She Said She’d Text Me, But So Far She Hasn’t

What it means & what you should do when a woman doesn’t text you after saying she will.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl online. On their 4^th date they hooked up. During pillow talk she said she liked texting and implied she wanted them to text more. He told her to text him if she wanted to chat. She said she would but never did. Then he reached out over Christmas and after a few messages back and forth she stop responding. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “She Said She’d Text Me, But So Far She Hasn’t.”

If I had a dollar for every time a woman said she was going to do something and then she doesn’t, I’d have lots more millions. But this is something that every guy has to deal with. And so what do you do when a woman doesn’t do these things? Sometimes they do it to troll you, especially if you just started dating them. And other times they do it because quite frankly, they don’t give a fuck.

They’re not that into you and they just don’t care. And so you got to remember that dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you got to wait for the other girl to hit it back. You have to give women the time and space to either follow through on their plans and their commitments to you, i.e., “Hey, I’m going to text you.” Or to flake and disappear from your life forever. The strongest negotiating position in life is being able to walk away and mean it.

And if a woman is going to submit to you and follow your lead and trust your judgment, she has to know that if she pushes you too far, you’re going to walk and never look back. You will replace her. You’re not going to tolerate disrespect. A man of value is just not going to put up with bullshit from anybody. And so this particular email, this guy met this girl online and on their fourth date they hooked up. And during pillow talk, she said she liked texting and kind of implied that she wanted to text more because he was very blunt and direct, and his text replies.

And if you’re a busy professional, if you kind of are like me, I fucking hate texting. I don’t want to be on the phone. It’s like, “Are you coming over? What are you doing?” Like, my texts with my friends, my family, it’s blunt. It’s to the point. I don’t really want to sit there and send memes and pictures back and forth all day long. I’ve got better things to do. I got tons of DMs and other things going on and on social media or the other messaging platforms. It’s direct, decisive, get to the point. I ain’t got time to waste if you need a text buddy. I’m not the guy.

If you’d love to see me, I’d love to see you. But I’m not going to sit on the phone off and on all afternoon. I’m in and out of meetings, and I just don’t have time for it. You know, if I’m with somebody, be with them in person, be present. I’m not looking for a digital pen pal. That should be your mindset and your philosophy. Because if you started out correctly, if you train women properly in the beginning, then they’ll be cool with this. They’ll understand that that’s just the way you are and that’s how you operate.

If you’re a busy professional and you’re in and out of meetings, you’re not going to stop and chit chat and text off and on all day long unless it’s totally necessary. The phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. The more you chit chat and text in the phone, the less you’re typically going to spend together in person. If a girl reaches out and says, “Oh, I haven’t heard from you, you never text me. Oh, where have you been?” Just say, “Oh, hey, you so good to hear from you. Let’s get together.” Just make a date.

Be direct. Be decisive. Get right to the point. Make a date. If she cries about how, “You’re not texting me and we don’t talk enough.” Just invite her on a date. If she’s whining about it, invite her on a date. Fuck her brains out, make her cum. Pretty simple. Orgasms solve a lot of problems. Don’t sit there and go. “I’m sorry I was in a meeting. Uh. Your Highness. Uh. Please don’t be mad at me. Uh, I’ll try to text you more. I’ll try to come up with funny memes to send you.”

Don’t be like that. Just say, “I’m just sorry I can’t. I don’t have time. I’m busy during the day. If you’re texting me at night and it’s like, I’m not going to sit there for two hours texting you, just come over, come over.” Girls texting you, “What are you doing?” “Come over.” “What are you doing?” “Get your cute little ass over here. Bring me a bottle of wine. Bring us a bottle of wine. Let’s hop in the Jacuzzi or whatever.” Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. Create an opportunity for sex to happen.

Let her wonder. Because if you spend less time on text, she’s going to be like, “I can’t figure him out. He’s so mysterious. He’s so unpredictable.” Don’t be a dancing, clapping seal that jumps through your butt every time she texts you. Again, the phone is for setting dates. And quite frankly, this guy that sent this email in should know a little better.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Long time listener and reader of the book. I have read the book several times and have listened to the book at least once a year as a refresh.

Well that’s good.

Wanted your thoughts because I believe I’m doing things correctly with a woman but she hasn’t started reaching out to me yet and I’m wondering if she just doesn’t have high enough interest. I met her online and she had a high level of interest from the start. Would send long messages and really wanted to get to know me.

Again. The phone is for setting dates. It’s spelled out in The Book. If she wants to send you a long diatribe text, just make a fucking date. Invite her over. Invite her to get together.

On our first date she actually paid for the drinks when I went to the bathroom and we made out in my car for about 20 minutes before she left saying, “you turn me on too much”. 

Well, as The Book says, you should be going to three places. So if you’re going on a first date with somebody you met online, ideally someplace just to have a couple drinks, like a wine bar is kind of like perfect for a first date, because if you don’t like the girl, you’re out of glass of wine or a drink and you just say, “Great meeting you, but I gotta run.” And then dismiss yourself. If it goes really well, you can say, “Hey, there’s a really cool place down the street, let’s go grab a bite to eat.”

And then hop in your car, or an Uber, or the train or the bus and go to another venue. If that goes really well, then have a third venue. You can go, maybe shoot some pool, throw some darts, bowling, a Dave & Busters, maybe golf carts, miniature golf, throwing axes. Something fun that facilitates physical touching and physical interaction. Because once you’re making out, and all over each other, you can say, “Hey, why don’t we get out and go back to my place?” But it looks like this guy just had one thing planned. And then that was the end of the date. This is typically what most guys do.

Because each time you get in your car or you go to a different venue, because most guys do that, they go on one date, and then they go on one date and then they take them home or that’s the end of the date. So if you want to seduce more women on your first dates, if you want to get to the bedroom quicker, typically you want to go to three different places all in the same date. And usually at the third place, it facilitates physical touch, physical interaction and it makes it really easy to seduce her.

I proceeded to wait for the next week and setup the next date and that also went well. We stayed in the restaurant after close and were kicked out. A few times we’d talk about sex on the dates, and she was very open to the conversation.

Well, again, you shouldn’t be talking about sex. You should be creating the conditions where sex can happen. Because the more typically most guys talk about sex, the less they’re going to have it.

I waited another week and she said she was available all weekend and even sexed me a little after we discuss logistics. At the time I was already on another date so I had to wait. The day of that date she canceled due to a snow storm that I thought was pretty mild so the next day I didn’t reach out to see what she’d do.

Yeah, if she cancels, why the fuck would you want to be texting her after she canceled the date? “Oh, it’s a snowstorm. I gotta stay in.” If it’s not really bad, the women are typically going to keep it.

She actually texted me and we setup a date for a few hours later. This is the first and only time she’s texted me on her own accord. Again we stayed in the restaurant past close talking and cuddled/made out in the booth. When we left I told her I was going out of town for Christmas and she asked to see me before I left. We setup something for the day before I left. The 4th date we were together for 6 hours at a block party as well as dinner. She actually was trying to help me buy my mom a Christmas gift. After she came back to my place and we hooked up for the first time.

So it took him four dates before they hooked up. My goal was to get you to the finish line, the promised land, as quickly and as easily and effortlessly. And for the guys on a budget as cheaply as possible. So it’s four dates until he gets to the promised land. But it still happened. Most women, if you’re doing what’s in The Book, are going to sleep with you by the second or third date. And when you get really good, usually it’s going to always happen on the first date.

It was very easy and she was agreeable. She seems very open to communication and has said things like “we should be able to talk about anything if we’re going to do this.” On one occasion I tried to pivot away from politics and though she didn’t react I wasn’t sure if that was wise of me to do.

Well, if you have the same politics, that’s fine. But if you’re dating a lefty, especially today when we’re, I guess about an hour away from Donald J. Trump being our president once again, they’re probably still in grieving. Joe Biden pardoned Fauci. He’s like, what a blanket pardon. Why would you do that? Why would you do that unless that bastard is guilty, that evil bastard, little fucking elf is guilty. That guy should spend the rest of his life in prison along with his fucking ratchet wife.

Overall she’s beautiful and very mature and giving. I think she’d be a great partner especially as I date other women her presence has been a huge refresher. During pillow talk she did mention something about my texting style being very direct and to the point and that she likes to text. I told her she should text me if she wants to text me and that I’d love to hear from her.

Again. The phone is for setting dates dude, not getting to know somebody.

When she left she said, “I’ll text you.” But yet again that didn’t happen.

Well, you didn’t wait for her to text you. And it was the holidays. She said she’s going to text you, so you have to give her the opportunity to do that. And if she never texted you again after that, if you would actually let her, then probably you weren’t very good in bed. You probably didn’t make her cum. She didn’t have enough orgasms or any.

And or maybe you had bad breath or whatever, or you didn’t clean your butt and she went down on you, and all she smelled was ass. It’s like, I know it’s gross, but, you know, a lot of guys don’t think about this shit. If you have sex with a girl, you go out on four dates, and then after you have sex, you never hear from her again. You probably sucked in bed.

Last week it was Christmas and we hadn’t seen or spoken for about 5 days so I wished her a merry Christmas and to see if she was available for another date.

So again, when a woman tells you, hey, I’ll text you, and then it’s the holidays, you got to give her the opportunity to actually text you or to flake out and disappear forever. But you didn’t do that. You didn’t have the balls to do that. That shows you’re a little needy. And it gives a little bit of your power away, whether you realize it or not. Again, this is why you read The Book 10 to 15 times. So you know it backwards and forwards. But when you constantly violate little principles here and there, it’s not surprising why it turns out this way.

She was very responsive and talkative at first but then after I sent a text.

Again, you can tell he’s just chit chatting. He’s probably cracking jokes, saying a bunch of unnecessary bullshit over text, trying to get to know her. Probably because she’s like, “well, I like to talk to people.” So he’s thinking that he’s got a text with her and it’s more than likely he talked and texted her out of liking him.

I sent a text asking when she was free she stopped responding.

There it is.

Her sister was getting married the weekend before and apparently the kitchen got everybody sick including her. Along with the holidays she seemed pretty busy. Regardless, if I’m paying attention to her actions she has not responded and it’s been 48 hours and has almost never initiated contact after 4 dates.

Yeah, because you’re not funny over text. It’s the phone is for setting dates. And after she was in bed with you and saying that she likes to talk and text, you started doing exactly what she wanted, which was chit chatting on the phone and texting and probably cracked jokes and said things that were inappropriate or made you look stupid. And then you didn’t hear from her. She just ghosted you. She left you hanging. That’s a sign of low interest. That’s a sign. Because what happened was she said, I’ll text you. And then you didn’t have the balls to hold out. Again, this stuff’s in The Book, but if you don’t learn it and you don’t apply it, it’s not really going to help you.

Regardless, if I’m paying attention to her actions she has not responded and it’s been 48 hours and has almost never initiated contact after 4 dates.Which seems odd based on what I know from your book.

Well, you don’t really know it that well. And what happened was you didn’t give her a chance to reach out to you. And then when you did, you tried to be a comedian through text probably, because if you’re texting more and you’re trying to be a comedian and then she keeps disappearing on you, well, obviously you’re doing something wrong.

Should I wait for her to reach out, Try one more time, or move on?

All the best,

Bob

Well, in this case, I would wait for her to reach out. Because again, you’re basically saying, hey, is it okay if I double text her and triple text her? Because that’s what you basically did. She said, she’ll text you. You didn’t wait. You reached out to her. She ghosted you in the middle of your conversation. And now you’re going, “Hey, should I text you again?” Again. It’s right out of The Book. Don’t double and triple text girls. If you’re borderline as far as her interest in you. In other words, if you’re a five in her book on a scale of 1 to 10, as far as attraction level, that’s what you’re going to get.

And then if you start double and triple texting, you’re over pursuing. That’s, I mean, again, these things are taught in The Book. So I mean, I’m surprised how many times this guy say he’s read The Book. He says he’s read it several times. Okay. Several times probably means 2 or 3. He hasn’t read it 10 to 15. And he says, oh, I read it once a year. So he probably read it once or twice, and then maybe he goes through it once a year. So that’s not 10 to 15 times. This is why you’re doing stupid things, because again, you’re cherry picking and you’re cherry picking and you’re making yourself look weak and unattractive.

You’re saying and doing things through text. You’re not holding out. That’s part of the problem. This is one of the ways that women can tell that they got you, that you’re more into them than they are into you. When you double and triple text, that’s the wrong message to send. Again, this is all laid out in The Book, but you didn’t really take the time to learn it and read it. That’s why you get a roasting, because you didn’t follow instructions, and there will be guys that will go, you know what, I don’t want to get roasted by Coach. So he’s right. I don’t want to be like that guy and fuck up a good opportunity, which it looks like he did here. He fucked up a good opportunity because his texting game sucked.

It wasn’t tight. And maybe he wasn’t very good in bed either. But the bottom line is, she said she was going to text you and you didn’t have the guts to hold out. And so if she’s borderline, if you’re like a five on a scale of 1 to 10 in her eyes, that’s typically what’s going to happen. She’s just going to disappear because again, you couldn’t hold out and that’s enough for some women just to go, eh, it wasn’t very good in bed and I’m not feeling it is what you’ll typically. That’s probably what she would say if I was talking to her. So it’s like you got to got to clean this shit up, dude.

It’s laid out very easily and effortlessly in The Book, but if you don’t take the time, you’re one of the average person that likes to major in minor things. Then, you know, I’m sorry to say that’s what’s going to happen to you. So how does it feel to have something progress and just fall apart because your game was sloppy, but the good news is other guys watching this will learn from it and go, you know what? I’m going to read The Book a little extra/ more because this is completely unnecessary for things to get to this point. But again, that’s why I go through these videos, is to help people learn what’s in The Book.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.