She Says She Needs A Break Due To Her Religion?

What it really means when a woman wants a break due to her religion.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a Muslim viewer who has been following my work for about 2 years. He’s been dating a girl for almost 5 months he met through Instagram. They are long distance and do weekly FaceTime dates and see each other in person every 2 weeks. Recently she asked for a break and blamed it on her religion. He asks what he can do and says he was doing everything textbook. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “She Says She Needs A Break Due To Her religion?”

Usually that’s just an excuse for the fact that her interest is dropping. So this particular email is from a Muslim viewer. He met this woman he’s been seeing, I guess about five months ago, through Instagram. He slid into her DMs. And so they don’t they’re kind of long distance, he said they’re a two hour plane ride away from each other. And she’s got family in town where he lives.

And so once a week they’re doing FaceTime dates, and then every two weeks they see each other in person. And so recently he noticed that she didn’t get in touch or call him or text him like she normally would. And so you could tell he kind of freaked out a little bit. And he’s like, “Hey, is everything okay?” And she basically says she needs a break and that she’s getting back into her religion. The reality is, when women are in love with a man, they want to be with him as much as they can.

When they’ve lost attraction they make logical sounding excuses like, “Oh, I need to get back into my religion”, or “I’ve decided to be celibate for a while.” In reality, what’s really going on is they’ve lost interest in being physically intimate with you and would rather do something else other than be physically intimate with you. And if she’s head over heels in love with you and is thinking about you being her man, or you are her man, and then all of a sudden she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, and she uses religion as the excuse. It’s usually because she lost attraction and respect for you.

And so I suspect that this guy’s game is not as tight as he thinks it is because he claims, “Oh, I did everything according to The Book.” But when he didn’t hear from his girl like she normally would reach out to him, he freaked out. So that tells me on some level, he’s probably more into her than she is into him, and he’s paying attention to his interest in her, and has not been paying attention to the fact that her interest has dropped for some reason.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

I have been a follower of yours for about two years now. I have been dating this very nice Muslim girl for almost 5 months now. I hit her up on Instagram and since we didn’t live in the same city I would set up definite weekly FaceTime calls so we could talk and create attraction.

Well, you can’t really create attraction. You can reveal attraction. And so the bottom line is you started talking because attraction was there. And obviously it grew enough, because especially because I’ve done a lot of long distance dating. And when you meet somebody online that’s either in a different part of the state, a different part of the country, or a different part of the world altogether in a completely different country than you, typically what’s going to happen is you’ll talk for a few weeks, and if you really click, you’re going to go see her.

Check out her culture, check out her city, which can be a lot of fun because then you get a hot tour guide that knows all the great places to eat, the great places to go, the tourist areas, fun things to do. And it can be a lot of fun. But it also can be a real drag and it’s expensive. If you got to hop on a plane once or twice a month to see each other. That adds up. It gets very expensive.

We live about two hours away by flight and she has family here so we would see each other about every two weeks, I visited her twice during this time and we stayed at her place and did the Indoor Olympics. She came from a very strict household regarding religion as did I. We are both Muslim, but I would say she is stricter than me.

But she still gave it up. Why? Because her interest was high and you were worth the risk. At least at the time.

Knowing this I made sure that every intimate action was her idea, and I would go at whatever pace she set. She was constantly messaging and calling me and wanted to be around me as much as possible.

Well, that was then.

We never argued. She introduced me to her dad and brother and would go out of her way to try to make me happy by cooking me and my brothers’ meals and baking me a cake, buying presents and planning an entire weekend around my birthday.

That’s what they do when they care. You’re not just some booty call. that’s a two hour plane ride away.

Last week she attended a wedding with her dad that was all Muslim people, the day after she didn’t contact me all day which was very foreign to me since I’m used to her always calling or texting me.

Well, you can tell he became alarmed. So what do you think happened? Maybe she got introduced to somebody or saw somebody that maybe she liked in the past. Or maybe her parents were hoping that she would marry. Maybe you got an arranged marriage thing going on. But women are like cats. And so if she normally calls you and then all of a sudden doesn’t call you, you can’t freak out about that. Because if you do; if she can sense that you’re bothered when you didn’t hear from her and you’re fearful.

Well, the number one strength characteristic that women love about men is confidence. And so if you freak out because she goes to a wedding and you don’t hear from her, and then you start reaching out and you’re afraid something’s wrong, that shows that you got a little upset, you got a little butthurt, and you’re worried where you stand with her. That’s not confident. A confident guy is like, “She’ll be back. Oh, she must be busy. I’ll let her reach out when she misses me enough.”

I gave her a call since I was worried and knew she had a flight to catch but there was no answer so I shot her a message and said, ”Babe you alright? Call me when you can”.

That sounds like a mess. He’s like, “Oh my God. Does she love me? Does she care about me still?” That shows me that you’re seeking her attention and validation. You weren’t really worried about her being alright. You were worried that she wasn’t as into you as she had been. She goes to a wedding and now you don’t hear from her.

“Oh my God. Did she meet somebody else?” You’re freaking out about it. During long distance, you’re in the vetting process, and you’re trying to find out whether or not you can trust her. So if you freak out because you haven’t heard from her, that’s not a good thing. That doesn’t show me that you’re confident, that you’re comfortable, that you’re calm, you’re cool and collected.

She messaged me saying she was okay and needed a day to wrap her head around something that was bothering her.

So the reason she didn’t reach out as she needed time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, and to miss you, and for her feelings to bubble back up. But when you didn’t hear from her, you freaked out and thought, “Oh, she doesn’t like me anymore.” And you sought her attention and validation. You needed an attaboy from her. You needed to know that she still cared. And that’s the opposite of being masculine and confident.

She said that since Ramadan, last march, she has been trying to be a good Muslim but recently has completely done an 180.

Well, that’s a nice excuse and everything, but we’re in end of November, early December at this point and Ramadan was in March. So that was a long time ago. And so that was before you guys even started dating. So it may be true that she was trying to be a better Muslim or a good Muslim, but she liked you enough, and she was into you enough that she felt the right thing to do was to be with you and to be intimate with you.

She included that all the intimate things we’ve been doing including sending dirty messages, pictures, having sex, drinking together at times and she believes her late mother who passed away 3 years ago would be disappointed in the person she is.

Again. These excuses all sound logical, but if we just bottom line her actions she didn’t have a problem with it before. She was trying to be a good Muslim before you guys even met. But she’s doing a lot of things that are Haram.

She said it’s her fault and needs a couple days to reconnect with god and she will call me when she’s ready.

So this tells me again, you’re chasing after her. You’re worried about where you stand. This is not masculine. This is the opposite of what The Book says to do. If she goes to a wedding and you don’t hear from her, just assume in a day or two you will hear from her. But instead you reached out and you basically let her know that you were freaked out by not hearing from her. And you’re worried and you’re fearful instead of confident. It’s not good.

Then today I saw I was blocked on Instagram and Snapchat.

Yeah. Women don’t, they don’t block the love of their life. They don’t block men they’re in love with. They block men they’ve lost respect and attraction for. That’s a fact of life.

I have not contacted her nor do I plan to, but I’m very confused on what to do since I did everything by the book. 

Thank you,

Bob

No you didn’t. No you didn’t. It’s like most people want to say, “Hey, it’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong.” You reached out to her. Not because you were trying to see how she was or what she was up to. You reached out to her because you were afraid that you were losing her. And if you were afraid you were losing her then, this is probably not the first time you freaked out about it. And you freaked out about losing her. Or you were worried about losing her. And so I would say it’s gotten to the point where her interest has been going down and you’ve noticed it, but you kind of ignored it and kept doing what you were doing anyways.

And now, after this latest time when you freaked out and reached out to her, now she’s blocked you after five and a half months of dating. That’s not good. So maybe she’s just going to ghost you completely, and you’re not going to hear from her. And the fact that she says she needs a few days and she’s going to call you when she’s ready, that typically means she needs time and space away from you because she’s doubting that her feelings for you are going to return. And if she doubts her feelings for you are going to return, then it would make sense that she blocks you because in her mind, she’s already checked out.

Again, all I have to do is look at what she’s doing. And if you’ve been dating this girl for five and a half months and you’ve properly applied everything that’s in The Book, she’s going to be in love with you and want to be with you all the time. At one point she was in that place, but lately she’s no longer in that place. So that tells me her attraction has dropped. All you have to do is look at her actions. You’re trying to pretend like you did everything right. But if I just look at her actions and what she’s doing and saying, these are not the actions of a woman who’s head over heels in love with you and wants to marry you and bear your children.

This is a woman who’s trying to get away from you, probably because you’ve been acting needy and neurotic and constantly worried about where you stand with her instead of a cocky guy you were in the beginning. So if I were you, I’d probably get back into The Book and start to go through it again to see where maybe your game got a little sloppy the last five and a half months or so. Because typically what happens is, again, women act like cats. Sometimes they’re all over you, and then they’re kind of cold and distant. And when she’s cold and distant, you couldn’t handle it.

You freaked out, you called her and you texted her, and now she’s blocked you. So that’s not normal for a woman to block you that unless you’ve probably done this in the past and other times freaked out about it. So all you can really do at this point, I mean, if she’s blocked to you, you would have to assume she doesn’t want you seeing what’s going on Instagram or Snapchat. And so maybe she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. This is her way of breaking it off. I mean, if you don’t hear from her for a few weeks, then you should assume it’s over and probably start moving on with your life and dating.

And I would recommend you date somebody that lives in your area instead of a two hour plane ride away. And you should also look at are you traveling? You know, because if you’re long distance, she should come see you. And then the next time you go see her, especially after this, you don’t go to her. After a woman blocks you on Instagram and Snapchat and tells you she needs space. She’s got to earn another chance with you, not the other way around, Dude. That tells me at some point, the power flipped. Whereas in the beginning, she was way into you and was worried about where she stood with you.

And then at some point, she got really sure. And then again, just based on your behavior this one time, you freaked out when you didn’t hear from her. And so if I was a betting man, I’d say it’s probably not the first time you freaked out when you didn’t hear from her and double called or texted. And so as this has happened again her interest has continued to drop. And you’ve acted needy and neurotic, and now she’s blocked you. And if she’s blocked you, that tells me she’s annoyed by you and doesn’t want you around.

And so you never try to keep somebody who does want to keep you. You got to figure out where you went wrong. But, you know, if she reaches out, make a video date, invite her to come see you. If she’s not willing to do that, then say, “Call me if you change your mind. I guess I’m going to date other people now. It’s been real. Peace out.” Don’t try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. But again, you need to get back into The Book and figure out what you’ve been doing and saying, because it sounds like you were great for the first couple of months you were dating.

But then things went sideways and she lost interest and respect for you and has now been backing away. And you’ve been kind of freaking out about it, not knowing what to do. But it’s clear your behavior has changed. I see obviously the power dynamic is definitely changed as well. Because she knows that you’re way more into her than she is into you. So you got some work to do, Dude. I’d be reading The Book. Figure out where else you’ve been going wrong in your game because her interest went down instead of up.

In other words, she lost attraction and respect for you, and now she’s blocked you. This is not a girl that’s in love with you and is excited to call you her boyfriend. This is a girl that’s trying to get away from you. Probably because you badgered her and annoyed her. Maybe you’ve acted jealous and insecure in the past, and you behave this way, and she doesn’t want to deal with it, so. Or who knows, maybe she met another guy at the wedding because she wasn’t that into you.

And maybe something happened. Maybe it was a guy she used to date. Maybe it’s a guy that her parents really wanted her to date. And so the excuse is the religion. But if we look, and bottom line her actions, her actions are the actions of a woman who has lost interest and respect. Women don’t dump men that they’re in love with. They only dump men that they’ve lost respect and attraction for. It’s just a fact of life.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.