She Lives With Her Ex, But I Wonder If She’s Cheating & Lying

Things to consider if she still lives with her ex & you wonder if she’s lying & cheating.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl on Facebook and they hooked up on the first date. She informed him she still lives with her ex. The ex became suspicious and put up cameras and asks her what she’s doing and who she is with. He became concerned that she’s simply cheating on her boyfriend and lying about it.

He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this is an interesting scenario. So this particular email is from a viewer who met a girl on Facebook, they hooked up on their first date, and then at some point she says, “Oh, by the way, I still live with my ex.” So she’s living in this guy’s apartment because I guess they broke up in July, several months ago, but he’s letting her live with him until she kind of gets back on her feet.

So they met a couple of times and he’s got he got a real uneasy feeling because her behavior started changing. The guy she was living with kind of got the sense she was seeing somebody. So he started saying, “Hey, where are you going? Who are you with? Who are you hanging out with?” And he put cameras up at the house, apparently. On top of that, it’s pretty clear it looks like the boyfriend wants to get her back, but I don’t think she wants him back because as the viewer says, he’s kind of a beta male.

So he’s kind of backed off, and he just got a sneaking suspicion that she’s just lying and cheating and he’s a side piece. Plus, he doesn’t want to be mowing some other dude’s lawn, so he doesn’t feel comfortable. His spidey sense is tingling a little bit.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’m 24 years old and I live with my parents in Pennsylvania. Split up with my ex in July and have a story to tell. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you would handle the situation and what you think I did right and wrong. I added this girl on Facebook because I thought she was cute and didn’t think much of it. She ended up messaging me which told me she had a decent interest level.

Yeah, I would say that is accurate. Women help you when they like you.

I replied and we messaged back and forth for a couple days before I tried setting a date. Took us about two weeks to finally plan out a date. I work second shift from 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. Monday through Friday. I know you’d advise against setting a date so late at night. We did Friday after I got out of work at 11.

So he had an 11 p.m. date. I mean, the book is not etched in stone. The guidelines are there because like, going on lunch dates, most guys that don’t know any better will continually take girls out to lunch and do things because they’re afraid to show their interest, and they hang out and do platonic things all the time. Then they just end up building up a crush for a girl, and then they try to make a move after many months of lunches, maybe dinners, drinks or whatever. Then they vomit their feelings and then they’re stuck in friend-zone. So the idea is that if you follow what’s in the book, the women that are the time wasters that are looking for the free meals that are lunatics are not going to react well to you taking your time, taking measured steps and going slower than they are. They’re going to get upset. They’re going to get mad. That kind of thing.

So the book is designed to keep guys, especially guys that are new to my work, from getting involved with a woman who’s just jerking their chain and wasting their time. If a woman makes a date in the evening, well that’s a romantic thing. If she’s continually trying to get you to meet for coffee or to do lunches, that kind of stuff, then that’s how women keep guys that don’t know any better stuck in friend-zone, but they keep the stuff coming, the things that they do for them, taking them out, that kind of shit.

The idea is, if you want sex and romance, you keep your interactions as romantic, typically in the evening, but there are cases like this where guy works 3 to 11, so it’s not like he can go on a date at 6:00 or 7:00 at night, like most people that are working like a 9 to 5 type of job. So you got to do what you got to do to adapt things. At the end of the day, he’s doing an evening date, which is the important thing, even though it’s later because under normal circumstances, you go out, especially if she works during the day, you go out on a date or you go to a bar or whatever, she gets home three, four in the morning and she’s got to get up at 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning to go to work. So typically with most women, it’s not going to work, but this one, the schedule worked out.

I suggested a bar and she responded, “My car’s in the shop at the moment. Why don’t I just make us dinner at my place and we can have a drink here?”

Well, that’s pretty easy. She just opens the drawbridge and it’s like, “Come on in.”

I agreed, brought two bottles of wine and got to her place at 12:30 at night and began opening her up. Tons upon tons of red flags.

So I guess she didn’t reveal this until he was in the apartment of her ex. Then you got to kind of wonder, “Is she doing it just to troll the ex because she thinks he’s a bitch?” Which, women will do that. If you act like a bitch, they will treat you like a bitch.

Apparently she still lives with her ex boyfriend who’s the owner of the apartment she invited me over to for dinner. They broke up in July, but he let her keep living with him while she gets back on her feet. He still buys her tons of gifts and has been trying to win her back since they broke up.

Well, there it is. If you’re in a situation like that, like I wrote about in my book, it was a girl I met out at a club of all places, and she had just posed for Playboy, showed me her pictures on the first date, and she was living with her ex-husband. They were divorced, but they were co-parenting and the house was a mess. The kids were obnoxious and I was like, man. I met her husband, he was her ex-husband, he was a really nice guy, but I was like, “I don’t want to get involved in this.” Plus she was on the coast. So it was like an hour drive just to get there, but it was a nice little short experience. Again, it’s because it was a messy situation. I was like, “I don’t wanna get involved in that.”

She’s rather stay there than go back to the toxic environment her mother lives in.

So what does that tell you? She kind of comes from a messed up home. Doesn’t get along with her mom. The environment’s toxic. Again, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship or if you want to, you’re looking to get married and involve the state in your relationship, it should be with a woman who loves her father, who respects her parents, especially her dad. She says things like, “My dad’s my rock. I always go to him for advice.” Dad’s the man of the house. He’s not some bitch ass beta male that the women walk all over, treat like shit and nag until he just throws his hands up and gives in to whatever they want. He’s the man of the house, he lays down the law and that’s it. Nobody countermands him. They don’t nag him for weeks until he gives in. They love and respect their father and he’s a good, honorable man.

Those are very rare, but at the end of the day, how often do you meet a new best friend? It almost never happens. Maybe once a decade, maybe twice a decade. You meet somebody that you really click with and they become a good friend. So you got to look at women the same way and you can’t get impatient because when you get impatient, you make mistakes out of desperation. You get with women that you shouldn’t be getting with.

So it’s important to find out about her home life. As he said, he’s asking her questions, trying to see what her story and her history is. She would prefer to live with the ex-boyfriend who’s trying to get her back, who she, I guess, friend-zoned, lives with and doesn’t want to go back home because it’s such a mess there. So what does that tell you? It’s not a girl who loves her dad. If she really loved her dad, she would just move back home and be happy to be where it’s safe. Instead, she wants to avoid it at all costs. So probably she came from a broken home. Typically those women, especially if they have a bad relationship with their father, they’re just extremely difficult. They don’t trust men. When you tell them something, they don’t respect your authority. They do things like give out their number. They’re always inviting attention from other men, even if they’re in a relationship, because they never were raised properly.

So you got to pay attention to these things. When I was younger, I thought that was common sense, but having done this for 20 years and people come to me when they’re having problems. They don’t come to me because things are going great in their life. They usually come to me because shit’s gone sideways. Guys will often read the book, become really good at it and meet a girl that just knocks their socks off, but they ignore the red flags and they think, “Oh, I can use Corey’s book to fix her and get her to behave properly.” Character is destiny. You got to pay attention to these things.

She told me she never quite fell in love with the ex since he was constantly seeking her approval and trying to buy her love. Despite all that, I stayed, built comfort and rapport, two steps forward one step back, seduced her and had sex the first night and was on my way by 6:30 in the morning before that dude got home.

So he got the lay of the land, knows when the guy is coming home, he’s going to hit it and quit it because he doesn’t want to be there. I mean, think about it. If she’s living with her ex-boyfriend, who she dumped and he’s letting her live there, the only reason he’s letting her live there is he’s hoping to get back with her. He’s buying her gifts. He’s doing things. He’s not going to like some other dude being there and mowing her lawn, but this guy is there and he’s like, “Well, got a few hours before the ex comes home, so might as well hit it and then dip on out before he gets back.”

I had asked her before I left, “How would he feel if he got home from work and found me here?” She said, “He’d probably be upset, but he wouldn’t do anything.” Mind you, the dude is a marine.

Well, a lot of guys in the military do stupid things. They get with ratchet ass women, and they don’t know any better. Lots of Marines, guys in the Army meet a stripper over the weekend. A few weeks later, they’re married. Then they get deployed, and then they find out that the girl’s fucking their best friend, or one of their childhood friends or whatever, who’s supposed to be looking out, keeping an eye on her while they’re deployed. A lot of bad things happen when you don’t vet the character of the women you’re dating, and guys in the military are just historically known for doing that.

I do martial arts and conceal carry, but I thought to myself, “Why put myself in a situation where I could lose my life or my freedom?”

Yeah it’s like, never mow another man’s lawn. I talk often about down here in South Florida, the city of Hialeah. There’s a thing called the Hialeah divorce. There’s a lot of murder suicides down here just because of shit like this. It’s exact kind of situation. Some dude comes home, finds another guy in his house. He’s thinking he’s trying to get his girlfriend or his wife back. Meanwhile, she’s just using him until she monkey branches to the next guy. Then they get discovered and the guy goes full Hialeah divorce on them. Happens a lot. Or the woman says she’s leaving the guy for somebody she met at work. Then he goes ballistic on her and the guy she’s cheating with.

My brother had, I think I’ve mentioned this many times over the years, my brother had a buddy that he worked with when he was in college. They were doing valet and there was a cute hostess, and the hostess liked my brother’s friend, invited him over. He goes over and gets confronted by some psycho ex-boyfriend that was stalking her, and he had no idea that this guy existed, but he got killed right there in front of her door. Then the guy killed himself right in front of her. So when you screw around with some other dude’s girl, bad things can happen. It’s just not worth the risk.

We ended up going out Saturday night, Sunday night and Monday night and had an amazing time together. Each night she’s funny, hot and easy going, easy to get along with. Her ex picked upon clues and was become weary of her seeing someone. He set up cameras and would text her whenever she’d leave asking where she was going or who she was with.

It’s like, “Yeah, check please. I’m not interested in that.”

I asked her why she wouldn’t tell him she’s seeing me or wants to date. Bottom line is, she’s leading him on and if he finds out there’s an another dude she intends on pursuing he’ll tell her to go live with him.

There you go. I just would not because again, friends with benefits, fuck buddy, sex playmate, that’s all I see here. She comes from a toxic environment. She’d prefer to live with the ex while she tries to monkey-branch to a new guy, and the while in the ex’s mind, he’s hopefully going to get another chance with her, and if some other dude slides in there, he’s not going to be happy about it. When those kinds of things happen, guys get overly emotional and they lose their shit.

Again, down in South Florida, we call it Hialeah Divorce. My buddies in law enforcement told me about that. So I’m at the gun range one day and he’s like, “Well I had another Hialeah divorce last night.” It’s like, I had no idea. Then I watch the news and it’s like every time you hear about those things you’re watching, it’s almost every night there’s murder, suicide or some domestic thing in Hialeah. It’s pretty nutty down there.

I told I really like her and understand her situation but I can’t involve myself in a situation like this. If she wants to message me or text once they’re no longer living together that’s fine, but until then I wish her the best.

Good fucking job, dude. No girl, especially one from a broken home, is worth your life or jail.

Me and her has so much fun and grew very close in only the course of four days. I knew I couldn’t let it go any further unless she told him she was seeing me or moved out so I drew the line.

Thank you for everything you do, Coach.

Bob

Well dude, that takes a lot of self-control because you have a lot of chemistry. You like the girl, but that kind of situation, quite frankly, is just dangerous and it’s not worth it. I personally would have done the same thing you did if I had known that she was living with the ex. I would have been like, “Whoa, look at the time. Hey, it’s been nice meeting, but I’m not going to get involved with that,” but he thought, “Well, I’m here. Might as well take advantage of it,” but the more he found out about the situation, especially the stuff with the cameras, he’s like, “Yeah, that’s not good. I’m gonna dip on out.”

So if she reaches out, just make sure she’s not living with that guy anymore and she’s completely done with him because again, it’s not worth your life. Find a girl who loves her dad, admires her dad, respects her father, looks up to him. If you want easy going, easy to get along with and effortless, that’s pretty much a standard requirement because very, very, very small percentage of women that come from broken homes are going to do the work on themselves to fix themselves. They’ll just take their drama and their screwball way of living, and they’ll just they’re going to live what was modeled for them growing up, and that’s just not something you can overcome.

Even with my book you’re not going to fix a girl who got messed up by her family and her father. That’s just a fact of life. It’s not your job to do that either. You’re looking for a teammate and an equal, somebody that’s going to add value to your life, not somebody that is a fucking fixer-upper and you got to try to get her to turn her life around. 99% of the time, they’re not going to be open to it, they’re not going to want to do it, and they’ll resent you for trying to get them to do that.

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