Why women say they want a man to chase them, blow off the guys that actually do chase them, but end up dating, falling in love with and being in relationships with men who do the opposite of what they think and say they want.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who has been involved with a woman in an on again, off again type of relationship. She dumped him during the holidays stating that she wanted to turn the chapter and make a fresh start. Three weeks later, she texted him and they hung out, had fun and hooked up. The second date he initiated, but her attitude was cold and distant. She told him that she wanted him to chase her. When he complied with what she said that she wanted, she blew him off. When he lets her come to him, she wants to see him and things are pretty effortless.
The second email is from a viewer from Taiwan, who originally found my work after the end of his six-year relationship. He said he did not know what he was doing at the time. His new girlfriend is all over him, asked him to be her boyfriend after their third date and things are easier and more effortless than he has ever experienced with a woman before. Two more examples of how “chasing” women when they say that it’s what they want, does not work, but not chasing them drives them crazy and makes them fall in love with you.
First viewer’s email:
I’m 28, and she’s 22. We’ve been involved with each other for a little over 3 years. Last September, I joined the forces. We had been on and off for months. She even drove 6 hours to see me in November while I was in basic training. (That shows she was really into you.) Over the holidays, she decided that since she’s moving to a new city an hour away, she wanted to turn a chapter and start fresh. She texted me 3 weeks later, and I took roughly a little over a week to respond due to me being on course. The first meet up went great, which she initiated, stayed the night, flawless, etc. (She pushed you away, and you let her reach out to you.) The second meet up, which I initiated, I could tell she was kind of cold and frumpy. (Now you’re starting to pursue. It will never be her idea to rekindle things if you are the one pursuing.) She asked where this was going, and I said I haven’t thought about it and I am simply taking things slow, no pressure etc. This is where she mentioned, “why don’t you chase” or “why don’t you like to chase,” and I went into further detail. I texted periodically for a third hang out, but she said “I don’t know. I have to think about stuff.” (She says she wants one thing, he does what she wants, and she pulls back. This is how women confuse men.) About a week later, after texting back and forth every third to fourth day, I told her to call me. She never did. (That’s because you kept reaching out to her. You shouldn’t reach out to someone who blows you off. She should be doing all of the calling, texting and pursuing at this point.)
Fast forward to a week after that, I randomly saw her at the gym where I train. It went well enough that she said “text me later.” On Monday, four days later, I texted her: (That’s part of your problem. You’re falling into her trap. When you do what she says she wants, she blows you off, and you become an option.)
Me: “Hey doll. In town for a week on course. Tonight or Thursday after 9 I should be available for trouble.”
Her, (5 hours later): “Hey! I’m busy tonight, and Thursday I close. In the process of getting another job at a restaurant.” (In other words, she has other options.)
While I was waiting for her reply, I picked up a girl at a corner store, and we made plans for that evening. (That’s good. You’re keeping your options open.)
Three hours later, I texted back: “That’s fine babe. Found someone else to go with.”
Her : “(a-ok sign) Awesome! Good for you.”
Then, she texted me 45 seconds later. I obviously haven’t replied back. She mentioned the last time we chilled, if I liked the “chase,” either that or why don’t I chase her. (When you chase her, she blows you off, but when you don’t, she wants to hang out.) I asked her to explain herself, and she said she believes if a guy truly wants a girl, he should chase after her. (She doesn’t even understand herself. She hasn’t made the connection.) It has obviously rattled me enough to the point where it will be no contact until I can think of a better option, hence why I reach out to the relationship god himself. When we were at the gym, she said, “You know Bob, I think about texting or calling you. Then, I think that you won’t change.”
I was an aloof, somewhat indifferent guy for most of the relationship. Sex was intense, our presences together brought out a lot of energy. Also at the gym, she mentioned she’s lonely at nights. She’s been talking to another guy. I said, that’s cool. We’re both single, I’m seeing other girls, etc. I kissed her when she was in her car after the gym. Her lips weren’t as receptive and mine were, a telling sign. I think she became a little emotional, it was dark so I wasn’t sure, and she said “text me later,” then left. (She’s still trying to get you to chase her. Don’t give in to it. Never call or text this woman again, ever.)
My response to him:
If you notice, even though your ex girlfriend says that you should chase her, when you don’t chase her, she chases you and wants to see you, yet when you chase her like she says she wants, she blows you off and tells you she needs to think about it. She is yet another woman who thinks intellectually that she wants one thing, when emotionally she responds to the complete opposite. You should never ever chase or text a woman who has friend zoned you or dumped you. She needs to do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on.
You should wait to hear from her, and then when you do, assume she wants to see you and make the next date. Simply look at her attitude when she reached out to you and you set a date versus you reaching out to her and setting a date. You don’t chase and yet she’s totally into you even though she complains about your not chasing. Then you chase her and she’s cold, distant and unsure. Chasing is submissive and feminine. You should use this article and video as a guide on how to proceed going forward the next time she reaches out to you: “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”
Again, I don’t care what she says she wants, her actions show that she’s only into seeing you when she has to chase you.
Second viewer’s email:
I’m a 35-year young dude from Taiwan. I just want to say, you’re the man! I recently got out of a 6-year relationship and started dating. The previous relationship was a roller coaster ride only because I didn’t know what I was doing. I was needy, insecure, controlling and the relationship came from cheating. Yeah, I know, it was a mess, but after watching your videos and reading your book, my game was tight, thanks to you. Now, I’m dating a 28-year old girl from a dating app. I applied all the fundamentals from your book, i.e. I did not call or text before the date, and she brought up the “exclusivity” talk on the third date. (She’s either really into you or really needy. You’ll find out soon enough.) I was in shock at how quickly she brought this up, but of course I acted cool and said yes.
My new girlfriend is blowing up my phone more and more, but I did not reply to the messages until after work, like you said. This drove her crazy, and she wants me more. At times, she would share stories about how other guys are “pursuing” her with millions of messages a day, which turned her off, while I only text about setting up dates. (She has no interest in the guys pursuing her.) She asked why I’m not like other guys? I told her, “ Babe, I’m always busy with work, but I still care about you. I like to show you how much I care by actions rather than messages.” This made her giggle like a little girl.
Thanks brother you’ve changed my life!
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“What women say they want and what they emotionally respond to are two different things. When a guy is compliant and chases a woman at her request, she quickly loses interest, blows him off or friend zones him saying that they don’t have any “chemistry.” When he is mysterious, indifferent, hard to get a hold of and she is unsure of his interest, she thinks that she has finally found “the one.” Smart men know that it is their job to pursue initially to start the courtship in the beginning of a relationship, but once a woman starts to like and pursue them, they simply back off and let her do most of the calling, texting and pursuing. That way a relationship becomes her idea. There is a right way and a wrong way for a man to “chase” or “pursue” a woman. One is a sure-fire way to reach the promised land, and the other leads to the agony of rejection and defeat.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne