Here’s what to do if your girlfriend breaks up with you & tells you that she still loves & wants her ex back. It’s never fun getting dumped by a girl you really like. It’s like getting kicked in the stomach when you weren’t expecting it. It’s always best to be detached from the outcomes you want in life, business and personal. You want the outcome, but you are not attached to how long it takes to manifest, or what it looks like when it finally shows up in your life. When women know that you like them and that they can have you if they want, they must have the time to go off and be with their girlfriends, family, etc. so they can miss you! You must learn to practice infinite patience when it comes to getting what you want from women. You must let them come to you at their own pace. If you leave a message, you must practice infinite patience waiting for her to call you back. If you do not wait for her to call you back, and you call again, she will perceive you as being needy. Many women will purposely not call you back right away when they first start dating you to see how you handle it. Insecure and needy guys can’t hold out. They won’t wait for her to call back because their insecurity drives them to try to force things so they can get certainty of where they stand with her. They have no emotional self control. You never know what’s going on inside a woman emotionally. You don’t know the degree to which she’s still attached to previous boyfriends or lovers who still may be in her life in some way. You could start dating a woman and everything is great for a few weeks, then she tells you she’s getting back together with her ex-boyfriend whom she broke up with six months ago. If you date enough women, eventually you will find yourself in this kind of situation.
It’s always best to be unattached emotionally to women when you first start dating them. This will help you to remain objective if you do. I always assume even if I get rejected initially, that at some point in time we will meet up again, and the circumstances will be different. As long as I have left the door open for her to come back if things don’t work out with the other guy, I’ll usually be the first guy she calls after a breakup. Look at it this way, the divorce rate is 50%, and only 3% of couples are really having a great relationship. So there is greater than a 50% chance when you get dumped for another guy, that you’ll probably get another shot down the road when he screws up. The famous supermodel Cindy Crawford, was once married to the actor Richard Gere. Guess who she called when they broke up? Randy Gerber, who was the guy she dated before Richard. After a breakup, most women call the old boyfriends or the guys they blew off. If you were cool and left the door open properly, she’ll call you if things don’t work out. That’s why it’s called infinite patience. You love them unconditionally, and if you are unattached to when they contact you, you can have a fun trip down memory lane in the future. Cindy and Randy are still married and have children now after over 10 years together. Famous people do it too. Women are the way they are. They all come back when they realize that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The following is an e-mail from a reader. A girl he has been dating for three months, has just told him she’s going back to her ex-boyfriend, but she still wants to hang out. He wants to make sure he has the best possible chance of getting her to choose him over the ex-boyfriend. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do.
My girl of 3 months just told me she still loves her ex. She wants me to move on and not wait for her. She wants me to be happy. She says she’s sorry for hurting me and making me believe I had a chance with her. She says she loves me, but isn’t in love with me. She tells me all she wants is for me to be happy. She says that the only way I’ll be happy is if she makes me let her go forever. However, she tells me that she loves my company and still wants it. (I’d say, “I’m not interested in being friends only. Friends with benefits, or an open relationship, but I’m not interested in becoming your male girlfriend. I’m not interested in ending our intimate relationship. You can date other men and I will date other women. I want you to be happy too. So we can enjoy each other and follow our hearts, where ever that may lead us. If you’re not down with that, then give me a call if you change your mind. Otherwise, we should not talk anymore if you only want friendship with me. I’m not interested in that at all.” If she won’t go for it, then you need to walk and never look back. Leave the door open by telling her to call if she changes her mind, but you must walk away from a woman when she is unwilling to treat you how you want to be treated, or love you the way you want to be loved and supported. Have the courage to be single and hold out for someone who is better suited to you. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, and the most successful YOU, that you can become. The more successful you are in your career/business/purpose in life, the happier and more confident you will feel as a man. The more confident and successful you feel, the hotter and more confident the women you can attract into your life will be.) She tells me I deserve to be with someone else. (She’s giving you an honest assessment of her romantic interest level and desire for you, which is now lower than her interest in her ex. That’s why you must give her the freedom to go and explore with him, but to still hookup with you… ON YOUR TERMS!!! She will choose the man who gives her the most freedom, and who loves her the most unconditionally, by letting her come and go as she pleases. Women are like cats and you must not interfere in their comings and goings, or they will run away and never come back. However, loving her unconditionally does not mean that you let her walk all over you. You still must stand up for and stick to what you say you want. If you settle and go along with friendship in hopes she will choose you later, maybe she will be nice and let you come to her wedding with some other guy.) Says she pushed her ex away and she took him for granted. Now she wants him back. She tells me I’m worth a lot more than a rebound. She tells me she can’t be in love with me and doesn’t want to be. She says her ex was the only person in the world who made her feel beautiful and who understood her. (You should pay attention to that. She told you what you were not successfully demonstrating in your interactions with her. She told you that you did not make her feel like you understood her. Translation: “You don’t understand women.” Go back and read my book again. You need to read it 10-15 times to get it’s base knowledge, skills and techniques down. If you are unprepared, you will get rejected again for the same reasons with the next girl. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) She feels as if half of her was ripped apart. She wants him back, but she knows she took him for granted.
What’s a guy to do? I really do want her. She’s very fun. I know your articles tell me not to get hung up on one girl, but I just can’t do it. (Bullshit, you’re just refusing to face reality. She chose an ex-boyfriend over you because you did not treat her properly and lowered her interest in you.) I’m sorry for being weak, but I’d just like to have this girl. (No you don’t. That’s your ego that identifies itself with her being your girl. “Without her you are nothing” it tells you. It’s a false mental construct, an illusion. “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer. Focus your mind and EMOTIONS on attracting someone new into your life instead of focusing them on what was. You MUST start meeting and dating other women. Why? Then you will start acting like, and perceiving yourself as a catch. This girl you want will also start to perceive you as a catch again. If you can be the better option, by being a better and more outcome-detached version of yourself, she will choose you. However, if you sit around and feel sorry for yourself obsessing over what was, instead of accepting what is, you will suffer unnecessarily! Plus, when she is around you, you won’t be very exciting or confident because you will be so needy and worried about losing her to her ex, that you will constantly be seeking her approval. That plan will not get her back. Why? Because women are attracted to men who exhibit dominant alpha male behavior. They want the captain of the football team at all times. Not some guy who still cries on the bench because they lost a football game several weeks ago.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” ~ Albert Camus