She Says She Will Leave & Take The Kids If I Don’t Marry Her. What Should I Do?

Some things to consider if your baby momma is threatening you over marriage.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been with his partner for just over 4 years. They have twin 2 year old boys born in 2022. Before they were born, his girlfriend was sweet, laid back and very sexual, but now her personality has changed. They are due to get married in a few weeks, but his gut is telling him no, because in many ways they are incompatible. However, she says if he doesn’t marry her, she will leave with their children. He asks what would a 3% Man do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “She Says She Will Leave & Take The Kids. If I Don’t Marry Her, What Should I Do?”

So this particular viewer, he’s been with his partner for about four years. They have two, two year olds. I mean, they have twin boys basically, that are two years old they had back in 2022. And he said before they were born, his girlfriend was sweet, she was laid back, she was very sexual. And he says now her personality has changed. And so he says they’re due to get married in a few weeks, but his gut is telling him no, because he says in a lot of ways they’re just not compatible.

He says however, she told him or she’s threatened him, she says, if we don’t get married, I’m taking your kids and leaving. That’s just fucked up. I mean, the mother of your children is saying, if you don’t marry me, I’m gonna make it so you can’t see your kids. This is why you really got to think about who you’re going to have a family with, if that’s what you want. And if your gut is telling you, no way, this doesn’t feel right. Then you should trust what your gut and your intuition is telling you.

Because if you go and you get married and you involve the State and she’s threatening to rake you over the coals already and to basically keep you from seeing your children, which is what it seems to be, that she’s implying I would not be marrying that girl. That’s a bad way to go, because your gut is warning you. Because it’s going to be a lot more complicated and a lot more costly, especially if you’re living in one of those blue States where the laws are completely slanted against the guy when it comes to involving the state in your relationship.

I don’t know what country, where he’s at, where he’s from, or what the laws are. And if you are going to get married, it should be something where you can do kind of like a civil marriage to where any kind of real estate that you buy together, you’re going to put it like in an LLC or a trust. Again, I know I’ve got an audience of people that are all over the world, so you’re going to have to talk to an attorney in your country, in your city. Because the laws are different wherever you’re at. Whatever. Every State in America has different laws around that.

And if you’re in another country, again, depending on the country you’re at, you’re going to have your own laws and your own legal counsel that can help you set those types of things up. So when people go into business together as business partners, you typically have what’s called a partnership agreement. And on paper, the partners spell out here’s all the duties that I owe the partnership. Here’s all the amount of money I’m going to put in. Here’s my maximum amount of money that I’m going to put in. And it also spells out the consequences.

What happens if I don’t hold up my end of the bargain? What happens if you don’t hold up your end of the bargain? And you get all that stuff in writing because it’s nice to sit here and think that everything’s going to be great when you’re getting married or you’re starting a business together or buying real estate together. But what happens when the shit hits the fan? What happens when it doesn’t work out? Well, the more homework you’ve done up front, if you discuss all these things up front, you can alleviate a lot of problems in the back end, you can alleviate a lot of your downside risk.

And unfortunately, in the United States, a lot of the marriage laws, the state laws are, they’re really sticky. They’re really difficult to get out of. And you can buy rings. You can get involved in your church or whatever, but you’re just not going to involve going all the way with a legal marriage process. Anything you own business, you own property that you own, you can put in a trust, you can put it in an LLC., you can have multiple LLCs.

And again, you’re going to have to get an attorney that can advise you on these things based on the laws in your state, your city and your country. So that’s what I would look into, because if you can’t come to an agreement on how you would split everything up, if it doesn’t work out, then you probably shouldn’t get married in the first place.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach, 

I’m reaching out to you, as I am unsure what to do in this situation. I have been with my partner now for just over four years. We have two 2 year old boys together, twins, born January 2022. Before my children were born, she was sweet, laid back and very sexual. Yet her personality seems to have changed, especially in how she views me.  

Yeah, it doesn’t sound like the way she’s talking to you. She really respects you.

On July 6^th we are due to be married.

Well, that’s already passed, so way to give me a heads up. Don’t wait until it’s the last minute and send an email in and say, I got a week to answer this. It’s like, [shakes head no].

But part of me feels like it is wrong. Something in my gut is telling me not to do it.  

I would trust that. I felt the same way when it came to get married to my first (only) wife, but I let everybody else talk me into it because I was afraid. I was afraid I’d never find anybody else if I left her. I was afraid I was being selfish or I was a jerk. Everybody was telling me I just got cold feet. I was worried about going through a breakup. It was the first real long term serious relationship that I’d have. But I was like, “I just don’t feel ready to get to get married and have a family and all that. I’m just I don’t feel like I’m anywhere close to that.”

And but I did it anyways. And I ignored my gut. And then a year later, I finally grew a set of balls and was like, “I should have never done this. This was a mistake.” And I ended the marriage. And the guys that have read 3% Man, obviously you know the whole story. So I didn’t listen to my gut. And I mean, we were only married a year. We didn’t have any kids. She had a job, but it still took me a couple of years to get out of that marriage just because of her attorney.

And then for a period of time, she had a guy that she was dating. He was kind of interfering in the divorce and kind of being antagonistic because he was worried that I might come back in the picture and want to get back together with her. So he was doing it to try to create problems and keep some conflict going, so he didn’t have to worry about me coming and taking my wife back, or which I had no interest in doing. But he didn’t help matters, and that cost me a lot of money.

And it shouldn’t have had, because she and I had split things up very amicably, and then she didn’t really know what her attorney was doing because she, you know, was kind of naive. She gave him a very big retainer, and he probably spent it and was broke, and he probably didn’t want to give any of that retainer money back. And so it got to a point where it was just, you know, the meter just kept running month after month after month, and this guy is just stalling and delaying it. And finally I called her dad and told him what was going on.

I was like, “we already agreed to how we’re splitting everything up, six, eight months ago. And yet this idiot attorney, I think what’s really going on is he probably spent all he probably pissed away the big retainer he gave her, and her, so he doesn’t want to have to refund any of it. So he’s just milking the clock so he doesn’t have to refund anything.” And he really was appreciative. He thanked me for it. He thanked me for what a gentleman I had been, and how the divorce, and letting her stay in the house and everything, and make things easier on her.

And so I know he got in touch with her attorney the next day and lit his ass up because my attorney called me, like 9:30, 10:00 in the morning and said, I got the signed settlement agreement. And then he set the hearing. And then I think it was about 3 or 4 weeks later, we were officially divorced. But that process was painful enough and costly enough that I was like, man, I don’t think I ever want to do that again. And if I do, I’m going to be a damn sure I’m going to be 100% sure this is somebody I want to spend my life with and have kids and a family with. Especially if I’m involving the State. So back to our email here.

We have had our share of differences, especially when it comes to money and work. In many ways we are incompatible. Yet every time I question if getting married is really a good idea to her, she issues me a threat, saying “If we don’t get married, then I am leaving with your children.”

That’s not okay. Your girlfriend cannot be threatening you like that with your children because there are laws. You can’t just kick the guy out of the kid’s life. But it gets more difficult if you involve the state in your relationship. Because again, women will lie. They’ll make shit up. They’ll pretend that you did bad things when you didn’t. So you got to worry about that as well. When a woman threatens to take your kids away like that. I would not be wanting to jump right into involved in the state of my relationship with her.

I feel like I have no option, and no choice if I want to keep my children around. I feel like I am being coercively controlled in this matter. On one hand, I am unwilling to be threatened, yet on the other I feel like I must yield for the sake of my children. 

Well, the last thing your kids need is for you to become an emasculated eunuch that constantly gets browbeat by your wife, and who runs the household. Because what will happen is she’ll lose even more respect for you, and then she’ll probably leave you and cheat on you anyways. Because what your kids need is they need to see you happy and in love, and doing really well and have a good, healthy relationship that they can model and emulate. Because the fact that your girlfriend is threatening you like this and threatening to keep you from your children, she can’t legally do that.

And so when someone’s doing that and trying to threaten you, it’s like, that’s a deal breaker. I would not agree to that shit at all. And like I said that’s when you need to go talk to an attorney my friend if I were you, the first thing I would be doing would be talking to an attorney and telling him about your situation and find out what rights you have in your state and your country. And what you can and can’t do, and what she can and can’t do.

I would love to hear what you would do regarding this situation, or what a 3% Man would do. 

Regards, 

Bob

Well, if it was me, the first thing I would do is call legal counsel. But I would not marry her because again, you’re not doing your kids any favors just by marrying her. Because then if you go through a nasty divorce, what do you think is going to happen? She’s going to use that divorce to drive a wedge in between you and your children, and try to ruin the relationship between you and your children so your children don’t like you.

And so I would not put her in a position where she has leverage over you like that, especially when she’s behaving this way. Because that’s not loving, that’s not kind, and that’s a major red fucking flag my man. So I would definitely not do that. Again, I would call an attorney, find out what your legal options are, and if your gut is telling you, “this is not right, we’re not really compatible.”

Then because all you’re going to do is present a dysfunctional marriage and family environment to your children, you’re going to fuck them up, and then they’re going to grow up and make the same exact mistakes that you did. And I would imagine you probably don’t want that for your two boys. I mean, how would you feel if your sons came to you and they’re 18, 20 years old and they’re with a woman that’s threatening them in the same way? That wouldn’t be good.

But if your example is to stay with a toxic woman who’s treating you this way, well, they’re going to model whatever you and your girlfriend present to them in the home. So that’s something that you need to think about. And you and your girlfriend need to have a long discussion about. Well, if it doesn’t work out, how would you split things up? What kind of a legal structure will you hold? Any marital assets? Like a house you live in, or investment properties or stocks or bonds or retirement accounts? How would you handle alimony? Is she going to be a stay at home mom? Or are you going to be a provider? What kind of child support would you make?

I mean, you got to be able to agree up front to how you would split everything up. And if she’s not willing to do that, then I would not get married to her. Again, you need to call legal counsel and your city in your country wherever you’re at and be advised of all of your legal options. And what kind of a legal structure would be the best way to go about this?

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.