Here’s what to do when a girl you really like dumps you and reveals she slept with someone else, but you still want her back. It’s not a lot of fun when you get dumped unexpectedly by a woman you are dating. For most men who don’t understand women, they’re usually shocked and say things like “the breakup occurred totally out of the blue without any warning!” The problem is, the warning signs were there, it’s just that the guy never spent any time investing in himself to learn what I teach. Getting unexpectedly dumped can be emotional hell for most guys. Even if it was a bad relationship or the woman was a liar and a cheater, the ego does not like letting go of the relationship it became identified with. This causes suffering. When we want reality to be other than it is, we suffer. In other words, until we learn to let go of what was and no longer is after a breakup, we will suffer. Irrational emotions and fears will most often override our own good judgment and the good judgment of those who care about us. Therefore, most guys will give anything to get their lying and cheating girl to take them back. The following is an e-mail from a reader who got unexpectedly dumped. She also admitted she slept with another guy. He’s having a hard time moving on and is unsure of what his next move should be. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hey Coach Corey,
My name is Stephen and I’m still a bit hung up on my ex. She broke up with me a month ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks. (Most guys never see it coming because 97% of all men do not understand women.) We were long distance so we talked a lot. It went from her calling me ALL the time, texting me throughout the day, just wanting to talk to me to tell me how she felt and other things. (This is what women do when they have high interest in the 80% range. See page 120 in my book.) Basically making me feel like I was the only guy on the planet. She even said she was going to propose to me. (That was a reflection of how she felt about you THEN, in that moment ONLY.) I took this all in stride for the most part, but then out of nowhere she tells me she feels like she wants to date other guys, but she doesn’t want to lose me and so we take a break. (Translation: “You’ve lowered my attraction for you to the point that I think I can find a man who is much more of a challenge than you are, but hopefully you will hang around as backup until I know for sure I can find someone better.”) A week later she calls me and says she is sorry and that she missed me so much and she loves me and wants to be with me. (Translation: “I got scared I won’t find anyone better, so let’s stay together.”) I didn’t text or call her the next day because I wasn’t sure if we were back together or not. So the following day she tells me she isn’t feeling it anymore, when I actually do call her. (I guess she had a moment of weakness, or maybe she was simply drunk dialing you.) And we break up. I was shocked to say the least but we ended on a good note, basically deciding that I would come see her one last time. I go, we have a great time up until the night before I leave. She tells me that she slept with someone a week ago and she was drunk and all this stuff. (Oops! It just kind of happened.) At the time we were both pretty drunk so I flipped out. (That usually goes over like a lead balloon.) I wasn’t in my usual state of mind so I was yelling all these things like she never cared and bullshit. We argue for a while (Men who understand women NEVER argue with them. They communicate with them in a loving, mature and adult manner.) and the next morning we talk about it and leave on a good note. Then I stupidly call her to talk some more and it all goes to shit. (Bad idea. Chasing women guarantees rejection.) I’m having trouble dealing with the fact that I went from the most important guy on the planet to barely being relevant. I decided to change everything I’m doing. I started dieting, exercising, boxing, I’m on the hunt for a new job, planning on a new car after I get that job and planning to travel more. (Women want you at your best.) But she is stuck in my head Coach Corey. I can’t stop thinking about her and all that we did together and how important she made me feel. It’s weak, I know, but every time I start to feel like I have it together, I fall back in the hole. (Sounds like you are stuck in the past. You should read my article How To Deal With A Breakup. You should learn to let your failures go so you can move on to create some new successes!) I wasn’t planning to talk to her ever again, but I messaged her and we had a long, kind of nice talk. (Chasing women in general guarantees rejection. Especially when she dumps you and you still call and contact her trying to force something to happen.) I teased her and made her laugh like I used to, but today, I texted her and she didn’t respond for hours. When she did it was a simple “Yep.” (That is because you chased her after she rejected you. She has low interest. If you keep chasing her you will confirm your weakness to her and that she made the right decision in dumping you.) I just don’t want to deal with feeling like this anymore. What steps aren’t I taking? (1. Read my book. You need it’s baseline knowledge to succeed instead of making unnecessary mistakes: You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships. 2. Start meeting & dating other women so you can practice what I teach to improve your skills and help you become a master of seduction. 3. Stop calling & texting your ex. Only respond to her phone calls or texts. If you do hear from her, set a definite date.) What am I doing wrong? (You’re acting needy by not waiting for her to slowly come to you at her own pace. If you don’t let women come to you they won’t feel safe & comfortable and continue to reject you.) Thank you for your time.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.” ~ Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons