What you should do if you find out that your live in girlfriend, who has been asking you to marry her, has been having an affair with another woman and is now bouncing back and forth between you and her lesbian lover.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who found my work after he discovered that his live in girlfriend was cheating on him with a woman. He had been struggling financially with a new business that he started after he had basically supported her financially for several years when he still worked for someone else and made much more money. She then moved in with him. He admits that he became complacent and stopped dating and courting her properly. He kept telling her that he could not afford to get married when she constantly brought it up.
She eventually got a job and started making good money. Then he found out about her lesbian affair. She says that she had always felt this way her whole life, and now it was coming out. He walked away. She came back and started pursuing and hooking up with him again, but he pressured her to get back into a relationship with him, and she bounced. She is still with her lesbian lover. He asks my opinion.
I love your videos, and I’ve read the book about three times now. Let me get right to it. I was in a relationship for about three years with my ex girlfriend. My first year and half in the relationship was going great. I was dating my girl, and she was chasing me. During that time, she was having trouble financially. We both lived in separate places. I was helping her out with her rent, because she was unable to afford it, as she lost her job as a LPN and she has an 8-year old daughter. My ex girlfriend is very needy, emotionally needy also, and very affectionate. I, on the other hand, was not that affectionate. She used to complain about it all the time, but we were in love.
I’m in real estate also. I’m a mortgage banker. I was able to support both my place and help her out with her place also. However, the mortgage business took a major dive, and my income started diminishing at a rapid pace. I told her I wasn’t able to help her out anymore with her place, so she moved in with me. I left my current company and started my own branch, but money was tight running my own business. After reading your book, I now realize my errors in the relationship. I got really complacent and stopped dating her due to financial struggles. (When guys get in a difficult spot, they go into achieve mode and get focused on money, instead of being the charming, playful guy that she fell in love with. They stop dating and courting the woman in their life.) Then, my girlfriend got a new job and was making decent money, but my business was still in a rut. (A true teammate and a loyal person would want to help out with the bills.) A year went by, and my ex kept asking me to propose to her, and I told her I would, but I didn’t have the money right now. (I would say, on some level you knew something was off there.)
Long story short, I caught her cheating on me with a lesbian. I was devastated and crushed. That’s when she changed the terms in our relationship. She expressed that she had these thoughts all of her life, and now they were coming out. (There’s no loyalty here. This tells me she’s open relationship, friends with benefits, or fuck buddy material, and that’s it.) I decided to walk away. (It showed there was a character flaw. She wasn’t really on your team. She was really just looking out for herself. If she wasn’t happy, she should have moved out.) That’s when I discovered your videos on YouTube. Then, my ex started chasing, and I set a date. I followed your formula, hang out, have fun and hook up. It worked, and she gave me oral sex the first time. A week later, I set another date when she reached out, and I closed the deal. I told her I don’t want to be in a love triangle, and if she’s done with her lesbian situation, we can work on getting back together. I know…it was supposed to be her idea! (This girl’s got an identity crisis going on. She went behind your back. She’s selfish and she screwed you over. I wouldn’t call or contact this woman again. If she reaches out, she’s a fuck buddy, and that’s it.) She does 100% of the calling and texting, but she told me she’s in love with two people. Then, I got wind of her posting pictures on social media, and I became unglued. I told her I don’t want to be in a love triangle, and she is still with the lesbian girl. (You’re projecting your fantasy of what you want on her and ignoring the fact that she is a lesbian, she was unloyal, she lied to you and what you learned from me. You are trying to lock her down to a commitment, but the bottom line is, you’ll never be able to trust this woman again.) She still wants to have me as a backup and hook up with me, just in case the lesbian situation doesn’t work out. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. However, I told her it was nice meeting you. She has not reached out yet, but it’s only day one.
I also noticed in your book, you say not to focus on one girl. I have not been dating other girls, but my ex girlfriend thinks I’m dating other girls with the impression I gave her. (It really doesn’t matter. She’s not a candidate for a relationships anymore. You can’t have a monogamous relationship with somebody like this. She’s a cheater, a liar, and she’s got an identity crisis going on in her life.) I really wanted this situation to work out, but it looks like I’m walking away and never looking back coach. I guess the way I showed up in the relationship probably caused this. (If she was a woman of integrity and had a high level of loyalty, she would have let you know she was unhappy. Read my book 10-15 times, and look at the article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” so you can memorize the fundamentals.)
Coach, please enlighten a student, because I want to be a 3% man.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Some people are simply free spirits and not meant to be tied down to any one particular person. Others can be great fun and great lovers, but since they place no value on loyalty or commitment and tend to be a little selfish and narcissistic, they will never be faithful and exclusive with anyone, even though they may say that’s what they want. People with a history of cheating, tend to always be that way. You should listen very carefully when new lovers tell you about their past relationships and how they behaved in them to determine how they will treat you. The most common types of heterosexual relationships are open relationships, friends with benefits, sex playmates, monogamous exclusive relationships and marriage. Once you decide what kind of relationship you want to have, and in order to prevent unnecessary suffering, you should only date people who share the same relationship goals and values.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne