She Said No Sex Until Marriage. Begged Me To Seduce Her & Got Mad When I Did

What it means when she says no sex until marriage then begs you to seduce her but gets mad you did.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got involved with a supposedly good Catholic girl. She said no sex until marriage and he thought he’d like to try that. Then she couldn’t keep her hands off of him and begged him for it. Once he gave it up she got mad and dumped him. She later came back and the same thing happened all over again.

I tell him what to focus on going forward. He doesn’t want to feel guilty for loving and sleeping with his girlfriend. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this particular email, this guy says he’s read 3% Man eight times over four years, so he’s still a little behind, not really following instructions. He says he met a girl back in August on Tinder, she claimed claimed to be a very traditional Catholic girl. I went to a Catholic high school, by the way. I was raised Catholic, so I might have a few smart-ass comments here.

They start dating and she’s like, “No sex until marriage,” and he’s like, “OK, all right. Yeah, I’m exploring my Catholicism. I want to be a good Catholic. I’m down if you’re down.” Well, he agreed initially, but as things progressed, she kind of couldn’t keep her hands off of him. Then sex just kind of naturally happened. Then afterwards she broke it off, “Because we’re not right for each other. That’s it. I told you, no sex. You didn’t listen to my boundaries.”

Part of the problem is, this girl feels a little guilty. Instead of being playful and humorous in his response, he gets backed into a corner and women will often bluff to test you. They bluff to see what you’re made of. In this case, there’s so many things that are rich cannon fodder for playful, fun comebacks. Instead, he gets backed into a corner. He’s like, “I’m sorry, Your Highness.” So he’s a typical guy that’s afraid to piss the girl off. Instead of using the fact that she can’t keep her hands off of him and turning things around and blame it on her, he’s like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” In other words, he’s allowed her to paint himself into a corner, and it’s just a bad way to go.

So we’re going to get to his email. Before we do, I want to tell you about our Members Only content that we’ve been publishing for, I guess about a month now. So what we’re doing is I’m releasing six paid Members Only video coaching newsletters, in addition to the five free ones that I do every week. So if you’re watching this on YouTube, below in the description there is a link where you can subscribe to Members Only content because it’s the same content on all platforms YouTube, Spotify and then on my website.

With my website, you get the additional benefit of the email analysis that goes along with these, obviously there’s no way to put that on YouTube or Spotify. If you pay the whole year up front, you get like a 25% discount if you book on my website. Again, underneath this video in the description, if you’re watching this on YouTube, you can there’s a link to subscribe on my website to Members Only, or you can subscribe on YouTube or you can subscribe on Spotify, so you get the platform of your choice. For what you get, you get six additional video newsletters per week, you get the podcast that I do with the girls where we answer viewer questions instead of releasing them as individual questions. We have more condensed into the days that we film, because we usually film probably 12 to 15 questions in a day. Plus you get the 3% Man Study Group with Caroline, myself, the rest of the girls and Chunky, and some of the guys that we have come and sit in.

So what we’re doing is we’re going through the book literally page-by-page. We just filmed our seventh episode, I think it was last week, and we’re like on page 62, 63, and each one of these episodes is like an hour, hour and a half, sometimes an hour and 45 minutes, so they’re really long in depth and discussion. It’s a study group, and we’re also filming and going to be uploading soon the study group for Mastering Yourself, so you get a video of that once a week and it’s strictly for paid members only. Again, all the girls have read the books and they’ve highlighted, they made lots of questions and comments. Again, we’re going page-by-page with both books to really give you an additional set of videos and study groups so you guys can really learn the book.

Again, the links are in the description of the video. You can subscribe my website. If you pay the whole year up front, you get 25% off. You can subscribe on YouTube month to month, you can subscribe to my website month to month and you can subscribe on Spotify. So everybody that’s already signed up, we definitely appreciate it and all the feedback. Everybody seems to really love the 3% Man Study Group videos with the girls. They seem to be the most favorite ones that out of everything, we’re uploading for Members Only. So with that said, let’s get back to our poor guy here that’s been painted into a corner by this woman he’s dating.

It’s important to remember, as a man, love is playful and fun, and most guys need to kind of take the stick out of their butt and not get so serious or butt-hurt or upset. You don’t want to let a woman intimidate you, because at the end of the day, like in this case, she was the one that was initiating touching, but sex has always got to be the man’s fault, and she’s blaming him. It’s kind of ridiculous how she breaks up with him. That’s not a good sign. It shows potential sign that she might be a fruit loop.

Statistically, relationships where one or both people constantly are threatening to end the relationship if they don’t comply, “If you don’t do this, I’m going to break up with you,” if that is constantly going on, eventually at some point, I think it’s like 95%, 98% chance that it’s not going to work out because eventually you just get sick of constantly being threatened. In this case, it’s like they hook up, they have a great date, then the day after she feels guilty, she’s like, “That’s it. It’s over! Don’t contact me again if you really care.” Part of that is her trying to say, “I hope you do. I hope you do reach out,” but as a man, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun and to hook up.

Now, for ultra religious people who are actually ultra religious, the hookup comes on wedding night, but obviously this horny girl could not wait till a wedding night, but she still blames him. So they’ve hooked up twice and he’s like, “Hey, this is great. I’m cool with not waiting,” and she obviously is too, if you look at her actions. What he’s got to do is a better job of coming back with playful humor and not letting her get under his skin, not back him into a corner and not intimidate him successfully like she’s been doing.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

Hope you are doing well. 

I’ve read the book eight times over four years. I met a girl in August over Tinder and she was a very traditional Catholic girl.

Sure, sure…

I wanted to explore my faith with her and I learned a lot about what I do want and what I don’t want. She told me on the first date, “We can’t have sex unless we’re married.”

Sure. “I got a bridge to sell you, sweetheart.”

I tentatively agreed because I wanted to see if I could deal with it. I know this sounds like coping but I really wanted to try the super traditional life and see if I liked it.

Well, we obviously know that neither one of you liked it, you naughty, naughty people.

Well, we ended up having sex and that caused a lot of drama with her.

I wouldn’t say with her. From her. You basically gave her control of the fun bus when she got mad. “I don’t want to piss her off. I don’t want to lose access to the box, Coach. I don’t want a pussy embargo. I can’t deal with it. It’s too good.“

I followed what you teach, took it very slowly and just built up so much anticipation that she would beg me to touch her and then, sex naturally kind of happened.

It’s like, “Oops!”

Hey, is it your fault that you’re a sexy man and this girl can’t keep your hands off of you? Of course not.

She was unable to keep her hands off of me and decided to break it off in the first week of March. She essentially said, “We’re not right for each other. I fell out of love. YOU DON’T LISTEN TO ME or my boundaries.” 

Well, maybe some other things are going on because he said they met in August and this was March, so there’s like a lot of details being left out over this.

Corey, I had such a headache with the sex stuff. She also was terrible at communicating.

Easygoing, easy to get along with. I say it all the time. Not an emotionally out of control lunatic. Sometimes the juice is not worth the squeeze, young Padawan.

I would very often ask her, “Tell me about it. What’s the matter? Talk to me honey.”

You can’t communicate with somebody that just stonewalls you and refuses. That’s part of setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. You say, “Hey, if you want things to work, you got to talk to me. You can’t be a hothead. You can’t just say, ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ It’s like the only way we’re going to work through anything, we can only work through our problems, is if we can talk openly and honestly about them, and you refusing to talk is not going to fix anything. It’s just going to make me resent you and eventually get to the point where I’m like, ‘This girl is impossible to be with.’ I want a girl that’s easygoing, easy to get along with,” and you could tell her that, “You got to be nice to me. If you’re upset, you got to tell me what’s going on. You can’t give me the silent treatment. You can’t be passive aggressive because that’s emotionally, mentally and spiritually abusive, and I will not be in a relationship with a woman who abuses me, takes me for granted, gives me a hard time or a guilt trip.” Easygoing, easy to get along with, dude.

I tried to make a compromise with her, “Hey I’m fine if we don’t have direct intercourse but I need some type of release.” Nope no dice.

You’re kind of dating a structured woman. She’s not easy going, easy to get along with. She’s not willing to communicate. You’re having a value conflict here. It’s like she’s using access to the box to try to browbeat you. I would say if I was a betting man, more than likely her parents are the same way. So that means that the mother just browbeats the father into submission. In other words, she nags the hell out of him until eventually he’s just like, “Fuck it. Whatever you want.” He just gives in. So she’s probably used to that. That’s why she’s relentless like this.

Eventually I told her during the break up, “You know those aren’t feelings of lust? It’s because we love and care for each other. And I really hate that you take this beautiful bonding of two people and try to make me feel ashamed.”

It’s true.

About 12 days later, she sat next to me at church and I said, “Hey, you seem lonely.”

“Well, I’m not lonely anymore because your cute little ass came over here and sat down next to me. By the way, I expect you to go to confession afterwards. Confess all those naughty things that you were doing to me. Just kidding!”

We got coffee and talked for like 10 hours and decided to try again. At this point though, my love had faded. She reiterated the, “No sex.”

I would have been like, “Nah, I’m not done with that. I don’t want to do that. We tried it. You couldn’t keep your hands off of me. Nah, I don’t want to do that.”

Well, Thursday rolls around, I got her wound up by just caressing her and she explicitly says, “You can touch me down there if you like.” She gets off yada, yada.

Every time I hear, “Yada yada,” I think of Seinfeld.

The next morning she comes by, blind folds me, and starts giving me oral for around hours hours on and off.

She definitely needs to go to confession. She’s naughty.

She then ghosts me for four days, blocks me on everything and sends a very long nasty text on Monday saying, “We’re done. If you ever loved me, you’ll never contact me again.”

Well, I wouldn’t contact her again because that behavior is emotionally, mentally, verbally and spiritually abusive. You tell her, “You’re abusing me. This is unloving. This is unkind. This is ridiculous.”

I guess I’m writing this email for closure. I messed up in the relationship, I should have never agreed to things I didn’t want, and I should not have gotten back with her.

Well, obviously the pussy must have been good. It must’ve been one hell of a blowjob, dude.

This was my first good relationship.

Good? I don’t know about that.

I also feel that towards the break up I was giving too much. I was switching jobs and trying to reapply to school so my stress pushed me out of my center and that’s my fault. I don’t want to feel shame for wanting to be intimate with my girlfriend. I’m still very conservative but I can’t wrap my head around making sex this ugly thing, especially when it’s with someone you love.

To another eight times,

Bob

Well, it’s not your fault that she’s this way. Again, I say it all the time, easy going, easy to get along with. Do you guys think this sounds like a woman who is easy going and easy to get along with, or just a structured pain in the ass? You can fill out your responses below in the comments, because it sure doesn’t seem to be. Plus she stonewalls you, won’t communicate and seeks to punish you? I would have been more playful and had silly comebacks for those things. I would have been like, “Don’t give me no fucking guilt trip. You’re the one that couldn’t keep your hands off me. You’re the one saying, ‘Do whatever you want to me.’ If you’re feeling guilty, you see that, honey? That is the confessional. That’s where you go when you close a little door. The priest is on the other side and you say, ‘Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I fornicated and I had sex with my boyfriend. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him because he was so sexy, and God, he made me cum over and over again. Oh, please forgive me, Father,'” and he’ll go, “Say 10 Our Fathers, three Hail Marys,” and he’ll give you a penance to do, and then all is forgiven.

That’s what’s beautiful about the Catholic religion, is that you can sin and then you go and confess your sins and you’re forgiven. Pretty easy. So you should be playful with it and have fun with it, but you got to set and enforce healthy boundaries, and you can’t allow a woman to browbeat you, jerk you around or treat you this way. As far as the other things that you were doing wrong, you didn’t really elaborate on it, but this is just ridiculous, her behavior, but you allowed it. You invited it, you taught her to treat you that way, so that’s on you, dude. That’s why it’s so important that you got to set and enforce healthy boundaries with the ladies and you can’t put up with this shit. Other than that, it was a good experience for you.”

Love is playful and fun. Don’t let a woman back you into a corner. You always got to have a better, more playful comeback. Especially when she’s the one sitting right along with you. She’s the one that comes over, blindfolds you and gives you oral for two hours or whatever. It’s like, come on, you should be breaking her balls for that and keep doing it until you make her crack up and laugh, because what’s happening is she’s able to intimidate you, you’re collapsing, you’re being diminished by her getting on you about the sex instead of going, “Yeah, right. You’re going to give me a hard time? Oh, I’m going to go tell the priest.” It’s like, “My girlfriend’s been really naughty this past week, Father, and you need to take her into confessional because she’s been really bad. I don’t know if there’s any hope for her, but it would be great if you could help her out.” He’s like, “Well, what about you?” It’s like, “I’m an innocent child of God, you know? I’m a victim of circumstance. Father, I didn’t do anything. OK, I may have participated, so OK I’ll get in the confessional. All right. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

I’m going to get some shit from people, “Don’t be making fun of the religion like that.” I was a Catholic! The Catholic priests are some of the biggest alcoholics around, and they are a lot of fun to hang out with. The priests that I grew up being taught by, that taught me in school, that were involved in the church, even when I got married, they like to tip back. “The Irish, they like to drink!”

I hope you guys enjoyed this, because I sure did, and obviously these two enjoyed it, even though she’s butt-hurt over the fact that she’s naughty and she’s a sinner.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.