She Finally Came Back, But Her Behavior Never Changed

How no-contact helped a viewer to finally become free from an unhealthy situation.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an update from a viewer who had been trying to date a woman who was only jerking him around, teasing him and stringing him along. He stuck to no-contact and she finally came back, but her hot and cold and inconsistent behavior never changed. She wouldn’t let him advance things physically despite her sleeping with other men she had been seeing.

He seems to finally be free and see how she was wasting his time. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this guy had basically been acting like a beta male with this girl. I’m sure I roasted him in his previous newsletters. There was at least two newsletters. This guy’s from Dubai. I probably roasted him pretty good just because he was acting weak, pathetic, unmanly. and was just basically getting his ass handed to him by this girl he really liked, but she kept coming over with excuses, kept giving him the cheek, but she liked using him for an emotional tampon and validation, and probably was part of her Frankenstein Boyfriend project. She’d come and complain about other guys she was dating and sleeping with, and then the next breath would be going, “Well, I always sleep with guys that are potential for marriage,” which is just more BS.

So he finally walked away, went into to no-contact, started spending time learning the book and reassessing his situation. Now she reached back out, came over and they hung out. She even stayed the night, which was something she would never do before. Again, any kind of physical advance was just like, same thing, gave mixed signals, hot and cold behavior. Then she just kind of gets up and leaves the next day like nothing ever happened. Well, nothing actually did happen really, but it’s just cold and like, “See you later.” So he started to get, you can tell, to the point where he’s getting free of basically putting himself in situations where he invites this kind of used, abused, and tossed aside type of behavior that he’s been dealing with her.

So he’s starting to take his power back. His path is going to be different than everybody else’s and vice versa, but the dude is making progress. He’s getting there. Even though it’s like little baby steps, he’s doing it, and these are the kinds of things that make you feel internally as a man, your inner strength and the external possibilities that can come from your internal strength. Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. He was constantly inviting this attention and toxic behavior from this woman, just because he was always putting himself last. He put his own needs last. He pedestalized this girl and other women in his life, and he’s starting to recognize that just doesn’t really get him anywhere. The nice guy routine doesn’t work. That’s why they say that nice guys finish last. If you act like a doormat, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch and they’ll treat you like a doormat.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I wanted to send a follow-up to the video newsletters you did on my situation, Why You Shouldn’t Keep Dating Women Who Won’t Kiss You and If You’re Confused About Her Interest, She’s Probably Not Interested.

I’ve been living in Dubai for over two years now, and your work has really helped me navigate the dating scene here and understand my own mistakes better.

To give full context for this update:

I met this girl, Angela, about a year-and-a-half years ago. Initially, her interest was high, we went on a few great dates, she was affectionate, and things were moving forward. Then suddenly, she backed off, became flaky, and I later found out she was hooking up with another guy.

Yeah, she was just totally snowing this guy. A total snow job. He was bamboozled.

At that point, she tried to keep me around as a backup/friend-zone option, which I declined. We stopped talking, and she disappeared.

A few months later, she came back when things with that guy got shaky, and eventually they broke up. I kept my distance, but she started reaching out again, sending memes, initiating contact. I asked her out, and we met a few times, but her behavior remained the same. Inconsistent and hot and cold.

Remember, in the previous newsletter she was getting together. He tried to kiss her, she’d turn to cheek, give him some excuse, “Oh, I only do that with guys I’m potentially going to marry ,”that kind of shit. Meanwhile, she’s sleeping with Chad Thundercock and getting jerked around and crying the blues to him over that.

The last time we met before this recent situation, she again made disrespectful comments about my looks. I cut off contact completely. She kept apologizing, saying she didn’t mean it, but I didn’t respond. Then out of nowhere, she messaged me saying she was near my place and asked if I was free.

So he just basically ghosted her and stopped replying. So now she’s like, “Oh well, let me just tell him I want to come by and see him.” So he’s probably thinking, “OK well, maybe she’s ready to give it up now.”

I invited her over. She came up without resistance and even asked if she could stay the night. This is the same girl I had invested time and money in before, who wouldn’t come home with me or even kiss me. Now she was willing to stay over. However, when I tried to initiate intimacy, she kept stopping things from progressing further. She was physically close, cuddling and even being somewhat teasing at times, which created sexual tension, but whenever things moved toward anything more, she would shut it down. She mentioned feeling like it would make her “cheap…”

These excuses all sound logical, and you go, “Oh well, she’s a good girl.”

…And said she only wants to be intimate in a serious relationship with her future husband.

Again, it sounds logical, it makes sense, but because we have the context of her previous interactions with Chad Thundercock, it’s a load of bullshit. On top of that, this girl comes from a broken home, obviously.

She even compared me to her ex and brought up past baggage.

So she’s constantly belittling this guy because quite frankly, she doesn’t respect him. And she does that because she doesn’t respect men in general, and that’s why she gets her ass handed to her with the guys that she dates, because they don’t respect her. They know she’s trash.

At one point, she was comfortable with some physical affection and teasing, but still wouldn’t move things forward. That’s when I realized it was the same pattern again. Mixed signals and confusion.

Well, if a girl’s truly interested, you’re not going to be confused.

Instead of continuing to push or chase, I backed off and let it be. Eventually, I just went to sleep.

The next morning, she got up, made herself breakfast, and left. No real affection, no clarity, just the same inconsistency.

Well, at the end of the day dude, you got to remember, your job is just to create the opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, and hook up.

After that, she reached out again with a meme trying to re-engage, and I simply reacted without investing in conversation.

Meaning he probably just hearted it because that kind of ends the conversation. So in other words, he’s not going to invest any more into wasted time and effort with this jackass.

So technically, your teachings worked:

I pulled back → She came back → She made effort.

But the real lesson I learned is this:

She came back, but nothing about her behavior changed.

She’s still:

• Inconsistent.
• Disrespectful at times.
• Confused about her interest and attraction.
• Not someone who makes things easy.

Well, one thing I will say, she’s like, “Oh, I want to come by,” just say, “Look, unless you’re coming by to fuck my brains out, we got nothing else to talk about. Unless you want to come over and make mad, passionate love, I got nothing else to say. I spent enough time with you. You know me well enough. If you’re not down to get together, then you know you should probably call somebody else because I’m over it. I’ve given you enough time and effort from my side, and you’ve made none. All you do is you waste my time.” So that’s what I would do.

Again, don’t let her come over unless she’s like, “OK, I’m coming over. We’re gonna we’re gonna get busy. We’re gonna get down. We’re gonna do the horizontal bop. We’re gonna make love. OK!” You want her to throw in the towel and give it up, because quite frankly, make sure you wear a raincoat. Hooking up with her will be great for your ego, and you’ll feel awesome.

Again, at this point, you’re starting to go, “Hmm.” Remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it, and it would be nice to bump uglies after all the shit this girl put you through, but again, if she texts you and wants to come by, just say, “Unless you’re coming by to fuck my brains out, I’m not interested.” “Oh that’s disrespectful!” It’s like, “I don’t care. It’s what I want. You, me, naked in bed. That’s all I care about at this point. If you’re not excited about that, then you can delete my number. I don’t care if I ever hear from you again.”

You could be that savage with this girl in this case, and there’s a 50/50 chance she might be like, “OK, I’m coming over.” Or she might be like, “No, I’m not doing that.” Then an hour later she’s like, “OK, I’m on my way.”

And after this whole roller-coaster, I realized I don’t even see her as girlfriend material anymore.

Because she’s not, and I know I told you that in the previous newsletters.

At best, she would be a casual situation, but even that comes with too much confusion and frustration.

Well, you still care too much. That’s part of the problem.

For the first time, I didn’t feel the urge to chase, fix things, or win her over. I just saw her clearly for who she is.

I think this could be a valuable follow-up for your audience, because a lot of guys think “getting her back” is the goal. But sometimes the real win is realizing she’s not worth keeping once she does come back.

Well, you don’t have to keep her. You can hook up with her, and if she wants anything serious, just say, “Based on your behavior, the only thing I can offer you is friends with benefits. Occasional friends with benefits. I don’t want to be your boyfriend or husband. We don’t have the same values. Again, based on your previous behavior, it’s just not going to happen, but we can be friends with benefits until I meet my future ex-wife or you meet your next sucker or, I mean, boyfriend.”

Thanks again for your guidance. It’s helped me shift from chasing women to observing their behavior and valuing my time and self-respect.

Bob

Well, you’re getting there, dude. You’ve gotten better, but like I said, I would expect at some point she’s going to get back in touch. Again, I’d be brutally honest and blunt. Like I said, unless she’s coming over to fuck your brains out, you got nothing to talk about. So don’t let her come over unless she agrees to that. If she does agree to that, it’s like, “Let’s go to the bedroom. Let’s go,” and she goes, “Oh, I want to talk,” it’s like, “No. We’re going to get busy or you’re going to leave. We can talk afterwards. Other than that, you’re either serious, you either want to be with me, or you don’t. I’m not wasting any more time with you. We spend enough time together. Either in or you’re out.”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.