This is an email I got from a coaching client of mine recently. He has a pattern of blowing his top and becoming un-centered when a woman does not do what he wants or what he thinks she should do. This is weakness, and women can sense it a mile away.
Here’s his email:
Well, last night was interesting. I had to see a play last night, and fuck Jessica! The stupid bitch was a real asshole. She’s probably talking a lot of smack behind my back. Last night, the evening was done, and she wanted a friend to walk her home. However, her friend didn’t want to walk her home, so me being a gentlemen, I was like whatever. I said, hey I will walk her home, so I made the effort to do so. We had pizza, then I saw some of my friends. We said hello, and she did as well. Then a bus comes, she goes in, and doesn’t say goodbye or anything. That really pissed me off. It was like I was being played for a fool, and I don’t like that at all. God, I feel like payback. It’s like she was fully interested in me last Friday, and now she is not. I hate users. They are fucking useless. The thing is, I know when there is a party sometime down the road she will be all over me as a last resort. I am going to say no, and I will tell her, “You used me and acted like a fucking bitch, talking smack about me behind my back. Take a fucking cab.”
I don’t know.
Here’s my response to Tom:
Women treat you the way you train them to. From things you have said on the phone and in your emails, I get the impression that you are too eager to do things for the girls you like. Not as much as you used to, but it is still there to the point that women know they can walk all over you, and you will take it. That is pretty rude to just jump on a bus and blow you off. It sounds like she wanted to get away. Maybe so there would be no awkward goodbye moment…a kiss or a hug? So she avoided the situation all together. Things went sideways with this girl fast. You spent too much time too soon with this girl. When she wanted to see you, you always said yes. You were too eager. Stop cherry picking the strategies in the book. One date per week keeps her wanting more. When you spend 2-3 days per week with someone you just met, all the mystery dissolves. Then you get used to seeing her all the time. When she backed off, like all women do who know they have a guy’s interest, you continued to pursue and not pay attention to the signs and the fact she was backing off. You were blinded by your own interest level.
A woman’s interest level in you will fluctuate. They are emotional beings. You MUST stop getting so pissed off every time a woman does something you do not expect, or does not respond the way you think she should have. Women are not robots. You care way too much about things being a certain way. When things don’t go your way, you get pissed off and angry. That is your pattern. Behind all anger, is fear. Show your anger = showing fear. James Bond NEVER lets a woman get under his skin. He is always amused by their behavior. But at the end of the day, he knows/assumes they will be in bed later after they throw in the towel and stop with their token resistance. If you had 3 or 4 chicks you were dating, you would not care about this one. Since you only have one, you have put all your eggs in one basket. Not a good idea when you are learning. There are tons of girls at college. Get your ass busy meeting them and getting new numbers. That must be a constant. You have an unlimited number of pretty girls to practice on. Stop getting hung up on one chick until they have proven over several months that they are worth it; and they deserve you. Other guys do the same things you do. It’s actually pretty common. You have articulated your frustration well. The same frustration every guy feels when things like this happen. I remember doing the same things myself when chicks pissed me off, (there were plenty of them).
From my heart to yours,
Here is an email I got from him a few days later:
“Hey, by the way, I went to get bus tickets at the bus station yesterday to go home, and low and behold I saw Jessica. I pretended I didn’t notice her. She sent me a text message, and it says, “just saw you getting your bus tickets.” Now, me being me, I would have texted her, “What, are you checking me out?” but I decided to not reply, because I really don’t give a shit. Did I do the right thing?”
Here is my response to him:
James Bond would have texted back “Are you checking out my ass again when I’m not looking? You should come say hello and kiss me with those sweet lips of yours.” It’s inevitable that you and her are going to be fucking eventually. Act as if she has been brought into your life by the universe just for you. Why? Because she has. She came in answer to your desire. It does not matter how long or how short she is in your life, just celebrate and enjoy her as long as she is fun; or you or she finds someone better. Dude, just enjoy her while it lasts. It will last exactly as long as it is supposed to. Cats get bored and run away. They ignore and hiss at you. Just go about your life achieving your purpose. The cat will come back when it feels like it. You dare it to find somebody better. It won’t. That’s your attitude. It’s in the bag. The next thing you know, she’ll be rubbing your legs and purring again. You passed the test, and it gives itself to you in submission. Your problem is, when the cat comes back, you kick it instead of loving and celebrating its return, because you get all butt-hurt when it does not do what you want or expect. Fear and hurt imprison the heart, (one of the ten disciplines of love, page 221 of “How To Be A 3% Man“).
A woman is physically and emotionally set up to receive you in every way. You are relentless in breaking down her barriers, (with charm and confidence), when she makes herself available to you. Her resistance is a test of your strength. Are you worthy? When she runs away, go about your life and focus on your purpose. When she comes back, embrace, celebrate and love her. When she runs away, you can focus on your purpose. When she starts to miss you, she will come back to see if you still love her, because she loves the uncertainty of where she stands. It allows her to feel her emotions and feelings for you. Then she feels compelled to run back. There is a time to pursue, and there is a time to let go. Learn the balance, and everything will change for you. It’s a real subtle indifference that makes the difference. Too much or not enough and she will run away. Just the right balance, and she won’t be able to live without you. You dig?
From my heart to yours,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur