.

Well, sometimes women act like kitty cats and they just disappear. They leave you hanging. They ghost you only to come back a few days or a few weeks, sometimes a few months, even years later. So you always want to have the attitude of, “I don’t want to burn the bridge” because especially if it’s somebody you just met, there could be a relationship that they’re phasing out of.

Maybe the ex is still in the background. You’ve got to remember that 75% of the time women are filing for divorce and doing the dumping. So there’s a good chance the guy wants to get back with his ex and he’s lurking in the background, unbeknownst to you, who maybe just met her on a dating app, Hinge, Tinder, whatever happens to be the day before. So again, you just don’t want to burn a bridge.

You have an attitude of what’s always worked great is remembering that dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net. She’s got to hit it back. You leave her a message, you text her. You’ve got to wait for her to text you back. Sometimes girls, especially with online dating, they’ve got to weed out from the nut jobs, from the weak guys, the betas, the losers. So they may text you and you’re in the middle of a conversation.

All of a sudden, poof, they disappear and you’re like, “What happened? We were like, right in the middle of the conversation. I haven’t heard from her in two hours.” When that happens, you can’t freak out. You’ve just got to assume, well, maybe she’s doing it on purpose to see if I don’t freak out. Or maybe she got busy. Maybe she’s at work. She had a customer to take care of.

Maybe she stepped into a meeting at the end of the day. It can’t bother you. You just resume the conversation if and when she picks it back up. But if you get upset, if you get perturbed, if you get worried, you get desperate, you get needy, you over text, you over call. You double and triple text, you start going, “What’s wrong? Is everything okay? Did I upset you?”

Then usually that often will be the last thing that ever happens. It’ll just be a one way conversation. And you’re the only one that’s talking. So with that in mind, this particular email, this guy is 30 years old. He’s one of our Premium Members. He met a girl on Hinge and had what he thought was an awesome first date.

She reached out the next day to say that she’d be busy for the next few weeks. However, she continued to contact and text him and he would set dates and then at some point, he realized he was over pursuing. Looks like she just didn’t even respond to his last phone call or his message. And now six days have gone by and he’s going, what the hell?

But she did say she was going to be traveling. So we’re basically trying to ascertain how bad was this over pursuing? Did he over pursue to the point where he looked needy and desperate and weak, and she filtered him out and met somebody who was more confident. Or is she just busy on her trip?

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

It’s Bob. I’m 30 years old, 6’2″, and live in SoCal. I have read the book 7 times. I went out with this bombshell of a woman. She is 26. We met on Hinge. We had an awesome first date. I don’t drink, so I planned for us to grab some food, then to go check out a local flea market.

Well, we do have a flea market in South Florida called the Swap Shop. It’s been there like forever. I used to go there with my grandfather as a kid. When he was looking for bargains he would take me there.

We ended up going to multiple places, and the conversations felt so effortless; she even met me on my side of town.

Well, it would seem she’s a little flexible. And usually if she’s flexible she likes you.

After grabbing some food in the evening, she started to bump into me, which I took as a cue to start holding her hand. We ended the date in her car, listening to music for about 30 minutes, when I started to notice how she was fixing her lipstick. I knew she wanted to kiss me. After the date, she went to hug me, then she kissed me.

We made out for 5 minutes, and she kept asking me if I had a good time with her, to which I replied yes, it was a fun time. This is where things get difficult. She called me the next day, told me how much she enjoyed our time together, and that the next couple of weeks would be busy for the first couple of weeks of May.

Well, at the end of the day, when you hear something like that, you’d say, “Well, awesome. Well, when are you available to get together?” You don’t really, as a man, if you’re thinking like an appointment setter, you don’t want to hear about how she’s going to be busy. You’re just like, when are you available to get together? That’s what your focus should be. You don’t get caught up in the, “Oh, okay, I guess I’ll see you in a month.” You’re just like, “Well, when are you available? What’s your schedule like? We should get together again.”

Because she’s telling you, “Hey, I had a really good time.” I was like, “Awesome. Well, let’s get together again before your schedule gets crazy. When are you available?” And if she goes, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure.” Then just say, “Hey, figure it out and get back to me.” And she gets back to you a few hours later. A few days later, just say, “Hey, what did you figure out your schedule?” As soon as she messages you, say she sends you a meme. “Hey, that’s funny. Great to hear from you. What’s your schedule like?” You go right into it.

Be direct, decisive, get to the point. You assume she’s getting back in touch because now she knows when she’s available to see you. And after a few days went by and you didn’t freak out, she probably missed you a little bit. Her interest went up a little bit, and now she’s reaching out. So as the book says, if she continues to reach out and you try to set a date and she doesn’t know her availability, but she wants to chit chat, send a few texts back and forth, maybe talk for a few minutes and say, “Hey, it was great hearing from you. Figure out your schedule and get back to me. I want to see you.”

And then just leave it at that and say she reaches out one more time. You try to set a date. She gives you the same “Oh, I don’t know. I’m unsure, but I wanted to reach out.” That would usually mean she’s kind of stalling. In other words, she’s wanting to keep you on the hook, wanting to make sure you’re still into it. But at the end of the day, somebody else has got her attention. Or maybe she’s just busy traveling. She did say she was going to be busy, but she’s continuing to reach out, so there has to be interest there.

But if after the second time, say she’s still in town and she hasn’t left for her trip, and you’ve asked for the second time since she reached out to you first to get together and she still doesn’t know her schedule. Then after that, you’re just going to stop bringing it up because you’re going to assume she’s traveling. Or maybe she’s just reaching out for a little attention and validation and kind of hoping to keep you on the hook as a backup plan because maybe Chad Thunder Cock since your first date came back into the picture, or the ex or whoever.

Or the guy that she had a crush on that disappeared and she thought it was over. And that’s why she went and got on a dating app. But she liked you. You’re a good kisser, and she doesn’t want to blow you off completely. But she wants to see where things go with the other guy. So when those things happen, when a woman does what she does, says she had a good time. Continues reaching out but won’t set dates yet. She’s still in town. It usually means there’s another guy and she just kind of stalling to see what happens with him.

So that’s why after two attempts, meaning she reaches out, you try to set a date. She’s unavailable, doesn’t know her schedule, reaches out a few days later, you try to set another date again. She’s still unsure of her schedule. Then after that, she may continue to reach out and you’re just not going to bring up getting together unless she brings it up first. And one of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together or she’ll stop contacting you, especially if she gets serious with the other guy.

And that’s why after that, after you’ve asked two consecutive times, you’ll just stop asking. And she’ll either bring up getting together and, you know, say she calls you, or she texts you send 3 or 4 replies back and forth, say, “Hey, I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you later.” If she calls you, you talk for a few minutes. “Hey, it was really great hearing your voice. I’ve got to run, I’ll talk to you later.” And then again. Jesus. Someone must have walked in. And then, you know, obviously, one of two things will happen.

She’ll bring up getting together or she’ll disappear. And you never know. A girl like this might pop up six months later or two months later, two weeks later, you just never know. Because again, if there’s another guy in the picture, these things are going to happen. So you’re not going to burn a bridge. So who knows, maybe in a month she reaches out and things are completely resolved with the other guy. And then she goes back to the hot and heavy type of behavior.

She had a girls’ trip planned to AZ, her birthday and her best friend’s birthday are coming up, etc.

So for her to call you and tell you, “Hey, I’m going to be busy with these things.” That’s what it kind of looks like. There might be another dude that she’s trying to figure out. It’s not completely done yet, but she doesn’t want to blow things with you. That’s why she’s continuing to reach out and keep things warm. But “Hey, I’m not available.”

I told her, “Hey, that’s fine. When your schedule frees up, get in touch.” She would still call me and text me all the time. I was doing about 20% of the pursuing and would constantly ask her out when she would reach out.

Well, I’m assuming. He doesn’t say, but I’m assuming she would go out on dates with you. Or maybe she kept reaching out and was just not available. So that’s why I wanted that whole diatribe about how to handle it, because I’m unsure of what is actually going on here with it. That’s why I wanted to go over those possibilities, just because there’s other dudes that are watching this that are in the same situation, and the girls, you know, responding in a different way.

I was doing about 20% of the pursuing and would constantly ask her out when she would reach out. It got to a point where it felt like I was starting to force; I felt like I was over-pursuing, so I decided to back off.

So again, it might be that she continued reaching out but wouldn’t make dates. And if that’s the case and she’s still in town like I was discussing, then we have to assume there’s another guy in the picture.

It’s been 6 days since I last heard from her. She never returned my call, which I find to be disrespectful since she’s posting on her Instagram Story being out with her friend.

Well, maybe she is on the trip. And so like I said, it kind of looks like she continued reaching out and he kept trying to make dates every time she reached out and she wouldn’t. I’m just guessing from that because it doesn’t look like he hung out with her other than the first date. But she continued reaching out. So that’s why I said you should only ask her out twice, and then you should keep the conversation short.

In that case, again, I’m assuming what’s going on is things are progressing with Chad Thunder Cock, and she’s kind of keeping you in backup position because she’s not really sure it’s going to work out with him. And it more than likely won’t. Once he gets his fill, he’ll probably move on. And then she’ll be back.

Am I doing this right, Coach? Was backing off the right move?

Well, again, if you leave a message and she doesn’t call you back, again, dating is like tennis. So, yes, absolutely.

I am starting to date other girls as well. What should be my next move? Is this a situation of girls being like cats?

Best, 

Bob

Well, we don’t know, but it kind of looks like there’s another dude in the picture. Especially if she kept reaching out but wouldn’t actually make dates with you. That’s what a woman does when she’s just trying to stir the pot, keep you on the hook until she can figure out over the coming weeks, what’s really going to happen with the other guy. Again, that’s why, like I said, for her to say, “Well, I’ve got this birthday, I’ve got that birthday, we’re going on a girls trip.”

But yet she keeps reaching out. It means that she’s doubtful that things are going to work out with the other guy, but it’s not sure yet. So she doesn’t want to give up on him. Doesn’t want to, you know, tell you to go on down the road or blow you off completely. But it looks like that’s what happened here at this point. He messaged her because again, if she’s reaching out to you and you’re trying to set dates, then she says, “I don’t know. I’m going to check my schedule and get back to you.”

There’s no reason for you to reach out. So but he did say he looks like he over pursued. So at this point, you’ve got to do nothing. So if you’ve asked her multiple times, she’s reached out and she won’t set dates and then six days go by, maybe two weeks go by three weeks. And she reaches out just like, “Hey, you, what are you up to? What’s new? How you been?” Send a few texts back and forth. If she’s calling you, talk for a few minutes. Say, “Hey, it’s nice hearing from you, but I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you later.”

And you’re not going to bring up getting together because you already tried that a bunch of times. So you want it to be her idea. Because again, if she wouldn’t make dates, then you stop asking. And if she brings it up, then it means that things resolve themselves with the other guy, and it doesn’t look like anything’s going to happen. And her bringing up, seeing you means that now she is clear to hang out, have fun, and potentially hook up with you.

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