She Lied About Being Celibate While Sleeping With Me & Another Guy

What it means if she says she’s celibate while sleeping with another guy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was dating his girlfriend with no strings attached. She told him she was celibate. After seven months together he went through her phone and realized she was sleeping with another guy in addition to him in the beginning. When confronted she lied again. She only came clean when he presented the evidence.

He dumped her for lying and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who was exclusive for about seven months with his now ex-girlfriend. So they were just kind of casually dating. When they were dating, at least in the beginning, she’s like, “Oh, I’m celibate.” So he believed her. Trust, but verify. So at some point, I guess maybe the stories didn’t add up or she was talking about something else, he decided to go through her phone and scrolls back to that time period and realized that she slept with this guy on two different occasions while she was also sleeping with him. Even though they weren’t exclusive, at the end of the day, she looked him right in the eye and says, “Oh, I’m celibate,” and there was a total lie. So after he found that out, he goes and he confronts her about it. She lies to his face again and he says, “Well, I went through your phone and I know what you’re telling me is not true.” So they got past it, at least initially. Then afterwards, it just didn’t sit right with him. So he broke things off. Now he writes in asking my opinion on this.

Love cannot exist where there is no trust. Character is destiny. If she lies about the little things, she’ll lie about much bigger things. So part of it when you’re dating, especially if you’re looking for a long-term relationship or marriage involving the government in your relationship, or you want to have kids with somebody, you got to be with somebody who’s honest, that you can believe what they say, somebody who’s intent on deceiving you, especially in the beginning. Then when you catch them in a lie and you confront them about it and they continue to lie, well that’s their character, and that’s not your fault. It’s just the way they are. This is how they were raised. This is what they were taught. That’s their value system. You can accept it and move on, or you can be delusional and think that you’re going to change her or you’re going to fix her. At the end of the day, if you enable that behavior by putting up with it, then in her mind, she’s justified by lying because there’s really no consequences.

That’s a big part of the problem in our society. You see a lot of the dudes in the red pill community are like, “Who’s supposed to hold women accountable?” Well, that’s your job. You’re the one with the penis. So that means if you find out that the girl you’re dating who claims she was celibate and then she was lying through her teeth, she’s lying about something like that, there’s just there’s no reason to trust her on anything that comes out of her mouth. Especially when you confront her with the facts and she still lies, you don’t want to end up with a Hillary Clinton, obviously.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been seeing someone for a while. Before we got serious (We’ve been serious for at least seven months). When we weren’t officially exclusive yet, she slept with another guy twice. She had also mentioned that she was celibate, which I now know wasn’t true.

Recently, I went through her phone without her knowing. I know that was wrong…

Well, what Ronald Reagan said, “Trust, but verify.” If you get your spidey senses telling you that something is off and you don’t think you’re getting the truth, especially if you’re thinking long term, having kids with her, or involving the government in your relationship, you got to know if you can trust her. So in this case, yeah, it’s wrong, but at the end of the day, he had to find out. So trust, but verify.

…But when I did, I saw messages confirming she slept with the guy twice during the time we were talking. When I confronted her, she acknowledged it but emphasized that it happened before we were officially together. What bothered me more was the lie about being celibate and the fact that she initially tried to deny the second time.

Well, character is destiny, that’s who she is. The only way she’ll be honest and truthful is when she’s presented with facts. Do you really want to sleep with one eye open the rest of your life? If she lies to you about that, what else is she lying about? Love cannot exist where there is no trust. How can you trust a woman that behaves that way?

Seeing those messages really got into my head and it started affecting me mentally and even our sex life because I kept replaying it. I started feeling disconnected and realized I probably have trust issues I need to work on too. We had a difficult conversation and we’re separated now.

Well I mean, I wouldn’t really call what you have a trust issue. It’s like, she has an honesty issue. So if she was honest, you wouldn’t have trust issues regarding her, but at the end of the day, something was telling you that her stories weren’t adding up, something wasn’t right. So I totally, fully support what you did because it’s much better to know than to proceed anyways and just trust and later find out you’ve been totally had. Again, if she’s going to lie about that, she’s going to lie about other things.

So how can you have a relationship with somebody who doesn’t know which way is up? What’s the truth and what’s gaslighting and dishonesty? You shouldn’t hang out with people like this. You shouldn’t hang out with dishonest people. You shouldn’t go into business with them. You shouldn’t have them as your friends, and you certainly should not date, marry, and have a family with women who are just totally dishonest. It’s not your fault that this is her value system, but it is your fault and you deserve all the consequences you get if you give her another chance.

After that she sent me a message apologizing. I’m not sure whether it’s genuine or if she just wants things to go back to normal.

Well, she wants things to go back to normal. At the end of the day, she could have come clean when you confronted her about it, but instead she doubled down on the lie, even though you had the evidence that she was lying. So we have to assume, based on her actions, that her true nature is to bend towards dishonesty. So if we know her go-to is going to be being dishonest and deceiving you, especially if she thinks something’s going to bother you or upset you, she’ll just lie to you. It’s just a way of life for her, you know? This is her parents’ fault. Her family’s screwed her up. It’s not your fault, but you got to acknowledge reality because you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. The only reason she’s apologizing is she got caught. It’s not like she was ever going to come clean with it.

Right now I’m leaning toward not reconciling. I want to acknowledge that going through her phone was wrong, but I can’t ignore what I saw or how it made me feel. What do I do?

Kind Regards,

Bob

Well, your gut, your spidey sense, was telling you something. You got to trust your intuition, and your intuition turned out to be right. You don’t have trust issues. Your now ex-girlfriend has honesty issues, and that’s not your fault. That’s her fault, and that’s her family’s fault. At the end of the day, if you give her another chance, you’re just going to be wondering, “Is she telling me the truth or is she bullshitting me about this?” I wouldn’t want to be guessing. You got to be able to trust that what’s coming out of her mouth is honesty and not dishonesty. It’s just a fact of life. The good news is, at least now you know.

In my opinion, you did the right thing, dude. I wouldn’t reconcile with her either. She’s a lying hoe-bag. So who knows? Maybe she continued to see the guy. Maybe there were other guys. These are the kinds of women you get in a relationship with and they’re not happy. Then they start giving out their phone number to other dudes and meeting them for drinks and things of that nature. Then, “Oh, it just happened. His penis ended up inside me. I couldn’t say no.” You don’t want that. You deserve an honest woman. So good on you, dude! She can go on down the road!

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