What you should do if your ex-girlfriend who left you for another guy is now contacting you wanting you back.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy whose girlfriend of 3 years cheated on him and left him for another man. She dumped him on Christmas day, and they didn’t speak for 6 months. He focused on himself. He left his job because his side business was doing so well, and life has been great. She recently reached out to him and apologized for everything.
Now she contacts him constantly, and he’s wondering if he should give her another chance or not. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is the way it always seems to happen as soon as you finally get over it and you’re like, “Ahh, I really feel good again. I feel like I’m back to myself. I feel good being single.” Statistics show, for most people, when they have a breakup from a long-term relationship, it’s usually about a year or a year and a half before they really get back to a place where they feel good, they’ve kind of recreated their lives, and they’re really enjoying their time being single. And then, the ex that did you dirty gets back in touch. So, that’s what’s happened now.
Because he’s moved on, now that she’s reaching out, he’s going, “What do I do about this?” He obviously still cares about her, but based on what happened, there’s really no coming back from that. He’s like, “I don’t know what to do, man.”
Six months ago, my girlfriend of three years who I’ve shared many amazing experiences with broke up with me for another dude. She broke up with me over text on Christmas Day and claimed that it was because of the “arguing” and that we were going in “two separate directions” in life.
The reality was, she was going one way and he was going another. He thought she was going with him, but she was going her own way.
I wanted to work things out, but she insisted that there was nothing to work out. With that, we abruptly parted ways.
Yeah, 75% of the time, women do the breaking up or file for the divorce. So, she stayed with him to the point where she knew things were good with the new guy, and she just monkey branched from this dude to the next one. And so, it’s interesting to see, when we get a little further down the email, what she blames for cheating on him. Because she says she’s remorseful.
Two weeks after our breakup, however, a friend of mine informed me that she had been dating the music producer that she had been working with for months prior to our breakup.
Women who behave this way typically have a missing father, a father who’s weak, or she came from a family with cheating, lying, and deviousness. That’s how they rolled. At the end of the day, this is what she learned in her family growing up. So, you’re not responsible for that. That’s not your problem. These are her values, not yours.
I always had a feeling something could’ve been going on there, but like you talk about in the book, I had no interest in controlling what she could or couldn’t do.
The reality is, you can be the best boyfriend in the world, and if you’re with a liar and a cheater, and the conditions present themselves – if her needs and desires aren’t being met, or as she claims, they were arguing all the time – they don’t give a damn and they don’t think twice about dating somebody else. Because in their mind, they’re like, “Well, we’re going to break up anyway, so I might as well start something with this new guy and see where that goes.” Then, when that looks good, they ditch the boyfriend, who is completely bamboozled and has no idea, like this guy. He had suspicions, then his friend confirmed his suspicions.
But this is why you date. This is why you should date for a long period of time, instead of just a matter of months and then getting married. Because you don’t really know the person. People can hide who they are for about the first 90 days of a relationship.
For the next six months, there was no contact or communication between us. During this time, I was able to focus all my attention on myself and my business and was ultimately able to quit my job and work for myself full time.
Dude, that is really super awesome and I’m really happy for you. And for those of you that are interested, you should read “Mastering Yourself,” because this book is a biography of everything I went through. It’s a book about how to align your life with your true calling and reach your full potential. You can read it at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. And, by the way, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations – Volume II,” my second volume of quotes books is out. The audiobook is finally out, so it’s available everywhere. Your support is greatly appreciated.
I’m at a great space in my life now and couldn’t be more happy single.
Yeah, as soon as things are going great like, “I’m finally over that bitch,” then she comes back.
However, a few days ago, (6 months after our breakup), my ex reached out to me and ended up apologizing for everything.
I’m sure she’s real sorry.
She said our breakup had been eating her alive for months.
Good. She did it to herself, because she knew what she did was wrong. She did you dirty, bro. She belongs to the streets!
And that she still cares about me and loves me.
Sure, because things didn’t work out with the other guy. And you had three years with her, and he only had a matter of months.
She explained that she could’ve done a better job communicating her feelings, and that her childhood trauma made it hard for her to do so at the time.
So, “Hey, it’s not my fault. It’s my childhood trauma.” I like how she skates her responsibility, “It was the trauma. Please feel sorry for me and forgive me.” I mean, at the end of the day, now she’s remorseful. Because why? Because she wants something. She ended up leaving the producer guy because “it didn’t feel right.” See, this is the thing; women care about how they feel about you. It doesn’t matter, it has no effect on their feelings for you, how much you really super duper like them. The only thing that matters is how they feel about you.
Women that don’t grow up with a good father figure, a good masculine role model in their lives, they don’t know who to trust. They don’t know who is trustworthy. They don’t know which men are good men and which men to avoid. They never learned it. They don’t know what the vibe even feels like. And so, they just go based upon their feelings, bouncing all over the place of what feels right. And the problem is, obviously for those of you who know “3% Man,” guys that exhibit the right behaviors, especially the control freak type, in the beginning, they seem very confident and like they’ve got their act together. But really, they’re insecure.
She ended up leaving the producer guy because “it didn’t feel right” and she “didn’t want to hurt me.”
How does cheating on you with this other guy for several months and then dumping you on Christmas fucking day not want to hurt you? Yeah, sure.
I let her know that, although I have moved past everything and forgiven her, it doesn’t make it right and that I’m happy being single.
What a great comeback. That’s awesome, dude.
I’m not sure if she fully internalized that.
Yeah, she’s focused on her “feelings.” Because that guy probably chased her right out of his life. He’s probably still in it, even though she “broke up with him.” He’s probably still trying to get back together with her. And since you dipped out and walked away, and never looked back because you were a man, now she’s going, “Oh, my feelings are kind of coming back.”
Since then, she has been texting me every day asking me how I am doing and what am I up to.
I think she wants you back deep inside her. She’s lonely.
What started out as a possible opportunity for needed closure now feels like it’s quickly turned into something else.
She wants your meat missile, bro. She wants the flesh rocket. She wants the general to stand at attention for her once again in the morning when you have morning wood.
I’m not sure what to say or do. While we did have amazing moments together and for the most part had a very healthy relationship…
Yeah, right up until she lied to you and deceived you for several months, and started fucking and hanging out with another guy behind your back, all the meantime, she’s given you the illusion of a real, monogamous, exclusive relationship.
…I’m simply on to better things. I don’t know what to say or do. I still care about her a lot and don’t want to hurt her. Any advice is appreciated!
Well, I know what you’re probably thinking. You’re thinking, “Well, should I give her another chance? She really seems like she cares. We did have three years together, and I haven’t met anybody since then. And it sure would be nice to get the chocha.” Just keep in mind, kids, that this is not somebody that’s going to be loyal and faithful. When she’s mad at you, or the arguing is too difficult, and you’re not getting along, at the end of the day, if she’s not happy, what’s she going to do? She’s going to line somebody else up, because she doesn’t think the relationship is going to work out.
Then, if it doesn’t get better, she monkey branches. And if it does get better, she may fool around with another guy, sleep with him, and you’ll never know. So, the question is, what kind of a relationship do you want to have? You want loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity. Loyalty is the number one value that guys value most in a relationship. And she blew that one up pretty damn good. She left you for another guy that she was cheating on you with. And because she cared so much about you and didn’t want to hurt you, on Christmas fucking day, she dumps you. What a nice person. She’s real swell.
So, we know from our studies of “3% Man” that she’s a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. That’s it. And make sure you wear a raincoat. Don’t be raw dogging this girl. I know what you’re thinking, “Maybe I’ll go back. Maybe it’ll be better this time around. I have learned Corey’s book.” But the reality is this woman has zero integrity. Zero. She betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible. The only thing that would have made it worse is if she ran off with your best friend and now is trying to come back. But, in this case, it was some random dude that you didn’t really know, just some guy that she worked with. So, she belongs to the streets, man.
If you want to hang out, and have fun, and hook up with her, that’s on you. If it was me, I wouldn’t do that, not with this girl. No way. She had her chance. You gave her three years of your life, and to reward you for your loyalty, and your faithfulness, and being a good dude, she went and cheated on you for many months and you had no idea. So, you’re fucking her, and meanwhile… I mean, just think, you’re munching on her box and some other dude’s load is oozing out. It’s like, you weren’t the only one in there. That’s pretty, pretty deep betrayal.
So, if it was me, I’d be like, “I’m not interested in getting back together. You betrayed me in the worst way possible.” Tell her. Say, “You’ve got to understand something about men. The number one most important value to men in a relationship is loyalty, and you blew that up. And because you blew that up, there’s absolutely no way in hell I would ever give you another chance again to be in a relationship with you.”
And if you’re one of the crazy types, because I know there’s plenty out there, and you want to just have a friends with benefits thing, say, “Well, maybe we could be friends with benefits, but I’ll never be your boyfriend again and you’ll never be my girlfriend.” But if it was me, I would say, “You know, I appreciate the apologies, but it’s water under the bridge. It’s been six months. I have no interest in getting back together with you, because you just betrayed me in the worst way. It’s just unforgivable.”
“So, hopefully this will be a lesson to you, and you’ll learn that when you have a good dude in your life, you don’t go off and fuck some other guy behind his back, and then leave him, and then go have a relationship with this other guy. And then, once you realize the other guy’s a douchebag, then try to come back.” It’s like, “Nah, you get one chance per life.” She’s not loyal. But it’s your life. You do whatever you want, but you just can’t trust this woman. She’s just not trustworthy. Look at her actions. That tells you everything.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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