She Gave Me Her Number & I Made A Date. Then She Canceled. Why?

Some reasons why women with seemingly high interest cancel dates.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl at the gym who volunteered her number and asked him to text her. He setup a date and she seemed excited. However, as the date approached she started mentioning that she was potentially getting sick. Then the date got canceled and he wonders if it was for BS reasons and if so why did she change her mind after appearing to be really into him at first.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So sometimes this is going to happen. You’ll meet a girl. She’ll have seemingly high interest in you. Like in this case, he was at the gym, started chatting with her, she volunteered her number and said, “Hey, text me.” So he texted her, set up a date. She seemed excited. Then a couple days before the date, she started going, “Well, I’m not feeling good. I may come down with something, but I think I’ll be OK.” Then of course, as the date got closer, she supposedly got sicker and then she canceled and he’s wondering, “Was it just BS?” Because he’s going, “I thought this girl really liked me and she volunteered her number.”

Sometimes the girl’s in a different headspace, sometimes the ex is in the background and you just obviously don’t know because you just met her. Sometimes Chad Thundercock comes along and those things are going to happen. That’s why it’s best not to burn a bridge. Just extend your invitation as a man, and if she doesn’t appreciate it, well go extend it to somebody else who does.

So now he’s wondering what to do after he’s got to cancel a date. He’s thinking about contacting her again, which obviously he should not do, because you never try to keep somebody else’s attention who doesn’t want to keep yours. Like the late, great Doc Love says, his attitude was, “If you get a BS cancellation for any reason, never, ever give her another chance again.” He was pretty harsh about that, but I mean, sometimes girls just got other things got going on. Maybe they’re still talking to the ex, maybe you met a girl and she’s in between breaking up, staying away, maybe getting back together, that kind of thing.

So those things are going to happen. If you date enough, you’re going to encounter women that aren’t fully free of the previous relationship or the previous guy, or sometimes guys. So your job, as the book says, is really to create the opportunity for sex to happen. It’s not your job to lock her down, to wife her up, or put a ring on her finger. It’s her job to convince you why you should no longer date anybody else and only date her. Especially if you’re going to involve the government in your marriage or your relationship, make sure you got a good one and make sure she treats you right and comes from a good family, and she loves and respects her dad, because the more troubled the home is that she comes from, the more troubles you’re going to have trying to date her and have a relationship.

So let’s go through this email and see what happened. It’s a short email, and he’s got the text exchange. The one thing that you will notice is that what jumped out at me when I looked at this text exchange, he’s writing more words and more letters than she is. So right off the bat it shows that. Then he seems like he came off a little dopey. So there may have been other things he was saying and doing, he just seemed like a super nice guy, kind of over-communicating his interest a little bit. If you have choices and options and you meet a nice girl or what seems like a nice girl, at the end of the day, when you’re younger, you don’t have life experience, but as you get older and you get more experience, you realize that you’re going to be more selective. You’re going to be skeptical of what a woman says to you. It’s not just women, it’s just dudes in general that you meet. Could be somebody that you’re potentially going to hire, go to work for, or do business with.

I mean, there’s just a lot of bullshit artists in the world. So when you’ve been burned enough times by people that just don’t live up to their lofty words and promises, then you learn to recognize that most people talk out their ass, so you don’t really take them too seriously. If you’re not really taking them very seriously, they have to work to earn your attention and validation. If you’re overly invested in the beginning, that’s what somebody does who is not used to having good people around. That’s what somebody does who’s desperate for attention and validation. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So it’s pretty clear, again, I’m looking at his email exchange right now, and he’s typing more words and his sentences and her replies tend to be shorter, especially in the very beginning.

So let’s go through his email and see what is going on, because it doesn’t take much to put your foot in your mouth. Maybe he kind of overly-communicated that he was a nice guy in the beginning, but she thought he’s really cute. At the end of the day, attraction is not a choice. So he passed the physical attraction test, but the more he talked and texted with her, the more she started picking up on the fact probably that he was just a little too nice, a little too soft, a little too compliant, and she just wasn’t willing to go out with a guy who wasn’t manly enough and masculine enough to stand up to her and put her in her place like she needed to be put in her place like, quite frankly, all women do.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Met this girl at the gym and she gave me her number and asked me to text her. Asked her out on a date a week later and then she decided to cancel and I am suspicious she isn’t interested anymore.

No matter what, I am leaving it for 3-5 more days before even considering messaging her again…

You shouldn’t message her at all because she disrespected you and your time, and that’s part of the problem. You don’t see anything wrong with her behavior. You’re just ready to belly up to the bar and give her another chance to waste more of your time when she wastes your time like this, makes a date, seems like she’s excited and then just cancels because she’s supposedly sick or whatever, and you just go, “Hey, well hit me up.” You want to make it easy for a woman to either follow through on their plans and commitments, or to flake out and disappear forever, because you want to make sure she’s really interested in you as well, but you also don’t want to talk like you expect to be rejected, or that your time is not very valuable.

So as I go through the text exchange, I’ll explain how I would approach it and what I would have said if I was this guy. Again, I can just tell by looking at it, he just over-communicated his interest. Too easy, too available, too nice, probably not really going to stand up to her. Even though she was physically attracted to him, she’s been out with enough guys to know the vibe that he’s giving off is sub-optimal.

So I don’t know if he’s even actually read 3% Man yet, but if you’re new here and you haven’t, it’s free to read in the Members Area of my website. Just subscribe to the email newsletter, put your first name, your email address, and create a password on our website. It’ll be the first thing you see when you get there. As soon as you hit enter, 3% Man will open right up and you can start reading.

…Despite being quite interested in meeting with her for a first date.

Well, that’s the problem. You’re too interested. You’re just looking at her and she physically does it for you. So everything else, you’re already like, “She’s perfect!” Women like a guy that’s a challenge. They want a guy they got to work for. If you make it too easy, especially when you act kind of dopey, overly nice, soft, and compliant, it’s not going to go well.

So here’s his opener: After getting the number, I guess about a week after he got the number…

Bob: “Hey Jessica, it’s Bob. Thanks for coming to say bye yesterday. Made my day.”

Well, maybe he got the number and he saw her again. So that doesn’t sound like it was a whole week to ask her out. So this happens on the first on a Wednesday.

Jessica: “Hii Bob. LOL you’re welcome.”

Then for some reason he’s texting her almost 24 hours later the very next day, because she didn’t text him, she waited like seven hours to reply, now I’m looking at this. So he’s texting her around 1:00. She’s texting him around 8:00, 9:00 at night. You say, “Well, maybe she’s at work.” Maybe she’s doing it to see if she can piss him off because again, the beta males will be like, “Hey, how come you didn’t reply? Hey, did you get my text? Hey, did it go through?” Dating is like tennis. So in his defense, he did wait for her to get back, but that’s the first thing that kind of jumps out at me is that she waited to respond. So he kind of matched and mirrored that.

He responded at about 2:30 the next day, matching and mirroring her low interest in effort. Again, a girl with super high interest is going to text you back quicker. So either her interest is low or she’s playing games with him.

Bob: “Feel like I learned a lot about your job and not enough about you. I just got to London and I’m going to be swamped with work till Monday. Are you free next week to get a drink?”

Jessica: “Hey! Yes I am, in Oxford?

Bob: “Oxford’s good. Found out an old friend works at the Varsity Club, a cocktail bar near the High Street. Is Tuesday around 6:30 good? I’ll sort the bookings for us.”

Well again, if you’re going on a first date, it wouldn’t be taking her to where your buddies are hanging out, because if the guys don’t understand game, they could end up saying something that makes you look weak when you’re there on the date.

So this is it, 15:31. So it’s like 3:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday. He’s texting her. She waits until, wow, over 24 hours to even reply. So he’s at 15:32, which is basically around like 3:30 and she’s texting back around six or seven. So she’s waiting like 27, 28 hours. So that’s our first clue that she’s not super excited, super interested. Maybe she’s just dangling the carrot. Maybe she’s not super interested, but he says she volunteered her number. Again, from her actions, she’s either doing it on purpose or her interest is low and she’s being nice. So this was Sunday. He waits until 11:49 a.m. the next morning, which is now Monday.

So her response when he’s talking about Oxford, which is on Sunday. OK, so maybe she really is sick…

Jessica: “Oh, that’s cool. Let’s plan for Tuesday around 6:30, but I’ve started coming down with a cold. Hoping it will have a quick turnaround time though.”

So the next day he’s like…

Bob: “Hey, I hope you’re feeling better today.”

So if she’s sending me that, then say, “Well, if you’re getting sick, why don’t you get healthy, get over it, and then hit me up when you feel better and then we can plan something?” Then you’re going to do the takeaway, because I’m looking at this going, “Man, she waited over 24 hours to reply to a text.” Now she’s going, “I might be getting sick,” which usually when a woman starts talking like that, she’s not super excited. If your time is valuable and this girl’s going, “Oh, I might be getting sick,” and you’re like, “Man, I got one night open this week. I don’t want to hang out with a girl that’s got snot running down her fucking face, or she’s thinking she’s gonna get sick. I’d rather go do something with my buddies or call another girl I know and invite her out on a date. I’m not going to let this girl waste my time if she’s not like, ‘Hell yeah, I’d love to see you then!'” Again, you’re trying to make it easy for her to flake out and disappear forever, or to follow through on her plans and commitments.

He says the next morning, “Jessica, hopefully you’re feeling better today,” and he’s got his fingers crossed, which is just kind of like, “Oh, hopefully you want to go out with me, Your Highness.”

Bob: “I’m still good for tomorrow, but can reschedule if you’re not up for it.”

Jessica: “So far, feeling like I’m on the up.”

So again, this is like 11:49 a.m. in the morning on a Monday. She doesn’t text him back for nine hours, basically. So Tuesday…

Bob: “How are you feeling today? I booked us a table with a sunset view tonight.”

With a smiley face.

That’s 11 a.m. Then at 2:23…

Jessica: “Hey, hi. That’s really sweet. I got close to zero sleep last night though, so I’m sort of struggling today. What time is the booking? I might be failing in the next couple of hours…”

So she’s basically gone, “Ehh.”

Bob: “Ahh can’t be going out for drinks on no sleep. I had the booking for 6:30, but I’ll try to cancel it so you can rest.”

So this is a 14:34. Again, four hours later. She’s got the crying emoji.

Jessica: “Sorry, was in a meeting.”

Bob: “Yeah, it’s probably the best call… I appreciate it x.”

Bob

So the only time she really texted longer was when, remember, the longer the excuse, the bigger the lie. So when she’s like, “Oh, I’m really struggling today,” that’s probably BS. At the end of the day, like I said, “Thanks for coming by. Yesterday made my day,” a little too dopey. That was the very first message. Like I said, when she starts going, “Oh, I might not be able to make it,” when you get that, you’re just like, “Well, if you’re feeling like you’re coming down with something, why don’t we just do it some other time when you’re feeling up for it? I don’t want to get together if you’re sick. You got my number. Hit me up when you feel better. Have a great week.” I mean, she’s still going to work, so it’s really not that serious, but she doesn’t feel up for a date.

So in this particular case, since she bailed out, she didn’t say, “Oh, I’m really sorry. I really wanted to see you. Let’s just to be safe. Let’s schedule it for next week.” She didn’t mention anything about a reschedule, so it looks like the interest is low. I mean, at the end of the day, the fact she’s waiting 24 hours to reply when you’re trying to set up a date, that’s not what a woman does with high interest. That’s what a woman does with low interest, or a woman who’s just jerking your chain to see what you’re made of. So her interest looks questionable.

Again, she gave him the number, “She gave me her number and asked me to text her,” so I don’t know how that all came about. He didn’t really elaborate in what he said, but when we get to the actual text exchange, enthusiasm is missing. He’s typing a lot more words than she is. Again, when a woman starts mentioning, “Oh, I might be getting sick,” that usually means, “Well, if I don’t hear from Chad thunder cock, then I will magically be healed. But if Chad Thundercock or my ex-boyfriend or ex-husband comes back into the picture and I could see them, I’m going to blow you off and go get fucked by them.” That’s basically what she’s saying.

So in this case, he’s thinking about reaching out in three to five days. Like, hell no, I’m not reaching out ever again for any reason, because again, if you just look at her response, “Sorry, was in a meeting. Yeah, that is probably the best call. I appreciate it x,” it’s just a fucking flat response. Like she doesn’t care. There’s no enthusiasm there. So the only way I would ever try to arrange another date, say like a week goes by and she’s like, “Hey Bob, I’m feeling much better. How are you?” I would be like, “Hey, it’s good to hear that you’re all better! What’s new?” “Oh, blah, blah, blah. How about you? What are you up to?” “Well, I’m at work, and things are going great, you know? Good to hear from you.” She’s like, “Well, it’s good to hear from you too,” and you just heart the message. I wouldn’t even bring up getting together because you look at it and go, “You know, this girl wastes my time. Didn’t offer a reschedule. The only way I’ll take her out is if she asked me to take her out.” She’s gonna have to fucking work for it. If she’s not willing to do that, it’s like, “I got better things to do than spend my time texting an attention whore. If you want to see me, you got to ask for it now, because I’m not asking again.” So that would be my attitude towards this situation.

You don’t call or text in three to five days because she’ll probably just cancel again. The only way, again, that I would ever set a date is that she’s got to bring it up, bring up getting together or seeing you. If she doesn’t do that, send three or four replies and say, “Hey, can’t really talk right now. About to step into a meeting. Nice hearing from you. Have a great afternoon. Have a great rest of your day,” or whatever. “Glad to hear you’re feeling better.” Then you don’t bring up getting together. If she’s wondering like, “Did I blow it? Does he not like me? Did he meet somebody else? Why didn’t he ask me out?” Again, she wasted your fucking time. If you’re thinking, “Oh, I’m going to call her or text her in three to five days and try it again,” you’re just showing that your time is not worth shit. If you don’t value your time, nobody else will either.

So a man who values his time is just going to look at it and go, “If this girl was super into me, she wouldn’t have waited 24 hours to reply,” number one. Number two, she wouldn’t cancel a date without offering a reschedule. Her response was flat and the fact that her response was flat, just like she didn’t give a shit, “I made reservations with my buddy at his place and now I gotta cancel. It’s like you make me look like an ass in front of my friends. So no, I’m not going to try to set another date with you.” This is not a conversation you’re having with her. This is just yourself to understand the logic behind this. So it’s like, no. Unless she’s willing to bring it up, then you’re never going to ask her out unless she brings it up first, and she’ll either just fade away or she’ll bring up getting together.

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