What it means when a woman you were dating starts pushing you away, puts you in friends zone or dumps you, but says that she does not want to lose you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has pushed a woman away he was dating because he consistently acted needy, desperate, weak and like a beta male. He wants to get her back to where she was before when she was all over him. He has basically become her male girlfriend at this point. On top of that, it’s a long distance relationship.
She is telling him how she is busy, confused, has so much going on, etc., and just can’t seem to find the time for him anymore. He is obviously stuck in friends zone and wants to know what he can do to get her back. He thinks what they had was “bliss” for both of them until he drove her away. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
First off, let me tell you how much I appreciate the knowledge you are putting out for everyone and the dedication for it too. My current relationship is with this girl I met online through games and friends. My friends really hated her because she hurt them. They wanted something serious, and she got scared when she just wanted to have some fun. (All relationships start out as casual affairs.) I initially started playing with her online, and she had a high attraction level at first. Then I kind of ignored her for a few days and made myself busy, not wanting to spend time with her, and that helped get her attraction level even higher. (It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.) We ended up chatting on the web. She was all over me, and she wanted me to come over to her place. The problem is she lives 430 km away from me. We kept going for 5 months without seeing each other, and I constantly made mistakes by being weak and needy, and just being a bitch, but she still supported me and said we would make it together through this long distance relationship in the end. (Five months without seeing her?) After awhile, my behavior probably affected her so much she became a different person — distant, cold, only wanted to talk about things that she would talk with her girlfriends. I was being “her girlfriend,” and I acted like a servant in exchange for sex. The sad part is I’ve only just now discovered you and what you teach only after this relationship went to shit, and now I URGENTLY need your assistance Corey.
The situation right now is that I’ve made huge mistakes, and I don’t know how to get her back in love with me. We just had a talk where I basically told her that I don’t want to be someone she has until she finds someone better, and she started crying and told me she really loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. (She wants to keep you around as backup in case she doesn’t find anything better.) She is confused about work, school and not having time for us, (With your weak and needy behavior, this girl is completely turned off and has little to no interest in you at this point), and meeting once a month is shit, but I think she just doesn’t want to be alone and uses me somehow. (You’re enabling her behavior because you’re continuing to pursue. You should have her come to you. If she’s not willing to make the effort to come see you, then you’re wasting your time.) I followed the cat analogy, and I’m still doing it. I just let her come to me, don’t talk to her and let her engage. (You need to read my book 10-15 times ASAP because your game sucks. You should also review my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” From this point forward, she should be doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. If she really cares, she’ll find the time to come visit you.)
Corey, please help me. I really love this woman, and I want to get her back to the way she was before. It was bliss for both of us, but I fucked up. You are my only hope. (You need some other options because you’re stuck in friends zone. Unless she’s willing to come see you, you need to put a fork in this one. It’s done. You deserve better.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When a woman puts a guy in friends zone, dumps him and basically pushes him away, but says that she doesn’t want to lose him, she’s really saying she wants to keep him around as backup while she looks for a new man. Guys who fall for this nonsense mistakenly think they still have a chance if they just wait around long enough. Once she does find a new guy, she mysteriously disappears for good, and the guy is left wondering what the hell happened, since she was the one who said she did not want to lose him, even though she ended up losing him on purpose. A man who values and respects himself will never agree to this BS and will walk away and never look back after telling her to get in contact with him if she ever changes her mind.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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