She Flaked After A Hot First Date. Should I Walk Away?

What you should do if a girl flakes after a hot first date at the last minute.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s read 3% Man nine times. He met a girl through online classes about a year and a half ago. Three weeks ago during small talk, he learned she was single for about five months. They met at a bar and the date went well. They almost had sex in his car.

She became flaky trying to change the plans and put off their second date. Then she completely stood him up and ghosted him. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, as the late great Doc Love used to say: “Each woman gets one chance per lifetime.” A cardinal sin is a canceled date. In other words, a canceled date is not the end of the world as long as she mentions reschedule, that really means something came up and she wants to reschedule, but when a woman cancels a date at the last minute and doesn’t mention a reschedule at all then or she ghosts you or stands you up 20 minutes before you’re supposed to meet and she says she can’t make it, that’s like the cardinal sin. Total lack of respect for you and your time, and you should never give those women the time of day. That was Doc Love’s mindset. In this particular case, when a woman does this to you, you’re just never going to call her again or text her for any reason. If she does reach out, she has to bring up getting together again. If she never does, you’ll just treat her like the girl you’re tired of fucking. You’ll be nice. You’ll be polite. You’ll talk to her for a few minutes and then you’ll say, “Hey, I gotta run. Have a great day! Talk to you later,” and then leave the conversation.

So with that in mind, this particular guy knew a woman for about a year and a half, I guess they had some online classes together. Then a few weeks back, he started talking to her. They were just kind of having some small talk, and he found out that she’d been single for about five months and had broken up with her boyfriend. So they met at the bar and they had a first date and it went well, they kissed and they almost had sex in his car. Then he set a second date and then at the last minute she’s trying to change the plans or, “Oh, it’s raining. Let’s just do it a different day.” So it was clear she really didn’t want to go out with him, and then she just basically stood him up and then ghosted to them. So he’s thinking he should walk away.

I mean, it’s pretty rude what she did. Girls who do that got low interest and low respect. They don’t care about wasting your time. You want somebody who’s nice to you. That’s not a nice thing to just not show up for a date. It’s not a nice thing to cancel a date 10 minutes before, or especially when you know the guy you’re going on a date with is at the venue, and you just blow him off like it’s nothing. I mean, that’s just a shit human, right? That’s a garbage human being. That’s what it is, and you shouldn’t hang out with garbage humans. Hang out with girls that are nice to you, who say what they mean and mean what they say, not fucking flaky jackasses.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’d love your advice on this situation. I’ve been following your principles, read the book nine times and listened to it four times on audio-book, and I want to make sure I’m handling this correctly.

Well, the best way to learn the book and really take it seriously is to sit down with a laptop computer, or maybe even put it on your TV and AirPlay it through your Sonos speakers. Put the audio-book on two-speed and then follow along with a digital or physical copy, and you can get through the book in under four hours. That’s the best way to learn it, instead of just listening to it in the background when you’re working out, you’re going for a walk or you’re driving in your car. You’re going to be distracted.

You want to be able to concentrate because this is important material you got to learn. You got to take it serious. Otherwise ,you’re going to make unnecessary mistakes that are going to ruin your chances with good women until you get burned enough. You know, some guys, they got to do that. They got to get burned enough and lose enough good women before they get to the point where they go, “OK, I’m going to listen to this shaved head dude on YouTube.”

I met this girl through online classes, and we had been in contact for about 1.5 years, but only for school-related work. About three weeks ago, we started having small talk about personal things, but nothing deep. She broke up with her ex five months ago, and from what she told me, it was a hard breakup for her.

I set up a first date with her at a bar. The date went really well. She seemed engaged, the conversation was good and we laughed and joked a lot. We went to two different places, and I drove her in my car to the second location. When I tried to kiss her at the second place, she turned away, saying she doesn’t like kissing in public.

Well, she just doesn’t like kissing you in public, at least at that point.

(HINTS : I didn’t kiss her cheek and she commented, “That was smooth”).

In other words, he goes to kiss her and she turns her head and then he stops himself.

However, when I drove her back to her car to drop her off, things got very physical inside the car. It escalated to the point where we almost had sex. (She said, “Let’s save something for next time,” then we talked about three minutes more and parted ways).

Following your principles, I waited three days to reach out, “To keep the momentum going.” When I did, I set up the next date right away. No extra texting in between.

Yeah, keep in mind, he knew this girl. I mean granted, in class for a year and a half, but it’s only in the last three weeks he’s been talking to her.

She actually suggested two different days and a place near my home (She suggested driving closer to my town, which I liked the idea very much)…

Well, at least when she’s making a date, she sounds super into it.

…And I chose Sunday at a specific location at 4:00 p.m.. I suggested a specific time and location and she agreed (We didn’t text in between the date).

Then, on the day of the date, this happened:

1. At 12:51 p.m. (Day of the date), she texted me: “Hey, should we go another day since it’s raining?”
2. At 1:12 p.m., I responded (Trying to keep the plan on track): “Hey, the forecast says it won’t rain at 4:00 p.m., and it’s dry right now, so we can still meet. If it rains, we can grab a warm drink instead of walking.” (HINT: IT DIDN’T RAIN SO I WAS RIGHT)
3. At 4:06 p.m. (When she was already supposed to be there), she responded: “Can we still go during the week if you have time?”

So in other words, he tells her, “Hey, this is what we’re going to do.” She doesn’t respond to anything. He’s at the venue now when they’re supposed to meet. So six minutes after they’re supposed to meet, she says, “Can we still go during the week if you have time?” That’s fucking rude. That’s a garbage human right there. I would be kicking her to the curb because that is just so disrespectful to not show up like that.

4. At 4:08 p.m., I responded, calling her out for flaking:
“Uh, I’m actually here. Maybe, depends on my schedule. What happened today?”
Since then, she hasn’t replied at all (It’s been couple of hours now). 

She’s not apologetic. She just doesn’t fucking care. Doesn’t care that she blew him off. Doesn’t care that she stood him up. I mean, she knows what she did. She’s just a garbage fucking human. Just because she’s hot or beautiful to look at, you shouldn’t be willing to just let shit like that slide, because if she can blow you off and dick you around like that with no apology and then just ghost you, she’s a garbage human, and if you are talking to her in the future, you can just say, “I’m not interested. You’re a garbage human. Lose my number.”

I mean, there’s got to be consequences for it. I wouldn’t give another woman like that the time of day, but I know the thirst is real and I get the, “But Coach, you don’t understand. Her ass is amazingly shaped. I gotta have a taste.” That’s part of the problem, is that she’s hot and she gets away with shit like this all the time.

Completely ignored my question about why she flaked.

My dilemma: Should I even bother anymore?

Well, as the book says, that’s it, dude. She cancelled the date on you. You shouldn’t be contacting her trying to make another one. I mean, she literally blew you off. She knew that you were going to probably go there, and she just didn’t even fucking care. That’s how selfish she is, because she’s a garbage human. There are a lot of beautiful garbage humans in this world. It’s just the way it is.

I mean, on Twitter, there’s some accounts that I follow and like they have mug shots. There will be a mug shot of a really handsome dude or mug shots of like really beautiful women and guys in the comments will be like, “I could fix her.”

Now I’m wondering: Do I completely back off and let her come to me, or do I just cut this off entirely? What to do when she texts back? 

Well personally, I wouldn’t even respond to that. I would just block the number. That’s what you should do. If you have choice, if you have options, you blow her off. If you’re desperate, you’re really hot for her and you really want a shot at the chocha, you’ll probably make another date if she reaches out. Now, if you’re crazy enough to make another date, if she reaches out, “Oh hey, sorry about the other day.” I would just say, “Yeah, that was really rude. I mean, you knew I was there waiting on you and you just left me hanging like that? That’s pretty rude. I don’t appreciate that at all,” then just not even not say anything else. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” Well, how are you going to make it up to me? Why don’t you come over and make me dinner at my place? You could do that.” She might flake on you again, so why give her two opportunities to do that? You need to be man enough to say, “That’s it! I don’t care how hot she is.”

From what I see, she has already shown a pattern of:

• Flaking at the last minute without warning.


She stood you up. She left you sitting there and she didn’t even care.

This is part of the problem with online dating, is that there’s no connection with the two of you. You even had an online class, so you never really physically met in person, but if you’d have met in class and she knew she was going to see you tomorrow or the next day, that would be uncomfortable.

If you guys were introduced through a mutual friend, she’s not going to blow you off typically like that, because she doesn’t want to get any shit from her friend like, “Why did you blow off Bob? I mean, I put a good word in for you, and then you stand the guy up. Like, what the fuck’s wrong with you? You better call him and apologize and make that shit up, or I’m not going to be friends with you anymore.” That’s the kind of thing that would happen under normal circumstances, which is the peer group would hold the other person accountable, but when it’s online, you don’t really know each other. You don’t give a fuck. You’re just some digital signature on the internet.

• Ignoring a direct question when I called out her behavior.

• Offering a weak reschedule without taking responsibility.

Yeah again, she’s a garbage human. That’s what she is. I know it’s tough when the girl is super hot and she may reach out in a few weeks or whatever, but I personally wouldn’t give her the time of day. If you’re crazy enough to give her another shot, she’s got to bring up getting together and then she’s got to come to you. Invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out, have fun, hook up, and I would never call or text her again for any reason. You just treat her like a booty call. That means she does all the pursuing. If she complains about it, I would be like, “Hey, after what happened when we first met, I don’t like the way you treated me. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with somebody that does that,” but I don’t see it getting to that point because you’ll probably never, ever hear from her again, because her interest is low and she’s a garbage human. Why would you want to hang out with garbage humans?

She seemed very into me on the first date, but now she’s pulling this. I don’t want to chase someone who isn’t genuinely interested, but at the same time, I want to make sure I’m handling this in the most confident, high-value way.

Would love to hear your take on whether this is even worth pursuing at this point.

Thanks,

Bob

Well, the most confident, high value way is to just delete the number. If a few weeks go by and she texts and you’re like, “Who’s this?” And she says, “Oh, this is so and so,” I just would not even reply to that. I’d block the number. That’s what I would do if I were you, because it’s just not worth it with somebody like this. She’s already disrespected you and it just sets the tone for the whole relationship.

Again, Doc Love was pretty brutal and was like, “You get one chance per girl per lifetime,” and she fucking blew it. So that’s it. She needs to learn that she treats men like this they’re gone forever, and let her experience the pain of rejection because rejection breeds obsession. Don’t put up with shit like this from garbage humans.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.