She Said She Needs To Be Alone To Figure Out Her Life

What it means when a woman says she needs to be alone to figure out her life.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped unexpectedly out of the blue by his girlfriend of one year. She said she needed to be alone to figure out her life. He didn’t know any better and kept pursuing her and continued turning her off until her feelings were completely gone and she was over him.

Now he wonders if he simply made too many mistakes to get another chance since he never gave her the space she asked for. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, that’s never a phrase you want to hear.

This particular email is from a viewer who just got dumped unexpectedly out of the blue. Like pretty much most guys never see it coming until they’re getting dumped and the girl says, “I need to be alone to figure out my life,” and guys usually are scratching their head going, “What the hell does that mean? We were in a relationship. Everything was great.” So this guy didn’t know any better. He’s obviously brand new to my work. So he kept pursuing her, probably because he’s seen too many movies and TV shows that basically teach men to be a stalker with women, and that’ll really win them over. He kept pursuing her as she kept backing away because she wasn’t trying to keep him. She kind of kept him at arm’s length, giving him excuses. It didn’t really make any sense, and now he’s kind of come to realize after the fact, after he kept pursuing and pursuing after he got dumped, that he may have ruined his chances of potentially having another chance with her.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Well, I don’t know if I can use the f bomb this early in the video.

I just fucked up…

I don’t want to get demonetized.

…The relationship of my life.

See how self-censorship works? Isn’t that beautiful?

We were together with her since summer 2023. We both had strong feelings (She even talked about moving together and stuff) and I was the first and only one to whom she had shared some things of herself.

This guy is definitely focused on his interest in her and was completely ignoring the fact she had low interest in him. He just assumed, “Hey, she’s with me. She’s gotta like me. Things got to be great.”

In March, she came home from a long day of lectures…

So I assume they’re in college still.

…Took me to the sofa…

Obviously not in a good way.

…And told she wanted to break up. Just like that, out of the blue. She said she needed to be alone to figure out what she wants in life.

Well, what she’s really trying to say to you is she doesn’t want you in her life, and the reason she wants to be alone is she wants to be alone so she can create a space for a guy that she really likes to come into her life, and you’re just getting in the way, in essence. She’s trying to prevent, like most women, they don’t want to hurt your feelings, so they give you one of these explanations and you’re like, “She’s got to figure out her life? Like, what? What does that have to do with it? Why should we break up, because you got to figure out your life?”

She said she loved me and that this was the hardest thing she had done in her whole life.

She loves you, but isn’t in love with you. She’s basically telling you she’s got low attraction, low interest, low respect. I’d say probably because you, in essence, acted too much like a beta male, or the way the men act on men act on TV.

She even said that she didn’t know if she will ever want to be in a relationship again. 

She’s really saying, “I probably don’t want to ever be in a relationship with you again,” but that’s just absurd. “Oh, I don’t know if I’ll ever want to be in a relationship again because you’re so great.” Again, these are the kind of things that guys are like. “Oh wow, she really does care for me.” She does, but not enough to want to be in an intimate, romantic relationship with you anymore. She wants a man who stimulates her emotions more than this guy.

During the next two weeks, we ended up having a couple of nights when talked about things, cried together and had sex…

So you got a couple of mercy fucks out of it. You probably are begging her to take you back, give you another chance, which is totally unmasculine, but then again, this is what you see in the movies all the time. Just act like an insecure, needy girl and your woman will go, “Ha! What an idiot! Yes, let’s get back together!” That’s the dork that wrote the script, that’s what he always fantasized about when he was in high school. He saw a bunch of movies that presented that same archetype. So now he grows up and he thinks, “Hey, that’s the way the world works,” or it’s the way he wished the world would have worked.

…But she had made up her mind. I know I should have said to her, “Hey, take your time and let me know if you change your mind,” and then let her be.

Yep, that’s what you should have done, because you never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. She’s obviously lost attraction, respect, interest, and that’s why when you hear things like that, you should be focused on reading 3% Man. It’s free to read on my website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser.

In the meantime, when she’s backing away and trying to figure herself out or her life, you’re learning what you were doing and saying that was unattractive because not only do you need to correct that behavior, potentially in case she comes back, but for any future woman that you end up with or you date. Otherwise, if you don’t fix this, the next girlfriend is going to dump you for exactly the same reason, you’re not going to see it coming and she’ll give you a similar, “I got to get my head together. I got to figure my life out.”

Women don’t want to hurt your feelings, so they tell you something that kind of sounds logical and makes sense, but at the end of the day, what she’s saying is, “I don’t want to be with you anymore.” If you just bottom line her actions, “Does she want to stay with me? Does she not want to be with me?” Well, she obviously doesn’t want to be with you. So despite her flowery language or her word salad, which Cameltoe is really funny. The word salads that come out of Kamala Harris is like, “My God!” the stuff that comes out of that woman’s mouth as she talks in circles, oh boy. You’re like, “Is she drunk again, or is she really that stupid?” But hey, most people have a herd mentality, so a big percentage of the country is going to support her because the TV told them to.

On the contrary, I continued Snapchatting and calling with her every two days or so for some time.

So he went into over pursuit mode and did 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing and just proceeded to continually chase her out of his life and reiterate to her that she made the right decision by breaking it off.

She responded every time and we had talks just like before break up.

Because he’s thinking a talk or a line or something is just magically going to fix the fact that she’s got low interest and low attraction. A man who loves and values himself is going to be like, “Hey well, she doesn’t want to be around me. Let me go hang out with people that do,” and he’ll go do that. He’s not going to beg, grovel, plead and continually hit her up on Snapchat, WhatsApp, text her and FaceTime her and “Oh, can we get together? Can we talk?” Continually trying to talk her into liking him. It’s just not something that’s going to happen, especially when you act like this.

After that, weeks did go by without contact. 

In May, I posted to Instagram on my vacation and she ended up commenting, “Where are you?” “Looks nice,” “Why didn’t you tell me?” I answered to her, “Hey, I thought you wanted space. Has your situation changed? I can’t be just friends with you, so let me know if you want something more.” She went silent, but said later that these words hurt her and she thought I would never do so to her.

Oh yeah, she’s a victim here…

I was confused, big time.

So if she’s on your Instagram, “Where are you?” I would just say, “I’m here.” “Looks nice.” Just heart that message. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I would just put the question marks on that. Like, what? Let her be more expressive. Let her be the one to slide into your DMs or to send you a direct text message, because again, if you’ve been dumped, just like it talks about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you’re not going to call her, you’re not going to text her. She screwed it up, therefore she’s got to fix it. She has to earn another chance with you, not the other way around, and this guy is clearly in the mindset of, “What can I do to get her to pay attention to me? What do I do to get her to like me?” Instead of just looking at the fact, “We were in a relationship together and she showed up, sat me down on the sofa and, not in a good way, said, “I’m out of here.” You go like, “Hey well, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. You’ll be back.” Instead of having that attitude, he was like, “Stella, please don’t leave me!” Which is very unattractive.

Next time, I contacted her in early July.

Again, no contact means no contact. It doesn’t mean stay silent for a few weeks and then resume your over pursuit of somebody that clearly doesn’t want to keep you around. You never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. Again, she’s the one that messed it up, and here you are trying to fix something that she messed up and ended. Just from a logical perspective, that doesn’t make any sense, but because emotionally you want her, you’re trying to plead with her to give you another chance. The reason she dumped you is because of just too much unattractive, unmasculine, unmanly behavior.

She said she doesn’t know if she will ever want to be with me again.

In other words, what she’s saying is, “I don’t think my feelings are going to change because every time we talk, you do and say things that are unattractive and turn me off.” Women are just not going to say that, but I can interpret that for you. Again, we just look at her actions. What’s she doing? She’s still saying, “Nah, I don’t want to be with you,” but the fact that she says, “I don’t know if I will ever want to be with you again,” the guy thinks, “So you’re saying I got a chance?” If you ever seen Dumb and Dumber.

She even said that she doesn’t want to be friends with me. According to her, she would have needed me as a friend during spring break…

So now he’s pursuing her after she’s kind of gotten over it and she really doesn’t respect him. I mean, every time he contacts her, she’s losing even more respect because he’s groveling, he’s kind of begging and it just looks pathetic and weak, and she dumped him for being pathetic and weak. So he’s continually coming back to her, looking more pathetic and more weak in her eyes, and since her feelings are even more diminished than they were when she dumped him, now she’s going, “I don’t even want you as a friend. up yours,” what she’s saying basically.

“Oh yeah, she needs me to help her with her grief therapy, to help her through the problem that she caused in our relationship.”

…After she broke up with me (She had it rough at school and with her mental issues).

Well, it’s not your job to be her therapist. At the end of the day, she dumped you. If she’s giving you a hard time, it’s like, “Hey, at the end of the day, you broke up with me. So if you’re upset that I wasn’t in your life, the only person you got to blame is the person you see in the mirror every day.” Then again, that conversation should have never happened, because you shouldn’t have been reaching out to her, but you continued doing it anyway. So as her feelings diminish, her level of disrespect and contempt that she has for you continues to grow. So she kind of gets nastier because again, your behavior is totally unattractive because she’s caring about you less and less as time goes by and you’re seeming to care more and more, especially after she just tossed you aside like you were useless trash.

Any self-respecting man would have just rode off into the sunset. The only way a woman is really, truly going to be deeply love you is if she knows that if she pushes you too far, you’ll walk and never look back. You won’t ever put up with her crap again.

After, I said I’m not gonna be just a friend to her she, “Learnt to live without me” (Her words).

So she’s trying to rub it in, trying to absolve herself from any guilt.

The last time we spoke was in early August when I called her.

Again, he just keeps pursuing her. Come on dude, have some self-respect.

She said she wasn’t expecting calls from me or didn’t want to see me anymore and wished I’d find somebody to be happy with.

So now at this point, he’s continued pursuing and she’s basically like, “Yeah, I wouldn’t sleep with you if you were the last person on Earth. I hope you just go find somebody else and leave me the hell alone.” Real sweet. Why would you want to be with somebody who’s got that attitude?

I was left speechless because I still love her but she, “Doesn’t feel like that anymore” (Her words). Now I’m wondering if I blew my chances for good.

Bob

Well, I would say it looks like it. Even after you got dumped, you continued pursuing, but this is pretty much typical experience for the average guy that really doesn’t understand how women think, what creates attraction and what turns women off. This kind of behavior, this behavior of caring more about her than she does about you and completely ignoring the fact that you’re way more into her than she’s into you, yet you continually try to shoehorn yourself into her life, then she gets more nasty, more disrespectful and just basically says, “I don’t feel anything for you.” Yet you keep coming back for more of that. No self-respecting man is going to put himself in a position where he’s going to hear things like that. If a woman is like, “I don’t want to be with you anymore. I got to figure my life out,” I’d be like, “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, and that our relationship wasn’t worth it enough to stick around and work through this and do it together. So I wish you all the best. Thanks for the memories. If you ever change your mind, get in touch. If I’m still available, maybe we can go out on a date. Other than that, I’m not going to be your friend. You’re going to have to find somebody else then, because that’s what I’m going to do. I want to be with a girl that really wants to be with me, that appreciates me, that values me, and you clearly don’t. You fucked up. Therefore, if you want another chance, you’re gonna have to do a lot of sucking up.” That should have been your attitude.

Like I said, I put a fork in this. It’s done. The good news is you got the book. Hopefully you start reading it and taking your life seriously because ain’t nobody coming to save you, dude. Mommy’s not going to help you out of this jam that you put yourself in. You’ve got to learn what you’re doing and saying that is turning the women off that you like so you can stop that behavior, so next time you meet somebody you really do like and who likes you, you won’t chase them out of your and stalk them out of your life, basically like you did to this particular ex.

Hey, let’s be honest, we’ve all been through it. That’s why we’re here discussing this and watching these videos. This happened to me a long time ago when I was younger, and enough of these kinds of things happened to me and I realized, “Man, what the hell am I doing wrong?” Obviously, I eventually figured it out and connected the dots. That’s why I’m here teaching the things I know and I share these videos because there will be somebody that’ll be in a similar situation. It’s maybe not as far down the road to the breakup as you are, and they’ll listen to this and they’ll go, “Wow, my girlfriend said exactly that to me. Now I know what she’s thinking and I know what she’s feeling. She’s lost attraction and respect for me. I got to figure out what I’m doing to turn her off. Let me read that beautiful little blue book that’s free in the Member’s Area and Corey’s website so I can clean up my act and not lose my girl forever, or my family, or my wife, or whatever it happens to be. Or my baby mama.” If you act like a bitch, women are going to treat you like a bitch. That’s just the harsh reality. You’re supposed to be more masculine than they are. If you continually act unattractive and you don’t correct your behavior, you will keep pursuing, chasing, groveling, begging, pleading and acting unattractive until they get to the point where like, where this woman has got to, where she doesn’t feel anything for this guy anymore and doesn’t really care, and she’s encouraging him to go find somebody else.

So the good news is, with the book, you can find somebody hotter and who has a better attitude, because revenge is a dish best served cold, and there will be nothing more satisfying than you walking down the street with what you think is the hottest woman on the planet, and a woman at one point in your life you would have thought was way out of your league, and you’ll be all over her, she’ll be all over you, and you’ll see your ex-girlfriend with some fat, dumpy looking dude. You’d be like, “Man, what was I even thinking dating that girl? I’m in such a better position.” That is the best revenge. The best revenge is to succeed. For her to get to a point in her life and see you walking down the street with some other girl and going, “Man, what an idiot I was.” That’s the best revenge.

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