What it means and what you should do when she initiates texts but takes too long to respond.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a man who was seeing a female professional basketball player. After a few months of dating, she went on the road for extended periods of time because of the season.
Now, she takes too long to respond to his messages and he’s worried about all the other men she is encountering while she is away for the season. He asks what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
If you’re a man who spends his time with people who love, value and appreciate him and then you encounter somebody who just kind of treats you like a second class citizen, maybe they take a long time to respond, or they don’t respond at all, you should assume they don’t give a fuck. It’s harsh, but you look at what people do, not what they say. And if you’re not worth their time to respond, obviously they don’t care. If you’re not worth their time to respond in a timely manner, you should assume they don’t care.
I hope you doing well! I am on read number 14 of your book How To Be A 3% Man since May this year and must say, your content is a godsend. Thank you for all your work it has changed my life and mindset.
Well, it’s only going to help you if you apply what’s in the book.
I would like your input and expertise on a situation. I am currently in the dating stage of talking to this woman. She is 25 and I am 23.
Ooh, the older woman. Older, more experienced woman.
I am currently doing long distance contact as she was living in my city, however she has now moved to the other side of Australia for work, (she is a professional basketball player).
I assume you’re a pretty tall guy.
I have been talking to her for 3 months now, she has been doing 70-80% of the calling, texting and pursuing, and I simply use the phone to set dates ONLY, in this case FaceTime dates. I am a busy guy and hate texting a lot anyway, so this works in my favor.
Well, she’s on the other side of the island, apparently, so how and when are you guys going to see each other? Maybe it just lasts for the season. I don’t know how long the season lasts there. And has she moved away permanently, or is she going to be coming back when the season is over? He doesn’t say.
The only thing is, in the past few of weeks, her responses to my texts (to set dates) have been a bit delayed, taking around a day to respond.
Aha! So, if somebody waits twenty-four hours to respond to your texts, it just means that you’re not a high priority to them. You’re kind of a low priority, but they respond within a day because they don’t want to be rude. If somebody let’s it go more than a day, that means they’re rude and they don’t give a shit about you. That’s reality.
So, if her interest is dropping instead of going up, you’re going to match a mirror that behavior. So, if she waits a day to respond to you, wait a day to respond to her and maybe make less FaceTime dates.
But also, I mean, she’s on the other side of the island, so you were just kind of casually seeing her, and it doesn’t really sound like her interest is going the right way. Plus, she’s long distance. And I know the lockdown shenanigans are pretty crazy there, so I don’t know how easy it is to see each other.
During the early stages of talking when she was based in my city, she used to respond pretty quickly, (an hour or two at longest).
Yeah, you can tell by her responses – again, looking at her actions – that you went from being a high priority to, “Ehh, I’m done with you. I used you. I got what I needed from you. You can go now.” Or maybe some other guy has her attention.
Or maybe she’s a realist and she’s just going, “Hey, he’s on the other side of the island.” But the bottom line is the emotions are not going the right way to drive her interest up. So, if I were you, I’d be doing less pursuing, less texting and ask her out for less video dates.
If she is chasing and initiates text messages, why does she still take this long to respond?
Because their interest is dropping. That is why. So, as I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” you should be matching and mirroring her behavior. And so, when she started taking longer to respond, you should have taken longer to respond. But it sounds like you kept responding quickly as she continued to back off, which was the wrong thing to do.
If she was interested wouldn’t her replies be a bit quicker?
Yes, they would. So, your problem is that you still believe her interest is high like it was when she was in your town, and you’re ignoring the fact that it’s been going the wrong way.
I am currently speaking to a couple of women, as we are not exclusive at the moment but was just curious, that is all. Maybe another guy or more in the background?
Probably. Maybe another girl, who knows.
Or maybe the cat is just bored or things getting predictable?
Possibly that too. The point being is you’ve got to match and mirror her actions, and you’ve got to recognize that she’s drifting away. And you trying to pursue more or pursue at the same level that you had been is not working in your favor. It’s causing her to lose interest, to back away, to message you even less.
Her interest is going in the wrong direction, therefore, match and mirror her low interest with low interest on your part.
Given her profession, she gets a lot of attention from guys, which is understandable. She is very pretty as well. I am a big believer in what is meant to be will be and am a man of God, (Catholic).
Hoping you can help out or include this in a newsletter, thanks Coach!
Well, I think it’s great that you’re a good guy and all that, but women don’t care about what a good guy you are or what a man of God you are or any of that shit. All they care about is how they feel about you. And their feelings and their actions communicate everything. And her actions communicate that you’re not very important to her and you’re not a priority.
So, don’t make somebody else a priority in your life who is treating you like an afterthought. Match and mirror, that’s what I would do. It’s a very simple situation. But she’s not into it, dude. I know it’s not what you wanted to hear, but it is what it is.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women are like cats when it comes to their emotions and romantic interest. Men should understand that a woman’s emotions and feelings are always in a state of constant change. They, therefore, should not get caught up in or take it personally when a woman’s feelings, emotions or desires fluctuates. While dogs never leave your side, cats are fickle and unpredictable. Never take it personally. Be unperturbed.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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