She Had High Interest That Fizzled Out. What Went Wrong?

How to determine why women fizzle out, lose interest & back away.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he has great first dates, but then things seem to quickly fizzle out. He doesn’t understand why this is happening and shares his text exchanges & interactions with a woman that quickly lost interest after the first date. I point out things he said and did that talked her out of liking and seeing him again.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Had High Interest That Fizzled Out. What Went Wrong?”

Well, I’m sure pretty much every guy that’s ever been in the dating world has experienced this. Meet a girl seems to go well. Like in this case, this guy says he gets pretty good first dates, but then after the first date, it just kind of fizzles out. Even though he could tell the girl’s pretty interested.

And so he shares it’s pretty extensive text exchange over the course of several days. And you’ll see as I go through it, there are several things he says, plus some of the things he’s doing. Where he basically talked her out of liking him. And then the last date, their second date, she ended up canceling.

So it is a good email to learn from.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Long-time listener and have read your book 5 times. [Insert lashings from Corey].

Well, that’s why I say 10 to 15 times here you are writing me an email. And the bottom line is you didn’t really learn the fundamentals that well. So one thing I will say before I get into his text exchange, he did definitely lost his composure. He kind of communicated. He was a little bit of a jack in the box. And I think that was like the final straw that just made her go. You gave her the ick, basically.

In general, I do pretty well with women, but I’ve noticed a pattern where I go out on first dates, things seem to go exceptionally well, and then they fizzle out somewhere before the second date.

Well, if all of your text exchanges are kind of like this one, that would be understandable why that happens. You’re definitely talking and texting women out of liking you.

This specifically happens if there’s a long wait between dates due to someone being out of town or other delays.

Well, in other words, the more you talk, the more you put your foot in your mouth.

Texting feels like trench warfare these days, but I’m likely overthinking it.

Yeah. It shouldn’t look like that. What you’re really looking for is. Is she excited to see you? Does she make it easy? Women that like you make it easy to get together. Women with low interest, they throw obstacles and roadblocks in your way. So you want your conversation to be positive, to be funny, fun, loving, light.

I wouldn’t recommend, especially for younger guys trying to crack jokes through texts, because nine times out of ten they don’t know you well enough yet, and they’re not going to get your sense of humor. And then all of a sudden, poof, they just stop responding. So it’s best to keep it to logistics. If a girl wants to talk to you, to get to know you a little better, then get on a phone call with her. Or even better, a FaceTime chat. Especially if you’re meeting girls through online dating. So back to his email.

I recently had a date with a girl that went incredibly well. We hit multiple bars and a cocktail lounge that we practically had to ourselves. The vibe was great. Later, we ran into some friends of mine whom she loved, which only raised my value.

At least that’s what you assume.

We shared a few nice kisses, and she texted later that night to thank me.

Well, that’s a good sign, so all’s well.

She even texted me the next morning to ask how the rest of my night went.

In other words, “were you with another girl? What were you doing?” So if she’s texting you the next day and this is where you get exposed for not knowing the book, and this would be your first tongue lashing about that because you didn’t understand what this meant. Because if she’s texting you on the day that you just had the date, like the night before, she says, “Hey, I had a good time.” She thanks you. That’s a good sign. So I wouldn’t necessarily try to set a date then unless she brings up.

“Hey, I’d like to see you again.” Or when can we do it again” or something like that. Then I would go ahead and set the date on the first day or, you know, at the end of your first date, if she’s bringing it up. But when she texts you the very next day asking how the rest of your night went, you have to assume she’s been thinking about you and she really liked the date, and she wants to see you again.

And therefore, since it’s the next day, then you got to assume, wow, she must be pretty keen as the people in the UK and Australia would say. And I think New Zealand, they use that too and set the next date. So she’s texting you the next morning. “Hey you. How’d your rest of your night go?” I was like, “it went great. It’s awesome to hear from you. I want to see you again. What’s your schedule like?”

That would be my response because it’s clear that she’s interested. Wants to see you, but that’s the first missed opportunity. And again, you only read the book five times over. I don’t know how many years you’ve been following me. So, no, this is what happens. Kind of sloppy. You don’t really have tight game where you can just come back and understand what’s going on.

We exchanged a few messages, but since I try to keep texting to a minimum, I let the conversation fizzle out organically.

Again, she’s texting you the next day. You should be set another date. Exactly what I said, quick and to the point. 1 or 2 texts in you can go right for it.

About four or five days went by without hearing from her, so I reached out to set up a second date:

And he’s got a looks like a bird emoji. What is that, like a dove? I can’t even tell what that is. Yeah, it looks like a dove with a leaf in its mouth. Is that like the peace offering?

He said: “Hey u, would love to see you again this weekend if you’re free 🕊️”

So she’s telling him things. He’s like, blabbering on a date and he’s not really paying attention.

She said: “I won’t be back till next week, going to Charleston remember” Here’s the first shit test.

That’s charming. “It’s not my fault I got lost in your eyes.” You know, he’s like laying it on a little bit thick, you know? And so in other words, to the point where it’s kind of like being ridiculous and kind of communicating that he’s being ridiculous.

He said: “Oh I wasn’t listening” “Got lost in your eyes”.

She said: “Yeah yah yahhhhh” “A****, K****, N****, A*****?” She recited all of my siblings’ names to shame me.

And then she talks about some other girls. Um, I guess it’s his siblings. Oh, so she recited all of his one, two, three, four. He’s got four siblings. And she recited all of them. See, women have great memory about stuff like this. We don’t remember. But again, his comeback was like, I got lost in your eyes. I can’t help it. You hypnotize me. You were laying the feminine charm on. And I just my short term memory wasn’t working. I was preoccupied with other things.

He said: “I’m impressed!!”

I changed the subject here so I didn’t get trapped into guessing her siblings’ names.

It’s probably a good idea.

He said: “Homeschoolers in training” (I sent a picture of my nieces).

She said: “Omg the summertime sprinkler!!! How fun, you the fun uncle?”

He said: “I’m somewhere between a joey tanner and a Jesse katsopolis lol”.

Well, I don’t know who that is. Probably a TV show.

He said: “They love funcle Russell”

She said: “Oui oui papa”

I think that’s how you say that.

I then sent her a screenshot showing that she had unmatched me on Bumble.

Well, that’s not a good sign. But I wouldn’t be sending that and rub it in her face. So maybe she made up her mind after the date that she wasn’t into it. But then again, she wouldn’t be texting him. But if she’s a lady of the night, that’s what ladies of the night do. They’ll go out on a date with you and see how you are. And then they unmatch. And then they drop the bomb that basically, they want to hang out and sleep with you for a couple grand a week.

And then if you get pissed off, you don’t go and report their profile. That’s why they do that. So maybe that’s what’s going on. Who knows? That’s unusual for her to unmatch with him after she’s reaching out. But remember, this is several days later after he didn’t really do anything. When she reached out the next day, he didn’t set a date. He waited four days. Maybe that kind of pissed her off a little bit. Maybe she thought, oh, he doesn’t like me. It just kind of faded away. So maybe you were a little bit also too much of a cold fish in your text exchange.

But like I said, it looked like the very next day she was ready to go on another date and you missed a complete opportunity to do that. And then on top of that, the text exchange was boring and you just let it die. And that’s not good. Because then a girl could interpret that as, oh, we don’t really have chemistry. So I would say the reason why she unmatched is probably because it trailed off. And there’s also the possibility that she got a little butthurt that you hadn’t reached out and then she unmatched. But I wouldn’t have sent her that.

She said: “Who’s Kay? JK, you’ve got my number. You know how to reach me. What good is the app now?”

He said: “Might as well delete it right”

She said: “Totally”

He said: “Hopefully I remember you when you come back from Chuck town”

I assume that’s Charleston.

He said: “would hate to lose the 💥”

It’s like an explosion. The spark. It’s the spark emoji.

She said: “I guess we’ll just have to keep talking & texting then so your memory doesn’t fail you again.”

He said: “Lol. I’m a guy, you know we can’t remember shit! We’re too busy orchestrating.”

So I wouldn’t have said this either.

She said: “lol orchestrating what?”

He said: “The entire experience 💯 / Everything was meticulously planned. Nothing happened by chance” with a kiss emoji.

That I wouldn’t be saying stuff like that. It sounds like your way of trying to seek her approval. Hey, I did everything. I planned everything out. See what a great date I am. I wouldn’t have been saying that.

She said: “I appreciate that level of effort 🍒”

She said: “Meticulous huh? Interesting.”

She said: “Two for you” with two kiss emojis

He said: “What a sweetheart. Gn 😊”

At this point, a full week went by with no contact. Structured? I reached out to her on the following Tuesday:

He said: “Hey beautiful, Hope Chuck town was a blast. Let’s get together this week and settle the savannah V Charleston Debate” Call back to first date.

She said: “Oh I definitely have a POV now. I’m thinking I’m going to like Boone the most [dropping a hint to a weekend getaway we discussed on the first date since she’s new to the state]. Let’s do Friday!”

So it sounds like he was talking about taking a trip with her. I wouldn’t be talking about taking vacations with a girl on a first date, even if you did a little kissy poo. That’s just too much too soon. Again, these are little things. The higher the interest, the more you can get away with just little mistakes. The lower the interest, the fewer mistakes you can make without her going eh.

I set plans for us to go to an outdoor Riverjam event at our local Whitewater Center, which she enthusiastically agreed to.

Well, if you’re gonna be all wet and sweaty and stinky after that, where are you going to shower? It’s not really great for a date and a seduction. So logistically speaking, I would not have been doing that for a second date.

Subsequently, she sent me some selfies from her trip. I made a comment about horseback riding because there was a horse in one of her pictures. I also sent her a selfie of my nieces and me, which happened to have horse art in the background. She gushed, and I let her know that I used to volunteer at a charity providing horseback therapy for kids with disabilities.

Sounds like a little bit of an approval seeking mindset. Oh, I hope she likes me, coach.

She said: “You are full of surprises sir”

He said: Sent a James Bond GIF

She said: Sent a cowboy GIF

He said: “Save a horse…”

The conversation continued to heat up from there. Wanting to quit while I was ahead, I transitioned to locking down the logistics:

He said: “Let’s do 7 on Friday. I can pick you up with this time. It’s not too far out of the way since WWC already takes seeming hours to get to.”

She said: “Yes sir” Then texts: I’ll still drive though, can’t have you knowing where I live until at least the 5th date.”

That just know she doesn’t feel comfortable.

He said: (And this is where I screwed the pooch.) “I don’t give a shit about driving you. The only reason I was offering is because it’s $15 per car and might be a little chaotic.”

It kind of comes across as angry. Bro. What are you thinking?

She said (via voice note): “Take it easy cowboy. I was only kidding. I don’t care about the money. Money ain’t a thing. I don’t mind a little chaos either.”

He said (via voice note, chuckling): “Fair enough. See you at 7 Friday then. You can expect a little chaos. I’ll text you when I get there.”

The next day, she texted me the forecast and said, “The rain loves us!” I responded, “It’s gonna take more than that to hold us back!” She replied, “Love that attitude!”

Then, an hour before the date, she sent a text with an image of her truck showing a flat tire:

She said: “Hey, I am so sorry but I have to cancel for tonight. I just walked out to my car and I have a completely flat tire. I’m waiting on AAA now.”

It’s like, “we’ll take an Uber. I can come pick you up. What’s your address?” That’s how I be responding. But she’s clearly trying to weasel out of it. It makes you wonder, is like, was that like an old picture? I mean, an hour before. Oh, shoot. Darn it. Unless she’s got a long drive.

He said: “Oof, terrible luck! No worries at all, totally understand. Hope AAA gets you sorted out quickly. Let me know when you’re free to reschedule.”

She said: Hearted my message. “I will! Thanks for understanding xx wish it was right now… pissed.”

By the way, I just saw another because my phone also dials to my computer or shows that it’s coming in so I can answer calls on my computer. And for about the last two weeks, it’s like the spammers seem to be back. The robocalls are like back in full force. I’ve gotten three already this morning. That was the third one. It’s like, I don’t know what’s going on, but I was like, hey. Finally they got rid of those assholes. But I guess they figured out another way to cheat the system. So have you guys been getting more robocalls? Because I saw somebody the other day talking about that on Twitter that I follow. It’s like all of a sudden they’re getting them again as well.

I didn’t text her back, and I haven’t heard from her since. It has now been three days, and she never took the opportunity to reschedule – so my position is no contact.

Yeah, exactly. If the pooch is totally screwed, you will never hear from her again. And since she canceled the date, didn’t offer reschedule. It’s up on her to reach out, but you know, when you respond angrily in text, you can’t do that. So again, I would handle things differently than the way you did. And if you’d have known the book a little better, you would have been making a date that next day when she reached out. And who knows, maybe things would have turned out completely differently.

You could have been bumping uglies instead of her unmatching from you. So again, that’s why I say the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. And because you didn’t really understand what was going on, you missed a complete opportunity to set a second date the next day. And it could have happened quickly. The seduction could happen quickly. And then after you slept with her, especially if you’re good in bed. She didn’t look past your little angry outburst and probably hooked up again because she liked having sex with you.

I didn’t text her back, and I haven’t heard from her since. It has now been three days, and she never took the opportunity to reschedule – so my position is no contact. I know I messed up by over-explaining the driving situation, but my questions are these: Is this girl highly structured?

I wouldn’t say that. I’d say you fumbled the football a little bit. Talked her out of liking you I would say.

Did I screw up by not letting her drag me into a daily texting habit?

Well, you should have been out on a second date quicker.

Or was it the right move to go seven days without texting her while she was away?

Well, again, I pointed out through the text exchange where you’re kind of putting your foot in your mouth and especially when you got angry. That was pretty much it. And you knew you screwed the pooch there. It was like that went over like a lead balloon.

Sometimes it feels like you’re damned if you don’t text because of how competitive things are now. But if you let a girl goad you into texting all the time, you’re bound to say something stupid.

Well, this is again where knowing the book probably would have caused you to avoid all this stuff, and you could have been hooking up by now. But this is why you’ve got to practice. It’s how you get better. So as you get better and you learn from these kinds of mistakes, you make them less and less. And then the next time you’re in a position like this, you don’t talk her out of it and you end up setting a date and maybe she’s available the very next night, and then you end up hooking up.

A couple weeks ago, I had an email where a guy went through exactly that, had a bad date, got blown off, and then a week later, he met somebody and took her home and seduced her that night. And he felt amazing. So a week before, he’s suffering the agony of defeat. Crashing and burning on the runway. And the very next week, he’s plowing the strawberry fields. So life can turn around that quickly.

Would love your input, Coach! Sorry for the long email, but this one feels rather technical and I thought the specifics would help give clarity.

Love your work,

Bob

Well, it was a good email to go through because again, I point out exactly where you went wrong and what I would have done differently. And obviously, in the very beginning where that missed opportunity was. Because it looks like, well, again, when you let that conversation die like that and didn’t make the date and then she unmatched, she probably has got pissed off that. Or she was just like, “eh, that conversation kind of fizzled. Yeah, I’m not feeling it.”

But then when you reach back out, she’s like, eh. But I’d say when you blew up at her, that was the end of it. That’s why she waited till an hour before the date. He’s like, oh, a flat tire. Maybe she had that picture ready to go. Maybe she used AI. Hey, can you modify the picture to make the car tire look flat. Anything’s possible these days now. AI is getting really good.

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