She Said She Needed A Break To Focus On What She Wants

What it means when a woman dumps you to focus on what she wants.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been with his girlfriend of 10 years since high school. On their 10 year anniversary they raw dogged it and he gave her a Plan B pill. A few days later her attitude changed and she asked for a break saying she needed to focus on what she wants because she doesn’t love herself.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Said She Needed A Break To Focus On What She Wants”.

Which unfortunately, when she says she needs to focus on what she wants and she wants a break, it means she doesn’t want you. So this is a viewer who’s been with this girl or was or had been with this girl for ten years, since high school. And he’s been following me for a long time.

I think, my book and work originally helped him get her. So on their ten year anniversary, I guess they always practice safe sex. They decided to raw dog it. And then afterwards he says, “Hey, here’s a Plan B.” And a few days after that, her attitude completely changed. He’s like, her hormones were different. She said she didn’t love herself, basically wanted a break to focus on what she wants.

So women only dump men that they’ve lost respect and attraction for. They don’t dump men they’re head over heels in love with. However, before we get into it, you been with somebody for ten years, you’re both virgins. You were each other’s first. You always been loyal. On your ten year anniversary, the first time you have unprotected sex, you’re giving her a Plan B. Is that really an intimate thing?

Does that say, “I love you. I want to live happily ever after and have lots of babies with you.” So that definitely, probably was an event that made her be like, “What am I doing? I’ve been with this guy ten years.” So you’ve got to have a warmness and a closeness. So when she breaks up with him, there’s like no pushback on his side. He doesn’t ask any questions.

He’s just kind of like, okay, that basically shows her you’re okay with breaking up because a man who loves his woman. And if you understand, she’s probably hurt, I would assume, by the fact that he’s like, “Hey, take a Plan B”, and she started thinking about it. He’s like, “Is this even going to go anywhere?”

And he says later in the email that he was getting to that point where he’s ready to propose. But now it’s been a couple weeks, he’s in no contact. And they’re not speaking. I mean, if somebody says like, “I want a break.” I was like, “Well, why? I don’t want to take a break.” I was like, “What are you talking about? You’re obviously upset. So let’s talk about it. Tell me what’s going on. Why do you feel that way? What, what, what is a break?”

Because sometimes women will break up with you because they want to see that you’ll fight for it, if you will. In other words, you’re like, “I want to take a break. What are you talking about?” Especially if they don’t think you really deep down care. And something like this again, ten year anniversary. “Hey, here’s a Plan B.” So you’ve got to be thinking about that.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I hope you are doing well.

And then she’s got a tight family on top of that. So what do you think her parents are saying. And she probably, I would imagine, tells at least her sisters and her mom thinks she’d be like, “Really? You guys have been together since high school? And he’s like, hey, here’s a Plan B.” She’s like, “I don’t think he cares.”

Thank you for consistently sharing your knowledge and guidance, I’ve read your book 17 times, it helped me become the best version of myself and find an amazing girlfriend.

Well, once you get to the ten, 15 times where you get to know the book so well, you could teach a class on it. That way it’s kind of innate, you don’t have to think about things so much anymore. Because you know it backwards and forwards. Then usually the best students, the guys that do the best, about every six months they’ll go through the book carefully one time, even if it’s just listening to it on 2X speed and then following along in a digital physical copy so they can really concentrate on it.

Because every time as you go back through it, as you gain wisdom and you gain experience, you’ll look at things that you had a different lens on in the past and your reality filters changed a little bit. And so you’ll see a different perspective on some things because you grow. You grow and evolve, you get better. You see things in a different light as you age.

We’ve been together for 10 years, it started in High School, went to the same University and now work in the same city. All these years I’ve studied and implemented your content, it 100% works and unlocked her feminine side.

Well, the courtship never ends. You always have got to date and court your girl. Otherwise somebody else will. And she’s got to feel heard and understood. And again, if you’re together for ten years, she’s gonna be like, “is this going to go anywhere?” I mean, again, if you’re together with somebody for ten years, that topic is going to come up about your future, what you’re looking for, what she’s looking for. If you guys are moving in that direction.

Again, you’ve been together for ten years. You should have been able to have those kind of conversations many times. But he’s young. It’s his only relationship. Seems like he might have been a little too indifferent, a little too cold. But it’s also possible towards the end, he was sloppy and he wasn’t dating and courting her properly. And then after the ten year anniversary incident, she looked at things in a different perspective. Was like, “Is this what I really want?”

I’m reaching out to ask for guidance on a recent situation. Long story short, I, a 27 year old male and my girlfriend, a 28 year old female, have always had sex using protection, until our ten year anniversary.

No raw dog in it at all, huh? Huh. That’s some self control there.

After an amazing night together, I gave her a Plan B pill and she didn’t get sick.

Yeah. Talk to some ladies. Talk to your mom. Hopefully you’ve got some sisters. Say, you know, “I had sex with my girlfriend of ten years, high school sweetheart. We were each other’s first, and the only time we ever had unprotected sex was on the ten year anniversary. And I was like, hey, last night was great. Hey, here’s a Plan B.” Take a poll from the ladies, see what they think about that.

However, after a few days…

That’s one of those instances where you should listen to the opinion of women about something like that. What it communicates. Yeah, you might as well be like, hey, a couple hundred dollars on the nightstand for you. You know, make sure you lock the door on the way out.

However, after a few days I noticed negative changes. Her energy, attitude and hormones went off the rails. Resulting in her revealing she doesn’t love herself, her life and needs a break to focus on what she wants. 

Well, if you’re her rock and her mountain, she’s going to want you to support her through that journey. If she doesn’t feel that way about you, then she’s going to want to go do it on her own. And maybe she’s going to be hanging out with Tyrone Thunder Cock. Maybe she met some guy going through life that hit on her and she’s like, “No way. I’ve been with my boyfriend ten years.” And then after that incident, she’s like, well, maybe there’s not so much a future here after all.

This was a shocking and dark experience that I didn’t think would happen.

Well, pride cometh before the fall, as the old adage goes.

But I prepared for all possible outcomes thanks to your content.

Again, I would have been like, “what do you mean you want a break? You need to focus on what you want. What is it you want? Do you feel like you’re not focusing on right now? It’s like, I don’t see how that we need to take a break.” It’s like, “you’re my girl.” It’s like, “take a break, my ass. That’s what everyone wants.” If you’re just like, “okay”, then she’s like, “well, Plan B, and when I told him I wanted a break, he didn’t even push back.”

“He’s like, oh yeah, call me if you change your mind.” You’ll see that’s what he said. I would not have done that again. This is ten years. You’ve got to be warm. You know, you get six months a year down the road. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, you go through the honeymoon period, it’s like you’ve got to show up. It’s a discipline type journey at that point. Because you’re not always going to feel like doing the right thing, but you have to do it anyways because she’s a good woman.

I told her to let me know if she changed her mind and got up to leave.

It’s like, yeah, it’s not a big deal. And I know because I was in a situation like this one time, my girlfriend didn’t think I was kind; I was being too cold and indifferent. She didn’t think I really cared. So she’s like, “Well, I think you should take some time to think about what you want. And, you know, we should take a break” or no, she said “some time apart.”

And I was like, okay. And come to find out, she called her brother balling after that. She’s like, oh, he doesn’t love me. He didn’t even care. Sometimes because if they don’t think you really care, they’ll do something like that just to see. If because if you really don’t care, you’re like, all right, see you later. I’m free agent.

Before leaving she got snatched my phone from my pocket, gave me access to her Instagram account and said she will keep sharing her location with me on Find my iPhone. We started this after 2 years in the relationship.

Well that’s good.

We shared a long hug, and she kissed me many times before leaving. It’s been two weeks of no contact. I’m currently focusing more on my business, the gym and meeting up with family and friends, but still feel numb from the sudden change.

It’s like, I can’t believe you didn’t ask anything. That tells me there’s a lack of intimacy and closeness. It just doesn’t seem like you’re the type of dude that was just opening her up, like kind of going through the motions.

I know the answer is to give her space and not contact her, would hate if it ended this way.

Well, again, I would reach out. If it was me, I’d be reaching out to her going, “Hey you! I want to sit down and chat. I was kind of taken aback by everything that happened a couple weeks ago, and I should have asked some more questions because I wanted to get your perspective on things. So let’s get together. I want to chat. I want to pick your brain, see what’s going on, see how you are.”

Invite her over to come have a drink with you, or make some dinner or something and just ask her like, “what did you mean? Why did you say that? Why was your solution to take a break? Because the reality is, I don’t really want to take a break. It’s like if things had gotten bad at that point where you felt like separation was the best thing, it’s like, obviously something’s going on and I’d like to know what you’re upset about or what the deal is.

Because again, the quality of your relationship is always going to be in direct proportion to the quality of questions you consistently ask each other. And after ten years, she says something like that to you and you’re like, all right, hey, you know, I can still make happy hour. Thanks, babe, for the early heads up.

I don’t even know what to ask but any knowledge, insights or tips on long term relationships from you would be amazing. As I read this before sending, just realized I sound like a little bitch. It stings due to all the time and energy invested, but will stick to no contact for now. Hope to see a video on this topic soon.

So he sent a second email in a few weeks after it says.

Just a few insights on the situation.

I chose her because she was raised in a traditional house where her father provides and has a good relationship with the family, her mother stays at home and raised them to be good people and implemented Catholic beliefs. 

They are a very close family, hold each other accountable to not mess up their lives, they protect one another and her sisters trust me. We have never broken up or taken a break in the past, all the steps I learned from your book have worked. 

Well, you sound a little too robotic. Maybe you didn’t. Because again, just the way you talk and the way you guys interact doesn’t seem like you’re really familiar with “The Ten Disciplines of Love”, which is stuff that applies in a relationship. Just seemed like you were kind of going along. He thought, hey, she’s hooking up with me. Everything must be great. Because again, women don’t just up and do it.

And like I said, what started a chain of events was things that were already in her mind was a ten year anniversary and the Plan B. Then she wants a break, and you’re like, “okay, sure. Great. Thanks for the early heads up, babe. Now I can still make happy hour. This is awesome. You’re the best. Got nothing but love for you. Hit me up if you change your mind.”

The best part was unlocking her feminine side since the beginning and her completely trusting me and following my lead. 

Obviously something changed.

I set the rules very clear since the beginning and have never betrayed the other, she constantly tells me how excited she is get married and experience the journey together. I’ve worked like crazy…

Well, when she said that she was feeling it. Clearly she hasn’t said that in a while. And maybe you didn’t notice. Or maybe it was two years ago when she said that. It only applies; it lasts about as long as the weather report does. About 24 hours. And it’s no longer valid because it’s a new day and she might be feeling different tomorrow.

I’ve worked like crazy since graduating in 2020 and finally saved up to buy a house, a ring and dress for marriage, (old school rules.) We took each other’s virginity and have never cheated on each other, she is not for the streets. The question would be, should I take the next step in proposing or move on to the next one? 

Well, obviously if she’s talking about marriage, then again, it’s like I’d want to get together with her and just chat and ask her some questions and find out where she was, why she felt the way she did. She clearly lost respect and attraction. And if the thing about the ten year anniversary came up, and she was bothered by that.

Because again, it just looks like you don’t care. Maybe you’re playing your cards a little too close to the vest. But again, it’s just for her to up and dip like that, definitely her feelings had changed and she didn’t think you really cared. And it seems like you just confirmed that. But you don’t really know for sure because you didn’t ask any good quality questions.

But I just look at her actions and can tell that whatever reason, her interest was low and she didn’t want to be with you anymore. Because when a woman says she needs to focus on what she wants, what the one thing she does know she wants wants is she does not want you, at least at the present time, for whatever reasons.

So I wouldn’t be talking about marriage or anything. I’d be asking some questions and find out what’s going on and why this sudden change. But I suspect, like if we were doing a phone session, it wouldn’t have been such a sudden change. There were probably things you didn’t notice.

I don’t know how to proceed, this completely blindsided me.

It usually does to most guys.

Starting to doubt her, not looking to get divorced. Is this a test? Was it the Plan B side effects? 

I wouldn’t say it was the. I mean, it could have affected her hormones, but at the end of the day, just the fact that one time in ten years and you’re like, “Hey. Here’s a Plan B.” It’s like, doesn’t sound like you’re really seriously committed. Like it’s, “Hey, babe, there’s a couple hundred bucks in the dresser. You know, just, you know, lock the door on your way out, maybe take the trash and put the garbage can. That’d be great too.”

This email longer than expected but it’s one of the most important choices in a man’s life. Given all your knowledge and experience, what is the best move on my chessboard? 

Well, I’d hit her up and want to get together and have some drinks at your place, or have some dinner and just chat. Because I mean, you were together for ten years. So I want to know, it’s like, what’s going on? Because you just act like a fucking zombie and let your potential wife just walk out the door and you act like you didn’t give a damn.

So I suspect that’s what’s caused her to reexamine things, especially if her family is really tight and she’s sharing all these things with her mom or her mom’s like, oh, that’s pretty cold. He gave you a Plan B? Again, if you’ve been with a woman that long, you should know that you’re ready to live happily ever after.

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