In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says that he just started dating a woman who lost her husband 18 months ago. He has known her for ten years while she was married. He sent her many emails over the years telling her that he loved her, and that he would marry her if she were single. On their first date, she initially tried to bring her mom on the date, but she could tell he was not excited about that when he went silent. She dis-invited her mother and went out with him.
He tried to kiss her twice on their date, but got her cheek only both times. He called her to confirm their second date a few hours before they were supposed to meet, but she said that she forgot about it. She suggested that she bring her mother again. He said, “sure” just to see what she would say, but she still canceled the date on him. He wonders if she is structured or simply not over the death of her husband. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I have just started dating a widow who lost her husband 18 months ago. She was married for years and has two kids who don’t live at home. I knew her for 10 years while she was married, and I was sending emails to her, telling her how much I loved her and how I would marry her if she was single — all the needy stuff that I shouldn’t have done, like a stalker. (She was married at the time. That is inappropriate and lacks integrity.) Love can make you blind. (It’s not that you’re in love with her. You’re infatuated.) I read your book, and it opened my eyes as to what I was doing wrong. Thank you for your advice!!! I stopped all emails a couple of years ago, and put my libido in reverse. I did not chase her anymore.
We go to the same church. I know her mom very well. I got her to go out with me for a first date on my birthday, and she wanted to pay for the dinner. (Saying you “got her” to go out with you sounds like you’re putting her on a pedestal, because deep down you don’t feel worthy of being with her.) Then, on the day, I got a text saying her mom wanted to come with us. (She’s trying to block you with her mother.) She called me, I got quiet on the phone, and she knew I didn’t want her mom along on our date, so she dropped mom out of the equation. When I first got there, she was sitting in the waiting area, so I went for a greeting kiss and got the cheek. (That’s pretty ballsy.) I thought uh-oh, and remembered your book.
After hours of good conversation, I told her I wanted to have a romantic relationship with her, not platonic. (That’s coming on too strong for a first date.) She said she needed to think about that, because this was the first date she had gone on since her husband died. She asked me to sit in her car to talk. After another 30 minutes, I went for a good night kiss, and again I got the cheek. (Like I discuss in my book, that tells you she’s not into you.) I said, “What’s the matter? Don’t you know how to kiss good?” She said she didn’t kiss on the first date. I said, “Maybe I should go out with your mom. She would probably give me a better kiss!!” (That’s a great comeback.) She asked me to call her when I got home, but I didn’t. Later, she texted me saying, “I enjoyed your birthday. You need to have another celebration. Hope you sleep with dreams for a wonderful future.” I felt, “what’s the use?” and sent a text the next day saying, “Let me enjoy the year before I have another birthday celebration.” She replied, “It isn’t about your age… DUHH. I had a really good time.”
Weeks later, She called me, but was half asleep. She agreed to another date. On the day, I decided to call her two hours before our date to confirm. I usually don’t confirm, but wouldn’t you know, she said she ” forgot all about our date.” She was supposed to pick up her mom from work at the same time as our date. (It sounds like she only thinks of you as a friend.) She called me back and again said, “mom wants to come with us.” I thought “What the hell is this?” but said, “Okay… bring her with you this time,” just to see what she would say. She replied, “I’m not using my mom as a shield.” Long story short, she still canceled.
I really love this woman and would marry her IF her actions were reciprocal. (You’re in love with a fantasy. You have no idea what this woman is like. She forgot about your date, and you want to marry someone like this? Have some self respect dude.) We’re both in our 60’s. (You seriously should practice the things I teach in my book. You should ask out 100 different woman over the next month. There are tons of women on online dating. Take a look at my article, “Attracting Beautiful Women Easily… How To Create The Ultimate Online Dating Profile.”) Am I dealing with a structured woman, or is she still not over the death of her husband? (How about she’s just not into you romantically?) How long does it take to get over a dead spouse? Do you think she will change? What am I doing wrong? (What are you doing right? You’ve been stalking her for a decade. This girl obviously doesn’t have any respect for you as a man. You’re chasing after a woman who isn’t interested in you. You need to move on, and if she reaches out in the future, ask her over for dinner at your place, without her mother.)
“When women really like you and want to see you, they will never “forget” about your date. Only women who have low romantic interest “forget” about dates. If you try to plan a date with a woman, and she suggests that she bring a friend or a relative on the date, that is another sign of low romantic interest. These are called “blockers,” which are meant to get in the way of anything romantic happening between you two. When a woman really likes you, she will make time in her schedule to meet you and enthusiastically keep your date. Only shallow women will try to get you to agree to treat her and a friend to a free meal and freeload off of you. If you encounter this situation in your dating life, you should have some self respect, decline BS offers like this and delete them from your life forever.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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