Here’s what to do when a woman backs away and says she’s confused about you so she starts chasing and trying to seduce you! When a woman says she is confused it is a clear sign that she feels she is being pushed or being expected to do things she is not presently comfortable doing. When a woman says that, it means that you need to back off because she is feeling smothered. The following is an e-mail from a reader. A girl he was dating and sleeping with has been vacillating between chasing him and then telling him she only wants to be friends because she is confused about her ex-boyfriend. She’s really just making excuses for the fact that he has been lowering her interest level in him. Did I mention that she is bisexual and loves women? He recently went to an event that she said she was looking forward to seeing him at. However, when he got there she was already talking with a woman who she ended up leaving with. He’s feeling jealous and insecure and he is unsure of what to do to turn things around. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I came upon your work recently and it is really speaking to me. I wish I had known about it earlier given some of the mistakes I have made! I wanted your advice on something. I plan to set up a time for a personal phone/skype coaching session for more in depth real soon, but I need some quick help. (Actually the quickest way to get my help is to book a paid phone coaching session with me by CLICKING HERE because I get so many email questions.) I have been seeing someone, Lisa, on and off for about 6 mos. She aggressively pursued me. I guess I was somewhat indifferent but got hooked. Then she backed off saying she was confused missing her ex. (Translation: “You’re turning me off and making me miss my ex who is in the background trying to get me back. I need some space because you are trying to force things and I do not feel safe and comfortable anymore.”) At first I let insecurity take over and pursued her too much. (Chasing women guarantees rejection.) But I recovered and have backed off not texting and letting her chase me. She then increased her texts to me. (You must let women come to you at their own pace.) We get together, sometimes have sex, then she regrets it, backs off, says she just wants to be friends, (Your response to that should always be: “I’m not interested in that, but give me a call if you change your mind.” and then walk away and get busy meeting and dating other women so you can improve and master the 3 ways to seduce women. This will give you choice with women. Women prefer to chase men.) and then pursues me again! Kinda of a crazy pattern and a bit too stressful. (Well, stop making mistakes and she will stop being hot and cold. You should read my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)The problem is that we are involved in the same work at a non-profit. I am the clinical director there. I am a therapist and she does some volunteer work there. We had a fundraiser on Friday. She texted me several times about looking forward to seeing me there. However, when I arrived she was engrossed in a conversation with a woman who was hitting on her hard; Lisa is bisexual BTW. (That’s fucking awesome!) I saw the two of them leave together. Of course I was hurt and disappointed. (That has nothing to do with you. That is their business. It’s her life. You’re not her boyfriend so you have no right or claim on her.) I did get attached to the outcome. She hasn’t texted me since. Should I tell her what I felt about it? (Hell no. It’s your insecurities and therefore, not her problem.) Let it go? (You should do nothing. She’ll contact you when she wants. Go about your life and start practicing what I teach so you can improve your skills. That way, you’ll start improving your skills and succeeding with other women. This will help you lose your attachment to her and put you in a state of PUSSY ABUNDANCE. A man with many choices, fears losing nothing. Therefore, he gets even more. To own an outcome, you must be able to fully let it go and accept the possibility you might go without it forever. Once you can take it or leave it, do without it, then it comes to you freely. Desire without attachment. Attachment leads to suffering when we want things to be other than they are. Then, if Lisa does contact you, you’ll be stronger than you were before and easily do more things right which causes more sexual attraction in her towards you.) I am going to run into Lisa at future events at the non-profit; our paths will cross. What do I do if I see her there with the woman she hooked up with? (If you see the two of them together and you meet, say this: “Ohhh Lisa honey, I hope you are planning to share “insert the other chicks name here” with me. She’s amazing!” Let them laugh and giggle and then just start asking questions so they both do 80% of the talking and you 20%. Watch for them twisting their hair around their fingers. Playing or flicking their hair, etc. These are subtle signs of attraction I talk about in my book. Then say, “I gotta run and say hello to some other people here, but come find me later or text me if you two want to get into some fun trouble together.”) I am feeling like not going to the events, (That’s horseshit.) but that would be her winning. Should I bring a date to the events? (No way. Go solo so you can meet some new ladies even if Lisa is there. When she sees you with other women it will cause her to reevaluate you and confuse her in a good way. You’ll be acting indifferent. Plus you won’t be chasing her. You’ll act like a man around women which will draw other women to you. She last said she was looking forward to seeing you. She’ll probably text you again if you’d just let it go and start practicing what I teach in earnest with other women. Invite her over to your place to cook dinner together if she does call.) Help!
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.” ~ Brian Adams