What it means when a woman you dated briefly seems to have a boyfriend but still trolls your social media.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who went out on a few dates about 6 months ago and it was clear that she was also dating a guy she liked more than him. She would often text this other guy when they were together. Then she became difficult to make dates with and canceled a date they had with a BS excuse. He walked away and they haven’t spoken since. However, from her social media she posts pictures of her boyfriend and hides them from him, but he can see them from his business page. She also interacts with his social media and it’s clear she is singling him out specifically to hide anything related to her boyfriend. He wonders if this means he is her backup or something else. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, She Seems To Have A Boyfriend, But Still Trolls My Social Media.
So this particular email is from a guy who went out, I think maybe three dates total with this girl. About five, six months ago. And he says two of the dates went really good. One of them was like, eh. And then when he was trying to set the fourth date, she became kind of flaky, and difficult to pin down. Giving him vague responses, and also cancelled a date for just total BS reasons.
So he realized, because he’s probably a good student, that there was probably some other guy that was there before him, that she had been talking to, dating, interacting with. And it’s obvious she was more into this other guy than she was into him. But he knows that you just don’t ever burn a bridge, because who knows? Six months down the road, five months down the road, the other guy screws up, and then she reaches back out.
That’s why you don’t burn a bridge, because you never know. And the guy that I learned this from was definitely he was the most popular guy in my high school class. Everybody loved him. Always the life of the party, even to this day. Still is. Likes to drink, have a good time. Always telling stories. The stories are always funny. He’s always down to have a good time.
And this particular guy who’s been with his wife like 30 years was he started dating her, but she had been dating a guy for a few weeks longer because she had 2 or 3 dudes she was seeing because very beautiful, really good girl. Comes from a good family. Kind of like a hot nerd, basically. And so she had been seeing this.
Now, keep in mind, my friend, this was like, I don’t know, were we 24, 23, 24 at the time. You know, as he would put it, he’s like, I was a drunk. I was partying Friday, Saturday, Sunday, hooking up with random girls. You know, he’s having a good time. And it’s like he’s slept with all the hot girls in high school.
It’s I mean, being around this guy, it’s like he’s one of the boldest guys that will say anything to a woman in public. Like, I don’t want to say too much just because I don’t want to get myself and him into trouble. But, you know, even to this day, the dude’s still got it. He still has; can turn on the charm at the drop of a hat.
Say things; if he was single, he’d be taking girls home every night if he wanted to. And I remember when we were talking about this, he was dating her. I think they went out maybe 3 or 4 dates and he liked her. He was like, she’s good, good parents, good family oriented girl. But she had been dating this guy who was, I don’t know, eight, ten years older.
He’s a doctor, so he’s successful. He’s got money. And so she basically told him I was like, hey, I’ve been kind of seeing this other guy and I really want to give him the chance and see where it goes. And he wasn’t happy about it at first because it was a little bit of a blow to his ego, because he’s not used to getting denied.
And he was like, “All right, well, hey, give me a call if it doesn’t work out.” And then I don’t know, about five, six weeks later or two months later, whatever it was, you know, that guy, even though he had success, he was a doctor. He has money. On paper he was amazing. He wasn’t my buddy.
And so despite the fact that he was kind of a fuck up, and a drunk, and a goofball, but everybody loved him and he was always fun. Still this day is a blast. She chose my friend over this other guy. Which those are the kinds of things that drive dudes in the red pill community berserk, because their attitude is, “Oh, if she comes back to you, you’re her second choice.”
And so in this case, it’s there’s some other dude that was there before you. And it’s like, if you don’t get butthurt, it’s like, who cares. If she comes back it’s like, maybe she wised up. Or she realized the other guy really was a douche once she got to know him. And since you left things on good terms and you left the door open, it’s like, you know, my buddy’s been married to this woman 30 years.
It’s like they got a beautiful family. Their kids are awesome. Everybody loves them. Everybody loves his wife. It’s like, it’s just awesome, dude. But yet if you to look at the two of them on paper, like him versus the guy she had been dating when we were in our early 20s.
It’s like obviously the other guy, Doctor, successful with money. He had everything going for him. She even gave him a chance and still he couldn’t keep it together. He screwed it up. She got in touch with my buddy and they literally have been together ever since.
Because he’s the man. He’s still a man to this day. And so when you have that attitude, it’s like you have this situation here is similar. And so this particular guy, like I said, he went out three dates and she got serious with this other dude. But what’s going on is that ever since then he’s got like a business profile on Instagram and he’s got his personal profile.
And so what’s interesting is any time she posts anything about her boyfriend, she purposely singles this guy out to hide all those posts from him. But when he’s on his business page, he can see all the stories and everything. And by the way, when you’re watching somebody’s stories, they see it.
So just keep that in mind. If you’re one of those guys, you notice some girls trolling your social media, but you’re also trolling hers. She could tell that you’re still engaged. And so the bottom line is, if five, six months after you went out with a girl and you haven’t spoken, she’s still trolling your social media, it’s like, well, what does that mean? So, let’s go through the email.
Thanks for taking the time to read this email. So I have a scenario I’d love to hear your opinion on.
So, I started seeing this girl again back in May-June who I’ve had a casual history within the past. We went on two great dates and one mediocre one. I knew that she was also dating somebody else at the time and could sense that she was more into him than me considering I would catch her texting him multiple times throughout our dates, she wasn’t making herself that accessible to see me and even canceled a day before one of our dates with a bullshit excuse.
It’s like you date long enough, you date enough women, these things are going to happen. You might show up in this girl’s life after she’s been dating this guy two months, and she’s really into him, but doesn’t look like it’s going to work out. And so you just never know. That’s why you don’t burn a bridge, because who knows? Maybe you hook up with one of her friends down the road.
If you’re a dick, and she just like you know, most of the people I see in the red pill community, just because the comments, their general attitude sucks. And they’re negative. And women don’t like these guys and they’re pissed off and they’re upset about it. And so when you’re a dick to women, it’s like you burn the bridge and they want nothing to do with you.
But when you’re like one of my best friends, who everybody loves him, including all the pretty girls. It’s like you leave the door open. It’s like, that’s why you’re having all you can eat buffet. You have choice. Whereas, butthurt babies have no choice. They just complain about modern women, and single moms, and all this other nonsense.
And then they come onto a YouTube channel like mine and just complain about women and get mad and angry and upset. Especially like even the video I did yesterday about communicating with women and how women tend to blow things out of proportion. There were several these dudes that got pissed off and butthurt about that. It’s like, yeah, some dudes you just can’t reach.
And then they just start repeating all their platitudes and their nonsense. And they’re not going to get any better. Their lives are not going to get better with the attitude that they’ve got. We’re about solutions here. We’re about things that actually work.
Things cooled off between us and we haven’t spoken or seen each other in a few months. Since then, it appears she’s gotten serious with the other guy she was talking to.
But here’s the kicker, she posted a photo of him on her Instagram and in my eyes it looked official. But a few days later she randomly added me on Snapchat which I thought was odd considering she literally just posted her boyfriend, and we haven’t even spoken in months.
So, what does that tell you? She’s keeping her options open. She’s not too sure about that, dude. But it also could be a character flaw she’s revealing here. It also could be indication that she’s not really a loyal person. But it’s subtle how she’s, in essence, kind of keeping the door cracked open for this guy.
Because he played his cards right. And my job as a coach is to help people get what they want. I’m not here to make your decisions for you. I’m just giving you the lay of the land and helping you, giving you tools, and skills and techniques so you can make an intelligent, informed decision. Put your big boy pants on and be a man and make up your own damn mind.
Also, she continues to like all my Instagram photos and most of my Instagram stories.
So she’s still engaged. She’s still communicating, “Heyyy. Hiii. Just let you know I’m still out there. I haven’t forgot about you.” That’s what’s going on with her. Again, but we don’t we don’t know enough. She could be a bad person, a bum bitch as Quintus Curtis says. We don’t know.
But the point being is that this is the way you’re going to behave, because this enables other women to continue flowing to you. Like they always have done with my close friend and they continue to do. We could go anywhere, and there could be a bunch of girls in a bar, and within five minutes they’re all hanging out with us because he’s just the life of the party.
He’s always inviting people to come hang out and have a good time with him, basically. And everybody loves him. And that’s the way you want to be. It creates attraction to you of everybody. Just literally the guys want to hang out because all the pretty girls are around us and the girls want to hang out just because he makes them feel safe and comfortable, because he’s going home to a hot wife who just loves the shit out of him.
And he’s got amazing kids and family, and everybody loves him. Wherever we go. It’s like we always run into people that we know, and it’s like he’s like the mayor. He knows everybody and everybody loves him. Always nice, always happy. Always looking to joke around, easy going, easy to get along with, never gotten angry once pissed off or mad at me. In the whole almost 40 years that we’ve known each other. Truly a good human being.
We also follow each other on both my personal and my business page and on multiple occasions I’ve caught her attempting to hide her Instagram stories anytime she posts her boyfriend, but she’ll occasionally forget to mute my business page, so I’ll see it there.
Isn’t that interesting? So, she’s going out of her way to hide the fact that. In other words, she’s trying not to discourage this guy, not go, oh, well, she’s got a boyfriend. Screw her. So isn’t that interesting?
But when she posts anything, non-boyfriend related, she gives me full access. I think this is a weird thing to do considering: 1) We haven’t even spoken in months.
Well, obviously she likes you. If you were a good student of my work, then you’ve been able to take what’s in my book and who I’ve learned things like this from, my close friend of almost 40 years, and you’re living the same way. And so the point being is the floodgates are open.
Women are constantly moving towards you and constantly trying to get your attention and your validation. And this is the way of a 3% Man. This is the way our lives work. There’s no reason to be angry and pissed off and butthurt at women. It’s just, do they have good character or not? It’s A or B. Are they short term girls or are they potentially long term girls. That’s it. There’s basically your two choices.
2) She’s clearly making an effort to go to my page mute me when she posts anything boyfriend related and then going back to my page and unmutes me for everything else. 3) why would she even care if I see her in a relationship or not if she really does like this guy.
Because obviously deep down she knows it’s probably not going to last, and she’s not convinced. And there was, even though you only had three dates or so, there’s something different about you, just like my friend. It’s just something. And girls all say it all the time.
“There’s just something different about you. I can’t put my finger on it. I can’t figure it out. You’re just not like other guys. You’re so mysterious. You’re so mysterious Corey. I can’t figure you out. You’re not like my other boyfriends. I usually date guys that are much better looking and much fitter than you.” Just a regular dude. Lean and mean, like Steve McQueen, baby. He was the ultimate man.
Do you think she’s just trying to keep me around as a backup option in case things don’t go well with her current boyfriend?
Well, I wouldn’t look at it as a backup option, but she’s keeping tabs on you. And because it’s obvious if things don’t work out with their boyfriend, which, quite frankly, if it looked like they were going to work out, she wouldn’t be doing any of this. But you’re basically a guy that is intrigued her, and she’s attracted to enough that you will hear from her if it doesn’t work out.
I can’t deny the fact that I was super into her, and it was a bit of a blow when I saw her get serious with someone else.
He was just there first. And maybe he’s better looking, but it’s like, it doesn’t matter if you act like a man, like my good friend does. It’s like you have your choice. He was a total fuck up when we were in our early 20s. It’s like on paper, comparing him to a dude who’s a Doctor.
It’s like. Anybody, even a room full of women would literally, “Oh, yeah. You got to choose a doctor, of course.” But she chose my friend. Why? Because he’s a fucking man. That’s why. He’s masculine. And he acts like a man. And he’s kind and he’s nice.
But if you fuck with him, he will punch you in the mouth. That’s he’s dangerous, but kind. He prefers kindness, and prefers to have a good time. He was never the guy that somebody bumped into him drunk, he’s going to laugh it off. He’s like, oh, hey, sorry, let me get you a shot.
Let me get you a beer. He’s always the life of the party. He’s not one of those guys that goes out butthurt and angry. He wants to throw down with everybody that looks at him funny. Life is much better this way.
But I’ve kept my composure and haven’t reached out/ spoken to her since and don’t intend to unless she reaches out first.
Bingo. Exactly. And like I said, that’s what happened to my buddy. He was like, I don’t know, two, three months, whatever it was. And she reached back, called him up. And because this was before texting, she’s like, “Hey, what are you doing?” He’s like, “What’s going on?” And she’s like, “Let’s go out.” And he’s like, “I love to.” He made a date. They’ve been together ever since. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen. And Sunny won’t be barking on the website, but at least you get to hear him. I assume you guys can hear that. go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. **Free with a new Audible.com membership
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: [email protected]
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur