She Wants A 1-On-1 Movie With Male Friend 2 Weeks Before Our Wedding!

Things to consider if she wants a 1-on-1 movie with a male friend before your wedding.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s about to marry his fiancée in two weeks. However, an old male “friend” who always wanted to date her just got in touch and asked her to a movie with him one-on-one. He objected. She called him jealous and controlling and that he should blindly trust her to go.

She’s digging her heels in and he wonders what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Now just reading that, you’re like, “What the fuck?” That’s the kind of thing that a woman does who’s not 100% committed to her man.

So this particular guy, I really feel for him. He’s getting married in two weeks, actually about a week or so away, because this email came in about a week ago. He says everything’s been good up until this point, and this guy, who is an old male friend from like a decade ago and she hasn’t talked to in a couple of years, I guess they stopped talking because he had a girlfriend. She got serious with him. Well, just recently he broke up with his girlfriend. So he asked this guy’s fiancée, who he’s supposed to marry in two weeks, to go to a movie one-on-one, and she agreed. Then she said, “Well, why don’t you come?” After he kind of gave her some push-back. He’s like, “That’s like a date type thing.” He’s like, “Are you serious?”

Just the fact that she accepted a one-on-one movie date with a male friend, and she expects her fiancé to put up with it, plus it sounds like she’s got a woke therapist that she expects is going to back her up on this. So he pushed back. He got upset with her because he’s like, “Man, I’m marrying this girl in two weeks, the invitations are out.” He’s thinking, “We got a house under contract. We’re going to close on next month. Should I call off the wedding? Like, what should I do?” Because she’s digging her heels in. Now she’s like, “Not only are you not going, I’m going to go with him anyways. You’re just jealous and insecure, and you need to apologize to me. When we go to therapy this week, you’re going to have to come clean to the therapist.” Like he’s in the wrong.

So the big problem is from a value perspective, she doesn’t see an issue with this and she wants to be able to go out one-on-one with male friends, and he should just trust her. Well, no guy who’s heterosexual wants to go out because the other thing he says he knows for a fact, I don’t know how he knows this, but he says he knows for a fact that this guy is always carried the torch for her and liked her, and wanted to go out with her. Who knows? Maybe he’s hoping to get one last chance before she gets married. Maybe he’s seen too many movies and he thinks he’s gonna vomit his feelings up, and she’s gonna leave her fiancé, and they’re gonna live happily ever after, like some Disney movie. Who knows?

At the end of the day, a woman who values loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity was raised right, had a good family-oriented father, any man who’s getting ready to commit everything to be married and involve the state in your wedding, which it looks like, or your marriage, which it looks like this guy’s getting ready to do, would be like, “Yeah, I’m not OK with my fiancée going out with a male friend to a movie date, and I’m not allowed to go two weeks before a wedding.” He’s like, “What?” That’s if you go along with that, you might as well get yourself a chair, because if you do that two weeks before your wedding, then any time she wants to hang out with a male, maybe you guys are going through a rough patch and you’re not getting along too well, and she wants to go hang out with one of her male clients who happens to be single, and he’s high powered and a multi-millionaire, wants to go out with her one-on-one to dinner and she goes, “Well, he’s just a client,” he’s like, “I don’t think so. You can’t expect me to commit to you and be OK with that. You’re not going to be OK with me going out with the hot single secretary from my office who has a crush on me and I just go, ‘Yeah, trust me that I’ll keep my hands to myself.’ It’s like you wouldn’t go along with that. There’s like, no way in hell that I would go along with this. Especially two weeks before a wedding. It’s absurd.” It just shows that the fact that she’s pushing back and digging her heels in, that there’s a value conflict that they need to get squared away with a quickness before he goes through with the marriage.

If it was me, because again, he’s at the point now where he’s like, “Man, should I call this thing off?” It’s like, obviously I can’t tell him what to do, but we can go through it and give him some considerations and talk about the downside risk here because again, the fact that she’s digging her heels in and at least she thinks the therapist is going to go along with it, again, no self-respecting man is going to be OK with that. “We’re supposed to get married in two weeks, and you want me to be OK with you basically going out with him. If my parents saw the two of you out at a movie and dinner or something like that, or having drinks, and I’m not allowed to be there, they’re gonna think, ‘Are you out of your mind?’ It’s like, ‘She looks like she’s going on a date with somebody else.'”

So if she expects you to put up with that, then that means after you get married, she expects you to allow her to go out and entertain attention from other men in a romantic sense. I look at this as like, “Yeah, I’m going to call up one of my best friends that I’ve known for 40 years because he, myself and his wife, we all went to high school together and go, ‘Yeah, I want to take your wife to dinner. She and I are going to go out and have a movie night and dinner together. Just us, and you can’t come.'” He’d be like, “You’re hitting on my wife. I’m gonna kick your fucking ass. Are you serious?” I wouldn’t even entertain a thought of that. That’s absurd. No self-respecting guy that respects a relationship of somebody that’s close to him is going to go and do something like that.

So at the end of the day, guys don’t want to be friends. This dude doesn’t want to be your friend. He’s maybe hoping to head off the wedding, or maybe get his chance to lay the pipe before she commits to somebody. It’s like, “No way.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m 35, and my fiancée and I are getting married in two weeks.

We are also closing on our new house next month. Everything seemed great until a few days ago. An old male friend of hers from ten years ago suddenly reached out. They were never romantically involved. She claims he is completely “asexual.”

Oh, sure. Yeah, he’s asexual until he’s not.

And that she was never attracted to him.

“Oh, he’s not my type.” When a girl is like, “Oh, he’s not my type,” bullshit! That basically means that she has felt attraction for him at times. That’s what that means. “Oh, I was never attracted to him.” “Oh, really? Well, then why’d you bring it up?”

However, I know for a fact he harbored romantic feelings for her in the past.

Again, there’s been plenty of movies, like “The Graduate” is another famous movie where I think like Dustin Hoffman’s character is boning I think her name is Katharine Ross, she’s married to Sam Elliott, the actor, when she was younger. Holy shit! One of most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion.

So the movie “The Graduate,” it was like in the 1960s, he’s having an affair with her mother who’s like, I think Anne Bancroft, older woman, they’re hooking up, he’s like in college or whatever. Yeah, I guess for whatever reason, he kind of liked her daughter or had a crush on her and she was engaged to get married to somebody else. So bottom line is he shows up like on the wedding day as she’s about to get married to some other dude, and they run off together and get in the back of this bus and they ride off. That’s like the end of the movie.

So in the movie, it’s like the two people that are supposed to be together, get together. So maybe this guy’s seeing “The Graduate” or some other movies that are kind of like that, and maybe he’s thinking he’s going to head off at the pass and snake your girl. If she’s willing to entertain it, it’s like, “Well, you can have her then. Fuck that!”

He actually went completely radio silent for the last two years while he had a girlfriend. Now that he is single.

Of course. What a coinky-dink that he’s single.

He suddenly popped back into her life.

I love it when the dogs get so, I don’t know what, somebody delivering something or whatever. It’s like they hear a door slam and, “Rawrr!” Then since there’s three of them, they all go, “Rawrr!” Sometimes I got five of them here, it’s like imagine. You guys have heard the five dogs barking. I lock them in the bathroom or something and they’re gonna fucking chew the blinds, chew something up because they get pissed off…

He knows she is engaged.

Yeah, he obviously don’t give a shit. He don’t fucking care about you. He don’t care about the fact that she’s engaged. He cares about what he wants.

But he doesn’t know the exact date of our wedding. He invited her out for a voluntary, 1-on-1 evening hangout, specifically, a movie evening.

It’s like, yeah they’re going to get together and talk about yoga recipes or yoga routines and cookie recipes. Sure, I’m supposed to be OK with that…

She told me previously they were doing that since they know each other because they both like going to the cinema. To me, that’s a textbook date format.

It’s like, yeah duh!

Again, I just can’t imagine me calling some of my closest friends and going, “Yeah, I want to take your wife to,” or just calling their wives up and he’s like, “Hey, let’s go have dinner and a movie night, but you can’t have your husband there.” It’s like, “Oh yeah, Corey. Sure. That’s great. Let’s do it. It’d be awesome. Just the two of us. We’ll just be friends.” I get my ass beat. It’s like, are you kidding me?

Initially, she suggested that the three of us meet up so I wouldn’t feel jealous.

Well, that’s just respect. “If you want me to commit to you till death do us part, you can’t be making a date one-on-one with some other guy and expect me to be OK with it, and then only relent when I’m like, ‘Oh, I don’t want you to be jealous so you can come too.’ It’s like, give me a fucking break! Don’t insult me and condescend to me. You gonna condescend me like this two weeks before a wedding and I’m just supposed to go? Sure.” Just shows she doesn’t really respect this guy that wrote the email.

I agreed because I didn’t want to force her to end a long-term friendship, especially since she doesn’t have other male friends.

Well, she’s got you. That’s the only male “friend” that she needs. Your male friends with benefits, your husband. She don’t need any other men. Give me a fucking break!

And this particular guy did not look as a threat – they never texted more than needed and he does not look attractively.

Like, whatever. She still thought it was a good idea to accept a date request. “Oh, we like going to movies together.” Yeah, that’d be fine when you were both single, but you’re about to get married in two weeks, because what you have to get past is that she’s got to see it your way, that this is not OK. This is if she wants you to commit to marry her, neither one of you are going to go hang out one-on-one on things that could be considered a date, because again, if she’s out in a movie, just the two of them, you’re nowhere to be found, and you weren’t allowed to go or weren’t invited, if your parents saw that, they’d be like, “Why is your fiancée out on a date with some other guy?” They’re not going to be happy about that. They’re not going to be like, “Oh, I’m so glad you’re marrying her!” It looks like you’re about to marry a fucking whore. A chick that’s a lying, cheating whore.

However, after he proposed this 1-on-1 evening date right before our wedding, I lost my cool a bit and realized this guy is a red flag.

Pretty much.

I then insisted on meeting him together before the wedding to gauge his intentions. She refused, claiming she doesn’t have the time or “space” for it until after the wedding.

It’s like, “Excuse me, if you expect me to marry you, there is going to be no time or space for these kinds of things to happen with this guy or any other man. If you think you deserve to have the time and space to hang out one-on-one with men on things that would be considered dates, then I ain’t fucking marrying your ass. There’s no way I would commit to that.” No self-respecting man is going to put up with that, unless he’s a liberal and has a cuck chair.

When I pushed back, she got defensive and snapped that she just wouldn’t see him at all and would end the relationship with him as she “chooses me.”

It’s like, “Well, that’s the right thing to do. Quite frankly, I shouldn’t have to explain this to you. You expected me to commit to you forever and ever. I’m not going to commit to you when you think it’s OK to go out on dates with other men one-on-one. I don’t care if they’re just friends. He doesn’t want to just be your friend. He wants to fuck you. The fact that you want to hang out with him one-on-one, or even considered it tells me that you’re open to letting him trying to fuck you, and I’m supposed to be OK with it and go, ‘Oh, just trust me?’ No. It’s absurd. It’s an absurd request. If you expect me to marry you, don’t ever expect me to go along with something like that ever again. It’s absurd to ask.”

When I explained that 1-on-1 evening hangouts with other men cross my boundaries for marriage, she flipped the script. She accused me of being controlling, insecure, and jealous.

It’s called being respectful. She should not want that guy to get the impression that he has a chance with her, because if she goes out with him and hangs out one-on-one with her, it’s drinks, a movie, or whatever, he’s gonna think he’s got a chance to get in her pants. That’s what it means. He’s going to keep trying. If she wants you to commit for the rest of your life to her, she’s going to shoot those things down and say, “That’s inappropriate, but if you would like to go on a double date with me and my fiancé, I will talk to him about it and see if he’s down.” In other words, she’s going to check and see what daddy wants to do because she respects daddy, but in this case, she don’t respect daddy. She’s got too much woke boss girl energy.

In her mind, she is doing absolutely nothing wrong. Her stance is that she decides what happens, and if he ever crosses a line, she will just say “no.”

Well, a lady never, ever in a fucking million years would put herself in a position for those things to even be a possibility. Just like a gentleman is not going to do that because he’s married or marrying somebody. Again, these have to be the rules, and she has to 100% be in agreement that this is the way it’s going to be. If there’s just a slight, she can’t just say yes for the sake of saying yeah, she has to buy in 100% and she’s got to convince you that she understands and it would be wrong to do that with him or anybody now or in the future. If she thinks that should change in the future, then I wouldn’t fucking marry her.

She believes I should blindly trust her to react to a threat when it happens, rather than preventing it.

Well, what if you had too much to drink? What if you get blackout drunk? You do a couple shots for old time’s sake and you wake up naked in bed. Then it’s like, “‘Oops! Sorry, honey. It just kind of happened,’ and I’m supposed to be OK with it and marry you anyways? No!” Again, a lady doesn’t put her, “I’m going to go out with my hot secretary and do the same thing. Go to drinks, go to the club, get a VIP table for me and her, and you’re not allowed to go. Trust me, nothing’s gonna happen.” Give me a fucking break!

She finally backed down and agreed to cancel, but only under my heavy pressure just so I would “stop whining” about it.

It’s like, no. Again, she expects you to be your husband, and you’re just supposed. You got to stop whining about it. It’s like. I don’t think so. It’s not whining. It’s called respect. And she still doesn’t respect you because she’s. She believes you’re whining. It’s like. I don’t think so. I ain’t marrying you if you think this is just whining.

She isn’t doing it out of empathy for my discomfort or respect for our relationship. Furthermore, she is stalling and hasn’t sent the cancellation text yet because she wants to drag this issue into an upcoming couples therapy session. She demands that I go to therapy to fix my anxiety and jealousy.

It’s like, no. She needs to agree to share the same value system, or she can go have an open relationship with some feminist cuck of a man. No, thank you!

This is the kind of thing that, what’s his name? James Sexton, the divorce attorney. If it was me, I would want to get a prenuptial agreement done ASAP, and I would not agree to marry her without one because you got a value conflict here. So she’s either going to back down and see it your way and mean it, not just say it to keep the peace and then expect you to put up with this shit later on once you’re married. Again, as James Sexton says, statistically, marriages where there’s a prenuptial agreement typically stay together, because if you can go through that process and agree on everything and have a win-win, then you’ll probably work out, but if you can’t come to an agreement on a prenuptial agreement before your wedding or at any point, then it’s not going to work and it’s better to go your separate ways.

So if it was me, again, just because of the way this girl’s digging her heels in, like it’s absurd. If the therapist thinks that you’re being anxious and jealous and you need to be fixed, it’s like that therapist can go fuck themselves because they’re a woke idiot and they’re incompetent. There’s a lot of woke idiots and incompetent people in the therapy profession. Again, no self-respecting man is going to put his life, his livelihood, and all of his future, half of his future earnings on the line, for a woman who basically wants to be able to go out on dates and give other men the opportunity to get in her pants. No fucking way. That dog won’t hunt!

I don’t know how to explain my perspective to her anymore. I am just trying to prevent some sort of emotional or sexual cheating or any sort of disloyalty.

Again, this shouldn’t be a consideration ever again unless she gets to the point where she sees it your way and understands that under no circumstances will this behavior be tolerated, you ain’t going through with the wedding. On top of that, I would want to get an attorney on the line who’s licensed to practice law in your state, city, and country and get a prenuptial agreement drawn up that you both can agree on. If she won’t agree to the prenup, I would not marry her.

I would delay the wedding until her behavior changes, until you get a prenup, until you get to a place of comfort, because again, with her digging her heels in and, “Oh, yeah. Well, I’m going to get the therapist, and we’re going to gang up on you together and you’re going to back down.” That’s all masculine energy, and she’s trying to intimidate you because it’s clear she don’t respect you as a man. I mean, to get this much push-back from her is like, that’s not OK. Her attitude should be, “Yes, daddy. Whatever daddy wants,” and she should be willing to submit to you, and she’s not. It’s like marrying another fucking dude. It’s like trying to see if you’re a cuck or not.

If she refuses to respect this boundary at therapy and insists on keeping this door open because “she can handle it,” should I stand my ground and call off the wedding, even with the invitations out and the house contract ready?

Well remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. What’s the downside risk here? If you go in through and you marry her and she wins this round, if you will, and that means that it’s OK for her to go out with other men one-on-one, because in the future, if she does it and you complain about it, she’s like, “Well, you agreed to this. You knew I was like this. This is what we agreed, and now you’re trying to change it.”

So she’s going to expect to be able to go out, whether it’s with this guy or some other dude, and any woman that does that just, loyalty is based upon how she feels about you. If she’s not really feeling like you’re the man of the century at some point in the relationship, then she can just do whatever she wants and give another guy the green light to try to fuck her. I mean, that’s what she expects you to put up with. Those are not the actions of a family-oriented woman who, again, a family-oriented woman is never even going to suggest anything like this because she wouldn’t want you, or especially this guy, to think that he’s got a shot.

So the fact that she’s willing to go out with him, and for a fact this guy had harbors romantic feelings for your future wife, it’s like, no. Not only should she not go out with him, she should have no relationship with this guy at all whatsoever because he’s a phony. His relationship, his friendship is fraudulent. He’s trying to use a friendship to fly under the radar and fuck your girl, and she seems down to let him try. That’s not OK.

Is she showing a massive lack of loyalty and respect…

Yep.

…Or am I just an insecure guy who needs to work on his issues?

Thanks,

Bob

You don’t have any issues to work on, dude. The only issue you have to work on is whether or not your fiancée is going to back the fuck down and apologize for her ridiculous and absurd behavior and the explicit understanding this will never, ever fucking happen again if in the future, you get married.

Again, this is why I would insist on a prenup., because who knows? Maybe you guys go through a rough patch in a few years and she’s pissed off at you. She sounds like the type of woman that would just go out and go hang out with a dude behind your back and cheat on you behind your back. If that happens, you need to prenup to protect you because that’s your downside risk. So say worst case, you guys cannot come to a meeting of the minds. You know, if the therapist turns out to be a woke idiot and they both gang up on you and expect you to put up with this, and you’re like, “I’m not,” and you back out, well if you don’t follow through in the purchase of the house, what’s your exposure?

Usually, at least I know what it is in Florida, I can’t speak for the rest of the world or the rest of the country, and that is you lose your consideration. In other words, your deposit, whatever your deposit money is, you’re going to lose if you already paid for the appraisals, the home inspection, the surveys, you’re going to lose all that money too, but how much money would you lose in a divorce? Especially a divorce where you don’t have a prenuptial agreement? You need to be talking to an attorney who is competent to practice law in your state, your city, your country, because that’s what you need. You need a good, sound legal advice. This therapist needs to be on your side and needs to see things your way. If not, get another therapist. Don’t be getting therapy from some fucking leftist woke idiot because they will wreck your marriage. They will wreck your relationship. So I mean, you got a decision to make there.

I mean, I feel for you dude. It’s like I wouldn’t want to be put in that position like two weeks from your wedding. It’s like, that’s awful. It’s like, “Hey, I got a nice shit sandwich for you. Why don’t you eat it because you love me and you trust me? Trust me, bro, it’s gonna be great. I’ll give you some barbecue sauce and it’ll be just swell.” It’s like, I don’t think so, dude. You’re the man, and your girl needs to back down, and she needs to see it your way. If she won’t see it your way and doesn’t agree 100%, I would not go through with the marriage. It’d be better to postpone it, put it off, and see if she changes her attitude, because if you already have a prenuptial done and you bring that up, she might start wanting to fight with you over that and all those terms. That’s why you need to hash this shit out in the beginning. It’s just like going into business with somebody. You need a partnership agreement. In this case, she’s being irrational, and that just shows that you can’t trust her to be irrational or be rational when emotions are involved, because if shit goes sideways, if she cheats or if she continues this behavior and you want to dip out, it’ll be a lot more expensive and way more unpleasant without a prenuptial agreement.

Again, I said somebody I highly recommend, James Sexton. He’s a very famous divorce attorney. He does really great videos on the topic. It would behoove you to talk to somebody that you can seek legal counsel in your area that can help you with this ASAP. Worst case, you can always delay the marriage. You can delay the closing in your house, say you’ll pay extra. Usually what it’ll take is extra deposit money to spread out the closing. That way, if it doesn’t close and you have to walk away, at least you cover their mortgage payment for a couple of months. So you can talk to your realtor, obviously about that.

If you need to push your closing off because you want to make sure you can come to a meeting of the minds and have a win-win deal for you and her on paper that you both agree to, if you’re going to go through with the marriage, then you basically can buy time to close the property by giving them enough additional deposit money to cover whatever expenses they are. Say you need to buy 60 days. You know, what’s two months of expenses or holding costs of the property to get them to keep it off the market for an additional two months so you can resolve the prenuptial issue, if it gets to be the point where it’s contentious?

So I feel for you, dude. Definitely send us an email down the road. Let us know how it turns out. If she backs down or what happens, what advice that your attorney does, what you do with the house, and all that.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.