She Said She Wanted A Relationship, Then Ghosted Me. Why?

Some reasons why a girl will say she wants a relationship and then back off and disappear.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 21-year-old viewer who has been seeing a 19-year-old supposed virgin. He had six dates over the span of two months because she was traveling a few times. During their last date when they were fooling around she said she wanted to be his. He gave her a bunch of rules for being his girlfriend and then she went cold for a few weeks. He reached out two weeks later, but she was sick.

Eventually she got back in touch after she was better, but he is confused why she ghosted him for a few weeks and made him reach out to her. I explained what happened and how to properly apply what is in my book 3% Man, which he’s obviously not reading 10 to 15 times as instructed. He’s too focused on timelines and acting robotic instead of being flexible and going with the flow. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who’s a young whippersnapper. He’s 21 years old, and he said he’s been seeing this 19-year-old girl who supposedly is a virgin. He had six dates over the span of two months because apparently she was traveling a few times. As you can tell, he’s kind of a little robotic. More than likely he hasn’t read 3% Man more than the prescribed 10 to 15 times. So he’s a little fixated on timelines and how many dates they’ve had and how far things have progressed compared to what I teach. Then he’s tried seducing her a few times, and he’s made a lot of little mistakes, like going on on dates when she’s super tired or he’s super tired, so they don’t really have a good time together.

There’s just a lot of young rookie mistakes here that he’s making that are getting in the way. In essence, he’s cock-blocking himself. Plus, he’s not really making her feel safe and comfortable. So after they were dating for a while, she said that she wanted to be all his. Then of course, he goes into all these rules that he’s got to have. Then after that, she kind of like ghosted him for a few weeks and he’s like, “What the hell?” Then I had to start reaching out after that. So obviously he’s putting his foot in his mouth and he’s not being very smooth or charming with the things he’s saying. So let’s go through his email and see what we can do to help him clean up his game so he can get to the promised land way more easily.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

21-year-old male here. She is a 19-year-old female I am unperturbed by this situation as I have options…

It kind of sounds like guys that go, “Coach, I’ve always been really successful with women, but this one girl threw me for a loop. I really don’t know what to think of it.”

…But I’m curious and want to analyze why this happened.

I had six dates over the span of two months with this beautiful Asian girl. She went on vacation twice which extended the timeline quite a bit.

You shouldn’t be looking at the timeline. It’s a guide line. The stuff that’s in 3% Man is not etched in stone, it’s meant to be a guide. When you apply the things that are in the book, it’s going to help you appear as your most masculine, confident and ideally smooth operator self. If you’ve only been through it once or twice, you’re going to kind of come off as a little bit more robotic and kind of like you got a stick stuck in your ass.

Love is supposed to be playful and fun. The goal is making the woman feel safe and comfortable, especially when you’re dealing with a younger girl who hasn’t lost her virginity yet. Most girls would kind of like their first time to be special. So you can’t be rushed, you can’t be a dick about it, and it takes time to wind a woman up sexually. That’s why the formula is hang out. In other words, make a date, have fun while you’re hanging out, let her do most of the talking. Then when the signs are there, typically later on in the evening, later on in the date, usually when you’re at like the third different venue you’ve gone to, that’s when she’s going to be touchy-feely and you start kissing and making out because you see the signs are there that she’s ready to be kissed, and you tactfully move that from your third venue to ideally, your place or maybe hers.

If you’re smart, like the book talks about, you should be thinking ahead of time about the logistics of sex. One thing I do know is guys that are new to my work, or especially younger guys like this, when they apply what’s in the book, they’re usually surprised. Oftentimes they go out on a first date and they’re thinking, “Oh, it’s just going to be a first date.” Then the next thing they know, the girl is all over them and she’s basically ready to sleep with them. Then they’re like an hour away from the house or whatever, or it’s just totally inconvenient. So it gets in the way of the seduction because they’re surprised at how well this stuff works.

First date was a dinner and just a greet. Second date I took her to multiple places and we hooked up at my place.

So hooking up is having sex, so I kind of get a little irritated when sometimes I’m talking to dudes on the phone or I get these emails and the guy says, “I hooked up with her,” and then come to find out, all they really do is kind of kiss and fool around a little bit because they’re trying to puff themselves up to say, “Oh, I really did well. I got far here, Coach. I hooked up.” No, you didn’t.

You kissed her. So just be honest about it. Don’t try to puff yourself up, make you look like you’re some kind of stud. You’re only 21 years old, so you’re just here to get honest feedback so you can change and adapt your approach. Then next time you get a lot further and it’s a lot smoother, that’s all. I’m not here to browbeat you because all the mistakes you’re making, I made all of these.

Everybody starts out as a novice, everybody starts out as a beginner, and you got to get experience. The goal is by learning from somebody like me, who was much older and much more experienced. I’ve been through this countless times at this point. I’ve been doing this for 20 years, and I’ve coached tens of thousands of people over the years and how to do this stuff. So I don’t really have to think about it anymore. It just happens.

She is a virgin and only went as far as fingering, Third date she wanted to hang out the very last day before she went to California for two weeks and we she was running off two hours of sleep because it meant seeing me.

So if you want to seduce a girl and you want to have a good date, you want to be high energy. You want to hang out, have fun, hook up. This sounds more like hang out, fall asleep and have blue balls. So she’s super tired.

I would’ve just been like, “Hey, no problem. Let’s get together. Why don’t you just get some sleep? Enjoy your trip. Then when you get back, I’d love to see you and catch up and hear all about your trip.” If the guy’s a little desperate and he’s trying to move things along quicker, what’s he going to do? He’s going to agree to a date where she’s got two hours of sleep.

She was too tired while he hung out and it was difficult to seduce her…

Yeah, this is a rookie mistake. You don’t know any better when you’re young. You’re just like, “Oh, I just got to spend time with her. That’s all it matters.” If she’s falling asleep. You’re not going to get anywhere.

…So when I took her home, we spontaneously sat in her car for a few hours at night and talked about the great reset and conspiracies….

I usually never do this because deep conversations typically aren’t seductive…

True.

…But this one worked like a charm and just made out and she told me that she finds me WAAY more attractive after tonight and SHE will reach out and make the next date after her California trip.

I’m assuming she went on her trip and then came back and then did get in touch. So her interest was high at this point.

Fourth date she took me to a school basketball game, afterwards we went to a chill sports bar and played bags, then went to my place. She refused to drink…

Well, I believe in most states, she’s underage. Got to follow the law, young man. Maybe he’s in the UK, I don’t know. I think the UK drinking age is like 18, 19. You guys can fact check me in the comments here, but I believe it’s lower than it is in the States.

…And it was difficult to seduce her that night.

Again, if you’re making the date, you should planning for these things. The third venue, the third place you’re typically going to be hanging out is usually something you can do physically. Maybe you’re throwing axes, maybe you’re playing top flight golf.

The point being is that whatever you’re doing last should facilitate physical touching and interacting. Not sitting in a movie theater, watching a movie, but playing and teasing her. Especially if you’re crushing her in Top Golf. You can tease her about the fact that you’re crushing her and she’s going to probably punch you playfully. You can pull her in close, kiss her when the signs are there, and then when the game’s over, you say, “Hey, let’s go back to my place and have a nightcap,” or “Let’s go back to my place and open a bottle of wine.” If you’re not a drinker, “Hey, let’s go back to my place and have some tea or coffee and some snacks. Maybe a coffee Danish. A little bit of pound cake.” I crack myself up.

It was a chill night which we then got into deep talk again.

Recap: the furthest I went with her was the second date and it was easy to finger her because she was drinking, now she was refusing to.

You shouldn’t be looking at alcohol. He’s like, “Oh, I’m definitely gonna get laid. I just gotta get enough drinks in her.” Come on, dude. You’re thinking like Harvey Weinstein. What are you doing?

I do believe girls that are making it difficult to seduce them are better off just left alone.

We got to be smooth, and you got to be tactful because you are dealing with a virgin.

For that reason, I was perfectly OK walking away even though she expressed to me that she hated feminism, anti vaccine and a virgin which was very attractive to me.

Hang out, have fun, hook up. No serious subjects. If you’re having all these serious subjects, instead of being fun and playful, it’s going to kind of dry her up. It’s not going to make her too excited. She’s not feeling very loose.

Fifth date she reached out and wanted to hangout again so I accepted because I am enjoying our time a lot even though I’m being blue balled.

It’s like, dude come on. Got to be tactful. You got to be smooth. Tells me you’re a little impatient. You probably been watching some of that red pill nonsense.

I take her to the theater, then my house and again…

The theater. What does that mean? You went to a movie? It says right in the book, don’t go to fucking movies, dude. You’re trying to seduce a girl. You don’t go take her to a movie then to your house.

…She was difficult to seduce even though I’m my flirty self trying to get her to talk. It wasn’t until I finally said, I’m gonna drive you home when she was all over me making out as I’m standing up grabbing my keys and walking out the door. Around 1:00 in the morning. We made out a lot in the car outside her house and she got turned on and definitely was open to more: but it was so late almost 4:00 a.m., because we spoke a lot like we always do in the car because she never wants to leave. So I left her wanting more after I did the huge 20-minute long build up.

Yeah, it just doesn’t sound like you’re thinking through the logistics here. You’re kind of impatient, and you’re just willing to take any kind of date with her. As long as you can spend time with her going to a movie theater, I mean, that’s right out of the book. You don’t do that. So you’re kind of cock-blocking yourself and you’re not really following what the book teaches.

It sounds like you’re getting a little impatient, butt-hurt, perturbed and irritable that you haven’t had sex. You’re not being sly, dude. The girl can tell that you’re getting upset. If you’re getting upset, that means you’re not calm because masculinity is calm. If you’re trying to date and seduce a virgin for the first time, and you’re getting upset that she’s not having sex with you in the manner that you like, that’s not going to make her feel safe. It’s going to make her shut down. It’s going to make her back away. It’s going to make her lose attraction for you.

Again, you’ve got to be smooth and tactful, easy-going, easy to get along with. Not a dude’s got a stick in his ass going, “All right. We had six dates. Time for you to give it up.”

Last date: She invites me to her apartment…

The other thing I can always tell when guys have been following the red pill stuff, because there’s always a hint of anger in everything. Anger and frustration.

Again, that goes from the guy who’s everybody’s main guru that wrote the books that I don’t need to mention because the guy is in an unhappy marriage. He settled, and he’s pissed off that he never got the hot girl that he really wanted. So he’s really mad and he’s really frustrated. All of his work is basically making excuses for the fact that he’s a bitch of a man and doesn’t really understand women, as simple as that.

So the guys that follow his stuff, they get very angry, they get very butt-hurt, they get upset, they’re irritable with women. That’s just not how you want to be.

…Which she’s never invited any man to before as her roommates have a no male policy, but she really wanted me to come.

That tells me she’s feeling comfortable. More comfortable with you at that point.

We have a beer and she said, “She wanted to be mine,” so we had the relationship talk and I told her my boundaries.

Well, you should be having the relationship talk when you’re actually in a relationship and you’re, I should say, actually having sex, but you’re kind of putting the cart before the horse. You’ve only been out in like six days, you haven’t seen this girl very much, and some of the dates, quite frankly, they sound like they really sucked.

She agreed to all of them. “No guy friends,” “No bars without me,” and we were just having a good time talking so I told her one mistake about my past relationship that my ex did which made me leave her.

Again, whenever you talk about an ex like that, especially this early in the beginning, the girl’s views you as comparing the ex to her. It’s just not helpful.

If you’re going to be having this kind of conversation, you want to be tactful about it and you just say, “What do you mean you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend already?” You can say, “Well, that’s pretty quick because we’ve only been out in six dates and we haven’t really slept together. I’d be down to be exclusive once we consummate our relationship. Depending on where you’re at, if you’re not ready yet, let’s just kind of take it a little slow. No rush.”

“If I’m going to commit to somebody, here’s kind of what my values are. I want a girl that’s loyal and faithful to me, and that means that you’re not going to continue to act single. That means you’re not going to be posting thirst trap pictures all over social media. You’re not going to be going clubbing at 2 a.m. without me and going out with a bunch of single girls and stuff like that. If I’m going to be loyal and faithful to a girl, I want a girl that’s devoted to me. If you really want to be serious and exclusive, that’s kind of where I come from. If you’re not ready to give up the party life and you want to be exclusive, but yet you want to go out and act like you’re still single while you potentially look for other dudes. I say we need to continue dating and see how things go before we get to that point.”

You want to make it a little bit more difficult for you to say yes to it. In other words, you want her to work for it. You want her to just say, “OK, here’s the rules. This is the way it is. I saw this stuff on red pill, and I’m going to be a dick like those guys in the red pill podcast, because women are stupid. They’re like little children, and we have to treat them like little children.”

After I told her that story, she hesitated…

Yeah, so whatever you said, it didn’t go over well. It didn’t come out tactfully and it didn’t come out as smooth and charming. So she’s hesitating. It’s like whatever you said, it didn’t go over well.

…And said I’m afraid of getting hurt and started second guessing herself.

So obviously whatever you said that came out of your mouth, it didn’t come out well.

I realized that something I said must’ve made her second guess herself because she realized that I would leave a girl the moment I was disrespected.

You’re a little bit too much of a hard ass. Again, I wouldn’t be going, “I expect a girl to be loyal and faithful. She shouldn’t be giving out her number to guys and saying, ‘Oh, they’re just friends.'” She shouldn’t have a bunch of guy best friends that she hangs out and goes drinking with all the time. Those guys aren’t there to be your friend. They’re there because they’re beta males and they’re trying to get in your pants. Besides, if we’re going to be committed, you’re not going to like it if I’m going out and hanging out with pretty single girls one-on-one that are ‘just friends.'”

She had never been in a relationship before and this was the night she revealed to me that she was a virgin.

As far as you know.

It became really late as she was kind of just stargazing, thinking about what she wanted, so I said it’s a good time for me to go as she was falling asleep, but she wanted me to sleep next to her, which I did.

Hang out, have fun, hook up. So if the girl wants you to stay, then of course, but turning a girl on, it’s not just grabbing her pussy. It’s slowly caressing her, occasionally gently bumping her nipples. It’s slowly moving her hands over her body. It’s a slow revealing. It’s like, if you ever seen the old video of like the old model T cars, the very first car where the hand crank in the front, women are kind of like that. You got to crank a lot. You got a lot of hand cranking to get them warmed up. That’s why the hang out, have fun, hook up part is always at the end of the night. So the end of the night should be like the grand finale.

That should be where her walls are down. She feels safe, she feels comfortable, you’re not impatient, you’re not angry, you’re not irritated, you’re not butt-hurt, you’re not perturbed that you haven’t got to the promised land. You got to understand this a virgin and she wants it to be special. If you’re, acting like a bull in a China shop and you’re not very tactful with the things that you say, it’s going to create problems.

Like I said, we never did anymore than make out since that second date. Every time I had an opportunity for sex it was too late and we were both drifting asleep.

Well, that’s your fault. You’re the one with the penis. You’re the guy that’s supposed to lead. Typically, if you’re going to go on a date, maybe around 6 or 7 p.m. at night, that’s when you should be going out, not at 11:00 at night, meeting up with her and then hoping to seduce her by 12:01. That’s fine once you’ve been dating and sleeping together. When you’re trying to tactfully move her to that place, you got to think about all these things.

For this guy, it just seems, “If I’m physically around her, it doesn’t matter if she’s dead tired or been traveling for two weeks or whatever.” He’s just happy to do that. You can tell it’s at least half the dates they’re going out on. Plus he’s having conversations that aren’t really fun. There’s a lot of serious subjects.

Love is playful and fun. It’s not serious. It’s great that you both are into conspiracies and stuff like that, but it’s not really making her pussy moist.

I woke up a few hours later and drove home because I was busy. She woke up to me leaving and asked me why I was going in which I said, “I had something to do.”

Sounds like more than likely he just left because he was irritated and he ain’t getting any pussy.

Fourteen days pass and she hasn’t texted me even though she usually initiates contact so I can set the next date.

Well, as the book says, the fallback is once a week. If you don’t hear from her after seven, eight days, then reach out and make the next date, but he waited a full 14 days. So what does that tell you? She had been reaching out to him, but then she stopped. So obviously the last date, it went over like a lead balloon. She’s talking about being serious, and he was an anal retentive jackass, probably.

When I was younger, I had a one of my girlfriends call me. She says, “You’re an anal retentive jackass.” Which was true at the time, but it was good feedback, and I loosened up a little bit because again, love is playful and fun. Don’t be so serious all the time. Take the stick out of your ass and loosen up.

I decided this was a test and contacted her in which she said she, “Was sick but could maybe do Tuesday.”

I said, “HMU when you aren’t sick.” She didn’t text me back until a week after that which is now 21 days later.

Because he’s going, “I haven’t seen her in three weeks. Oh my God.” Just means she was sick. You could tell he’s really pissed off. “We’re not spending enough time together. The book, the timeline, six dates. We should be in love. You should be wanting to be my girlfriend. I should be at the promised land!” But look at half the dates. They’re falling asleep. It’s late at night. She’s sick. She’s had two hours of sleep. Talking about serious things.

She reached out and said it was the flu. I said, “That must have sucked. When are you free to get together for a drink?”

Over 20 days I have work to do to build up her attraction again.

Well, this is your fault, dude. You didn’t practice enough, you didn’t know the book enough and you’re just showing as inexperienced. It’s OK. It’s not the end of the world. Give yourself permission to be a beginner and fuck up. I didn’t lose my virginity till I was 21, and I wasn’t smooth and tactful at all. I did a lot of fucking up, so don’t feel bad. By the time you get to be my age, you’ll probably be better than me.

Woman are hot and cold. I am just wondering why she went from wanting a relationship to ghosting me for two weeks and made me reach out.

Bob

Because her attraction dropped, that’s why.

I mean, you even knew at the time, as you were saying things to her, you were looking at her face and it was like you’re going, “Oh, this is not going well. She’s not liking this.” You didn’t explain things in a smooth way or a tactful way. It should have been a very matter of fact. It should have been a little bit of back and forth being playful, “Well, what are your expectations in a relationship? What does that mean? That you want to be all mine? You want to be boyfriend/ girlfriend. You want to be sexually exclusive? What are you saying? What do you what does that look like to you?” Then you let her speak, because ladies first, gentlemen. Let the ladies speak first, because that creates rapport, softens her boundaries, makes her more submissive. Then you can matter of factly and playfully tell her what it is that you want and what your expectations are.

Like I said, the big thing here is that when you don’t hear from a girl for a week when you’ve been dating and again, he hasn’t slept with her yet, then you fall back to once a week. It worked out OK, but you got to look at the fact that her interest has dropped because you’re doing more things wrong than right when you’re together. I pointed out a bunch of them throughout this video.

You got to clean that game up. You got to think about these things. You can’t be showing up on dates, dead tired, or have nothing going on, or picking her up when she’s got the flu or she’s had two hours of sleep and think your date’s going to go well, or go sit in a movie theater and then be surprised you can’t have sex afterwards. It says it right in the book.

The book is free to read on my website. All you got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter, put your name and your email, hit submit and then instantaneously the members area will open up and you’ll be able to see the first book. You’ll even be able to read Mastering Yourself. My first book of quotes is in there as well. So I highly encourage you to take this seriously and read the book 10 to 15 times, and stop trying to cherry pick stuff in my videos and stop listening to these fucking incel red pill douche-bags that don’t have an absolute clue about women have zero clue.

There was a video the other day that Caroline and I are going to do a reaction to, and we’re going to film it. There was a woman on, I think it was on Twitter, and I think she’s a therapist or something, and she was talking about why is it that women don’t want to sleep with their husbands or their boyfriends? Why is it they stop sleeping with them? She goes through this video and she’s talking about how the guy doesn’t take time to open her up. I remember putting in the comments when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open and when she doesn’t, the legs closed.

I’ve been doing this for 20 years. I got guys that are married 30 years, 40 years, 15 years, five years, 10 years. I got lesbians that have been together with their girlfriends and they’re not having sex. I do one phone session with them and they listen to what I tell them to do, and they’re fucking like rabbits again. So when it comes to this, I know what I’m talking about.

Like the number, I’m not going to say the douche-bag’s name, because telling this particular post he’s on there commenting and basically saying something to the effect that the reason why she doesn’t want to sleep with her boyfriend is because she’s fucking her personal trainer, or she’s hot for her personal trainer. Just some stupid ass fucking comment. Yet this is the guy that lots of dudes are paying attention to, trying to learn to understand women. Yet he still doesn’t know that when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open and if she doesn’t, the legs closed. This woman in this video saying something very articulate and she’s spot on, and you got all the red pill douche-bags saying stupid shit like that.

This is a guy that is totally incompetent with women and he’s got all these theories and yet it doesn’t click for him. He doesn’t get that. He just throws some comment because he sounds just like one of those guys that always got rejected by the hot girl and always got passed over, and then he settled and he’s fucking pissed off about it.

People listen to this guy and he’s an idiot. He’s literally an idiot. He’s in a mediocre marriage and he’s settled, he’s miserable and he’s not happy. You can see it in his face. He’s got big puffy bags under his eyes. He’s not a happy guy and he’s pissed off. He thinks women are the problem. Everybody that he teaches, he’s teaching them all to have the same fucking attitude. He’s absolutely incompetent and clueless with women. He doesn’t understand them at all. So there’s a lot of people out there that might have big followings, or they have podcasts that have a lot of followings and they’re entertaining, but they’re not really giving you any value that’s going to help you.

You need to think very carefully about who you follow and who you listen to. Again like I said, I go through this guy’s email and I see a lot. I can tell guys that have got in that red pill stuff because they adopt that anger and that pissed off mindset that women are all the problem. It’s not theirs. That’s just simply not accurate.

You’re the one with the penis you’re supposed to lead. It’s up to you as a man to hold women accountable. That’s who holds women accountable, is the men. The problem is, there’s too many weak men in society. There’s so many men that don’t hold women accountable, especially when they get involved with low integrity women. The women walk all over them and treat them like a doormat. That’s a fact of life. I teach what works. If you think that I’m full of shit, if you apply what I teach, you’ll see that it works for you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.